


Permanent Mark

by gianabryne1976



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ben's like holy fuck she grew up, Ben's like she's annoying but adorable, F/M, HEA and smut guaranteed but after a long burn, Han Solo Lives, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Just ignore canon, Just making it up as I go, Little Rey looks at Ben with goo goo eyes, Not Canon Compliant, Young Ben Solo, Young Rey, later on
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:47:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 53
Words: 115,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25287790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gianabryne1976/pseuds/gianabryne1976
Summary: What if Ben had rescued Rey on Jakku?On a random visit to Jakku, Ben Solo, 19 years old, encounters an obviously malnourished 9 year old girl named Rey.Insisting to his father that the girl needs help, Leia brings the child home to Coruscant.Over the course of three months, Ben and Rey grow close.Then Ben disappears.....The title is based off of the song "This Love" by Taylor Swift.
Relationships: Leia Organa/Han Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 339
Kudos: 227





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Jerseybama99](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jerseybama99/gifts).



> The exerpt from "Conquer" that inspired this fic ....
> 
> "I would've come to you." He whispers into her hair. "I would've found you and saved you from that kriffing place. I would've saved you from Plutt. You would have been fed and safe and had a real bed and everything"
> 
> She smiles and her eyes smile with her, causing him to gasp inside. He still cannot believe this creature smiles at him. This burn-bright thing. 
> 
> "You are nine years older than me. I can just see this teenage boy dragging my five year old self out of my AT-AT. Then what? They raise me as your baby sister?"
> 
> "No, Rey. It would've all been like it is now. I don't know how. But it would've been. You would've been safe, kept from harm. Raised like you deserved. A home. A family. And somehow you would've still wound up in my arms. I know it. The Force willed us together. Just like this"

____________________________________________

Ben is pissed.....

_Why do they do this to me?_

_They never listen!_

He trudges through the sand, the heat overwhelming him. It's miserable here. This dirty planet. What was it called? Jatoo, Jakuu? Yeah, that was it. Jakuu. 

He kicks the sand. 

He _hates_ sand. He hates the heat too. 

"Ben!! Son!! Slow down!" His father calls. 

He'd lowered the ramp while they fought, needing to escape. Escape _them._

 _They just never shut up_. 

It was either them fighting or them telling him he was wrong. He is _always_ wrong, according to them. 

_That's because they hate you._

The thoughts come at him all the time, like blaster bolts. All.the.time. He knows he's wrong, he knows they love him. He doesn't know why he has thoughts that they hate him. It's like, the thought comes from somewhere else. It doesn't even sound like his own voice. 

"Son!! Stop!!" Han hollers again. 

"What???" Ben stops, turning. "Are you two done yet? Can we go?"

Han stops, breathing heavy in the heat. He hadn't even removed his leather jacket before he chased after his son. 

"Son, I know you are 19 years old and grown but you just can't go running off. You don't even have a blaster with you! You scared your mom half to death."

Ben glares at him, angry that he's using his mother's emotions against him. 

"Well maybe if you two would _shut up_ I would stay on the ship! I can't even _think_ . The Falcon is big but no matter where I go I just hear you two _screaming!!_ "

Han hangs his head.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry son. It's okay. We stopped. She just didn't understand that we had to stop here. We didn't have a choice."

Ben rolls his eyes, throwing his hands up in anger. 

"Well if you had brought Uncle Chewie with us he would've been able to fly that piece of junk while you repaired it! I told you to bring him!"

Han looks at his son pointedly. 

"Son, if you'd let me teach you to pilot…."

Ben's hands are still waving around. How dare he blame him?

"Quit _blaming_ me! I _tried_ to learn but you just blow up at me over and over! You don't teach, you demand! I'm too old for this shit! You don't treat me like I'm an adult and I'm 19!!"

Han's face turns red in anger. 

"THEN ACT 19!!"

"See??? Screw this….I'm gone…."

Ben turns to go, trying to hold his tears back. 

_Han will just get pissed if he sees me cry. He'll tell me to grow up, be a man…._

"Son, listen….Ben!!"

"WHAT???" Ben screams as he spins around again. 

"Just, come with me. I've got to go speak with the local guy here. Maybe he'll have the parts I need. I've heard he's got just about everything there is. That's why I stopped here. Just, walk with me."

Ben sulks next to his dad and kicks sand with every step. 

Up ahead is the outpost. There's a huge tent in the middle. A line has formed. Mostly younger kids with parts in their hands. They look….rough. And that's an understatement. Scrawny, dirty, their eyes downcast, their cheeks sunk in. Ben smells sweat mixed with grease. They stink, obviously not having had baths in the recent past. Maybe not ever. 

_Where are their parents?_ Ben thinks, seeing all of them alone. 

Of course, Han doesn't think he should have to get in line. He's Han, after all. 

"Dad, there's a line…"

Han waves him off, going straight to the window, banging on the counter. 

"Hey, hey, can we get some service here?" Han bellows. 

"Dad, we have to wait our turn" Ben whispers, feeling the glare of the children behind them. 

"It'll be okay. Watch and see." Han brags. 

A huge _thing_ comes dragging itself to the window. Ben makes a disgusted look at the fleshy man. Obviously he's not in want of a meal. Ben wonders if this excuse of a man is the reason the children are not cared for. 

"Yeah! Whadaya want?" it bellows at them, not impressed at all by _the_ Han Solo. 

"Hey! It was my turn!" Comes a voice behind them. 

Ben turns to see a young girl, maybe six or seven years old. She's short, petite. Her hair is oily, thrown up in a strange triple bun style. She has a quarterstaff slung over her shoulder. Her eyes are blazen with anger as she looks up at Ben. 

"Sorry" he whispers down at her. 

"Sorry??? Don't you _see_ the line?? What's your problem?? You blind?? Go to the end of the line!!"

Ben is taken aback. She obviously has no fear. Her face is smeared with grease and she's holding a bag of parts. His eyes dart back. She has many more parts than the other kids. She doesn't smell bad like the others. She's still too skinny but obviously eats more than the others. She's still staring bolts through him. 

He looks back at his dad, who has handed a list of parts to the blubber thing. He looks down at the girl, smirking, obviously amused at her spunk. 

"Hold on kid, you'll get your turn. How old are you? Six?"

"I'm NINE!! And you are an ASS!! MOVE ALREADY!!"

Ben covers his mouth with his hand.

He likes this kid. She has no fear of two grown men. He smiles behind his hand, trying not to laugh at the fact that she's unafraid of two grown adults. 

She kicks him. Right in the shin. Then her staff comes spinning around so fast he doesn't even see it until he feels pain in his knee. 

"OW!!!" Ben shouts. Han laughs. 

"Don't piss her off. She may have a saber in there somewhere"

The girl gives Han a rude hand gesture. 

"REY!!!!"

The blubber was back and he is mad. 

"YOU'LL PAY FOR THAT YOU BRAT!! These are paying customers!! You know they come first you little sand rat!! Get outta here!!"

Tears form in the girl's eyes. Ben sees how exhausted she is. 

"But Unker, I've been in line for hours. I'm hungry…."

"GO!! YOU CAN STARVE!!"

Ben feels his temper rising. The child was just hungry. She'd obviously been scavaging for these parts. Ben had finally figured it out. This piece of shit was their boss. 

_No, owner._

Ben's eyes locked with the girl's. Had she said that out loud?

No, she has her eyes closed and is shaking. She has not moved from her spot in line. 

He didn't know how he suddenly knew the girl was owned by this... _thing._ Plutt is responsible for feeding her yet he'll just let her _starve_ so easily, over something she has a right to be angry about. 

All of the sudden, there is a commotion. Unkar has come out of the tent and is standing over the girl. He raises his meaty hand and slaps the girl. Rey goes tumbling with a sob across the sand. 

Ben holds out his hand.

Unkar stops breathing and is being pushed backwards by an unseen enemy. 

Except the enemy isn't unseen. The enemy was a black haired young man who's seen enough. 

"BEN!! STOP!! NO!!" screams Han. 

"Dad, go. Leave. NOW." Ben seethes at his father, the cause of this scene. 

Han moves to touch Ben's shoulder, his hand still reaching out at Plutt, who is gasping less and less. He is losing consciousness. 

As soon as Han's hand touches Ben, he was thrown backwards. Han lands several feet away, shocked. 

"GO DAD!! LEAVE!!"

Han is afraid. But not for himself. 

"DON'T KILL HIM!! THEY'LL ARREST YOU SON!! STOP!!"

Rey scrambles to Ben, begging him. 

"Stop. Don't kill him. He feeds us. We will starve." She asks, tears streaming. 

Ben doesn't even look at her as he speaks.

"This is no way to live. Does he starve you? Beat you? Was that the first time?" 

Ben is whispering thru clenched teeth. Plutt is still alive, but barely. Ben knows how far to go with force choking. He knows how to get to the line but not kill. He's practiced on himself. 

Rey is staring in fear at Plutt's unconscious body, hanging in mid air. 

"No, it wasn't the first time. Are you going to kill him? I'll starve."

Another enraging thought crosses Ben's mind. 

"Does he sell you?"

"What?" the girl asks, wondering if the tall man means what she thinks.

"Does.He.Sell.You??" Ben repeats, each word pronounced slowly. 

Han pulls himself up out of the sand, approaching Ben slowly.

"Ben, son, stop. You are going to get yourself killed. I'm sure there are authorities coming. Please son." 

He ignores his father.

"Answer me, Rey" Ben whispers. 

"Not yet" she answers, her head hung. "But eventually…."

That's all he needs to hear.

"Dad, take her and go."

Han's face turns pale. He shakes his head. 

"Son!! We can't…..no….we can't…."

Ben is breathing shallow. His mind is made up. He can't help them all. But this one, he can help. 

"Dad, I won't kill him if you take her. But if you don't listen to me, I will."

Han succumbs to Ben's wishes, obviously exhausted and in a hurry to leave. He grabs the parts that somehow miraculously appeared on the counter. He'll have to do the repairs quickly, maybe get the Falcon in the air first. He wonders if Plutt has a ship to chase them in, once he wakes up. That is, if his son doesn't kill him first. 

"C'mon kid. He means it." He grabs her black grease covered hand and pulls, looking back at Ben. 

"Son, you've gone too far. This time, it's too far."

Ben doesn't care. He just wants the girl safe. 

"GO!!!!"

  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Did Ben kill Plutt?
> 
> Why does he feel this sudden need to help this young girl?
> 
> Will his parents listen?

____________________________________________

Ben comes storming onto the Falcon shaking and overwhelmed. He doesn't trust that Han did as he told him to. He needs to find the girl. He doesn't understand why but Ben Solo isn't known for his rational state of mind. 

His mother sits, shaken and ashen, hoping her only child returns. She is at her desk, so weak from fear that she can't seem to stand. 

"Where is she???" Ben shouts, gasping from running through the desert sands. 

"Did you kill him?" Leia whispers, her hands shaking. 

"Mom, where is she??" He breathes heavily. 

"Answer me, young man," she still won't look at him, as angry as she is. 

"No. At least I don't think so."

Leia takes a breath. 

"How did the children look?"

Ben looks at her, his confusion overriding his anger, just for a moment. 

"Huh?"

She turns to look at him and he gasps. Her eyes are run underneath with her makeup, not that she wore much. She didn't have to. She was always beautiful. But she's been crying so the bit she did wear runs in long black streaks. Her hair is a mess. His mother's hair was always impeccable and Ben is shocked at her disheveled state. 

Her voice is shaking as she asks him a question. 

"The children Ben, do they all look like her?"

He falls to his knees at her feet. He still looks down at her, tall as he is. 

"Mom, please, please tell me. Is she here? I know she's here. I can feel….I just know. But is she staying here? Can…."

Leia grasps her baby boy's face in her hands. 

"What happened, son?"

Ben's eyes look to and fro, panicked and wild. 

"Where's Dad?"

She won't answer him. 

"What. Happened?"

Ben pulls away from his mother, shaking his head. 

"He didn't tell you?"

She took her finger and put it to his temple. "What happened here?"

She wants to know what the force showed him. 

"She….she was just hungry and he hit her and…..Mom did you _see_ her? She's _nine._ Does she look nine to you? Lando's son is nine. He's….way bigger than her. Mom, they all look like her. She's actually...fatter than the rest."

Her eyes fill with tears. 

"Okay son, shhhh….." She pulls him to her, hugging him, running her fingers through his hair. 

"My sweet boy. You were always so soft hearted."

He stands, not knowing how to interpret her words, her affections. Something is off about her….she hasn't touched him, hugged him in years. 

"Mom, what is it?"

She stands, sensing her boy's distance. She smoothes her dress and touches her hair. 

"I didn't know it was so bad. I mean, rumors circulated but….you know how rumors are….I'll speak to Ackbar. See what we can do…"

"Where is she?" He asks again. 

"She's eating. Your dad said no."

"I don't care! We can't just leave her! My Gods, Mom she lives in an AT-AT!"

"Your DAD said no, I said. Not ME." Her brow furrows, realizing what Ben just said. "How do you know where she lives?"

"I don't. I mean, I thought I saw her leave an AT-AT."

"Your dad said she'd been in line for hours"

"She was."

"Then how did you see…."

"I DON'T KNOW MOM!!!" he shouts, "but we can't just….kick her back out there!!"

"Ben, why do you care? I've never seen you like this"

"I'm not a monster Mom! Of course I care! She's just a kid!"

"Your Dad said…."

"I don't give a fuck what Dad said!"

She slaps him. Not hard, but enough. His hand goes to his face. 

"Do _not_ speak to me that way, Benjamin."

Ben breathes deeply as Leia stares up at him. 

"Let me talk to him. He's probably worried about repercussions but if she's truly alone…"

Leia crosses the room and grabs a wet cloth from the basin, wiping her face.

"You scared me. I didn't know if you were coming back. I didn't know if they arrested you. You've had me shut out for so long, from your force signature, I couldn't feel you. You know how scared you were for Rey?"

She turns to look at him, her face now clean.

"That's how scared I was for you. Don't _ever_ do that to me again, you hear me?"

"Yes, ma'am" Ben says as he sits, still holding his cheek.

~*~

"No one? Sweet child, you have no one?" Leia asks her. 

Rey picks up a piece of bread, eyeing in like she's never seen bread before. 

"Nope, just me. But I do okay. I'm good."

Rey reaches to spoon more jam on the bread. 

"I've never seen this before. It's good. I love sweets."

Leia smiles at the girl's joy. Something like fruit jam seems to have made her so happy. She chews with her mouth open, still pushing in more bread. 

"Rey, slow down. You will get sick."

Rey looks at Leia, confused.

"Shick prum eating??"

She shakes her little head, her hair falling from the buns. Leia notes how it's so dirty she can't even tell what color it is. 

Rey swallows in one large gulp. Her neck is so skinny, Leia prays the food goes down safely.

"No, that's crazy. Eating doesn't make me sick. It makes me _happy._ "

She reaches for more. Leia reaches out and takes her grimy hand. Rey looks up, fear in her eyes.

"No, precious one. I'm not stopping you. Just….hold on a second. Drink something." Leia hands her a glass of water. 

Rey gulps it down. 

Leia watches as the water trickles down her chin. Rey looks at the remaining water in the glass. 

"It's so _clear._ "

Leia almost falls apart at the child's wonderment of clean water. She composes herself, trying to think. 

"Do this, Rey. I have a bath prepared for you. You go bathe and when you get out, you can eat again, okay?"

Rey looks confused, again. 

"What's a….bath?"

Leia lowers her head. 

"Sweetie, you know how to bathe? Right?"

She nods. 

"Oh, you mean a bucket with soap shavings? Like, I strip down and rub it with my hands?"

Leia sighs.

"Rey, can I show you what I mean? I won't look. I promise. I can show you my bathtub?"

She shakes her head. 

"Bathtub….I don't know that word…."

"Like a fresher?"

"A what?"

Leia is overwhelmed. This poor child doesn't even know a proper way to _bathe._ She stands.

"Come with me Rey"

Leia takes her by the hand. Han enters the lounge. 

"What are you doing?" He asks. 

"The child needs to bathe, Han"

"No, I told you, she can eat then she goes back"

Leia walks up to her husband and whispers. "Han Solo, I'll never forgive you if you don't let me help this child. Our son put himself on the line for her. I'm so….I'm so…."

One tear slips down her cheek and Han freezes. His wife never cries. Ever. Except for when she was pregnant and those days are long past. He looks down at her dark brown eyes. His hand comes up and wipes the tear. He still loves this woman, desperately. 

She shudders at his touch. "Han, you disappoint me. You've _been_ here. You've _seen_ this place. You never told me there were children slaving. _Slaving._ Like….like…. _Anakin._ "

That is a name Leia Organa Skywalker Solo _never_ uses and Han Solo is shaken. 

"Honey, what do you want to do?"

"Take her with us. There's something there….I feel it. She's beautiful. And smart. So smart. She brought something out of him….I haven't seen him like that in a long time. She needs us."

Han looks over at the girl. Rey is once again shoving bread in her mouth along with just eating the jam straight from the jar. 

"Just….let me think, okay? Get her cleaned up. Leia….Leia!" Han's eyes are wide with alarm. 

Leia turns to see Rey choking. 

"Han!" Leia calls out to him for help. 

Han runs over and hits the child on the back. A chunk of bread flies out. Rey coughs and grabs her water glass. 

"Kriff kid!! Quit shoveling it in!"

Leia runs to her, kneeling down. She looks up at Han pointedly, angry at him for getting angry. The child is just hungry. 

"Are you okay?" Leia whispers. 

Rey coughs again, nodding. 

"Rey," Leia reaches up to untie Rey's hair. "how long ago did you last eat?"

"Ummm….two days ago? Three? Something like that. I don't count. Makes it harder."

"Maker, Han…." Leia whispers. 

Suddenly Rey's head shoots up, eyes searching. Ben walks in several seconds later. Her eyes bulge and her face lights up. 

"Hello" she says, shyly. 

"Hey kid. Are you full yet?" Ben asks, sitting next to her at the holoboard. He reaches and takes her small hand in his huge one. 

Leia looks up at Han. She'd not seen Ben touch anyone in years, much less smile so freely. His eyes smile with his mouth. 

"Yup. I like jam."

Ben laughs. Actually laughs out loud. 

"Me too," and he grabs the spoon and licks it. 

Ben looks up at his mother. Leia swears her son looks like a kid who just brought home a stray animal. If she could still read him, if he'd drop the walls he'd put up at her years ago to block her from his thoughts, she could swear he would've thought to himself.

_Mom, can we keep her?_

  
  
  



	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Little Rey is becoming accustomed to her new life. 
> 
> Ben is quickly her favorite person, even if his feet stink. 
> 
> Ben notices the voice is easier to tame when this girl is nearby.

____________________________________________

Rey approaches Leia in their living quarters on Coroscant.

"Ms. Leia, can I have another piece of fruit?"

Leia sighs, smiling slightly. 

"Rey, honey, I've already told you. You don't have to ask me that. You can eat all the fruit you would like. This is your home now and fruit is healthy. Yes, you can have another piece."

Rey hangs her head.

"I'm sorry. I won't ask again." 

"Come here."

She walks to Leia. 

Leia smoothes Rey's hair back and tucks it behind her ear. 

"I'm not upset with you. Just call me Leia, okay? Go get your fruit and get your bath."

"Can I finish watching the holovid with Ben first?"

"Yes that's fine."

"Thank you Ms...I mean, um, Leia"

Leia smiles and squeezes Rey's hand. She must leave in the morning to travel to Naboo. She has an important meeting with the delegation about the efforts on Jakku to establish a more suitable environment, to ban slavery and provide the children with a secure and safe home. No more starvation. No more scavenging.

Rey will stay here for her studies. Threepio will watch over her. Hopefully Ben will hang around. He's been quite moody lately but Rey always has a way of making him mellow. She is glad the girl is safe now. Little Rey is truly a ray of sunshine in their home. Even Han has taken to her. When he's home. 

_____________________

"Hey, give me a bite," Ben says.

"No because your big mouth bites off too much."

"Then go get me one."

"Get it yourself." Rey bites a huge chunk of banana, eating it with her mouth open, staring at him defiantly. 

"Ewww" Ben says. "Come on, finish this holovid with me. You have studies in the morning."

"You sound like a grown up."

Ben looks injured by her words. 

"I am a grown up! I'm 19!"

Rey mocks him. 

"Blah Blah Blah. Turn it back on."

Rey plops down on the floor while Ben sits on his bed. She'd sit with him if his feet didn't stink so bad, a fact she's pointed out, incessantly. 

Within minutes, she's asleep. Ben scoops Rey up and carries her to her bed. He untangles the hair ties from her hair, the ones holding up her triple buns. No one can get her to change her hairstyle. He's seen the repercussions of her sleeping in it too many times in the past few days. It will bring tears in the morning unless it's taken down. He tosses the hair ties on her nightstand and covers her, leaving her bedside lamp on. Hopefully it will keep her nightmares at bay. 

Ben wanders into the living quarters, headed to the kitchen for his own banana. Leia looks up, shaking her head.

"She's asleep, isn't she?" she asks Ben. 

He nods, goes to fetch his banana then collapses on the sofa. 

"Yeah. She's in her bed."

Leia sighs. 

"That girl, I told her to get a bath first."

Ben shrugs his shoulders. 

"Eh, she'll get one in the morning."

Leia turns back to her desk. 

"She's adapting well. I think you've been patient with her. She's good for you. She keeps you calm."

He rolls his eyes. 

"Don't start, Mom."

Leia changes the subject. She's too tired to discuss her son's temper.

"I'm leaving in the morning. Just to remind you."

Ben just stands there, staring. He rolls his eyes. 

"Mom, Rey just got here! You're already leaving again? She needs you here! Dad's already gone! When will you be back?"

Leia sets her datapad down, turning to look at Ben. 

"Ben, this is about Jakku. You wanted me to help and that's what I'm doing. Threepio is here. I'll be back in a few days. She'll be fine. She's very independent."

Ben throws his hands up. 

"She wasn't independent! She was alone! She didn't have a choice!"

"Ben, I don't want to fight with you. Rey will be fine. The droids are here and you're here. I'll be back soon."

Ben stomps off to his room.

_ They don't care about her either. _

_ Just like they don't care about you. _

Ben knows this is true, even though he doesn't understand why he thinks the thoughts. They just pop up in his mind. They always have. It's like there's another person in there, in his head. 

Maybe he should've left Rey where she was. 

_ She'd be better off there than ignored here.  _

_ Like you. _

No, it's not true. She's not starving here.

_ But they will ignore her like they do you. _

Ben punches his pillow over and over. He feels the seam burst. 

"Shit, not another one."

He throws it in the corner of his room and falls back on his bed. 

Then Ben hears a whimper from down the hallway. 

"Oh no, Rey. Not again."

He jumps up and dashes out of his room, entering hers just in time to see her thrashing about in her bed. 

"No, no, stop. No! Leave it! I need it!"

Ben sits next to her, pulling her into his lap. 

"Shhh…Rey, wake up. Rey, you're having a nightmare. Wake up."

She fights him, just like she has every night for the past three weeks. She digs her nails into his shirt, gasping for air. He turns her chin up, looking at her face, her eyes squeezed tight. 

"Rey, it's Ben. Wake up. Shhh….it's Ben."

Her eyes fly open and instantly she draws in a breath. He holds her tight.

"Ben!"

"Shhh...it's okay. I'm here."

She begins to cry. "They stole my speeder. I finally fixed it and they stole it."

"I know….."

"How will I work now?"

"Remember? You don't have to scavenge anymore. You left. Remember?"

She sniffles, wiping her snot on his shirt. He flinches then smiles. 

"Oh yeah. You saved me."

"I did."

"Thank you."

She scoots out of his lap, smiling at him. He has never had anyone smile at him like she does. She's so real with him. He doesn't have to impress her or pretend with her. He's just himself. 

Except the voices. She doesn't know and he'd never tell her. She's just a kid. It would probably scare her. So that's still his secret. 

"Hey Ben?" 

"Yeah, squirt?"

"Watch."

Rey moves her hand into the air, hovering her fingers. Across the room, a stuffed toy lifts up, hanging in mid-air. She floats it all the way to the bed, where it lands in his lap.

"Good job kid!" Ben smiles.

"I did like you told me. I forgot to show you earlier."

"Keep working at it. Try heavier objects. And don't tell Mom, okay?"

"I won't. But I still don't understand why."

"I just…. I'll tell you some other time. Hey, are you going to be okay?"

"I don't want to sleep." Rey's eyes are downcast, looking at the stuffed pilot in Ben's lap. 

"You have to go back to sleep."

"Ben, stay."

"Your bed is too little for me. I'm a giant, remember?" 

She giggles, her dimples showing. 

"You are way too tall. But...don't leave."

He can't stand how her eyes look so sad. 

"I'll sleep on the floor. Just for tonight. Okay?"

"That's good. Thank you."

"Alright kid, hold on, I'll get my stuff."

Ben finds himself on her floor many nights after that. He doesn't mind. He is more at peace near her. The voices don't pop up when he sleeps on her floor. He usually finds her halfway off of her bed during the night. She does better when she can see him. Her nightmares stay away when he's nearby. 

_________________________

  
  


Ben is practicing his saber stances in the training room in the penthouse. Leia had installed it hoping he could work out some of his anger. 

He's hoping before long he can travel to Ilum to find his kyber crystal within the year. First he must learn to control his anger. He desperately wants to. It exhausts him. He knows if he'd meditate more, it would help. 

He  _ hates  _ meditation. 

So he focuses on training, distracting himself from the confusing thoughts in his mind. The ones that tell him his parents hate him, that he's so much more worthy than the way they treat him.

He feels his anger building as he swings and stabs at an imaginary enemy, spinning and squatting to swing again. 

The anger increases. Which makes him more desperate to stop it. 

Then, suddenly, it stops, which Ben finds strange.

The door opens and Rey comes bouncing in. She has two bananas and a water bottle.

"Hey! Want one?" She stops and looks at him disgustingly, "Eww you're sweaty. Put your shirt on."

He smiles, walking over to accept the offer. He opens the bottle and drinks all of it at once. Then he pulls his shirt over his head.

"You stink." Rey tells him, waving her hand in front of her face but still noisily eating her banana. 

"Well that's what happens when you sweat, squirt. Thanks. I needed this."

He tosses her the empty bottle but it misses her hand. She calls it to her with the force. 

"Wow, that's good. When did you learn that?"

"I dunno. I dropped something yesterday and just thought it and then it came back up to my hand."

Ben's eyebrows go up. "Woah. You just...did it? I was like, fourteen before I learned to do that."

She grins, proud of herself. "Yup."

She sits, watching him train again. He focuses better this time, though he doesn't know why. His movements are more smooth, more steady. 

Maybe he was just dehydrated earlier. 

Rey watches, mesmerized. 

"One day when I get bigger, will you teach me how to do that? You'd hurt me now. I'm too little. And you're like a tree. But maybe when I'm bigger?"

"Sure, kid."

He stops swinging, grabbing the banana. 

"You finished your studies?" He asks, chomping into the fruit. 

"Yeah, Threepio gets on my nerves."

Ben laughed loudly. 

"Welcome to the family, squirt."

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben runs off after a fight with his parents.

___________________________________________

"Can I stay up and see if Ben comes home tonight?" Rey asks, her eyes twinkling at the mention of his name. 

Leia sighs again. She doesn't know where Ben is. He's been gone for a few days. They had a disagreement and he'd left. This was becoming more of a regular thing, they fight and he runs off. It's been especially hard for Rey, being as attached as she's become to him, rather quickly too. Rey has only been here six weeks. Leia is so angry at him! Ben has let this child grow so fond of him, then he leaves and she's left asking questions. His rage is getting out of control. When and if, Leia can't think about the if, he does return home, she will have to make him understand that his actions are affecting everyone. Especially this young girl. 

"No, sweetie. But I promise if he does, I'll wake you up right away, okay?"

Rey pouts and walks away. 

"Leia?"

"Yes?" Leia says, turning at her desk.

"Is Ben mad at me?"

"No, Rey. He's mad at me. I promise. I don't think Ben could ever be mad at you. Now go get your bath."

Han walks into the room. 

"You okay, kid?"

Rey throws herself at him, hugging him tightly. 

Han hugs her back with one arm. He's not an affectionate man but he's trying. Rey obviously needs a father figure and he doesn't know how to process that. Ben's never really, reached out to him. They are more, hands off. Han sees that girls are a whole new ballgame and he's out of her league. 

"Yeah, just needed a hug. Ben hugs me but he's not here. So you'll have to do."

Han laughs. Rey runs down the hallway.

"I don't know if I should feel insulted or privileged." Han says to Leia.

"Oh definitely privileged. You've almost been elevated to  _ Ben  _ status." Leia tells him. 

Han flops down on the couch. 

"Ugh, that boy. I'm going to kick his ass when he comes home. Being pissed at us is one thing but now he's hurting an innocent kid who hero-worships him."

Leia nods then adds. "But when he does come home, I have a feeling it will be to see her. He'll come back only to check on Rey."

"She does bring out a whole new side to him." Han nods towards Rey's room. 

"Yes, she does." Leia agrees. 

__________________________

Rey lays on her stomach and writes:

_ Dear Ben, _

_ I'm so mad at you. Why did you leave me? I don't even know where to send this letter, dammit! I know, I know, I'm not supposed to curse. Blech, I can hear you fussing at me in my head! _

_ I hear you in my head a lot. Telling me to chew with my mouth closed and pick up my dirty clothes. I can't even eat a banana now, I'm so mad.  _

_ Please come home. I had a bad dream last night.  _

_ Love, Rey. _

She scribbles that last part out. 

_ Miss you, Rey. _

She folds it up and puts it under her pillow, floats her bear over and tries to go to sleep. 

An hour later, she gets out of bed, unable to sleep and tiptoes down the hallway.

Han checks on her during the night, finding her bed empty. 

He finds her in Ben's bed, fast asleep.

_________________________

Several days later, Ben sneaks in during the night. 

At least his parents didn't change the access code to the penthouse. 

_ They probably didn't think about it yet _ .

_ You know they still hate you. Don't ever forget it. They don't. _

Stop it, he tells the voice in his head, I'm not back for them anyways. 

He no longer allows "the voice" to talk about Rey. No, he won't let it. She's off limits. He doesn't know why it made him angry at the voice when it talked about her. 

It was like the voice was trying to tell him to hate her, too. He could never hate Rey. She's just a kid. 

He was still so angry at Leia. She won't let him use a ship to go to Ilum. She says he's not "ready". It's all just bullshit, how she treats him. 

But he had to come home. He had to check on Rey. He had to make sure they were taking care of her. 

He tiptoes to her room. She's not there. 

He panics. 

_ Where is she??? Oh no, they took her off!! They took her back!!! _

He almost begins to yell. He runs towards his parents bedroom, angry,  _ seething. _

He pictures her back on Jakuu, alone, afraid, hot, thirsty, hungry. 

He passes his room and he glances inside as he runs past. There's something in his bed. 

No, someone. 

He stops, turning back.

_ It's her. _

He stumbles to the bed, heavy with relief. 

His emotions overwhelming him he crawls up next to her, smoothing her hair back. 

She opens her eyes. 

"BEN!!!!" 

She climbs into his lap, hugging him, crying. 

"You came back…."

He smiles, holding her like he always does, curled up on his lap. 

"Yeah. You okay squirt? Why are you in here? You scared me, I couldn't find you."

She wipes her snot on his shirt. Again. 

He's used to it by now. 

"I had a bad dream again. They go away in here."

"You didn't go to Han and Leia?"

"No, they don't go away in there. Only in here. And with you."

"Well I'm here now. Go back to sleep. I'll sleep in my chair."

She crawls back to his pillow. He covers her up and rubs her head. 

"Don't leave again, Ben.  _ Please.  _ Don't leave me. I need you Ben. You keep me safe from the monsters in my head."

Ben almost tears up. But no, he's got to stay strong for his girl. He nods, unable to speak. Soon she's asleep, her bear tucked under her chin. 

He whispers. 

"I promise I'll never leave you again. You run away my monsters too."

He sleeps on her floor again every night after.

__________________________

"Ugh, fishing is stupid." Rey laments, bobbing her pole up and down, watching the cork dance. 

Ben reaches over, stilling her pole. 

"Fishing is a good way to learn patience."

"Yes…. _ master. _ " Rey teases, smirking at him, pretending to be serious. 

"Don't start with that shit." Ben says, rolling his eyes. 

Rey giggles again, elbowing him hard. He almost drops his pole. He growls at her and she laughs even harder. He smiles that smile that lights up his eyes, the one that he only shows to her. 

"Watch this," he teases. 

He extends his hand towards the water and keeps it there, eyes closed. After several seconds that feel like  _ hours  _ to an impatient nine year old, she leans over to him, whispering. 

"Is something supposed to happen?"

"Shh!!" He tells her. 

The water starts to vibrate in one spot, several feet out. Rey is transfixed.

A fish jumps straight up in the air then hovers, tail thrashing. 

It flies straight to Ben's extended hand where he catches it, holding it out. 

Rey squeals with exuberant joy. 

"Wow!! Do it again Ben!"

Ben is smiling, half in pride of impressing Rey and half in surprise that he actually did it. 

He drops it in the bucket next to him and does it again. And again. Each time Rey lets out a shout. He is more excited each time, just seeing her light up. 

He's never felt so free as he does with her. She never expects from him. She just enjoys his company. His need to impress her is different. With everyone else, he feels like he's never quite enough. But with her, he feels like himself. Just Ben. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey is required to wear a dress and our little desert girl is having none of it. 
> 
> Enter Ben.....

____________________________________________

"But I'll look like a girl," Rey moped.

"Little lady, I don't know if you know this but you  _ are  _ a girl." Leia said with a grin. 

"Why can't I just wear my regular clothes?"

Rey is attending her first social gathering and to her abject horror, she has to wear a  _ dress.  _

Leia doesn't understand this girl at all. She'd grown up the daughter of royalty, always eager to wear the newest dress that her personal shopper had acquired for her. She thought that, as poverty stricken as Rey had been, she'd leap at the chance to dress up. This had become yet another stubborn streak from the girl. 

Rey had taken rather well to life on Corsucant. Her studies were coming along, her manners had improved and she was finally filling out her own skin, eating healthy with little protest. The child loved fruit and veggies. Though sweets were her favorite. Ben had indulged her in that, Leia thought with a smile. He was regularly sneaking her air cake and frozen cream with cookie crumbles mixed in. 

Ben was also helping with her nightmares, Leia knew. Ben would sneak to Rey's room late at night, unbeknownst to Han. He'd sleep on Rey's floor then leave at daylight. Han wouldn't approve but as little as he was around, Leia decided to let it go. She'd fought Ben on other things, like saber training. Leia was afraid Ben would accidentally hurt the child. 

She did not anticipate the girl resisting her first chance to dress up. She sighed, tired from the argument that had gone on for almost an hour. 

Ben walks in, ready except for the jacket. He hates wearing the jacket. 

"What's going on in here?" He asks. 

"Leia says I have to wear a  _ dress. _ " Rey says, crossing her arms and slumping down even further on the sofa. She kicks her boots against the bottom. 

"Which dress?" Ben asks. 

"That ugly thing." Rey responds. 

Rey points to the velvet burgundy high collared number on the wall. 

"It's hot and I hate the color! I can't breathe in it! Stupid collar."

Leia throws her hands in the air, looking to Ben for help. 

"Why don't you come with me? We'll talk about it." Ben says, taking Rey by the hand. 

Leia mouths the words "thank you" to her son. She still has to get dressed herself. She didn't notice that Ben left the dress hanging in her room. 

"Now, do you want me to braid your hair?"

Ben asks, sitting Rey in front of her mirror in her room. He had sometimes braided her hair, when she'd let him. The traditional Alderaanian braids were usually passed down to the next generation. Ben was taught from a young age the art of braiding. It was not something his very-macho father approved of but it was the Organa way. It had come much in handy with Rey. For as much as she  _ hated  _ dresses, she loved Ben playing with her hair. He had taught her the meanings of the different braids. She especially giggled at the marriage braid, the type worn on the wedding night. 

"If you wear a dress, I'll braid your hair. The one you liked the best, remember?"

She pouted. "But that dress is ugly."

"It is ugly. So is it  _ all  _ dresses or just  _ that _ one?" He asks, brushing her hair out. 

"I have another. It's yellow. But Leia probably will say no."

"Well, lemme see it."

Rey opens her closet and comes out wearing a yellow lace overlay long sleeved dress with a diamond covered sash around the waist. Ben smiles widely. She blushes and asks him to button the back. Ben moves her long hair to the side and buttons it up. 

"You look beautiful Rey. I like it. I think Mom will be okay with it. You have shoes?"

"Help me pick."

He helps her select silver slip ons to compliment the sash. 

"Here, sit. I'll do your hair and we'll let Mom see. I'm sure she can be convinced," he says with a wink. 

Rey giggles and blushes. 

He separates her hair and begins to work. Rey watches, fascinated. 

"Teach me."

"Well, technically Leia should, but okay."

Rey is quickly frustrated by her own fingers, unable to get them to cooperate.

"Can I use the force?" She asks.

Ben laughs then realizes she's serious and stifles it quickly. He certainly doesn't need her mad right now and the wrath of Rey's temper is quickly becoming a thing in the household. He always can calm her, with a joke or a tickle fest. Or feeding her. Food always settles her. 

This kid is something else and has fast become his favorite person. 

"Sure, why not?" He grins. 

He guides her to visualize the braid wrapping around her fingers and before long, her hair is complete. A high braid wrapped bun sets on the crown of her head with one long braid going down her back. It represents a girl's first social appearance.

Ben leaves to finish dressing and returns in a velvet navy tunic with a high collar.

"You look  _ fancy. _ " Rey teases. 

"Ugh. Shut up." He rolls his eyes. 

This only encourages her. 

"Maybe you'll find a  _ girl  _ to dance with."

He sweeps her up by the waist, causing her to squeal.

"Nah, I'll just dance with you the whole time. Those girls get on my nerves."

He spins her around the room while Rey laughs. 

"C'mon, let's go impress Mom."

He pulls her hand into the crook of his arm and they walk out. 

Leia sees them and beams. 

"Oh Rey! Look at you! Okay, okay, I do like that dress. Did Ben do your hair again?"

Rey spins. As much as she  _ hates _ dresses, she does love how they flare out when she spins. 

"We both did it, together." Rey says, her chin jutting up proudly. 

Ben leans against the wall, crossing his arms. Leia walks to him, rubbing his arm in appreciation. He winks at her, grinning. 

"Thank you." Leia whispers. 

"It was fun, she's a good kid."

Leia looks at her son, her eyes twinkling at how handsome he looks. 

"You look so handsome. So tall. Blue looks nice on you."

"Thanks mom. You look nice too."

The earlier tension now dissipates all because of a little girl in a yellow dress. 

____________________________

The night goes well until a certain adolescent girl sets her eyes on the son of Princess Leia. 

Eleanor had decided that the young Solo would become hers. 

He wasn't interested. At all. 

Eleanor Beauway was the daughter of a prominent senator on Corsucant. Leia was thrilled at the prospect, of course. 

Ben had not given too much thought to a possible girlfriend. He does know that none of these prissy, perfect, can't-get-their-hands-dirty  _ girls  _ impress him. He'd much prefer a force sensitive lightsaber welding girl. One that he could practice forms with. One that isn't afraid to sweat. Or eat, he notices the women avoiding their food, afraid about gaining weight or getting food on their clothes or whatever other silly thoughts they have. 

"Uh-oh," Rey whispers to Ben. "Here comes blondie."

Ben suppresses a laugh. 

"Shhh. Behave." He tells Rey. 

Eleanor blushes six different shades asking Ben to dance with her. 

"No, thank you," Ben responds.

She sulks off. 

"Benjamin Organa Solo that was rude"

Leia tells him. 

"You left out Skywalker," he says with a smirk. 

"You heard me, that was rude."

"I said thank you to her, Mother." Ben says pointedly. 

"Don't 'Mother' me. Go apologize and dance with her. She's pretty."

"First off, I'm an adult so, no. Secondly, no she's not pretty. She's just well dressed."

"Well dressed is a turn off?" Leia asks.

Ben sighs and looks down at Rey. She's slumping again, pouting. Her mood brings a smile to his face. He stands, looking down at his mother and grabbing Rey's hand. 

"Mom, don't say 'turn off'. Rey, dance with me."

Before Leia can reply, they are gone. 

Rey giggles as Ben elaborately escorts her out to the floor, like she is a princess and he is her prince. He shows her how to set her hand on his waist and he takes her other hand in his and they're off. 

"Normally I'd have my hand on your waist and your hand would be on my shoulder. But you're short." He says with a wink. "Just step with me, okay?"

"When I'm older, will you put your hand on my waist?" She asks, craning her neck to see his face.

"I sure will, squirt. I'll have to keep you dancing to keep all the boys away."

She makes a disgusted face. "Eww, boys."

He laughs, throwing his head back. "Yeah, ewww, boys. We are all disgusting."

Rey smiles adoringly. "But you're not a boy, you're a man. You're 19."

He looks down at her. "Men are even more disgusting."

Rey presses her cheek against his stomach. "You're not disgusting. You're my Ben."

He smiles. "And you're my Rey," he says, patting her back as they sway. 

Hours later, after a meal that made Rey's eyes nearly pop out of her head, she fell asleep on Leia's shoulder. 

"Wake up, honey. It's time to go." Leia nudges her. 

"Let her sleep. She may actually rest tonight after all this. I've got her."

Ben scoops her up and carries her home. 

  
  



	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey wakes to disturbing news.

____________________________________________

Rey wakes in the middle of the night, looking down at the floor next to her bed. 

He's not there.

She tiptoes to her door, opening it and walking to Ben's room, searching for him. 

The whispered argument stops her. It's coming from Han and Leia's room.

"I can't do this anymore Leia, I can't go to work not knowing if you three are okay." Han whispers. 

"Don't call it work Han. It's not work, it's smuggling." Leia chides. 

"And it's what I was doing when you met me, I never told you I'd stop!" Han says, a bit louder. 

"Don't wake her up!" 

"We have to think about her, Leia. It's not just us now. She will eventually suffer too."

"Suffer how? He won't hurt her, you know that!" Leia is now the one getting louder. 

"But what happens when he hurts someone and she finds out?? What then? She will have to start school soon. You said yourself she's ready. What happens when someone bullies her about his tantrums??" Han asks. 

"I'll talk to him about that. He'll do anything for Rey, you know that. Maybe that will calm him down."

"He needs to go. He's a grown man now, Leia. He needs to find his place out there, somewhere."

"Doing what? He won't pilot, he won't learn a skill. Even if he had become a Jedi, what would he do?" Leia says, panic in her voice. "He's still my baby. I can't just throw him out, Han!"

"Well that's the problem right there."

"What is? That he's my baby? No matter how big or old he gets, that doesn't change. You don't understand." Leia says, a deep sadness in her voice. 

"Maybe Luke can help him, Leia…."

Rey walks away, not wanting to hear anymore about Ben leaving. She walks into Ben's room. He's not there, either. She wanders into the living quarters, searching for him. She eventually finds him, out on the balcony. He's sitting on the edge, long legs dangling, his arms wrapped around the bottom railing. His head is leaned against the top railing. 

"Ben?" Rey asks his name like a question, confused and afraid. 

"Hey squirt. You should be asleep. It's late," he says, his voice filled with exhaustion. 

She simply sits next to him, wrapping her small arms around his thickly muscled one. He is her anchor in the storm. The storm she doesn't understand. 

They sit for a while, quietly taking in the view. 

"Kid, I'm not this great person you think I am. One day you may realize that." 

She looks up at his profile. He looks older, afraid. Afraid to disappoint her. But more afraid to hurt her with falsehoods of what lies beneath the surface she sees. 

He knows she sees his soul. The outlying of it, anyways. He hides the deeper depths from her. She's too pure, too sweet to see it. The voice, the anger, the rage. He covers that. 

"Ben, you are a great person. I see you. I know you think I'm just a kid but I've seen too much. I've seen evil and you're not evil. You're not a monster. You're my Ben."

He cocks one eye down at her, smiling just a bit. 

"When did you get so grown up sounding? You've only been living here 3 months. It's like you've been here for years."

"I know, I feel that way too. What are they fighting about? What did you do?"

Ben sighs, hanging his head. 

"What did they say?" He asks. 

"Han says you may have to leave. Why?"

"You don't need to know, kid."

Rey is the one to sigh this time. 

"Who did you hurt? I'm sure they were asking for it."

Ben smirks and pulls her close to him. He doesn't like her sitting so close to the edge of the balcony and he doesn't completely trust the railing. 

"A guy bumped into me and I shoved him. Then someone hit me and I think I broke their nose. Law enforcement came and I was arrested."

"Just cause you defended yourself?" Rey asks. 

"No Rey. I shouldn't have shoved the first guy. His friend, whose nose I broke, he was defending him. I was wrong Rey. I get too angry."

Rey yawns, leaning into Ben harder.

"Why? Why do you get angry?"

"I don't know." He replies with a shrug. 

"Are you really leaving? Like, forever?" Rey says and Ben wants to cry at how sad she sounds. 

"I'll never leave you forever. Just for a little while. I'd come back for you sweetheart, I promise."

Rey buries her face in his side. "No Ben. Don't."

He pulls her into his lap and she curls into a ball. He holds her tightly. 

"It's just to my uncle's Jedi Academy. You can come see me."

Now she is sobbing. 

"But...but... who….who...will ke...ke...keep

my...my...my nightmares away? Nooo Ben

don't... don't... don't goooo….." she stutters, sobbing almost uncontrollably.

"Shhhhhhh….." 

Ben is crying with her. He turns her chin up to face him, wiping her tears away, keeping a solid hold on her as she leans back against the railing.

"I'll never be far away from you, do you hear me? I'll be right here." He places his hand on her heart. 

"Bennnnnn…." She cries, hiccuping. 

"Listen, look at me, look at me. Shhh…"

"You're crying too, Ben." She says, wiping his tears now. She has never touched his face and it burns deep down, into his heart. This kid is changing him, somehow. It's like she's attached to his very soul. Somehow he knows he'd light the galaxy on fire for her. 

"You'll come see me. Rey, I need to go become a real Jedi. Then, when I come back, I'll be your very own Jedi. I'll have a saber and no one, no one will ever hurt you again. Won't that be cool? Your own Jedi."

She's still hiccuping and he thinks it's the most adorable thing he's ever seen. 

"What would I do with a Jedi?"

"Well, for one thing, you'll have a boyfriend by then and I can threaten him." He says with a grin. 

"Ewwww, boys." She says, sticking her tongue out. 

"Yeah, keep that attitude. 'Ew, Boys.' Tell them you have your own Jedi. They'll leave you alone. But, seriously Rey, you are going to grow and you are going to be so beautiful and have friends and boyfriends. You'll see. You won't always say 'ew boys'. Then I'll come back and run them off cause no boy is good enough for my Rey."

"No boy will be as handsome as you, Ben."

He leans back, looking at her. "You think I'm handsome?" 

"The handsomest," she says, a cute grin on her face. 

"Not with these big ol ears." He says, smiling. 

"Hey! I like your ears! But maybe you should have long hair."

He throws his head back, laughing loudly. 

"Well, you are the beautifulest, long or short hair." He says, bopping her nose with his finger. 

She looks down. 

"I'm too ugly to be beautiful."

This makes him sad, hearing her already talking low about herself. 

"Hey, listen to me." He says, tucking his finger under her chin, forcing her to look up at him. "Do not say that. You are beautiful already and in a few years, damn, you are gonna be a knock-out. I see pretty girls all the time. I'm an expert. Don't say that anymore, okay? Your Jedi says you are pretty and that's that. You can tell anyone I said so. If they don't like it, I'll saber them. Okay?"

"You're really leaving me?" She asks, lip puckering out.

"I think so, kid. But remember, I'll come back for you. I'm not really gone. I'm right here, okay?"

He holds her while she cries herself to sleep. He's so exhausted. He doesn't want to leave and he's so angry that they are making him go. He doesn't need Luke to become a Jedi. 

He wonders where the voice is. It usually is loudest when he's upset. 

He scoots back, careful not to drop her and manages to lay on the lounger. Eventually he nods off, exhausted. She curls into his chest, his strong arms supporting her the remainder of the night. 

Her very own Jedi, she thinks and smiles, looking up at his handsome face until she falls back to sleep. 

His loud laugh had gotten Han and Leia's attention. They stood inside, Han behind Leia, his arms around her. 

"It's strange, how they are with each other." Han observes. "Having a baby sister has helped him."

"I think they are more like friends than siblings, Han. I'm with them more, remember?"

"I still think he needs to go to Luke. Your brother can help him. He's got to get his anger under control. For Rey, if not for himself."

Leia sighs, watching the two outside. 

"Okay, I'll agree to a trial run. If he's not better soon, I'll want him back here. I'm his mother, after all."

Han nods.

"I agree but you and Luke have the same spirit. He can help him, I'm sure."

"I'll miss him, Han." 

She turns and buries her face in her husband's chest. He holds her while she weeps. 

"You'll have little Rey. She needs you, Leia. She needs a woman to guide her. You were right. She's something. I really care about her."

Leia looks up at this handsome scoundrel who changed her life.

"You always wanted another child, a girl."

He grins that famous Han Solo grin and Leia sighs. He still makes her heart skip. 

"Yeah, I did."

"You're a sexy man, you know that?" She says, standing on tiptoe to kiss him. 

"I'm an old man. You are still a beautiful, sexy woman though."

She smiles at him and he's sunk. He's always been sunk for her. 

"Take me to bed, old man."

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our baby girl is heartbroken....

He's gone.

Her Ben is gone and she can't stop crying.

She'd ran, locked herself in her closet, holding onto her yellow dress and her little stuffed pilot, thinking of dancing with Ben.

She's angry, so very angry. At Leia, at Han and even at Ben himself. 

For a moment, she wishes she had never left Jakku. There she loved no one. She couldn't lose what she never had. This is too much. For loving could lead to this. 

Losing. 

But….but if she'd never met him, she never would've known him. Known his laugh, his eyes, his strength. 

She knows she's young. Too young to feel this. Too young to love. She knows that. 

But she's older than the sum of her years. For she has seen death, known hunger and thirst and desperation. She's fought to survive in ways others three times her age had not. 

Even Ben had not. 

And when she read the words on the page, "I'll come back for you, sweetheart, I promise," she knows.

She loves him. She has loved him perhaps before she even knew him.  _ He _ was what she'd been waiting for, lonely in her AT-AT, marking her days. Her heart soars at the realization. She loves Ben Solo.

But he's gone and this is her deepest secret. She mustn't tell Leia or Han. They'd say she's too young. That he's too old for her. But what is age, anyways? One day she'll be grown and he'll still be grown and  _ maybe _ , maybe he'd love her too. 

And she'd learned something. Han is ten years older than Leia. 

So she will wait. She'll be good and patient. 

She sits, hugging her dress and basking in her thoughts, made aware that by losing him she's come to see herself. Seeing that he's the boy, no….the man, she loves. Nothing will change that. Nothing will take it away. No one must know, not even Ben. She won't write that to him. She'll wait and tell him. Only nine years and she'll tell him. Hell, she'd survived years on a desert planet, waiting. Waiting is her specialty. 

She can do that. Wait. 

Having resolved her heart's dilemma, she realizes she must face the world again. 

She crawls out of her closet, having cried until she's very thirsty. She's grown accustomed to drinking all the water she can consume. 

Sitting there, outside her door, on the floor are the two people she adores. The two people who do indeed care for her. As mad as she is, she needs them. The girl in her needs Han's fatherly arms and Leia's motherly voice. She crawls to Leia and is enveloped by her. Han also hugs her and they beg her forgiveness in whispered words. 

"I'm so sorry, sweet girl. I'm so sorry you are hurting. We didn't want to hurt you," Leia whispers gently. 

Han smoothes her hair and looks sadly at Leia, his heart hurting. He's never had a daughter to father. It's different. He wants to protect her. Maybe he should stay home more, he thinks. 

"Hey kid, I'm sorry too. Maybe one day you'll understand. Ben needs to go find himself. He'll be back soon. You'll see."

She launches herself at him and he's startled. He's not used to affection, except from his wife. He looks at Leia with surprised eyes, not sure what to do. Leia mouths the words "Just hug her, let her cry" at him. So he does and Rey feels safer, calmer. Ben was always so giving in his hugs and if she can't have him, these similar arms with a similar voice will do. 

Leia whispers again, "Come drink something, Rey. You need to eat, also."

"I'll fix you some flapjacks, kid. My famous ones. You like those, remember?" Han says, smiling just a bit at her. 

Rey looks up at him with red rimmed eyes, sniffling. She's made aware just how much he does look like Ben. 

She'll get through this. She has to. For Ben. 

"Okay," she says, pitifully.

___________________________

Ben has never been so angry, so hurt and so depressed. 

He can't believe they made him leave home. Permanently. The voice rages in his head. 

_ I told you they hate you….. _

_ I told you they never loved you…. _

_ I told you they didn't want you…. _

_ I told you that you are too good for them…. _

The  _ only  _ reason he didn't explode this morning was because of Rey. She was sleeping and there was no way in hell he'd scare her by exploding at them and waking her. 

Han had found him on Rey's floor. Which was what started it all. 

Han said it was inappropriate. What the fuck did he know? It's not like he's spent any time with Rey! He just  _ leaves _ . He hasn't even  _ tried  _ to know Rey! He doesn't understand that she needs him there or she'll be afraid! She's only nine! She's just a kid! 

And now, she's alone with them. He'd not even been able to say goodbye to her!! He barely had time to leave her a note! He'll have to write her or send her a holovid later explaining. She probably hates him right now…..

He's seething onboard the Falcon with Chewie. His parents didn't even go with him! Just told him he either had to go to Luke or leave and find his own way and not return home. 

At least this way he knew he could come home to Rey in a few years. He had a timeline. And, even though he didn't want to admit it, he could grow his Jedi powers, hopefully build his saber,  _ finally.  _ He doesn't understand why Leia couldn't train him. She's not old. She knows how. Sure, she denounced her Force powers years ago but why couldn't she turn back to the force  _ for her own son _ ?? Instead of sending him to an uncle he barely knows? Luke hasn't even tried to know him. Ever. Chewie is his real uncle. Hell, even Lando is more of an uncle than Luke Skywalker. 

Chewie is silent for a long time, piloting and co-piloting. 

<You okay Little Ben?>

Just that question in Shyriiwook, gentle sounding from such a giant, nearly brings Ben to tears. 

Chewie knows. He isn't force sensitive, even though the Solo family wonders if he hides it, but he knows Ben Solo, better than anyone. He "gently" pats Ben on the back of his head. 

<I know you don't know Luke but he will be good to you. He's a good man. You'll come out of this stronger.>

"Yeah, maybe. I don't know, Chewie. It was the worst time for me to leave."

<The young girl?>

"Yeah," Ben replies. "She needed me. She's been through a lot. I was helping her."

<She sounds special to you.>

"I'll tell you something if you keep it secret from Mom and Dad, Chewie."

<You are a grown man, Ben. We will have our secrets now that you are grown.>

"She's force sensitive. Like me. I know she's just nine but she's strong in the force. She does things at nine I couldn't do until a year ago. I don't understand but she needs a teacher."

<Why is it a secret?>

"I didn't want them to know because that's all they will see. Mom will tell her she has to be a Jedi. Never know emotions or love or anything like a normal life. She deserves to decide that for herself. Unlike me, who was told that from birth. I'll never be allowed to fall in love or have a family of my own. They tell me I'm wrong to get angry or sad. I don't want them to do that to her. Make her a project."

<I've never seen any good come from that. Now that you are grown I can say that to you.>

They are almost there. Ben is nervous. He's not looking forward to seeing Luke at all. 

"I'll miss you Uncle Chewie."

____________________________

Ben walks down the ramp, seeing his Uncle awaiting him. Luke is standing, feet apart, hands clasped together. It's been years since they've seen each other. 

Ben is shocked at how disheveled his Uncle looks. His hair is grey, long scraggly beard. Of course he's in the Jedi robes, his saber strapped to his side. He is serious. He's always serious, as far as Ben can remember. Ben also remembers being quite intimidated by Luke. His uncle is a legend. Ben is just a nobody, he thinks. An offspring of legends but nothing in his own right to claim. His parents and uncle had defeated the evil Vader. He's done nothing admirable in his life. 

He approaches Luke tentatively, still feeling like that kid, scared of his uncle. He's quite surprised though that he now towers over this legend. Looking down, he starts to crack a joke about this fact.

"Come with me, Ben", Luke says and turns and walks away. 

Ben looks at his uncle and sighs. Typical. He's mad. No jokes to be told here, Ben thinks. 

"Hello, uncle…." Ben stammers. 

Luke turns, serious as ever, looking up at Ben. 

"Master….not Uncle. We must not let the other padawans feel I'm catering to you."

Luke puts his back to Ben and walks away, leaving Ben standing there, mouth agape. 

_ The fuck _ ? Ben thinks.  _ I can't even call him uncle? _

Luke stops again but doesn't turn. 

"Jedi don't use such language, Ben. Not even internally. You need to learn to control your thoughts better."

He walks on, leaving Ben behind. Literally and figuratively. 

Ben just stands there, angry and confused. 

"Come on, Ben. I don't have all day. I will show you where you will be sleeping."

Ben follows, not sure he has much choice. 

Luke takes him to a hut. Ben has to duck to walk inside. He spots a cot, one dresser and a small fireplace. There's a desk and one chair. That's it. A huge change from the spacious bedroom with a bed made for two and a private 'fresher. There isn't even electricity. 

Luke has come in behind him. Ben does not turn around. 

"Usually a new padawan would stay in the bunks but you are much older so I've provided your own hut. This will be the only time you get special treatment. I'll get one of the students to show you around. The evening meal is in two hours. You will have kitchen duty every three days, starting today. Unpack. I'll see you in the dining hall in two hours. You will sit with the other students, not with me. I sit with the students who are almost finished training. I expect no less than exemplary behavior from you."

And with that, he leaves. 

Ben turns and looks at the empty doorway but can see Luke in the distance, hugging Chewie and smiling. Smiling. At Chewie. Ben didn't get a smile in spite of the fact that he hasn't seen him in years. 

He slams the door with the force. 

_____________________________

A short time later, there's a knock on his door. He opens it, not leaving the cot that he's been sitting on, sulking. 

A young man, a few years younger than Ben, stands there. 

"Hi, I'm here to show you around. My name is Tai. You're Ben Solo? As in, Han Solo?"

Ben rolls his eyes.  _ Here we go _ , he thinks.

"Show me around," Ben replies, standing and walking outside. Ben doesn't acknowledge Tai's question. 

Tai takes the cue not to ask again, wondering why Ben is in a bad mood. Most of the new students are excited, realizing what an honor it is to study under  _ the _ Luke Skywalker. 

Tai and Ben walk together. Ben doesn't pay much attention to Tai's instructions. 

"....morning meditation starts after sunrise so rise and dress quickly, Master Luke doesn't approve of tardiness. Then we eat morning meal. After that we study….."

Ben just nods, looking around for Unc... _ Master _ Luke. He doesn't see him. 

"....nightly bonfires start soon because the nights are getting cooler…. someone usually sneaks alcohol…."

"Wait, drinking is allowed?" Ben asks, intrigued. That got his attention. 

"No, it isn't but somehow it shows up." Tai responds, smiling. 

"What about...coupling? Is that allowed?" 

Tai smiles even more. "Nope but you know how rules are, meant to be broken. Why? You looking to hook up?"

Ben stammers. He's not even had his first kiss. He won't admit that to Tai though. It's embarrassing. 

"Umm… no….not really" 

"You got a girlfriend?" Tai asks. 

"No no no. I mean, not that I couldn't find one. I just haven't seen anyone I wanted."

"Voe is about your age. She's pretty."

"Oh. Well. Maybe." Ben says, wishing now he hadn't asked. 

Later that night, after the meal, Ben watched as the older students drank and flirted. As usual, he kept to himself, in spite of the sideways glances and whispers amongst everyone about the son of Han Solo and Leia Organa. He sensed they were  _ very  _ curious about his lineage and why he was just now joining the academy. 

He feels like he's under a microscope. 

He fidgets and eventually goes back to his hut.

He pens a letter to Rey. He's so worried about her. He'll ask someone to send it to her tomorrow. 

He soon falls asleep and there, in his slumber….awaits the voice. 

  
  



	8. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our poor space babies are trying to adjust to life's changes....

Rey tumbles in her sleep, clutching her pilot doll to her chest. The nightmares have returned. She cries out. 

"Ben!"

Leia immediately bolts down the hall, having left her door ajar, knowing this might happen. She pulls the child to her but can't seem to calm her. 

"Han!" She calls out. 

"Han!"

Han appears, half asleep but aware of poor Rey's panic. 

"Give her to me. I did this with Ben, remember?"

Han scoops her up and leaves the room with her. Rey is still thrashing but he holds onto her tightly. He goes to Ben's bed, hoping it will calm her. 

"Rey… Rey….it's okay" he whispers. "Ben isn't here but it's okay….wake up…"

Rey opens her eyes to a face that resembles her Ben. His voice has that same baritone. 

"Ben?" she asks, confused. 

Han's smile is also so much like his son's. 

"No, hun. It's me, Han. I'm sorry it's not Ben."

She burrows her head into his chest. It's not Ben but it's close enough. 

"Han….thank you for waking me."

Han sighs, recalling so many nights when he'd hold a screaming ebony-haired boy. He knows he's never been a great father but he became an expert on calming the nightmares of his son. Until the young boy became an older boy and had informed him he was too old to be held. He was about this age, too. But he sensed no hesitation from this young girl. 

Maybe girls were different. Even his wife, who had been nineteen when they met, seemed comfortable with being held by him when afraid. 

Han knew he had charm with the opposite sex. He'd always been a sucker for them. He guessed maybe even the youngest of them. 

This girl had wiggled her way into the heart of the Organa-Solo clan. 

He held her until she became heavy in his arms, then laid her down. 

He looked up then to see the eyes of his wife, looking rather beautiful in the moonlight coming through the window. He smiled. 

"She's getting to you, Han Solo."

He looked down at the young girl and covered her, positioning her pilot doll under her chin. 

"Yeah, she's something alright. You look so pretty standing there, Princess."

Leia is surprised at her husband's kind words. She blushes for the first time in years. 

"You think she might be okay in here? Maybe she should just sleep here now?" Han asks, looking down at Rey, concerned. 

Leia reaches down, smoothing Rey's hair back. 

"I have a set of comms. We can leave one to an open channel so we can hear her if she needs us." Leia whispers. 

Han looks confused. "We'll just leave our door open, like earlier."

Leia walks up to Han, lifting his shirt to feel his bare skin with her hands. Something about seeing him take care of sweet Rey had reminded her of how much she loved this scoundrel. 

"I think we better close our door, don't you?"

He flashes that crooked grin that melted her years ago. 

"Well hello there, my princess girl."

Leia silently takes his hand and leads him back to their room. 

Rey smiles, closing the eye she'd been peeking from and wallowing herself into Ben's blanket. It still has his smell. 

She slept peacefully through the rest of the night. 

______________________________

Ben hates it here. 

He feels so odd, so _different_ than the others. 

_Because you are different, my boy….._

"Go away" Ben mumbles.

_Ah, come on…. I'm your friend….your only friend…._

"My only friend _here,_ " Ben says out loud. 

_And who is this other friend? I must know...don't keep secrets from me, boy._

Ben shoves the voice away, throwing up his walls. They'd come tumbling down when his negative emotions rose up. 

He wouldn't let the voice know about Rey. He'd protect her at all costs. 

He is humiliated to realize his only friend is a nine year old. 

No, ten year old. Han and Leia and himself had settled on an assigned birthday for Rey, before he left. He's now missed it, which plaques him. He'd promised her he'd celebrate with her. He hopes she had a good day. He hopes his parents had done more for her than they had for him on his childhood birthdays. 

He wasn't even jealous at the thought. Just happy for her. She deserved it. 

He hopes she doesn't feel as alone as he does right now. 

He was so much older than the new padawans, so that was uncomfortable. Yet, the ones who were his age were fully Jedi, either having become Masters already or preparing to leave the academy soon. 

Even hopes of finding a girlfriend were dashed. The women his age were committed to being Jedi, not wanting to turn their backs on their paths to pursue any type of relationship. 

The women here were much too dedicated to give it all up for thoughts of love. Or even sex. 

Not that Ben was overly hormonal. Just typical feelings that trotted through his young mind. 

None of the young women here were particularly attractive to him anyways. 

The younger boys were certainly in awe of him, of _what_ he was. Not _who_ he was. He wasn't interested in being worshipped. 

The young men his age steered away from him for some strange reason. Except Tai. 

Tai was a strange one but friendly. Ben had pushed him away, not really knowing why. He just didn't trust anyone. 

Nevertheless, here he sat, feeling sorry for himself for no one liking him. Perhaps he'd be friendlier to Tai. He seemed like a nice enough guy. 

Luke, well, he was another matter. Ben didn't know why he was hoping for a true relationship with the old man. One thing that comforted him though was that Luke wasn't friendly with anyone, not just Ben.

The old Jedi took his job _way_ too seriously. 

Things were very stridget at the Academy and boring as fuck, Ben thought. 

The same old things everyday. Wake, clean, eat, meditate, train (well that was kinda fun), eat, clean, meditate, eat, clean, sleep. 

Day after day. 

Training wasn't too bad but it was with fake sabers. Only the older students had real sabers. 

The students who were the _same fucking age_ as Ben. 

Oh and the best part (sarcasm implied) was that, because Ben was 6'2 and way bigger than the other padawans but with _no_ lightsaber, the older students were forced to use fake sabers to spar with him. 

No, not humiliating at _all_ , Ben thought. 

Fortunately, Tai and Voe, the young lady that Tai had mentioned, were friendly about it. The others bitched while they "fake" sparred with him. 

"If you had come when you were younger, like we all said you should, you wouldn't have this problem, Ben. You'd have a saber by now."

That was _Master_ Luke's response when Ben complained. 

So here he sat, watching the older students spar with real lightsabers of various colors, waiting for either Tai or Voe to show up. The students side-eyeing him, hoping they weren't called on to spar with Ben Solo. 

Ben smirked. One reason they didn't want to was because Ben always beat their asses at it. His sheer strength and size outweighed them. 

He supposed that didn't win him any popularity contests but he didn't give a fuck. 

He knew he was good. He knew he was better than them. Humility wasn't his strong suit. 

_You deserve a saber, my boy….you are so much better than they are…._

"I am," Ben said, agreeing with the voice. 

______________________________

Rey pushed her food around with her fork, trying to tune out the argument. 

"I don't understand why he can't go get his kyber crystal yet," Han says, again. 

"Because he's not ready Han! I keep telling you that! We have to trust Luke. He's been doing this for years." Leia explains, again. 

"He's not a kid, Leia. He's a grown man!"

Han nearly hollers, stopping himself with a glance at Rey. He takes a deep breath. He knows how upset Ben used to get and he's truly trying harder. "Leia," he says calmly, "that's got to count for something. His age."

"Luke says not yet. I can't do anything about it." Leia responds, standing. 

"You agree, don't you Rey?" Han asks her. 

"Don't ask a child about adult issues Han!"

Rey sighs. 

"Can I go now? I'd like to write to Ben." Rey asks, tired of this arguing. 

She does agree with Han, but she dare not say it. 

Poor Ben, she thinks. He sounds miserable from what they say of him. His letters to Rey were always positive but she knows Ben. He fakes it for her. 

"Yes, Rey. You may go." Han says. 

"The child hasn't finished her plate, Han!" Leia hollers, frustrated. 

"It's okay Leia. I ate earlier. I'm going to bathe and then write Ben. Good night."

_Dear Ben,_

_I'm sorry you can't make a saber yet. I think yours will be green. I love green. Hopefully you will soon. Yes, I'm still getting good grades in my studies. I will start school next week. I'm worried. I wish you were here._

_Maybe we can come see you soon. I miss you._

_From Rey._

Rey folds it and draws funny faces on the envelope. Ben will like that, she thinks with a smile. 

Afterwards she reaches for her pilot doll. She had named him Ben months ago but no one knew. She pulls out her permanent markers, reaching for black. Soon the pilot's helmet had been transformed into a head covered in black hair. She reaches for her green marker, drawing a long green line coming from his hand. 

At least doll Ben had a lightsaber. 


	9. Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey starts school and makes a friend. Meanwhile, Ben struggles.
> 
> (I had to make a correction. In the last chapter, Rey's letter says she had started school. I changed that because I wanted to write her starting school)

Rey starts school today. 

She's excited. And scared. 

"You ready?" Han asks. He has been home now for several weeks. A new record. Leia and him had discussed it, realizing the impact that his absence has had on their son. He can't do anything about the past but he will try to do better in the future. Rey is a sweet young child who is quite fun to be around. He enjoys it. 

"Ugh...do I have to wear this?" Rey fidgets, pulling at her skirt, trying to cover her legs. 

"All the girls have to wear it, Rey. I've told you," Leia says. "You look adorable."

"I don't want to look  _ adorable _ . I want to look like me!" Rey protests. 

"Well, come on. Don't wanna be late your first day, do ya?" Han says, grabbing her hand and pulling her out of the chair. 

"Are you sure I'm ready?" Rey asks. 

"Yes, your reading skills are on par and you've excelled past the math skills for your grade. You're very smart, Rey. You'll do well." Leia tells her, checking her braid one last time. She hugs her. 

"Try to have some fun. I told you about the mechanical engineering class? You'll like that." 

Rey pouts.

"I don't need a  _ class _ , Han can teach me about mechanics. He probably knows more than the teacher."

Han grins in agreement. "The kid is smart."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go show them your stuff anyways. Make some friends!" Leia encourages her. 

Rey reaches for Han's hand, grabbing on and gripping tight. Han looks at Leia in surprise. Ben hasn't tried to hold his hand since he was three. Han is still getting used to having a daughter. It's much different. 

__________________________________

"Students, this is your newest classmate, Rey Organa. Today is her first day. Please make her feel welcome."

Rey had immediately liked her teacher, Miss Daisy. She is a friendly lady in her first year of teaching. 

The kids, however, Rey wasn't sure of. They eye her suspiciously, wondering what to make of her. 

Rey walks to the back of the room, sitting next to a blonde girl with pretty blue eyes. 

"Hi, I'm Kaydel Connix. But you can call me Kay."

Rey blinks, unsure of what to say. She's never even known a girl her own age.

"Hi. You can call me Rey."

"Where are you from, Rey?" Kay asks innocently. But Rey is immediately suspicious. 

It was the question she'd dreaded the most. And right out the gate, there it is. 

Leia had taught her the art of fabrication. Twisting the truth just a bit without full-out lying. Leia had prepared her. 

"I'm from Niima"

"Niima? Never heard of it."

"It's a planet a long ways from here."

"Oh. Well, that's cool. You can sit next to me everyday. I like your freckles."

Rey smiles. Maybe this won't be so bad, after all. 

"I like your hair, Kay."

Class was interesting to Rey. She'd never been in school and she hung onto Miss Daisy's every word, taking meticulous notes and absorbing everything. She noticed the other kids yawning and it bothered her. 

These kids had no idea how lucky they were. Not every child in the galaxy had access to learning like this. 

She thinks perhaps Miss Daisy is a genius. She knows  _ everything. _ She's so smart and pretty and kind. 

And then there's lunchtime. How amazing! You just get in line and get a tray and you can ask for anything they have! There's vegetables and fruits and cheeses and breads! Rey asks for two oranges and a bowl of cucumbers and….Look! There's even strawberries! Rey's favorite. Kay laughs at Rey for being so excited. 

"Rey, it's like you've never seen food before. Do they not have food on Niima?"

Rey immediately shuts down, ashamed of her behavior. Kaydel must not find out that Rey was a slave, forced to work for fake food that didn't even nourish her body. 

She eats slowly, even though she'd rather eat faster, enjoying it. She's shocked and angry at how the kids waste their food. They are throwing away whole apples! 

Kay nudges her.

"Hey, do you want my other pickle?" 

Rey hesitates. "Um, I've never had one."

"You've never had a  _ pickle _ ? Oh wow, you are missing out. Here, try it."

Rey looks at it. It has a strong smell. It sort of looks like a cucumber but different. She licks it and makes a face. 

Kaydel laughs. "It's sour, isn't it? Bite it!"

Rey opens her mouth and bites. It's crunchy! 

"Oh wow," she says, chomping on it, "this is good!"

Kay smiles, proud of herself for introducing her friend to something new. 

"I love pickles. I have too much food though so you can have that one."

Rey  _ loves _ pickles. This is a good day. 

__________________________________

Ben hates meditation.

_ Hates it. _

He is in morning meditation and is trying not to think about, well, everything. 

He tries again….

_ There is no emotion, there is peace. _

_ There is no ignorance, there is knowledge. _

_ There is no passion…… _

He's hungry. 

_ Shit. _

Oh yeah, not supposed to curse anymore. 

He peeks open one eye long enough to see everyone else deep in meditation. 

He closes his eyes and sighs.

Luke's watching him. He knows it. He feels it. Peeks one eye open….

Yep.

_ Shi….no…..stop….don't curse…. _

What's  _ wrong _ with him anyways??

_ There is no emotion, there is peace. _

_ There is no ignorance, there is knowledge. _

_ There is no passion…... _

Wonder if Rey started school yet?

He hopes she makes friends. He knows she's really smart. Mom had enrolled her in engineering classes because she loves working on machines. 

"I think if we bypass the oscillator and hook it up to the main core...it might work"

Ben does like she suggests and the mainframe lights up. 

"Well I'll be damned, kid" Ben looks at her with a grin.

They are huddled into a compartment in the Falcon. Ben hates working on the Falcon but Rey begged him. So here they are. 

"How'd you know that?" Ben asks, grabbing her by the waist and hoisting her upwards through the crawlspace. He pulls himself up and stands.

"Had a mainframe on Jakku that Plutt made me repair. It was either figure it out or starve." Rey says, matter of factly, walking away from him. 

Ben pauses, holding his breath. His anger bubbles up and he starts sweating. Rey freezes, turning quickly to Ben. She wraps her arms around his waist. 

"It's okay Ben, I'm okay. Breathe."

He bends over, kissing the top of her head. 

"I'm so sorry, squirt. I wish I had gotten there sooner."

She grabs his hand, pulling him.

"C'mon Ben, I'm hungry….."

Ben smiles, missing his friend. He hears Luke clear his throat and opens his eyes. 

Ugh, he's staring at him. 

_ He's irritating. Meditation isn't that big of a deal. You either can tap into the force or you can't. It's not hard.  _

Ben finds himself agreeing with the voice more and more. 

Soon meditation is over and it's lunch time. Ben wanders alone into the mess hall and grabs his meal, sitting alone. Soon his new friends, Tai and Voe sit with him. 

"So," Voe says, "you really suck at meditation." 

Ben smiles a bit. "Yeah, I do."

"Us too but don't tell anyone," says Tai.

"Do you ever think it's pointless?" asks Voe. 

"I think you either feel the force or you don't. If you are sensitive to it, then it comes easy. You just have to center in on it," Ben explains. "Get the other shit out of the way. But meditation on the Jedi beliefs, I can't get into it. It doesn't make sense to me."

"What part?" Tai asks, intrigued. 

"I guess the 'no emotions, no passion, no chaos'. I mean, that's impossible. How do we not have emotions? We are supposed to make the galaxy better. It's hard to not get emotional or passionate about that. Chaos is part of life. I think the whole mantra is bullshit."

Luke watches Ben from afar. He's quite adept at lip reading. He frowns. 

Tai contemplates what Ben is saying.

"I've always wondered why good emotions are seen as bad. Like, joy, amusement and happiness. Why can't we have joy?"

Ben nods. "Yes, I agree. We can have that but we must learn to govern it. Not be ruled by it."

"You know," Voe says, "you are pretty smart Ben Solo. I don't understand why you can't move up to our level yet. I think you are ready."

Ben smirks. "Well, it's not up to me."

"I think Master Luke should consider it."

Tai nods in agreement. 

"Unc...I mean Master...hell, I'll just call him Luke….Luke and my mom see me as the black sheep. I guess this is my chance to prove to them I'm worthy. Honestly, I don't give a shit. I didn't even want to come here."

With that, Ben stands and leaves. 

Luke watches and shakes his head. 

  
  
  
  



	10. Chapter Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tension grows between Ben and Luke...
> 
> Rey is happy at school but misses Ben...
> 
> Leia reflects.....

Ben is in his "special treatment" hut when he hears a knock on the door. 

"Ummm….come in?" he says, wondering who the hell it could be this late. 

Luke. 

Well, shit. 

"We need to talk, Ben," Luke says seriously. Then again, Luke says everything seriously. 

Ben gestures to the chair. 

"What can I help you with _Master_ Luke?" Ben says with no small amount of hostility. He couldn't even hide his anger about not being allowed to say uncle. 

"Ben, I explained about that….it just wouldn't look right"

Ben nodded. "And keeping up appearances is the number one priority"

Luke sighs. He didn't come here for this. 

"Anyways, I seem to understand that you disagree with the Jedi Codes? Do I have that correct?"

Ben immediately feels betrayed by his new friends. 

_Typical. Everyone's against you, again. Luke won't acknowledge you and now your 'friends' run and tattle on you…._

Ben doesn't argue with the voice. It is right. 

Luke's eyes went a bit wide as a small gasp left his mouth. Then he seemed to center himself.

Ben's eyes narrowed. "And who exactly told you that?"

"I saw it come from your mouth in the mess hall."

Ben breathed a small sigh of relief but narrowed his eyes again. 

"Spying huh? Not a very Jedi thing to do, _Master_."

Luke seems to acknowledge that. "True but when a student is projecting so loudly, it's hard to ignore." Luke shifts, obviously uncomfortable. "Look, you were forced to come here so it's obvious you weren't exactly keen on embracing the concept of the Jedi….."

"You think I don't want to be a Jedi? Just because I don't agree 1000% with all of it? So we can't question _anything_ ? Like some fucking _cult_?" Ben says, getting a bit louder by the end of his questions. 

Luke stands, refusing to have this conversation. 

"I'm not arguing with you, nephew…."

Ben jumps up. 

"NEPHEW? So you can call me nephew but I can't call you Uncle? They _know_ you're my uncle! It's not like it's a secret!"

Luke points at him. 

"I came to tell you that your punishment for causing division is that you are spending the day in the library, copying the texts. Maybe delving into that will help you see the truth. Don't talk to the other students about what _you_ do and don't believe! I've worked too hard for you to come here causing confusion!"

Ben is shaking, trying not to cry. 

_He hates you. He's jealous of you._

"Yes, _Uncle_. You finished?"

Luke shakes his head, pulls his hood up and leaves.

______________________________

Rey beebops into the front door, tossing her bag on the sofa and running to the fridge. 

Leia watches from her desk like always, looking over the top of her reading glasses. 

"Good day?"

"Yes! Miss Daisy is SO amazing. She let me use her own microscope and I played with it for hours and then we had chocolate cake with lunch and then Kay invited me over to her house and then Mr. Johnson let me work on the Xwing engine he keeps in the classroom and NO ONE gets to touch it but he let me……"

Leia smiles widely as Rey finally stops to breathe, chomping down on a pickle. 

This literal ray of light had bounded into her home and then into her heart. Leia misses Ben so terribly bad, in spite of his vicious temper. Rey helps her so much, the child doesn't even realize it. 

Leia has observed how Rey has struggled over the last 8 months, becoming accustomed to a normal life. Unfortunately, her and Han had not yet been able to adopt the girl. They had been able to give her a surname, though. Rey had chosen Organa. Leia knew it hurt Han but it was Rey's choice. 

Besides, Rey had bonded so well with Han, her love of mechanical work right up Han's alley. They spend hours on non-school days clamoring through the Falcon and Leia's personal ship, repairing and remodeling and readjusting and tapering with everything in them. 

It is good for Rey, Leia thinks, for the girl had hurt terribly after Ben left. Leia constantly struggled with the choice they had made for their son. But she knows he is in a good place and will return a better man. 

"Did I get anything from Ben?" Rey asks, right on cue. 

Everyday is the same. Run in from school, eat, ask about Ben, homework then dinnertime. 

"No sweetie," Leia responds, again. 

Rey swings her legs, looking pitifully at her knees. 

"I don't understand why he hasn't at least written. He promised me." 

"It takes a lot of work to become a Jedi, Rey. He's probably very busy."

"Yeah, I know," says Rey, standing to mope to her room. Like yesterday and the day before that and the day before that. 

Leia sighs, also sad from not having heard from her boy. She makes a decision to holovid her brother tonight. She needs to hear how Ben is doing. 

Rey comes back with three envelopes and a holovid in her hands. 

"Will you send these to Ben for me? Please, Leia?" the young girl asks, looking forlorn. 

Leia pushes a stray hair behind Rey's ear.

"I sure will, go do your homework, okay?"

As soon as the girl leaves, Leia packages up the letters and holovid for Ben. She writes him a short note, inquiring about his health and well being and letting him know they all miss him. 

It's something she hasn't done enough. Mothered her son. 

The galaxy has needed her too much, she realizes. She contemplates all that she's done, all the time she's spent away from home, away from Ben and she sighs. 

Leia sets her head down on her arms and dwells on the many mistakes she's made with her child.

Why she's just now realizing it, she's not exactly sure but deep down, she knows. 

That child in the room down the hall has been a mirror. 

Not just Rey though. Rey's old home did it too. 

Leia has sunk everything into work on Jakku. After seeing the damage done to Rey and then returning to Jakku months ago, she knew what she needed to do. 

There were _hundreds_ of them. Everywhere. Children slaving, starving, dying. Not just one Plutt but _dozens_ of Plutt's. Slave drivers with literally no souls. 

Not to mention the sex trade industry.

Seeing those young women, huddled together in tents, sleeping on the bare sand. Just waiting for the next customer to take them, use them. 

In a way, Leia can relate. 

She was taken herself at 19 and made a slave to Jabba the Hut, chained to him, dressed in barely nothing. Made a spectacle of. She smirks as she remembers the utter elation at killing her captor. 

These women deserve the same elation and while, as a senator of course she can't allow murder, she can sure as hell see justice brought down. 

A huge revitalization is occuring in Jakku at this very moment. No more Rey's. No more scavenging. No more starvation. 

Leia has made sure of that. 

And the whole thing started thanks to her boy, Benjamin Skywalker Organa Solo. 

Maybe she's made a mistake sending Ben to Luke. Maybe she should've allowed him to go to Jakku to help. Ben wanted to go and Leia had said no, fearing that her son would just kill all of the slave owners and be done with it. 

That was one of the points of contention between them in the three months after Rey was rescued by Ben. 

"Mother, I need to go back," Ben had said to her. 

"Son, no. You almost force choked Plutt. You clearly cannot control your anger."

Ben stands, slamming his fists on the table.

"I DID WHAT I HAD TO DO!"

Leia is beyond unfazed by Ben's tempers. She's fairly sure he threw tantrums even while in the womb. She doesn't even turn around from fixing her caf. 

"I know that, honey. I'm not angry about that. But how would you handle seeing _hundreds_ of Rey's? Dozens of Plutt's? We both know you can force choke several people at once. Your powers are strong enough. You simply do not have enough control on your temper and you would have to in order to be of any help."

Ben paces. "I cannot believe this. You yourself have said 'son, find a purpose'. Well dammit, I did!!"

Ben pauses and laughs. "You know Mom, you're a hypocrite."

Leia turns and looks at her only child, several inches taller than her now. 

"What did you call me?"

Ben looks his mother dead in the eye.

"A hypocrite! You killed Hutt! You were held prisoner by him in some elaborate costume...that thank kriff there's no photos of for my sanity's sake...and were chained to him! But you killed him! What's the difference in that? Huh? You judge me for something _I didn't even do_ when you yourself did it!"

Leia slams her hand down this time.

"That was WAR, son!! I was trying to SURVIVE!!"

Ben points towards Rey's room.

"WELL SO WAS SHE MOM!! I deserve a chance at this!!"

"I'm sorry son. If you had completed your Jedi training and were more in tune with the force, you could go."

Ben picks up a plate and throws it, shattering it against the cabinet. Leia flinches. 

"IF I HAD WENT TO BECOME A FUCKING JEDI, REY WOULD STILL BE STUCK ON JAKKU!! YOU AND DAD WOULDN'T HAVE SAVED HER!!"

Now Leia is shaking. She's so glad that Han and Rey are gone to buy parts for her ship. This would scare the child and Han would explode. 

"Son, I need you to leave and don't come back until you calm down."

He was gone for a week. Leia still doesn't know where he went off to for so long. 

No, he's where he needs to be, she thinks to herself. She just needs to make more of an effort to make contact and stay in touch with him while he's there. 

An idea floats through her head. 

She grabs her datapad and orders the nicest calligraphy set on the holonet and has it shipped to him. 

That will help him, she thinks with a small smile, picturing him opening it and grinning that grin that is so much like her Han's grin. 

The memory of that grin warms her heart and she goes to check on her Rey. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I did a thing. 
> 
> As a 43 year fan of Star Wars, I grew up like all the 80s little girls, idolizing Princess Leia and crushing on Han Solo.
> 
> And here I am, 43 years old crushing on Ben Solo. 
> 
> Anyways, I HATED how Leia and Han were turned into bad parents.
> 
> So enter the world of Fanfiction where writers can just change shit and go on an all out war against canon.
> 
> So, fuck it. I'm making Leia and Han better parents and better to each other.
> 
> As you've already read, Leia and Han have had a little flirting time. As I wish they had had in canon. 
> 
> Enter Rey of Sunshine and a second chance to be better parents. 
> 
> Oh and, Han's alive cause SCREW YOU J.J. for killing off my Boo. 
> 
> Both of my Boo Solo Men. 
> 
> Leia will try harder to be a better mother and Han will take good care of Ben's Rey.
> 
> Say it with me my Reylos....
> 
> FUCK CANON.


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke and Ben "talk"......
> 
> Rey opens up some to her friend....

Luke receives the package from his sister. He puts it away for later. Ben didn't need to see it right away. Luke believes Ben needs some solitude from his parents and whoever this young girl is. Apparently his sister has taken in an orphan from Jakku. Luke believes perhaps Ben formed an unhealthy attachment to the child. 

Maybe after he'd gotten a better understanding of the force, Luke would give the package to him. 

Ben grumbles to himself as he works in the library. Luke doesn't even realize or care that Ben knows the Jedi texts backwards and forwards. He's studied them since he was a young child. 

He doesn't  _ need  _ a better understanding. He understands them completely. He just understands them  _ differently.  _

He is tired of copying so he flips to a blank page and pens a letter to Rey. 

He has snuck his calligraphy set with him today so he draws a birthday greeting to her, knowing it's the best he can do. 

"Happy Birthday Rey. Hope your day was great. Hugs from Ben."

_ Hey kid, _

_ Sorry I couldn't be there. Thinking of you though. I hope your first birthday was good. You deserve it. Eat some cake for me. I miss you.  _

_ Ben _

It was all he could think to say. He had not received anything from home, which didn't surprise him about his parents. But nothing from Rey? That struck him as strange. 

He can't help but suspect that someone was keeping something from him. He feels it. 

_ I told you, they don't care. Now who is this person you are keeping from  _ **_me_ ** _? I know you are hiding someone.  _

"Go away, I don't have to tell you everything," Ben whispers. 

_ Yes you DO boy. No secrets!! I will find out. You know I will.  _

Ben has kept the voice from seeking Rey out. There's no way he'll reveal it. 

It's the only time he's angry at the voice. When it asks about Rey. 

She's too special, too precious. It won't touch her. He won't let it. 

He wonders how well she's hidden her force sensitivity from Leia.

**_______________________________**

Rey is enjoying school for the most part. 

Kay is a good friend. Rey had not tried to make any other friends. She wasn't used to a crowd so one friend was more than enough. 

Kay didn't seem to have many friends. Rey wondered why. She is a sweet person, quiet and giving. 

One day they are outside on the school lawn. The younger children climbed on the playground but Kay didn't seem to be interested in that, so they sat and chatted. 

Rey pulls out her notebook, the one she usually leaves at home. The one she writes her deepest thoughts in. The night before, she was on the balcony. The very balcony that she'd last seen Ben on. She was supposed to be doing her homework but she had fetched her precious notebook to fill it with her thoughts of the stars and the moon and the person on her heart. 

Han wandered outside and came to see how her studies were progressing. Rey quickly closed her notebook, slipping it into her satchel. 

She had forgotten to return it to her hiding spot, under a stack of blankets in her closet. 

Rey pulls out her beloved notebook, searching for another item buried at the bottom of her satchel. Kay is immediately drawn to the sparkles on the cover. The ones that Rey had painstakingly glued on in an intricate pattern. 

"What's this? Oh it's so pretty!!"

Kay went to reach, just to touch and Rey possessively snatched it away. 

"I didn't mean to bring it! I forgot to hide it!!"

Kay looks injured, removing her hand from mid-air. 

"I'm sorry Rey, don't be angry, I just like the sparkles," Kay says, wetness forming in the corners of her eyes. Rey had learned that Kay was very tender hearted. She loved that about her friend. 

Rey feels badly. She wasn't angry at Kay. She was just very secretive about what the notebook holds. 

"I'm sorry Kay. I should not have hollered. It's just….a secret."

"You can tell me….."

Rey is carrying a burden. She is hurting inside. Her Ben had not written her in six whole months, after promising her he would. 

She sighs. She knows her love for Ben must remain a secret but she's willing to share her writings. 

She flips to what she wrote last night and reads it aloud. 

"I watched the stars collapse. 

The moons collide.

I watched the seas shift against their own tide.

The day you left, what was natural changed course. 

What had been, became what could be.

My heart changed its rhythm.

My mind saw new light. 

That's what occurred, the day you left me"

She closed her notebook, looking down, embarrassed. 

Kay gasped. "Oh Rey! That's beautiful! You wrote that? It's so sad! Did you have a boyfriend?"

Rey sat, still looking at the pattern that formed a flower on the cover. 

"No, he wasn't my boyfriend. Just a friend."

"This was on Nimaa?"

Rey remembered her lie and felt guilty. But she couldn't tell the truth about Ben Solo, son of a senator, nine years her senior. 

So she just nodded. 

Kay placed her hands on Rey's. "I'm sorry. Maybe you'll see him again one day when you get older. You can go back to Nimaa."

After that day, Rey always brought her notebook to school and read to Kaydel what she had been writing. Sometimes it was poems about Ben (still a secret though), sometimes poems about other things. Sometimes it was stories Han had told or jokes he had thrown at her, to make her smile. Sometimes it was stories she had written about a lost child on a desert planet. 

Kay was a great listener. She loved all of it. She was a good friend. 

Then one day, there was a ruckus on the playground that caught their attention. They both stood to watch as two boys fought. 

"Boys are stupid," Rey said about the whole ordeal. 

"Yeah but they are cute," Kay said, blushing. 

They sat and Rey looked around. 

"Where's my notebook?" She asked Kay.

Kay looked too, standing to see if she had sat on it. 

"I don't know, Rey. It was right here."

Just then, they both caught a sparkle from the corner of their eyes.

Not far away sat a group of girls. Older girls. Mean girls. The kind that Rey and Kay had steered clear of. 

They had it. 

An echo of mocking laughter floated from the group of thieves as they flipped through her most sacred of words. The ringleader looked up, smiling. 

"Rey has a  _ crush _ . Too bad no one would want a freckle faced desert rat."

" _ Give it to me.  _ **_Now._ ** _ "  _ Rey says through clenched teeth. 

The bigger girl stands. "Or what?"

Rey smiles. "Oh you do not want to fuck with me….."

"You little shit…."

The girl launches herself at Rey. It was a mistake. 

Rey swings her leg straight up, spinning in a circle. Her foot makes contact on the girl's face, breaking her nose. Blood flew everywhere and the larger girl hit the ground. 

Rey walks over to the other girls and one of them hands her the notebook. 

"Thank you," Rey says and walks past a screaming girl on the ground. 

"Damn," Kaydel whispers to herself.

**____________________________**

Leia rubs her forehead.

They are in the principal's office.

"Rey will be suspended for a week. She can complete her schoolwork at home." says Mr. Abrams. 

"And what of the  _ much larger girl _ who tried to attack her??" asks Han. 

"She will be held accountable also." the principal says.

"She better be punished just as severely. Rey is small for her age and had  _ every right _ to try to take her stolen property back!! The girl came  _ at her _ ! Rey was outsized and outnumbered! What kind of message are you sending? That any kid who defends themselves will be suspended??" Han yells.

"We have policies. Don't tell me how to do my job."

"Well then don't punish my daughter for defending herself!"

Rey gasps. Han has never referred to her as his daughter. No one has. 

That made it worth it all.

"It's okay Han." Rey whispers. 

Han stands, pointing a finger at Mr. Abrams. "She deserves a better chance at a future and you've  _ no idea _ what she's been through. This better  _ not _ be on her record. If it is, I'll be back. C'mon kid."

Han leaves and Rey follows. Leia stands and nods at the principal, then turns and walks out behind her husband and daughter. 

They arrive home and Rey retreats to her room, pulling her Ben doll out from under her pillow. 

"Where are you Ben? I need you…." she cries, grasping her doll. 

She feels a hand on her head, smoothing her hair back. 

"Shhh…. everything will be okay. Ben will come home. He won't forget you…" Leia whispers. 

"Everyone leaves me…" Rey sobs. 

"We won't. No one else is leaving you."

Rey rolls over, shoving her doll under her pillow. 

"Han called me his daughter," she says with a sniff and a small smile. 

"He did. He meant it too. I'm sorry that those girls bullied you. It won't happen again. But maybe don't break their nose if it does?" Leia says with a smile. 

Rey nods, smiling wider. 

"So, this notebook. You got it back?"

Rey nods. 

"Good. Your doll looks different. May I see it?" 

"Ummm….." Rey hesitates. 

"I'd like to see it." Leia asks, her hand extended.

Rey reaches and pulls it out, handing it to her. 

Leia sees it and breathes in sharply. She turns it in her hand. 

"A green saber, huh? He'd like that." she says. 

"Yes he would," Rey says with a giggle.

  
  
  



	12. Chapter Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey reflects....

Ben has never felt so utterly alone. 

He hasn't heard from his parents or Rey in months. The other students at the academy shy away from him, for various reasons. Tai and Voe included. He's not sure if they are uncomfortable with him or if they've been instructed to stay away. 

And Luke is ever increasingly Luke. 

Ben is sparring with Tai, once again having to use a fake saber.

Beyond humiliating considering that Tai actually has a saber. 

Luke watches him consistently, correcting his forms and stances. 

"C'mon Ben! We talked about this! You have to  _ flow _ with the force, not just attack! You need to do some meditation. Go work on that. You aren't swinging some stick. It's your life force in the saber!"

Ben suddenly throws the stupid fake saber. 

"It  _ is _ a stick Luke!! How can you expect me to  _ connect _ with a damn piece of metal?? I  _ need _ my own saber so I can bond with it!!"

Luke sighs, clearly not taking Ben seriously. 

"First off, it's _ Master  _ Luke _.  _ Secondly, you prove to me that you can rid yourself of anger, we will  _ talk _ about a saber."

_ He has nothing but hatred for you, my boy.  _

Ben stretches his hand out, force throwing everything he can see, his anger exploding. 

Objects fly around the training room and Luke has to duck to avoid being hit. Tai stands back, amazed at Ben's abilities. 

He isn't afraid of Ben. He sort of feels bad for him. Ben isn't a bad person, in Tai's eyes. Master Luke expects too much from his nephew. 

Ben is clearly skilled enough for a saber. Tai agrees with Ben. It's nearly impossible to feel the connection with a saber unless a padawan has his or her own. 

It's like understanding parenting when you're not a parent. 

Luke is  _ seething.  _

He takes deep breaths, trying to center himself again. 

He barely whispers, "Ben, go meditate. I don't need to see you until tomorrow."

Ben chuckles, "Well if throwing some shit gets you out of my face, I'll have to remember that."

Luke's face turns bright red. "Go. Now."

"Yes,  _ Master, _ " Ben says sarcastically. 

As Ben walks away, the voice is louder and louder, telling him how proud it is of him for showing his "uncle" he can't deny him what's rightfully his.

**_________________________________**

Rey returns to school after her suspension. The notebook stays at home. Rey can't risk her secret getting out. 

Her week at home was actually not punishment. She attended a Senate meeting with General Organa-Solo and Rey found it to be quite interesting. Hearing discussions on how to improve the galaxy, the great changes to Jakku and plans to implement changes in other slavery planets were fascinating to her. 

The pleases Leia to no end. 

Han and Leia have decided rather strongly that it would not be good for Rey to visit Jakku yet. Yet. Maybe when she hits her teen years. They are afraid Rey could relapse back into flashbacks and nightmares if she returns now. Rey had been anxious to go until they had said that. 

They may be right and Rey does not want to return to the fear she had struggled with. The fear isn't gone but has subsided a good bit. 

She suspects that sleeping in Ben's bed, surrounded by Ben's things has something to do with her newfound peace of mind. 

She doesn't dare say that to Han and Leia though. 

In a way, her obsession over Ben may have just replaced the thoughts in her head about her life as a slave. 

Of course, no one knows how much she misses her friend. She puts on a face for these new parents of hers. 

She's not able to call them mom and dad though. She's not sure why. 

Somewhere in her subconscious, she still held on to the thought that her parents were out there. She had held on to that dream for a few years after being left on a desert planet, to an evil creature. Going so far as to mark the days, believing they'd return. Until one day, she left that dream behind. 

She'd almost died. She had cut herself on a raggedy piece of metal. She tended to it as best she could until she was overly exhausted, feverish and her arm had swollen three times it's normal size. Green oozed from the wound. 

When she didn't show up with parts one evening, Plutt came looking for her. 

"Girl! Where are you??? Get out here!!"

Rey was simply unable to move by that point. Plutt eventually sent another child scavenger into her AT-AT, unable to squeeze himself through the opening. 

"Plutt! She's sick! Bad sick!" yells the boy who is standing above her, looking down at her, quite shaken at how bad she looks. 

"Dammit!! Drag her little rat self out here!!"

The boy is the same age as her. Rey can't remember his name. Hell, she isn't even sure of her  _ own _ name at the moment. 

She's freezing, which is something she thought would be nice but this is a bone-jarring, painful kind of freezing. She can't stop shaking and  _ kriff _ , her arm hurts. 

The boy grabs a corner of the tattered old blanket she's lying on and pulls her into the sunlight. The heat would feel good if the pain didn't override it. The sun hurts. Her head hurts. Everything hurts. 

Another older kid lifts her, trying to be gentle. The children whom Plutt had dragged out here to search for her looked terrified at her physical state. This was their nightmare brought to life, being sick in this god-forsaken hellhole. 

Rey is settled into the sidecar of Plutt's speeder. Then Plutt settles himself on and takes off roughly after screaming at her. 

"You better not die on me you filth!! I'll kill you if you do!!"

Plutt wasn't one for making any damn sense, Rey thought, looking back. 

Plutt flies around the dunes, slinging Rey's body carelessly. She hits her head several times on the inside of the sidecar, until she passes out. 

When she comes to, she's in the women's tent. This tent houses the poor unfortunate souls who sell their bodies on the daily to whoever or whatever wants them. Several times a day. 

Fortunately, Rey is amongst the favorites of the scavengers. The women adore her. 

She's lying on a pallet, being tended to by the oldest of the women, Anijan. 

"Shhhh child…..it's going to be okay," Anijan whispered, wiping her head with a cool cloth. 

Rey could barely open her eyes. The pain had subsided some and she wasn't as cold. She tried to move her arm. 

"No,  _ pateesa _ , be still. The wound needs to heal."

Rey smiles a bit at the endearment of being called 'sweetheart', even if it was in Huttese. She then realizes that her arm is wrapped in a bandage that seems to have liquid inside it. It's very heavy. 

"What is that?" Rey asked Anijan.

"Bacta patch," Anijan told her. "Plutt is very angry that you are using it. Quite expensive. He says you can't die because you are his best scavenger."

Once again, she's nothing. Nobody. 

Rey recovered after almost losing her arm and her life. Somehow in the midst of that trauma, her dreams of her parents dissipated.

Maybe she gave up hope. Maybe she realized they didn't love her. She wasn't exactly sure. But she no longer thought about them. 

And she's glad. Because if she was still hung up on them, she would not have been swept up by Ben Solo. Her Knight.

The Knight that had pretty much disappeared from her life. Rey feels something is wrong. She doesn't feel that he's in danger, no. Just, something is  _ off.  _

Rey has kept her force sensitivity a secret. Unfortunately, without Ben there, that meant she couldn't learn any new tricks. She couldn't learn how to improve on it. 

She misses it. The Force. She misses using it, learning more about it. 

But even though she isn't as attuned to it as she'd like to be, she still feels it. She's still connected to it. 

Once Ben had shown her how to tune in to the force, she couldn't ignore it or lose it. Kinda like learning how to swim, which Ben had taught her to do. Her mind just instinctively hums to the force. Like her limbs instinctively move in the water. 

She feels in her soul that something is off with Ben. He's not happy. 

Ben Solo is known for being miserable. By Leia. By Han. By Luke. Even by Threepio. But Rey has  _ seen  _ him happy. She's  _ felt _ true joy coming from his force signature. 

When she learned to swim, he  _ glowed  _ with joy. His force signature hummed. She could feel it. Just like she could feel the currents slowly pulling her downstream, just like she could feel her body floating. She could feel his joy. 

"I told you that you could do it!" he grinned, his eyes sparkling like they always do when he really smiles. 

Rey lays in Ben's bed, staring at the ceiling. Ben is not happy. She can feel it. 

  
  
  
  



	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey makes a birthday gift for Ben...
> 
> Luke confronts Ben about Rey.....

Rey painstakingly works on the project. Her hands are covered in splotches of ink. To her right, on the floor are piles of balled up papers, also covered in ink blots. 

"DAM….mit!!" she almost hollers but catches her voice to a whisper. After all, it is the middle of the night. 

And his birthday is less than a week away. 

Still, she carries on, tracing the letters over and over, whispering to herself. 

"H….." her hand twists into a loop, the pen scratching on the fine, expensive linen paper.

"A…." she flicks her hand up then down, around, back up and pulling downwards, back up then stops.

"P….." she says out loud, pulling down again, back up and over.

She loops so carefully, now biting hard on her bottom lip until she tastes a tiny bit of blood. Her eyes cross and uncross.

Finally,  _ finally _ , it's finished. She blows out loudly, once again able to breathe. 

She sits back proudly, nodding her head in triumph and sitting up straight. 

"Ow," she says, her back hurting from hours of work bent over. 

"Happy Birthday Ben" she says out loud, smiling. 

She'd done it. Calligraphy. 

She'd taught herself, by herself, practicing for days, trying to get it right. 

She  _ knows _ he will be so proud of her. 

She still feels that he's sad, upset, lonely and confused. She can't understand why he hasn't written her. 

He must be really, really tired, like Leia said. 

The next morning, she shows Leia.

"Oh wow, Rey! This is beautiful! He will love it. He taught you?"

Rey smiles, proud of herself. 

"No, I copied it from his notebooks. I hope he doesn't get angry that I looked through them."

Leia sits, looking at Rey in awe. 

"You...you taught yourself how to do this? Rey, honey, that's amazing. I'm so impressed. No, Ben won't be mad. He will love this."

"What did you get him?" Rey asks. 

"Well," Leia whispers, "don't tell Han, you know he doesn't exactly like a boy doing calligraphy but I got him some new notebooks to write in and a new set of pens." 

Leia and Rey giggle together. 

"I'll box it all up and send it to him today."

"Leia, can we  _ please _ take it to him?  _ Please _ ??"

Leia sighs. 

"No. Luke says it's not good for Ben to have visitors."

Rey jumps up. "Why??? For how long??"

"I don't know how long," she lies to the girl. "Luke says he needs to stay focused and seeing us won't help with that."

"It's not fair!" Rey cries. Leia hugs her. 

"He'll be home soon…." Leia assures her.

Rey rips away, running to Ben's room and digging her doll from under her pillow. She knows Leia just lied. She  _ felt _ it in the force. 

But she can't tell Leia because it's still a secret. That she has the force. 

She cries until she falls asleep. 

**_______________________________**

"I agree with you, Ben."

Tai sits his tray down across from Ben for the first time in weeks. Ben looks up from his notebook. He brings it with him so he's not just looking at the walls when he eats, with no one to talk to or listen to.

"Oh, so you're speaking to me again?" Ben asks, no small amount of bitterness in his tone. 

"Ben, you know why I haven't. Luke told me to stay away from you."

_ Your uncle hates you so much he took your friends away.  _

Ben nods, not at Tai but at the voice. The voice has become his only friend. 

"So, you just listen to Luke. You just turn your back on me. Well, fuck off Tai."

Tai stands, lifting his tray. "I was going to tell you that you  _ do  _ deserve a saber of your own but you want to be a dick. So, fuck off to you too."

Ben doesn't even watch Tai leave. He just goes back to writing. 

_ Dear Rey,  _

_ How are you, sweet girl? I hope you are in school and loving it. I know you've made SO many friends and ZERO boyfriends. Just kidding. Just none till I get home, okay? I need to approve them. All of them!  _

_ This place is great. Maybe one day you can come see me?  _

_ Think of me when you eat a banana, there are none here and I miss bananas! _

_ Miss you, Ben _

He tears the page from his notebook and folds it, pulling an empty envelope from his bag and placing it inside. He seals and addresses it. On his way out of mess hall, he drops it in the outgoing mail. He walks on, feeling a bit better for writing it. Maybe when she gets it, she'll finally write him. 

He pushes his concern for her deep down.

Luke walks behind his nephew, fishing the envelope out and pocketing it. 

**________________________________**

"I want to know how he's doing, Leia. It's been too long. He's my son, I need to see his face, even if it's just a holovid. Tell your brother **_I_** said I don't give _two shits_ about what he thinks. Either let me talk to Ben or I'm going to the Academy!!"

"We agreed we'd let Luke decide how to handle Ben!! We can't just undermine all he's done!! Don't you trust my brother?"

"NO!!! I DON'T LEIA!  _ I'M _ BEN'S FATHER!"

Han comes flying out of the bedroom, almost plowing into Rey. 

"Oh kid!" Han grabs her by the shoulders. "What are you doing home?? I was about to come get you. You alright there? Did I hurt you Rey?"

Rey hid the fact that she'd heard their argument. She needed to process what was happening in her head. 

"Nah, I'm good. Kay's dad brought me home from the corner. Everything okay?" she asked, not wanting an answer, just trying to appear casually aloof. Like she had not heard a thing. 

Han smiled that classic Han smile, so much like Ben's. 

"Yeah, hun. Everything is good."

Then he walked on, like everything was good. 

_ Luke is the reason we haven't heard from Ben? Luke won't let Ben contact us? _

Rey's thoughts tumble in her head and she's both parts furious and relieved. Ben isn't ignoring her, she thinks. He's not breaking his promise. He would write if he was allowed to, she thinks, relief causing her to sigh. 

_ Well, Han better do something because that's so wrong. We are his family! _

**___________________________**

Luke reads the letter and hides it away with the others. He feels that Ben should not be communicating with this young girl. His darkness is too close to the surface and it isn't safe for the girl. 

His sister doesn't see it because she isn't around Ben. If she was, she'd agree. 

He must find a way to make his nephew see that he's endangering himself and his loved ones. 

The darkness in Ben Solo has to go. Ben has to see how dangerous it is. 

Anakin's darkness killed his mother. He'd be damned if his sister was hurt by her own son's darkness. 

He must protect Leia. She is all Luke has left. 

He stands and walks to the window of his hut, the training field in full view. Ben is training with a student by the name of Brevic, an opponent equal in size and strength. He watches as Brevic overcomes Ben. His nephew is forced backwards. Ben struggles and Luke can feel the darkness rising. 

He sees what is about to happen. 

Luke leaves his hut hurriedly, scrambling towards the battle that is occuring. 

Ben's anger is rising. He should be able to beat this guy!! 

_ Why are you letting this 'nothing' beat you, boy?? You are better than this!! Defeat him!! _

Ben struggles against his urges. He knows he will be punished if he lets it overcome him. He must not give in….

And then the asshole speaks….

"The great Ben Solo? That's you? You're a joke…." he says with a smirk, now bearing down on Ben. 

Suddenly Ben reaches into the darkness, visualizing the breath cutting at Brevic's throat. 

Brevic gasps, grabbing at his throat with his free hand. Ben takes the opportunity and lunges at him, bringing his training saber down at his opponent's face. Brevic can only focus on breathing and trying to stay conscious. Ben strikes him, winning the battle. 

"BEN!!!!!" Luke screams, feeling the darkness surge in Ben. "NO!!! THAT IS AGAINST THE RULES!!"

Ben simply tosses the metal saber down and stomps away. Luke hurries to Brevic, who is gasping for air and struggling to stand. 

"CHEATER!!" 

Ben turns to Brevic, smirking. 

"Learn how to get out of a force choke, Brevic!! It'll be a useful tool out there in the galaxy!!"

Luke stands, rushing at Ben as fast as his old legs will allow him. 

"Ben! Get back here! You can't use dark force tactics! You know that!"

Ben just watches Luke, shaking his head. 

"In a real battle, one uses what they can to  _ survive.  _ Maybe you should teach us how to  _ survive _ , Uncle Luke. Teach us how to escape life threatening situations and how to slip out of a force choke. Just because  _ you _ seem it dark-sider tactics, doesn't mean it is. Do you want your padawans to survive out there or not?" Ben gestures towards the sky, the galaxy. 

"You  _ know  _ the rules, Ben. No dark side tactics. You are becoming  _ increasingly _ out of control. You are now endangering my other students."

Ben lifts his chin in defiance. 

"Why haven't I received any messages from my parents?" 

A crowd is gathering to watch nephew and uncle face off. 

Luke nods, pursing his lips in an attempt to hide the entire truth with a question. 

"Your parents? Or the girl? Rey is her name?"

Ben's eyes glow with rage. His fists clench. 

"Do  _ not _ say her name. You don't know her. You never will know her. I'll  _ never  _ let her near you."

Luke looks Ben in the eye.

"She's what? 10 years old? Why would a twenty year old man be so interested in a ten year old?"

The implication is enough. Ben charges at his uncle.

"WHAT ARE YOU ACCUSING ME OF LUKE??? SAY IT!!!"

Luke's eyes flare and he steps back, placing his hand on his saber. 

Ben stops, looking down at his uncle's hand, the color leaving his already pale face. He turns and runs into the forest, leaving Luke standing there, gasping for air. 

He'd not only accused Ben of perversion, he'd almost drawn his saber on his own nephew. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Han and Leia want to talk to Ben....
> 
> Luke won't allow it.....

Rey tiptoed into the living quarters. She wasn't looking for Leia. She was looking for Han. 

There he sat, in his chair. The moment he saw her face, he knew something was wrong with Rey. His daughter, Rey. 

Rey stood, trembling, her Ben doll grasped tight to her chest. 

"Come here," Han whispered, not wanting to wake Leia. It was late in the night. 

Rey walked slowly to her father-figure. Tears fell down her cheeks. 

Han wiped them away with his calloused hands. 

"What is it? Tell me."

"It's Ben. Something is wrong."

"I know. I feel it too. You have a connection with him, don't you Rey?"

Rey looks down, shaking. She can't tell him. She can't tell him the secret. 

Han lifts her face with one finger under her chin. 

"Rey, I don't have the force but I've seen enough over the last few decades. You have it, don't you?"

"Ben told me not to tell," she whispers. "He said you and Leia won't see me for me. You'll only see it."

Han sighs. He reaches for Rey, setting her on his knee. "Is that what Ben thinks I see? Not him? Only it?"

She nods, falling onto Han's chest, sobbing. He holds her like he used to hold Ben when he was small. 

"I….I...suppose he may be right. After a while, it was hard to see him. It was hard to…. _ find _ him. Hard to see my boy amongst all the anger, the confusion that the kriffing  _ force _ brought into him. He's so troubled. I thought Luke could help him but now….I don't know. What I feel is not force-driven. I feel something is wrong and that comes from me being his father. What do you feel? I need to know. I need you to tell me about whatever this is you have with Ben."

Rey tells him everything. How Ben kept her nightmares at bay. How Ben would be angry unless he was around her. How Ben slept better on her hard floor at night than in his soft bed simply because he was near her. How he only smiled when she was near. How she feels happier with him near. 

And now, how she feels like he's hurting, he's alone and sad and angry. She doesn't know  _ how _ she knows. But she knows it completely. Like she knows Han will protect her and Leia loves her. Like she knows they are her parents now. That's how she knows Ben is in trouble. 

He picks her doll up from her lap. 

"You've hidden this from me."

She nods. "I knew you'd think it was weird, how I made him look like Ben. I know you think it's weird, me and Ben. It makes you mad."

He smiles just a bit, looking at her. 

"No. Not mad. I knew something was different there. I didn't understand. I was afraid he was influencing you too much. But I think I understand. You have the force and so does he. I've seen this before. Luke and Leia. I never had siblings. So it's hard for me to understand how they feel about each other. But I see that you and Ben have that same connection. It's okay. I like your doll. I see he has a saber? Ben wants one so badly, doesn't he?"

Rey nods and yawns. 

"Han, can I go see Ben? Will you take me?"

"Do this. Go to sleep. It's late. We will talk tomorrow, okay? Thanks for telling me, kid. I really need to fix things between me and my son. I haven't done a good job with him. I hope I'll be better for you."

She looks up and kisses Han's whiskered cheek. He smiles a truly genuine smile, the creases in his cheeks deepening. So much like Ben's. 

"You've never done that. Thanks, Rey. I needed that. Go on to bed."

He walks with her to Ben's bedroom door. 

As she drifts off she hears him speak to Leia. 

"Sweetheart, wake up. We need to talk about Ben. And other things."

Their door closes and Rey drifts to a peaceful sleep, the weight on her shoulders lifted. 

**______________________________**

He's gone. 

She knows it before she even wakes fully. 

Han is gone. She can't feel him.

She throws her covers off and bolts from the bed, running from the room. 

"HE LIED TO ME!! HE SAID WE'D TALK TODAY!!"

Leia catches her, holding her at arm's length.

"Rey….."

"WHY DO THEY LEAVE ME???"

"Rey….honey…."

"HE'S A LIAR!! JUST LIKE BEN!!"

"Rey….listen…..stop…."

"HE SAID HE'D TALK TO ME!!!"

Leia grabs her face, stroking with her thumbs, shushing her. 

Rey is sobbing, her words slurring into incoherent sounds. She finally collapses into Leia's chest, feeling her softness, her warmth. 

"Rey, he went to Ben. I'm sorry he didn't take you but we felt it was best. I don't know what could happen. They may argue. I know you think you are grown but you aren't. We didn't want you to see them argue. Han is very upset with my brother. They may argue too. You don't need to see it. Please, trust me."

"I….just…(hiccups)....miss….(hiccups)....

Ben"

"I do too, sweetie. More than you know."

Leia is sitting in the floor, rocking Rey. She sets Rey backwards on her rear, smoothing her hair from her face.

"If all goes well, we will take Mirrorbright to the Academy and join them. Ben needs to see his father, alone. Okay?"

"But Han isn't alone, Chewie went too."

Leia smiles a bit. "Well, you know with those two, it's a package deal."

Leia smiles a bit more. "Hey, what about some fun shopping? We can go to the toy store and then that new bakery? We can go by the nursery? You could buy some more plants for your room?"

"Only if you promise to bring your commlink….."

"Yes ma'am, I'll keep it on me the whole time," Leia promises.

She watches Rey mope back to her room, still hiccuping. She thinks of the eventful morning she's endured. 

They'd tried to commlink Luke. He didn't answer for way too long, claiming he'd left it in his hut. 

Her stupid ass brother forgets that she can tell when he's lying. She also knew he was lying when he said Ben was not currently at the Academy, that he'd gone on a training mission. That was his response when Leia asked to speak to her son. 

Leia may not be as close to Ben as she had been when he was younger but she would know if he was off training on a mission. His senses would be heightened. She feels nothing but a wavering sadness from him. A mission would excite her boy, not sadden him. 

Han's reaction was close to violence. 

"Oh hell no! What do you mean he wouldn't let you talk to Ben?? Leia, I'm going. Stay here. Stay with Rey. First off, she's going to need you. She's going to be pissed at me. Secondly, if I need to whoop Luke's ass, you aren't stopping me. And DON'T tell me not to touch Luke! He's Luke-fucking-Skywalker. He can take care of himself."

Leia smirks and kisses her husband. 

"Go kick my brother's ass."

**_____________________________**

Han and Chewie arrive on Yavin 4 around dinnertime. Han knows Ben won't be doing anything that is important, other than eating. 

Luke, of course, is made aware that a certain ship has approached, looking for permission to land. He doesn't sense his sister onboard but he's also smart enough to know that the  _ Mirrorbright _ would be there soon after if he denies Han's request.

He marches out to meet his brother-in-law. Luke makes eye contact with Chewie. The fact that Chewie doesn't even so much as nod at him tells him this meeting will not go well. Chewie's loyalty lies first with the Solos. Luke is second. 

Before he can get a word out, Han holds up his hand.

"Luke, where is he? Where's my kid?"

"Eating in the mess hall," Luke says, his chin held high. 

"So he's  _ not _ on a mission? You lied? You fucking lied? How Jedi of you."

"Han, I can explain…." 

Luke then pauses, expecting his brother-in-law to stop him. He doesn't stop him. 

Instead, he crosses his arms, waiting. 

Luke sighs, scrambling. "I could tell Leia was upset. It wouldn't be good for Ben to hear that right now. His mind is fragile. I thought it was best to lie."

Han narrows his eyes, arms still crossed. 

"And  _ why _ exactly is his mind fragile? He's been here almost a fucking year, Luke. He should be  _ stronger _ . Why is he struggling? Leia feels it. Rey feels it. Hell, even I feel it and I'm the only one without the kriffing force!!"

Luke holds his hand up. "What do you mean,  _ the only one _ ? The girl has the force?? Who is this kid?? Why is Ben so attached to her??"

Han takes a step towards Luke, whispering.

" _ Go get my kid, Luke. Now." _

"Alright, alright." Luke says, holding his hands up. "He's not doing very well, Han."

"Let me see him. I can deal with him."

Luke looked him dead in the eye. 

"Then why do I feel like you never have?"

Han took enough steps to be almost eye to eye with Luke. 

"If you think I won't kick your old ass because of your sister, you'd be wrong. She  _ told  _ me to kick your ass. There is a reason she's not here. You've pushed her too far, little brother. She's beyond pissed at you. She's actually  _ hurt.  _ When's the last time you hurt her?"

Luke paused. The look in Han Solo's eyes was one he'd never seen. He was quickly reminded that while Leia was his sister, she was Han's wife. He thought about reminding his brother-in-law that while he's never really hurt Leia, Han's broken her heart over and over. 

Han continued. "Because I've hurt her plenty and I can promise you, you do not want to see her right now. Now,  _ where is my son _ ?"

"This way…." Luke turns to walk towards the buildings.

He mumbles under his breath.

"Only younger by 4 minutes…."

  
  



	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Han checks in on Ben....
> 
> Chaos ensues....
> 
> ___________________________________________
> 
> To be completely honest and forthcoming....
> 
> I've no idea where I'm going with this. Lol
> 
> My chapters aren't very long and for that, I apologise. I'm rather new at this. 
> 
> I write as the ideas come to me. Thanks for hanging in there so far....

Luke, Han and Chewie walk towards the buildings of the Academy. Luke turns to speak to Han. 

"Let me take you to his hut. I think it would be better than you trying to speak to him in the mess hall. You have quite the reputation here, being my brother-in-law. Ben's had a hard time escaping the "Han Solo's son" persona. I think the kids thought he'd be a lot like you."

Han stands a bit taller, humbleness not being a trait he possessed. 

"So the kid's had to overcome Pop's rep, huh?" He says with that famous Han smirk. 

"Um….it's been a  _ bad  _ thing for him, Han. Geez, get over yourself already."

Han was slow getting there, as usual. 

"Well, we wouldn't want to cause a stampede for autographs, would we?"

Luke just looks at Chewie. "How do you stand this guy all the time?" 

Chewie just shrugs his shoulders. He's used to Han's ego. 

"C'mon Han. It's this-a-way." he says, leading them to a hut down the hill. 

Han enters, scrunching his face. "Luke, wow, pull out all the stops, huh? This place is depressing."

Luke pays no attention to Han. He never does. "It's not Coruscant, it's a roof and a bed though."

"That," he points to Ben's cot, "is a  _ cot _ , not a bed. No wonder the kid is pissed."

Luke is more exasperated by the minute. "Just wait here. I'll go get him."

**_______________________________**

Luke approaches Ben carefully. They haven't spoken since the confrontation yesterday. Luke knows Ben noticed his hand move to his saber and Luke has yet to wrap his mind around the guilt he feels. 

He knows that was the exact wrong reaction, as a master but  _ especially  _ as an uncle. He's ashamed of his reaction. He knows he'd never hurt his nephew. But does Ben know that?

Luke sits across from Ben. There is an awkward silence. Ben doesn't look up. He's writing in his notebook. 

"Ben….I need to apologise to you."

"Nope, not doing this," Ben says, standing. He shoves his notebook and pens in his bag, hurrying to get away. 

"Okay, okay….your dad is here." Luke blurts out. "He came unannounced. He's in your hut."

"Shit," Ben says, more angry by the second. "tell him I said go home. I have nothing to say to him."

_ They don't trust you. Your dad is here to tell you to act better. They don't even know you. Not like I do.  _

"I know," Ben answers the voice. 

"You know what?" Luke says.

"Nothing! Leave me alone!" Ben hollers, moving away quickly. 

Ben runs out of the mess hall, not even having eaten his food. He runs into the forest nearby, to a clearing he always hides in. It's a place no one knows about. He needs to be alone. Even though he's never truly alone. 

"Why can't I just have peace?? If it's not Luke, it's dad or mom! I never have any peace!!"

_ I can give you the peace you seek, my boy. You can come to me….. _

"You're not real!!! You just live in my head!! Cause I'm obviously  **_insane_ ** !!"

_ But I am real, Ben. You've met me. You've seen me…. _

" **GO AWAY!!!!** " 

Then he hears a familiar voice. 

"No son, I won't go away."

Ben spins, seeing his father. He curses out loud. 

<Don't be rude to your father Ben. We came to see if you are okay.>

Now, that is a voice he missed. He sees his favorite uncle. The Wookie who knows him. Cares about him. 

"Chewie…." Ben says, flinging himself at the giant creature. Han stands back. He's always been a tiny bit jealous of their relationship. But he realizes now he only has himself to blame if his son is more attached to his best friend. So he lets the Wookie console his only son. 

<We've been worried about you, little Starfighter> Chewie says, using the childhood nickname Ben doesn't even remember his uncle assigning to him. 

Ben feels the voice trying to tell him that his uncle doesn't care about him. Ben pushes it away. If there's one being that cares about him, it's Chewbacca. This much Ben is sure of. 

Han steps forward, wanting to touch his son. As soon as he does, Ben pulls away, angry. 

"Why are  _ you _ here??"

Han sighs, looking at the ground. So much he wants to say but Han has never been good with words. Hell, he couldn't even say "I love you too" to the love of his life for years. 

"Son...Ben….we just came to see what's wrong. Your mother and I haven't heard from you and she felt your struggle."

Ben's eyes narrow. 

" _ You _ haven't heard from  _ me _ ? I wasn't aware that we only had a one way communication going on!!"

_ They hate you Ben. It's just guilt, my boy. That's the only reason he's here. Guilt.  _

Ben nods to the voice, agreeing with it. 

Now Han is confused. 

"What the kriff are you talking about, one way communication?? Make sense, son. Dad isn't as smart as you are."

Ben is furious. How dare they just  _ wait  _ for him to contact them?? Ben isn't a father but if his kid was halfway across the galaxy…hell, his kid would never _ be _ halfway across the galaxy!

"Did it ever occur to you to contact me?? I mean, you  _ are _ the parents, aren't you??"

Han narrowed his eyes, shaking his head, looking everywhere but at Ben. He was obviously confused, which became suddenly apparent to Ben. 

"Wait," Ben said slowly, "did you all write to me?"

"Yes, Benjamin. Frequently. All three of us. Especially Rey."

No sooner did Han say it, he was turning, leaving, actually  _ growling _ . 

Chewie muttered a Wookie expletive, one Ben learned at an early age. One that Ben rarely heard his uncle say. 

"That son of a……"

Han cut himself off, unwilling to insult the great Queen Padme'. 

Ben was hot on his tail, asking questions. 

"Did you not receive  _ anything  _ I sent??"

"No," Han whispered and Ben found himself very glad he wasn't the current recipient of his father's famous anger. 

Turns out, Ben's anger streak didn't fall far from the tree. 

Han exited the forest, finger on his blaster. 

"Don't kill him Dad. Mom might want to."

The snicker that arose from Han actually made Ben smirk. They finally had a common mission. 

_ Luke. _

Ben took several quick steps ahead, knowing where Luke's hut was. 

Han didn't knock. 

"WHAT DID YOU DO, OLD MAN???"

Han had Luke by the nape of his neck, pushing him into the wall. Ben scrambled around the hut, looking in every chest or box he could find. 

Chewie simply leaned against the door frame, apparently used to the Skywalker-Solo drama. He simply waited to see who got the upper hand so he could extract the one before they killed the other. His dibs were always on his best friend. 

Once again, Chewie was right. So after several minutes of Luke trying to  _ not _ get his ass kicked, he walked over and removed Han from Luke. 

Luke could obviously defend himself but in all the years he'd known Han Solo, he'd never been brave enough to use the force on him. 

Ben shouted. 

"Found it!!" 

Ben spilled the contents of the box onto a desk. Letters, holovids, packages and the like lay in a pile. 

Ben took two steps to his least favorite uncle and shoved him. 

"WHY?? WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS?"

Han managed to get Chewie to let go, shooting him a look that clearly said  _ Alright, I won't kill him. Yet. _

Luke stumbled backwards and caught himself. 

"I thought it was best to keep Ben centered on his studies here, not focused on home, since he obviously didn't want to be here. He has such a strange relationship with this girl. I just thought he needed to let that obsession go."

Ben seethed with anger. He could only whisper, he was so angry. 

"What do you think of me? Say it. You came close the other day. Before you almost pulled your saber on me."

Han stood, blinking, looking at Luke. Then his son. Then Luke. 

" _ He….did….what?" _

Never in Ben Solo's life had he heard his father speak like that. Angry yet quiet yet blood curdling….

Ben simply couldn't speak. The tension made him unable to breathe. 

Han looked at his brother-in-law. This man was more of a brother to him than anyone he'd ever known. They'd fought together. Almost died together. Luke meant so much to Han Solo. So much that he'd entrusted him to care for the most important person he'd ever known. His very own child. 

But now…..

" _ Luke Skywalker….did you almost kill my kid?" _

Luke looked around and Ben surely thought he'd never seen his uncle  _ afraid. Ever.  _

"It was a reflex Han. That's all. I didn't think….."

Han punched him. 

Han punched Luke. 

In the face. 

Ben's mouth formed an "o" as the realization of it hit him. 

His dad punched his uncle. 

In the face. 

For him. 

"Come on Ben. Get that stuff. Put it all back in the box. We are leaving."

Luke found himself sprawled in the floor, grabbing his jaw, speechless. He looked at Chewie, who was just shaking his head. 

Before Luke could scramble together any words, they were gone. 

  
  
  
  



	16. Chapter Sixteen

Leia paces, so eternally grateful that Rey has finally passed out, sound asleep in Han's chair, a death grip on her "Ben" doll. 

Through the force she can feel a tsunami-like torrent of emotions coming from her soulmate and her son. 

And her twin brother.

Anger, confusion, more anger, shame, violence, even some peace. 

She decides to hang onto that last emotion, hoping for some kind of positive news. 

She feels enough to know that her son is coming home.  _ Home.  _

She allows some relief to seep in, finally able to acknowledge how much she's missed her boy. 

Her turbulent boy. 

It's late into the night but she does not even consider sleep. She does glance over at Rey. She thinks it would be best to put the child to bed. There would be much to discuss when Ben and Han arrive home. She senses many questions in Ben's mind. 

She wakes the girl, carefully, hoping not to rouse her completely awake. 

"Come on Rey, let's get you to bed," she whispers, one arm around the sleepy child who walks, rather drunkenly down the hall. 

"Ben's bed?" She asks with a yawn. 

"Of course," Leia replies. Their reunion in the morning will be tender to watch. Rey will be so happy. 

Once she tucks Rey in, she goes to prepare caf for them all. No sense in trying to usher anyone to bed. Ben's mind is a whirlwind of emotion. He'll probably be wide awake. 

Leia smiles, feeling their emotions stronger the closer they get. They aren't saying much to each other. 

Is that  _ awe  _ her son is feeling? Towards his father of all people?

_ What exactly happened?  _

The shame she feels is coming from Luke, way back on Yavin 4. 

_ Brother, what did you do?  _

Han is pissed, she can tell. Her curiousity is killing her. 

**______________________________**

One comes in like a whirlwind.

One comes in his usual turbulent storm.

Chewie just comes in.

Han slams his bag and blaster down, causing Leia to flinch. She hopes the safety on the blaster is engaged. 

Ben walks in, looking at his mother with a mix of emotions. 

Leia immediately embraces Ben, sighing in relief. Ben flinches in surprise and gently pats his mother's back, confused at her affection. 

"Mom….what….." 

"Oh, I'm so glad you are home. What happened?" 

Leia's face then contorts into anger.

__ " _ What did Luke do _ ?" 

Han proceeds to dump the contents of the box on a table, waving at the unopened packages in anger. 

"Your  _ brother _ decided to keep everything we've sent from our son! Everything! Even the gifts we've sent him!! Our son thought that we weren't speaking to him! For eight kriffing months!"

"What the fuck?" Leia asks.

"Mom!!!" Ben proclaims, shocked at his mother's language. He smirks to spite himself. 

"Oh hush Ben. You're a grown man. Oh honey…." 

She rushes to Ben, cupping his face. 

"We would never not speak to you! You are our son! Oh….you wait till I see Luke Skywalker….."

Han speaks again, running his hand through his silvering hair. 

"Apparently he thought it would  _ help _ Ben to stay disconnected from us. To help him study or some force shit. Ben's had trouble with his anger, again. Luke thought he could train it out and talking with us might hinder that. Your brother is crazy! Him and Ben had a confrontation and Luke went for his saber but he stopped but I still can't believe….."

"HE WENT FOR HIS SABER AT BEN?!?!"

Leia had yelled and Han immediately grabbed her, his eyes darting towards the hallway. 

"Don't wake her!" Han whisper-yells.

Leia takes off towards their bedroom and Han steps back, to avoid being plowed over. 

Han looks at Ben and nods towards his wife, smiling a bit. 

"Welp, what is it your mom always says? 'May the Force be with you'? That's exactly what Luke is gonna need after he picks up that commlink."

Ben flops down on the sofa, his hands over his face. Han goes to watch his wife try to kill her twin from half a galaxy away. 

Then Ben hears a door open and the slight creak is one he knows well. Then feet pattering in the hallway. He knows those feet. Ben stands and turns. 

There stands a confused little girl, doll in hand. Her hair is braided but half has already escaped. She yawns and rubs her eyes and Ben's heart skips. She's taller. 

Her half open eyes make contact with his and she blinks and rubs them again. She furrows her brows and looks very, very confused. 

"Rey?" Ben asks, not wanting to scare the child. 

"Ben?" she whispers, pulling her doll closer. She takes a timid step forward. 

"I'm dreaming…." she whispers again. 

Ben stoops down, getting on her eye level. 

"No, Rey, I'm here. For real…."

Then suddenly, she's fully awake. And angry. 

"Go away. I hate you, Ben Solo."

With that, she throws her doll, spins on one foot and marches away, going to her own room and slamming the door. Locking it. 

"Rey! Wait!" Ben yells, going after her, then seeing the doll. He picks it up. He turns it in his hand. It's her old pilot doll, except it's different. 

Black "hair" was drawn on and a long green line added, coming from the pilot's hand. 

"It's….me," Ben whispers. 

Ben sits on the floor outside of Rey's door. He sits for over an hour, hearing Rey inside. It sounds like she's throwing stuff. Then crying. He wants to call out to her but somehow he knows that she knows he's there. 

The door unlocks.

He stands and enters, finding Rey curled up in a ball. 

"Rey?" he whispers, "don't be mad."

"Shut up you big tree. I hate you." she says with a sniffle. 

"But I don't hate you. Or trees." Ben whispers, trying not to smile at how adorable she is. 

He feels her smile, which rather throws him. How did he  _ feel  _ her smile? 

He doesn't have time to question it as he finds himself being hit with her pillow. 

"Hey! Meanie…." he teased. She turned and rose, charging him with her fists. 

"MEANIE??? MEANIE!!" she pummeled him repeatedly and he just took it. "You didn't even write me back!! I HATE YOU!!"

He dodged her fists and pulled her to his lap, waiting for her to stop. She finally cried into his chest. 

"Rey, I did write to you. Luke kept my letters. I promise I didn't ignore you. Don't hate me, please."

"Just shut up and hold me Ben. I'm tired."

He smiled. Force he'd missed his only friend. She may be just a kid but she was the smartest, funniest kid he'd ever known. He'd burn down the galaxy for her. 

He wondered if all big brothers felt this way. Somehow, he knew they had a deeper connection. 

He felt more at peace now than he'd felt in eight months. 

As soon as he heard her snore, he laid her down and covered her, lifting her little arm and tucking her doll underneath it. 

A green saber, he noticed. Of course, green. Her favorite color. 

**______________________________**

The next morning, he stretched in his bed. 

As badly as he knew Rey probably needed him to sleep on her floor, he really missed an actual bed. He also was so glad to realize he'd not had any voices creeping in his head.

He really didn't miss it. He hated the voice. He had started relishing it when he was at the Academy. But no more. He wouldn't listen to it again. 

He'd seen the love his parents had for him and he wouldn't let the voice lie to him again. Not about his parents. He truly did love them and was amazed at how his dad had come for him. Just for him. He smiled. 

Next thing he knew, a chestnut haired fireball was landing on top of him, at full force. 

"YOU REALLY ARE HERE!! AND YOU DIDN'T LIE TO ME!!"

She was literally right near his ear screaming in excitement. He almost went deaf. 

And her knees had landed right in his full bladder. He couldn't breathe from the pain or hear in his right ear. He lifted her straight up in the air and dropped her next to him, jumping up to run to the fresher. 

"KRIFF REY! You nearly killed me! Hold on! Damn!"

She laid on his bed, cackling like crazy at him. 

He returned still holding his now sore belly. 

"What did I not lie about?? Damn! Quit laughing, brat!"

She looked up at him with adoring eyes.

"You love me, you nerfherder. You didn't lie about not writing me."

He threw himself on the bed, landing right next to her, causing her to bounce straight up. 

"Don't say nerfherder. You're only ten. And nope, I told you the truth. Stupid ass uncle of mine kept my letters to you."

"Don't say ass. I'm only  _ ten _ , after all."

Ben rolls his eyes, laying back on the bed, his hands laced behind his head.

"So…..how many boyfriends you got now?"

Rey, in true dramatic fashion, falls onto her back, sighing loudly. 

"Boys are stupid! There's this one, he keeps pulling my hair. Then when I try to hit him, he laughs and runs. His friends say he  _ likes _ me. But that's not true or he wouldn't pull my hair!"

Ben laughs out loud, shaking his head. 

"Yeah, he likes you. He wants to touch your hair. That's why he's doing that. Want me to come kick his ass?"

"Nah, I think I'm going to just force-throw him next time." 

Ben sits up. "No, Rey. No force moves. I told you!"

Rey looks away from him. "Your dad knows."

"What???? Oh shit, Rey!! I told you not to tell!"

Rey looks him right in the eye. "He figured it out Ben! I told him I knew something was wrong with you at the Academy! He said he's seen enough of the force to know! He didn't tell Leia."

Ben's eyes grow wide. "You could feel my emotions? All the way at the Academy? That's new. Strange."

Rey looks confused. "Is there something wrong with me?"

Ben smiles a bit. "No, Rey. It's just….I don't understand why you can feel my emotions and keep the voi…." 

He stops himself just in time. Rey doesn't know about the voice. No one does. He has to keep her from knowing. It will scare her. 

"Keep the what?" She asks. 

"Nothing Rey. Let's go eat. I'm so glad to see you again. But I'm  _ definitely  _ taking you to school next week. I need to see this hair-puller. Check him out myself. Let him know he needs to keep his hands to himself."

Rey grabs his hand as they leave the room. 

"Oh, he'll be scared shitless of you. You big tree."

"Quit cussing Rey!" Ben says but not very convincingly, a big grin on his face. 

  
  



	17. Chapter Seventeen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben is home.....
> 
> Leia invites him to accompany her to Jakku...
> 
> Rey begs to go....
> 
> (I really suck at chapter summaries. I'm struggling hard writing this part of the story. I reward myself by writing a chapter for later on ❤️❤️  
> No spoilers but it's a whole lotta fun writing later chapters)

Ben felt so much better now that he was home. Although the days when Rey was away at school, the voice tried to creep in. 

It whispered that his parents still didn't love him, that Han only came after him because Rey cried for him. It knew about Rey now, there was no more hiding her. 

_ She's just a kid. She'll grow up and forget about you. Unless you can turn her. Teach her my ways. Then you can keep her forever.  _

"Shut up….." Ben muttered under his breath. 

Leia looked up from her plate. "What did you say, Ben?'

"Nothing Mom. Nothing."

"Oh….okay. Hey, I was thinking. You want to go with me to Jakku? I need to go check on the progress there."

Ben is shocked. Maybe his Mom trusts him more now….

"Really Mom? Yeah, I'd love to. Should we take Rey?"

Leia shakes her head, stabbing her fork into her food. 

"No, I don't think she's ready to go back there. It may bring up bad memories. Besides, school…."

Ben nods. He'd never stand to see Rey traumatized again by that place. 

**_______________________________**

"But I  _ want _ to go……and I'm out of school for a week!" Rey whines, just a bit. Ben sighs. He's packing his bag. 

"Rey….we all think it would be too hard for you. For once, I agree with Leia."

"Ben, please?" She looks at him, those hazel eyes a bit greener from the dampness they hold. 

"Rey….no."

"Ben…. _ please?? _ The last time you left, I didn't see you for eight months! You promised not to leave me again!"

"It's not like that Rey and you know it. You know I'll be back."

Then the tears. 

_ Not the kriffing tears….. _ Ben thinks.

Then she bites her bottom lip and he's done for. He slams his last bit of clothing into his bag. 

"Dammit Rey!! It won't always work, you know…..ugh!!"

"Yay!" She shouts, bouncing up and down as Ben leaves to speak to Leia. 

They depart a few hours later, Han included since Rey is also going. Ben and Han pilot the Falcon.

They arrive on Jakku at midday, the sun high in the sky, the heat permatrating every surface. It's miserably hot. 

Rey handles it like the desert girl she is, walking out onto the sands like she owns the place. Ben stomps out, covered in black, grumbling. Rey looks up and shakes her head. 

"Black? Really?" 

"I  **_hate_ ** sand," he mumbles. 

Rey just laughs at him. "Big whiny baby."

"Me?? You whined your way here, brat."

"Now children, quit fighting," says Leia in her best mom voice, walking ahead.

"I'm with Ben on this one, it's kriffing hot as hell." complains Han. 

Leia and Rey just look at each other and roll their eyes. 

Rey runs ahead, excited. She is eager to see the changes. Ben stretches his legs as far as they will go, wanting to stay close to her. He doesn't like for her to go far. 

"Rey! Wait! Stop!" he calls out to her. 

"Look!! A fountain! In the desert! A fountain, Ben! At Nimaa!!"

Sure enough, there's a fountain, right where the outpost tent used to be. It sparkles in the sunlight, calling out to Rey. 

She runs up to it, other children are already there. They run their hands back and forth in the clear water. Some cup their hands and drink handfuls. Rey freezes, turning to look at her new family. 

"Leia, it's  _ clean water. _ How??"

Leia beams. 

"It comes from over there. Look." 

Leia points to a large cylinder type building, at least three stories high. 

"What is it?" Rey asks. 

"Rey, it's a water tower," Leia explains. 

"Wait. It's  _ full of water _ ?? How? There's no water here." Rey asks, hardly believing it. 

Ben speaks up. 

"It's an aquifer. There is water under the ground, Rey. The tower pulls it up, filling it. Then it can be brought into the buildings by underground pipes. Like to the fountain."

Rey is amazed and overwhelmed. She begins to cry. Han sits on the fountain's edge and pulls Rey into his lap, wiping her face. Ben watches, a little unsure of his father's display of affection. He's not used to sharing Rey with his father. He's also not used to seeing his father be, well,  _ a father. _

A tiny bit of jealousy twinges in him and he quickly turns his head. 

Rey asks who found the water and Leia explains that the Galatic Senate commissioned a group of scientists to research the area. The water was discovered miles below the surface and the tower was erected. Now Nimaa Outpost has fresh drinking water. 

Ben walks over and takes Rey's hand, moving her away from Han and pulling her towards the village. 

Leia and Han go to meet with the new village council. Ben shows Rey around her old home. 

"Rey, this is the orphanage. It's now the home for kids like you, kids who were scavaging. They can live here until they grow up."

Rey's mouth hangs open as she squeezes Ben's hand harder and harder. He watches her in awe. He's so glad she came. 

He shows her the medbay, the law enforcement building, the library and the school.

"School?" Rey whispers, hardly able to believe it. 

"Yup," Ben replies. "They are all in school now. Rey? How did you learn to read? To write?" 

"I took holovids from the broken down ships. Sometimes there were books. I watched them over and over with the words on for people who can't hear. I learned to match the words to what the people in the holovids were saying. Eventually I learned enough to read the books. I learned to write from there."

Ben just stands there, looking down at his little friend. He has never been more amazed by her as he is right now. She's so incredibly intelligent. He's amazed by her. 

"Smart kid," he says, rubbing her head roughly. 

"Hey! Jerk!" she hollers, trying to smooth her hair back down. 

"Jerk? I call you smart and you call me names. Brat."

She kicks sand at him and he jumps back. Rey laughs. 

"It's just sand! Big baby!"

Ben tugs her towards the marketplace, also new. Rey's eyes are wide as they pass booth after booth. Some sell clothing, others sell fruit. Still others sell trinkets and jewelry. Rey hones in on a delicious smell. 

"What is that? Smells like food," she remarks. 

"You  _ would  _ find the food, wouldn't you?" Ben says, smiling. Rey yanks his hand, pulling him. He allows her to maneuver him through row after row. 

Eventually they come upon it.

"Ben….look! Sweets!" 

In this booth, every type of sweet you can imagine abounds. Cakes, pies, and fruit filled pastries to name a few. 

They buy several items, all hand-picked by Rey and Ben hands them his credit chip. 

Ben wonders if Rey would want to go find her AT-AT but if she doesn't bring it up, he's afraid to. So far she's doing well. She's so excited and seems to have forgotten that this is the place where she struggled. Her eyes are wide with awe as she watches children playing in the courtyard surrounding the beautiful fountain. They aren't dirty or scared or starving. They are just…. children. 

"Ben….is this really  _ real _ ? Is this  _ really  _ Jakku?"

Ben watches her in wonderment. 

"This is really Nimaa, Rey. The new Nimaa. Jakku isn't completely changed. Yet. But it's happening bit by bit."

They walk along quietly, just taking it all in. It's not perfect yet but it's so much better than it was. 

Then, a commotion far off gets their attention. 

In the distance, a man is running. No, not a man. It's too large to be a man. 

It's a Crolute. A very large male Crolute.

He's running but not really. His large disgusting form won't allow what he's doing to be called  _ running.  _

It's Unkar Plutt. And he's heading right towards Ben and Rey. 

Directly behind him are many law enforcement officers, chasing him. 

Rey freezes and every bit of her sun kissed color leaves. She's now as pale as Ben. She cannot breathe or move. Ben feels sheer panic and terror rippling from her, which throws him off-kilter. He's never felt emotions like this through the force. It's disorienting. 

He quickly composes himself in time to "hear" Rey. 

_ It's Unkar Plutt.  _

Her mouth never opens yet Ben hears what she just said. He shakes his head, still confused by the onslaught of negative emotions coming from his friend. 

His friend. His dear, sweet Rey. His Rey who, in the short time he's known her, has trembled in his arms with nightmares of this monster. This monster who beat her, starved her,  _ lusted for her innocence.  _

And now the very monster that haunts her dreams is barrelling towards her, obviously having escaped custody. 

Ben knows this because Ben Solo himself made double, triple sure that Plutt was put away. 

Ben is so overwhelmed by this connection he's feeling with Rey's fear that he can't move. Can't react. 

Forcing himself to snap out of it, he reaches out his hand, so frustrated that he  _ still _ doesn't have his saber, intending on stopping Plutt.

Plutt freezes, choking, floating approximately two feet from the ground. 

Ben's jaw drops. 

Because he didn't do it. 

"Rey……" he whispers, stooping down behind Rey, who has a look of pure fury. 

Ben lays his large hands on Rey's tiny shoulders. 

"Rey, don't give into the dark. That's the dark that wants you to hurt him. Don't do it Rey. Yes, he deserves to die but it will change you. You are _ch'eo_ _ch'itiseb vn'inen'i._ Don't let him taint you. Stay my sweet girl, Rey. Let him go. They will arrest him again."

Plutt gasps for air, struggling. 

Rey is shaking, tears flowing. She whispers. 

"Ben, he hurt me. He scared me. He starved me. It was horrible."

Ben whispers again "I know, _ch'eo_ _ch'itiseb vn'inen'i._ I've seen your dreams, remember? Let him go. Don't let hate change you. Yes, he will be dead but your light will fade. Don't let him take your light."

Slowly, Rey releases him, right into the hands of the officers. She collapses and Ben catches her. He stands, holding her unconscious form against his chest. He turns and finds his parents standing there. 

Leia has both hands over her mouth, trembling. Han is holding her from behind. 

"Dad, take her to the Falcon."

Han readily scoops Rey out of Ben's arms and turns, quickly returning to the ship. 

Ben locks eyes with his mother. 

"Mom, how could you not know? Her force signature is one of the strongest I've ever felt. I knew it the first time I saw her."

Leia nods her head. "I never felt it. I think maybe it's only that strong for you, Ben. Why did she hide it?"

"Because I told her to. Because she deserves to be a kid. Because  _ she  _ deserves to decide about her  _ own  _ life."

Ben shoves the packages of sweets at his mother and turns, walking away. 

**__________________________________**

Ben had spent night after night, watching her. He feels so much as she sleeps. 

Fear, hunger, desolation, thirst, hopelessness. 

He watched her in her dreams as she scavaged, working harder than some grown men four times her size. 

He watched as she found parts and smiled. A weary, tired smile. Not like the ones he saw now. A smile of relief would come over her as she found rare parts. 

She fought her way out of the broken ships, just like she had fought her way in. 

She scurried across the desert sands, unrelenting in their heat. She hurried quickly, her stomach growling.

She took the parts to the water basins, scrubbing them clean with the cloths and brushes in her bag. Polishing them to a high shine. 

Ben watched her approach her owner, a disgusting creature. She proudly sat down her findings.

He watched as Plutt examined the part, taking far too long in the calculations. 

"That will earn you…..one portion."

Rey begun to shake violently and sob. 

"No!!! No Plutt!! You gave me ten portions the last time I found one of these!"

Plutt just laughed and laughed.

Ben couldn't stand it anymore. He shouldn't have waited this long. 

He reaches down to Rey, who is tumbling in her bed, crying. He wakes her gently, consoling her, whispering.

"It's over Rey, no more starving. No more scavenging. You're safe."

He'd only watched her dream so he'd have more understanding of what his  _ ch'itiseb vn'inen'i  _ had endured. His sweet girl. He had begun to use the Cheuh pronunciation in order to practice his languages. The first time she heard him say it, she cried. So he kept saying it. 

Ben walks through the corridor of the law enforcement building. He casts his hand out at the officer at the desk.

"You did not see me," he says. 

"I did not see you," the officer repeats.

He uses the force to open the cell holding Plutt. 

"YOU!!" Plutt yells, "YOU RUINED EVERYTHING!!"

Ben slowly walks to Plutt, force pushing him down to his knees. Plutt begins to gasp, just like earlier. Except now there was no escaping. Justice had arrived in the form of an ebony haired giant of a man. A man who had watched his friend suffer at the hands of this monster. A man who would not allow this monster to continue to live in the same galaxy as someone as innocent and kind as his friend. 

Justice had certainly arrived.

"I watched what you did to her," Ben whispers, standing over Plutt, his hand closing oh so slowly. 

"I sat awake and  _ watched.  _ I held her as she  _ cried.  _ She ate herself  _ sick  _ when she finally had food. She didn't even know how to  _ bathe. _ "

Plutt's now in tears, losing consciousness quickly. His lungs are now empty and Ben is quite enjoying this pain. 

_ Finish him. You want to. Do it.  _

Ben completely closes his fist, feeling the bones crush inside Plutt's thick neck. The creature hits the ground, dead. 

Ben walks out of the cell, using the force to erase the memories of any officers he encountered. 

_ Good, my boy. Good….. _

Ben ignores the voice but revels in the dark waves sweeping over him. It feels good. It feels...right. 

He returns to the Falcon and holds Rey all the way home. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	18. Chapter Eighteen

Ben bolts from his bed at the sound of her scream. 

Han and Leia watch helplessly as Rey thrashes about in her bed. Ben doing the best he can to calm her. 

It's not working. It hasn't worked in weeks. 

Ben can't seem to break through her nightmares since "the incident" on Jakku. 

"Nooooooo…...go away!!!" Rey screams, her fists flying, tears streaming from eyes squeezed shut. 

"Rey…. _ Rey…... _ I'm here….it's me…"

Ben looks at his mother, desperate. She won't do it until he tells her to. They must try every other avenue. 

"Damn it, Leia...do it," Han pleads. He'd tried several times to console Rey, to no avail. 

"Hold on….just….maybe….kriff I  _ hate _ doing it to her…" Leia says, her heart hurting. 

" _ Stop….please….Plutt….nooooo,"  _ Rey screams. 

Ben covers his face with his hands, whispering. 

"Mama….." Ben pleads quietly, almost in tears. 

Leia lets out a sob as she walks to Rey, waving a hand over her head. Rey is instantly silent. The three of them sit around her, watching her breathing return to normal and her eyelids relax. 

She's in a force sleep. 

"This is the third time this week…." Leia whispers, smoothing Rey's hair off of her sweaty face. Han goes to fetch a cool cloth and Ben wipes her face. He's shaking. 

"Mama...this isn't healthy for her, is it?"

Ben had stopped saying Mama by the time he was six years old. However when he was afraid, it would slip out, the sound of it causing Leia to cry. She reaches out and takes her son's hand. 

"Son, we need to talk. Your father will sit with her."

**______________________________**

Ben didn't understand why he could no longer help Rey. The voice was growing louder. He found himself considerably weaker to resisting it. All of his strength was spent on trying to help Rey. 

She'd sleep peacefully under the spell of a force sleep but she'd not wake for at least 24 hours. Then she'd be confused over why she'd missed an entire day. It also led to missed meals. She was losing weight. Something Rey couldn't afford to do. 

When she was awake, she was not her usual self. The happy child was fading. She was afraid to leave Ben's side and as much as he loved Rey, he was also exhausted. Which led him to sleeping in his own bed, just needing to rest. He'd always tell himself it would only be a minute, only to wake up to Rey's screams. 

The lack of rest and just the overall stress was causing his mental walls to collapse. 

His guilt was consuming him. 

_ You did this to her….. _

_ You took her to Jakku…. _

_ You should've told her no…. _

_ You should've let her kill Plutt…. _

Then the voice proposed an answer. 

_ Bring her to me. I'll help her… _

_ I'll let you train her….your parents never will…. _

_ You need me...SHE needs me…. _

It never stopped. Not since….he did what he did. There had been no word about Plutt's death. Ben figures it's because Plutt was a nobody. No one cared if he died. 

Ben certainly didn't. 

The downfall was that Ben couldn't tell Rey that her living nightmare was no longer living. Not without raising suspicion. 

Rey never mentions her nightmares. They aren't sure if she is afraid to or if she simply doesn't remember them. The school seemed to believe Leia when she unenrolled Rey to instruct her at home. The repeated force sleeps made it impossible for her to attend. 

Ben and Rey both slide into a depression, brought on by exhaustion, fear and anger. A hopelessness. 

Han and Leia watch helplessly. 

**______________________________**

Leia and Ben retreat to the living room. Leia turns to her son. 

"Ben, we can't help her. We've tried."

Ben looks at his mother, confused. He feels a chill come over him. 

_ She's up to something….. _

"What do you mean? Mother, what are you proposing?"

Leia sighs, sitting on the arm of the sofa. 

"Luke can help her, Ben."

Ben stops breathing. He looks as though he cannot believe what he just heard. 

" _ No…… _ " 

It comes out as an angry, desperate whisper. All of the color has left his face. 

Leia stands and walks to Ben. 

"Ben...just….listen…"

_ They are taking her from you….. _

"No!!!!  **NO!!!!** "

Ben is desperate. They can't do it. They can't send her to Luke. 

Leia jumps back, fear in her eyes. Han comes running. Fortunately, Rey is too deep asleep to hear anything. 

"Ben!! Do not scream at your mother!" 

Ben is shaking harder than ever. He's pacing. He's frantic. 

"Luke won't take care of her! No!! You cannot do this! She needs us!"

Leia approaches him again. 

"Son...we will go see her. Every weekend if we need to. Luke learned his lesson. It won't happen again! Ben, this is the dark side. She's force sensitive and the dark is calling to her! Luke can help her overcome it!"

Ben is seething, panicking. 

_ They are giving up on her….just like they did you. They don't love her…. _

"I won't let you send her away...I won't let you…."

Han speaks up.

"Son, it's not your decision."

Ben is breathing heavy now. 

_ Tell them. Say it.  _

"It is my decision.  _ Because she's mine. _ "

Leia gasps and Han turns red. 

The next words that come from Han's mouth alter everything. 

"Ben, get out. Go. Leave. Now."

"Not without her," Ben says, more angry than he's ever been. 

"NOW!!!" Han yells. Leia is crying and runs from the room. 

_ Kill him…. _

Ben gasps. He's never heard the voice say that. It scares him. Only because, there for a moment, he considers it. 

He runs from the apartment, afraid of what he might do and afraid of how he'd suddenly felt violently possessive of Rey. 

Of course she's not just his. She's a part of his family. His parents love her. He knows that. 

He runs to the nearby park, just to catch his breath. He will return in the morning once things calm down. He reaches into the force, searching for Rey's signature. When he finds it, he senses that she's peaceful. He is relieved that his outburst didn't reach her little mind. 

He curls up on a bench and tries to sleep, Rey's signature comforting him. 

**______________________________**

Ben wakes in pain. 

Why does everything hurt? What is…..where is he?

He slowly remembers….

Rey screaming….

Force sleep….

His mother is sending Rey to Luke….

He bolts straight up and runs, seemingly unawares that he is in only his socks and his pajamas. He is unseeing of the people around, shocked at the sight of him. 

Her signature….he can't find it….

Where is she?? 

_ "NONONONONONO,"  _ he pants to himself, desperate……

They couldn't do this….they couldn't….

He approaches the door to the penthouse, throwing his hand up, opening the door. 

He slides on his socked feet into his home….Her home….panting...heart racing... _ where is she…. _

He races to her room, nothing, no one.

His signature searching for her...his girl...his light….

She's not in his room….

She's nowhere…..

She's gone. 

**_"NONONONONO!!!"_ **

He has to find her….stop them...Luke can't have her...he'll hurt her. He'll  _ change  _ her. 

_ He'll turn her against you….he'll make her hate you...because he hates you…. _

_ Go get her….bring her to me….I'll let you train her...I'll  _ **_bond_ ** _ her to you… _

Ben stops, his heart skipping. 

"Bond? What's that?"

_ She will belong to you…. _

He shakes his head. "No, stop, no!!"

He doesn't want to  _ own  _ her. She's a kid. She's not his to just  _ own.  _

She's already been owned. She deserves to be free. To decide for herself. 

Except he had said she was his. Why?? Why did he say that??

He paces, he can't breathe, he can't think, his head hurts. The voice is louder. 

He can't  _ feel  _ her anymore. Why??

Why does he  _ need  _ to feel her?? What has she done to him?? 

He shakes his head violently. She's a  _ kid. She _ didn't do anything!!

_ She's yours. I gave her to you. I brought you to her. She's yours to possess.  _

"NOOOOO!!" he screams, throwing everything he can find. 

He falls to his knees. Afraid. Alone. Confused. 

He has to find her. Not to own her. Not to control her.  _ To save her.  _

He sobs. He knows what was supposed to happen. He's known it for almost a year. 

She's meant to be his padawan. 

He's meant to be her master. He should've been a Jedi by now. A Jedi Knight. But no one would  _ listen.  _

His mother, afraid of him. 

His father, confused by him. 

His uncle, jealous of him. 

They had held him back, not letting him  _ be _ . They all think the darkness is evil. But it doesn't  _ have to be evil.  _

Killing Plutt wasn't  _ evil.  _ It was  _ justice.  _

If they had just  _ listened _ he could've been a full Jedi by now and have the abilities to help his sweet Rey!

His  _ Ch'itiseb vn'inen'i….. _

He has to find her….he has to get her away from Luke….she's not Luke's padawan!!!

She's  _ his  _ padawan!

He runs to his room, throwing off his night clothes, throwing on suitable clothes for traveling. He finds the credit chip. 

He knows there's not enough on there for traveling. He runs to his parents room, destroying it, searching. 

There must be more credits here somewhere. He knows his mother. Yes, she keeps credits in her banking account but she doesn't keep it all there. 

_ Yes _ , he finds more credit chips. He grabs a bag, stuffing it with everything he can think of. Clothing, food, his journal, a canteen for water. 

The  _ Mirrorbright  _ sits outside, on the landing dock. He approaches it, knowing his mother has it locked down. And of course she changed the code to access it. He manipulates the key code pad, using the force and some skills taught to him by a certain scoundrel. 

They should've known he could override any lock down code. 

The ramp lowers and he enters. Before long, he's overridden more lock down codes and he's in the air. 

He'll never forgive them for this. He knows she is probably still unconscious because when she wakes, she will call out for him. He will feel it. 

And he will rescue her. 

  
  
  
  
  
  



	19. Chapter Nineteen

He lands his mother's ship a good distance from the Academy. Landing any closer would surely get him spotted or sensed through the Force by his mother or uncle. 

It takes very strong focus to mask his signature from them. 

Fortunately, he had gotten to know the lands surrounding the school very well during his brief stay. He'd snuck further and further out in attempts to avoid his uncle. He knew of a large enough clearing a mile from the school. After landing, he leaves the ship quickly, thankful for the coverage of nighttime. 

He took the path he'd followed before, reaching out for signatures of any life forms. He only discovered the presence of sleeping wildlife. He struggled to keep his emotions at bay, knowing if he did not, Luke or Leia would sense his proximity. Underneath it all, he was fuming. 

How could they trust Luke after everything he had done? And  _ not  _ done? Why do they think Luke can help Rey?

He will not idly stand by and watch her choices taken away. He will not let Luke tell her that she can't have emotions or passion or attachments. He wants Rey to have her freedom. Freedom to cry or be angry or be in love when she grows up. 

Her light shines too bright to be smothered by restrictions. 

He reaches out into the force for her. She's awake and a bit afraid. Confused. She's asking for him. 

He charges on, determined to get to her. 

_ They want to change her, take her from you…. _

Ben tries not to agree, still uncomfortable with the voice telling him that it will give Rey to him. Make her his. That is not what he wants. 

"Go away," he whispers. 

_ It's true, my boy. Bring her to me. She'll become everything she's meant to be. So will you.  _

He pushes the voice away, no time to deal with it now. He has to find Rey. 

The outlying buildings appear in the distance. He knows how to hide amongst them, using the force to cloak his signature and ready to use it to manipulate anyone he encounters. 

He stops, seeking her. 

His parents are gone, he realizes. All the better, he thinks. He'll only have to deal with Luke. 

He seeks again and  _ there. There she is.  _

She's in Luke's hut, which then he realizes, makes sense. Luke would want to keep a close eye on her for now, until she could learn to control her nightmares, brought on by the encounter with Plutt. 

Ben approaches cautiously, knowing that if he wavers even an inch from his concentration, Luke will become aware. Luke is asleep, which helps Ben disguise himself even more. Rey is also asleep but not deeply. Subconsciously, she's trying to protect herself, not moving into the deep sleep that induces dreams. 

Ben walks to the window, peeking inside. Rey is curled into her little ball position that she always slips into when unsure and afraid. Knowing that she does this as a protective measure hurts his heart. He reaches out to her, trying a new approach. 

_ Rey, wake up. Rey….it's me….it's Ben. Wake up.  _

She stirs and he is surprised that he had seemed to reach her. 

_ Rey….come on, sweet girl….wake up...I'm here. Open your eyes…. _

_ …….Ben? _

He gasps. He heard her! He didn't think he could  _ hear _ her like that. 

_ Rey! It's me….look at the window. C'mon open your eyes….. _

Slowly but surely….her eyes open and she looks at the window, seeing him. She gasps loudly and Ben immediately holds a finger over his lips. She slaps a hand over her mouth but Ben can see her wide smile in her eyes. 

She glances at Luke then sits up, still staring with wide eyes in disbelief. She scoots to the edge of the cot and a creak sounds out. Both Ben and Rey quit breathing as Luke shifts, then rolls over. 

Rey stands, dramatically walking on tiptoes, too naive to realize that the concrete floors won't creak. Ben almost laughs out loud at her silliness. 

Then, after brushing the fabric covering over the door aside, she launches herself in the direction of her friend. Ben grabs her up quickly, immediately covering her mouth to stifle her giggle. He grins widely, feeling more at peace than he has since last seeing her. She's here. She's okay. He's got her now. 

She whisper-yells, "BEN WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE????" 

"Shhhhh, hush. I'm not supposed to be here. I snuck here on  _ Mirrorbright. _ "

She looks at him, puzzled. 

"But, why? Why didn't you come with us? Han and Leia said you refused to come."

His parent's lie only resulted in elevating his anger. But he ignored her question with a question.

"How are you?" he asks, one hand rubbing her arm while the other grasps her chin, searching her hazel eyes for any signs of despair or fear. He saw none. She seemed fine, actually. He felt joy and content coming from her. 

"I'm okay….I just missed you," she says with a sigh. Then she beams a bright smile at him. 

"You'll stay here? You didn't complete your training. So you can stay here with me and we can train together."

"No, Rey," came a voice from several feet away. Luke stands there, his arms crossed. In his excitement over seeing his friend, Ben didn't notice Luke had awoken and stepped outside. 

Ben and Rey stare at Luke, not sure what to say. 

"Ben, you need to go," Luke says, anger simmering below the surface. "You shouldn't be here. You snuck in uninvited."

Ben stands, towering over his uncle. 

"Rey wants me here." Ben says, looking down at Luke. 

"Rey is a child, she doesn't know what she wants. Leave now, Ben."

Rey stands, mouth agape as tears begin to form at the corners of her eyes. 

"No Luke, please don't make him leave. He's my best friend."

Luke shakes his head and gestures at Ben, looking at Rey. 

"Ben is an adult, Rey. You can't be best friends with an adult. You are ten."

"But….but….he  _ is  _ my best friend! Shut up Luke! You don't know!" 

She stands there, sobbing, covering her face with her hands. 

Ben walks to Rey and pulls one hand away from her face. He holds her hand and turns her to walk with him. 

"C'mon Rey... let's go."

"No, son…."

Ben and Rey look up to see Han and Leia. 

Han steps towards Ben. 

"No...Rey stays here. I'm her father and I have the legal right to make her stay. You can't take her. I won't allow it."

Ben takes a threatening step towards Han and Leia takes the opportunity to run to Rey, grabbing her and pulling her away. 

"Oh so  _ now  _ you're a father! You've been MY father for eighteen years!!"

Han points at his son. 

"Yes I have and as  _ your  _ father I'm telling you...leave! You've been in and out of Rey's life the entire time you've known her because you cannot control your temper! You can't take care of her, you can't even take care of yourself!" 

Ben throws his hands in the air.

"Well maybe if you had been a  _ father  _ to me, I'd know how!"

Rey is shaking and crying. "Stop….stop it…." she pleads. 

Leia tries to pull Rey away from the scene between father and son while they continue to scream at each other.

"I've TRIED Ben! I cannot relate to you! But you cannot and will not take Rey!"

"TRIED?? YOU TRIED?? That's a fucking  _ joke,  _ Dad! You never tried to relate to me! Hell you've been more of a father to  _ her  _ than you ever were to me!!"

"Well maybe it's because she actually  _ appreciates  _ it!!"

"Yes she  _ appreciates  _ it!! She doesn't know any better! Her parents sold her for drinking money! They were filthy junk traders! She came from NOTHING! She's nothing! That's why she appreciates it!"

"Benjamin!!" Leia shouts at him. 

A sharp gasp comes from behind Ben. He turns to see Rey, all the color gone from her face. Her lip begins to tremble and Ben realizes what he's said. 

"No….no Rey….I didn't mean you're nothing," he walks to her cautiously. "You're not nothing. Not to me…."

Rey turns and buries her face in Leia's shoulder and his mother gives him a look that turns his blood cold. A look of shame. 

Han whispers. "That's enough now, leave"

Ben takes another step towards Rey. 

"Rey...please…"

Rey untucks her head from Leia's shoulder. 

"Go away Ben. I don't want to see you."

Ben gasps, his heart skipping erratically. He looks to his mother and she shakes her head. He looks to Han and he turns his back. 

So he runs. He runs as fast as he can, through the trees, tears streaming. 

He didn't mean it. 

She's not nothing. Not to him. Not at all. 

_ I told you, they hate you. They replaced you.  _

Ben stops, his breath jagged and shallow, his heart racing.

_ You've nowhere else to go. You have nothing. But me. Come to me, Ben Solo.  _

_ You need me. You have nothing left. You can never go back to them now.  _

Ben slowly realizes the voice is right...he can never return to his family. They hate him now. They always have. 

_ Good….good….come to me…. _

He boards the  _ Mirrorbright _ and hovers his hand over the controls, taking a deep, shaking breath. 

He speaks out loud to the voice….

"Where are you?" 

  
  



	20. Chapter Twenty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time jump time!

**_Eight years later…….._ **

Rey runs, dodging trees, leaping over crevices. Her constant companion, BB8, zips behind her.

"C'mon BB!! Don't let me win!!" she shouted at her little friend as he teased her back, threatening to beat her. 

She sliced the last flag with her saber, flipping forwards and over, catching it after landing on her feet. BB just moans. 

"I told you to hurry!" Rey smiles widely at the droid, who is sulking, being a sore loser. 

"Droids never lose with dignity," a voice says gently. Rey turns to see the woman who raised her. 

"Leia!" Rey says, with a smile. She leans over and places a gentle kiss on her cheek. In turn, Leia cups her hand on Rey's face, looking at her daughter with love in her eyes. 

"Are you feeling better?" Rey asks, always worrying over Leia. Her 'accident', as everyone refers to the explosion that exposed her to space, has wreaked havoc on her body ever since. Rey furrows her brow, the memory still haunting her. 

"Yeah, just a bad day yesterday. The med droids fixed me up good though."

Rey leads Leia to a large boulder. 

"Here, sit. Get off your feet. You shouldn't have come out this far."

Leia sits and smiles just a bit, patting the seat next to her. 

"I've missed seeing you run the course. It's been too long. You've improved." 

Rey lays her head over on Leia's shoulder. She has to lean over much more now than even a year ago. She's much taller than the woman who has been a mother to her for 9 years. 

"I couldn't have done it without you and Luke," Rey says with a hint of sadness to her voice. 

"You're a smart kid, you were already strong when we found you. A survivor."

Rey sighs, looking at the ground. 

"When he found me, you mean…"

"Yes, yes, I did mean that. I'm sorry. I know he found you."

"It's okay, Leia, I miss him too. So much."

Leia pats her leg, moving to stand. Rey stands first and helps Leia. 

"Where did BB get off to?" Leia asks.

"No telling," Rey responds, allowing Leia to change the subject. "B?? Where are you?"

Rey looks back at Leia. 

"I better find him. Poe will be so mad if I let him wander too far. Are you okay going back?"

Leia nods. She's rather tired but she won't let Rey see it. Rey has too much pressure on her as it is. 

"If he beats you back, Poe will know you lost sight of him. Go ahead. I'm fine."

Rey grimaces, knowing Leia is right. Poe is very protective of his little droid. She needs to find him, now. She watches Leia just for a moment, reassuring herself that she can walk back unaccompanied. Then she moves quickly, in search of the little orange and white defector. 

**______________________________**

The Resistance had managed to hide away efficiently. Their newest base was located on D'Qar, a jungle planet in the outer rim. 

Although discovery by the First Order was always a looming threat, Rey loved it here. The lush vegetation always took her breath away. She trained daily amongst the many trees, crevices, lagoons and mountainous areas. It provided a great challenge to not only hone her physical skills but her Force abilities. She had long graduated from the Academy, a prize pupil of Luke Skywalker, her adopted uncle and friend. She loved Luke dearly, even his surly, grumpy ways. 

Luke had gone away several years ago, closing his prestigious academy, feeling that he had somehow failed. Rey didn't know why. It was a forbidden topic. Han and Leia were also kept in the dark. No one knew where Luke had gone off to. From time to time, a rumor would surface and Han and Chewie would go in search of her adopted uncle, only to return more confused than ever. 

Rey had great dreams and plans to one day revive the Jedi Praxeum. She knew she was capable and the galaxy needed it. So many force sensitives out there, struggling to understand themselves. Rey could feel their confusion in the force and vowed to help them all, eventually. 

But for now, her focus was centered on assisting in ending the First Order. 

When Rey was twelve, the galaxy discovered the secret kept by Senator Organa-Solo. That her father was Anakin Skywalker, also known as Darth Vader. Leia was shunned by everyone and somehow in the midst, was ignored when she tried to warn of the rising of an evil organization known as the First Order. 

Rather than shirk off into reclusiveness, Leia rose up and organized The Resistance, a group of hodge podge rebels who were willing to accept her guidance. They single handedly stood up against the First Order, unafraid to face them. 

It was pretty much the end for Han and Leia's marriage. Han was unable to return to pacing the floor daily, worrying about the safety of his beloved Leia. They were not divorced. Dissolving their union was something they could not seem to do. Rey knew it was because, in spite of it all, they desperately loved each other. So much so, they remained faithful. Yet apart. Rey watched how they each would light up when they would reunite. And they always seemed to disappear together overnight when they did. It gave her hope. Maybe one day…..

Rey adored her adoptive parents, even though they never legally adopted her. The pathetic government that reigned on Jakku refused to allow it. Leia, being a powerful senator, could've forced their hand but Rey never seemed to care to want the truth of her parentage dug up. So, eventually, it was let go. Rey chose the surname of Organa for legal reasons and that was that. She was an Organa. And a Solo. That much she knew. She wiped her feet of the hell that was Jakku and moved on. 

She'd returned to Nimaa many times since that traumatic day when Ben and her were almost run down by Plutt. No one knew how Plutt died. It was assumed another prisoner killed him. No one cared enough to dig any further. Good riddance to bad rubbish. 

The night terrors that Rey suffered soon ended after her arrival at the Academy. Luke was efficient in training Rey to surround herself in the Force. He had proved worthy to be her Jedi master and she was very happy there. 

Except...the bad days. 

Rey would find herself thinking of him. Her Ben. Her rescuer. Her best friend. 

She'd long forgiven him for his hurtful words that horrible first night at the academy. Rey knew Ben loved her deeply. She could sense it. She never understood why he'd chosen such hateful words but Ben had never been very eloquent. He was constantly saying stupid things, not thinking of the consequences. 

It took many years for her to stop searching the skies, waiting for a letter, feeling for his signature in the force. 

He'd simply disappeared. 

Han would go on long searches for his son, Wookie in tow. The time apart did not help relations between him and his wife. Leia, of course, wanted him to search for Ben. She was usually the one who'd hear the rumors and run to Han in desperation. The searches would take Han away for weeks. Along with the tension over her new career path, the strain on their marriage grew. 

During this same time frame, the First Order grew. Then a name began to circulate. Snoke. He'd deemed himself a ridiculous title, Supreme Leader. No one knew what he was. No one knew where he came from. No one even knew where he was. In spite of all that, he soon drew fear in most parts of the galaxy. He rose quickly, becoming as powerful as Emperor Palpatine had once been. 

Snoke soon made it clear that he wanted Luke Skywalker's head on a platter, even though it wasn't quite clear why. Leia and Han were also targets of the Supreme Leader. Fortunately, he'd never seemed to discover the existence of the Jedi girl that was considered a daughter by the Organa-Solo-Skywalker family. Leia said that it was the only reason she was glad Rey's adoption never took place. Her and Han had succeeded in hiding Rey from Snoke and the First Order. 

Leia had failed her son. She knew it. She was determined not to repeat her parenting mistakes. She'd protect Rey at all costs. 

Rey had many pivotal moments the first fifteen years of her life, the last one being utter and complete heartbreak. 

Her Ben, her sweet Ben, was gone. 

Han and Leia broke the news to her gently. His body was discovered on an outer rim planet. He had apparently picked a fight in true Ben style. He met his match and was killed. The perpetrator was never caught. 

Rey sank low, so very low. She was still at the Academy. She refused to leave her hut for weeks, barely eating and barely sleeping. She'd cry until her body gave out in exhaustion, only to wake and cry all over again. She had already graduated but held on, determined not to leave the last place she'd seen her best friend. 

It was around that time Luke decided to close the academy and disappear. He'd not even said goodbye to his family. Losing Ben to death and now Luke to mystery, Leia and Han came to fetch Rey and bring her to D'Qar. Once she was constantly surrounded by the love of a mother and father, along with new friends and a new purpose, was she able to pull herself back up. 

She still had bad days where the pain of her broken heart overwhelmed her. She'd throw herself into training out in the jungle or repairing the Falcon. 

She would dream of Ben. Sometimes bittersweet dreams of fishing and laughing, dancing with him and watching him spar. Sometimes horrible dreams of him being hurt by some evil master or flashes of a red angry unstable lightsaber in his hand, being evil himself. Sometimes she'd wake up from the dreams, feeling the dark side. She'd meditate until she was once again centered in the Force. 

That's what Ben would want, she'd tell herself. Become the best fighter, the best climber, the best runner. The best Jedi. 

She missed him every day and would until she was reunited with him again, as a Force Ghost. 

She'd loved Ben Solo since she first shared a jar of jam with him at a dejerik table. 

And she always would. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I totally suck, I know
> 
> **Dodges tomatoes**
> 
> I'm not very good at end-of-chapter notes or before-chapter summaries.
> 
> But allow me for a moment….
> 
> I had this story pop into my head months ago.
> 
> I adore Rey. I was so angry at TROS. Rey finally finds a home, only to lose it again. She finally has a love, only to be forced to tell him goodbye. 
> 
> Rey deserved better. Ben deserved better. 
> 
> In my story, Rey didn't pine after her parents. She's a realist. She took the opportunity to move on with the Organa-Solos and have real parents. 
> 
> She left Jakku and never looked back. Only returning so she could spend time with her Ben. It was also an opportunity that I created to revitalize Nimaa. Because Rey was not the only child slave and the movies should've fixed that!!
> 
> I also HATED how Leia and Han were terrible parents!! I wanted to fix that too. 
> 
> Anywho, don't hate me. Don't run. 
> 
> Is he dead? We shall see...
> 
> But Rey thinking he is breaks my heart all the same. 
> 
> Y'all know I'm new at this. My chapters aren't long. Your support has been amazing and I love every one of you. 
> 
> I struggled with this chapter. I didn't know if I should write it as an explanation or as a series of flashbacks. 
> 
> Be honest with me. Did I fuck it up writing it this way?
> 
> Hugs hugs hugs kisses kisses kisses….


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey finds out about a mysterious group of Force users...

"Really, Leia? Poe?"

"He's a nice young man…." Leia stated, sipping her caf, watching Rey intently. "He's cute too…." she added with a wink and a grin. 

"Leia!" Rey admonished her, a blush still sneaking up her cheeks. "He is but he's also an ass. So arrogant."

"Much like a scoundrel I met years ago…"

"He's no Han Solo….I can promise you that, Leia."

"That's only because you've put said scoundrel up on a pedestal, Rey Organa. I remember when he was much younger and very much like Poe Dameron."

"Can we stop please?? I've got enough on my plate right now. I don't have time to date."

"I'm just saying, don't let a good chance slip you by. No time like the present…"

"What makes you think he's even interested? He does nothing but joke and act stupid around me."

"Have I taught you  _ nothing, _ my child? Men act stupid around women. Especially ones they like. I've watched him watch you. He's  _ definitely  _ interested. He's actually very smart and talented. I'd be happy with him as a son in law."

Rey took that as her cue to go. She stood, shaking her head. 

"I'm  _ nineteen.  _ Can I live a bit before marrying, please? I gotta go, Rose needs help on an engine."

Leia laughs and waves her hand. 

"Go, go, have fun with Rose. Force knows I've  _ tried  _ to raise a proper young lady but still that scoundrel managed to slip in that love of building and rebuilding ships. Then again, I was blasting away stormtroopers when I was nineteen…."

Rey just walked away, laughing. 

Yes, Poe Dameron  _ was  _ strikingly handsome. And funny. And kind. But he was not her type. Too short. Too talkative. 

She rather liked a quiet, tall man. A larger man. One who stood just tall enough that when he embraced her, she was swallowed up by him. 

She'd rather like to marry another force sensitive. A man who understood her inner battle. Someone she could spar with. 

Those were in extremely short supply but Rey Organa would never settle for less than what she really wanted.

**______________________________**

Rose is her best friend. Rose is in love with Finn. Finn is in love with Rose. 

Rose is funny, wholehearted, blunt, pure and talented. She rules the mechanics with a firm hand. She also rules Finn. 

Finn escaped from the First Order as a stormtrooper. He rescued Poe from capture by one of Snoke's henchmen. They encountered one another onboard the starship Supremacy. Finn had been traumatized by the death of his best friend. The attack on a village left Finn disturbed, sickened. Finn tells the story that a Snoke henchman watched him deliberately disobey orders to fire. He lived to tell the tale. Somehow it gave him courage to flee. 

"So, he just watched you? He said nothing? Just walked away?" Rey asked Finn while he helped them rebuild the latest X wing brought to the Resistance base. 

"Yup. Just stared at me. Of course, he wears this horrid mask, so it's hard to tell if he is staring. But I felt it. His eyes boring through me. It was scary."

Rose gave Rey a wink. They'd heard this story 57 times already. 

"That was  _ so  _ brave of you, sweetheart. You are  _ so _ tough," she says, rubbing his arm. 

Finn's chest puffed out, enjoying impressing his girlfriend. 

"Yeah, I was brave. And tough."

Rey rolls her eyes at Rose and they both stifle a laugh when Finn turns to reach for a wrench. 

" _ Anyways…. _ " Rey pipes up, "this henchmen, who is he? A mask? Really? Why?"

Finn reaches over his head to tighten a bolt. 

"He's the leader of the Knights of Ren. They all wear masks for some dumb reason. I think his name is Kyle? Something like that. I heard he has the force."

Rey drops her wrench. It lands on her toe. 

"Fuck!!" she hollers in pain. 

"You alright there? Shit, is it broken? Should I get the medic? Finn, carry her."

She waves them back as she sits on a crate. 

"No...no...I'm fine...I'm good," she assures them. 

"What was that all about?" Rose asks.

"Nothing. It's just, I thought I knew where all of the force sensitives were. After Luke disbanded the Academy, we all left but the only ones I know are much younger than me. I don't know of any older than me."

Rey sits, her mind twirling inside. Rose and Finn watch her, unsure what to say. 

"Rey?" Finn finally speaks, "all of the Knights of Ren are force sensitive…."

Rey's eyes widen. She shakes her head. 

"No...no...that can't be true. They couldn't be. Luke would've known them. He would've told me. They couldn't actively use the force unless Luke trained them. He would've told me…."

Rey stands and takes off at a fast pace, leaving her two friends behind. She has to find Leia. 

**_______________________________**

"You knew?? You knew that there was this bunch of First Order soldiers that are force sensitive??"

Leia sighs and nods. 

"Yes, I knew. They are very dangerous. Steeped deep into the dark side. Doing Snoke's bidding. They do whatever he says. It's a volatile situation. I know that you are fascinated by force sensitives and I didn't need you wanting to find them. Or reaching out to them. I don't need them to find out about you Rey!"

Rey nods, not wanting to argue with Leia. She understands Leia's fear comes from having already lost one child. 

"Their leader, is his name really Kyle?  _ Kyle?  _ As in "the preppiest guy name ever" Kyle?" 

Rey smiled just a bit, trying to find a way to extract a grin from Leia. 

Leia doesn't even lift her head. A bit of wetness forms in her eyes and Rey swears she sees some color drain from Leia's face. But then, just like that, she returns to the General that she is. 

"His name is not Kyle. It's Kylo. Kylo Ren."

Leia says this with her head held high, the name coming out a bit forced, as though it was a struggle for her. Clearly she had opinions of this person. 

"What is he, Leia? Human?"

"Yes, he's a human male. A large human male. Young. Very skilled in the force. The dark side of the force."

"Where did he come from?"

"They don't know…..he just appeared in the First Order one day and became a pet of Snoke's right away. He rose and became leader of the Knights almost overnight. That's a big deal because he had to duel each one and win. Obviously, he did. Which means he's the most powerful even though he's probably the youngest."

Rey stirs her tea, a million questions racing through her mind. She feels…. something. A disturbance in the force. In her force. 

"How old is he?"

"They don't know. He doesn't remove his helmet."

Rey glances at Leia. 

"Then how do you know he's young?"

Leia shifts in her chair, suddenly needing more cream in her tea. She is silent while adding it, then stirring, then sipping. 

"Just a feeling I have….."

Her commlink goes off. She hits it quickly, sighing. Rey thinks it sounds like a sigh of relief. 

"Yes?" she speaks into the comm. 

"General, the ship inspection is in 15, you wanted me to remind you?"

Leia is already standing.

"Yes, Kaydel. Thank you."

Rey stands also, ready to accompany her mother-figure to the hangar. She is rather proud of the X wing she worked on and would like to show Leia. 

Leia cups Rey's cheek. 

"Go grab you something to eat and then work on your forms. You can show me later."

"But... you'll be looking at it anyways, I wanted to show….."

Leia smiles. "You need to go eat and practice. Show me later, okay?" she adds with a wink. 

"Oh….sure….okay" Rey says, confused. Leia doesn't usually get involved in Rey's form practice. That's Luke's territory. 

Rey leaves first and Leia breathes deeply, headed to the hangar for inspection.

She soon approaches Poe, leaning into him. 

"We need to talk later, after this, in my office."

Poe knows his General well enough. He leans back, concerned. 

"What's up? Is it bad?" he whispers. 

Leia shakes her head, still maintaining a nonchalant look about herself. 

"Just…. we'll talk later."

Poe nods. "Yes ma'am"

**_______________________________**

  
  


"She's found out about the Knights of Ren. She knows they are force sensitive."

Poe watches the General, gauging her thoughts. Leia is one of the most important people in his life. He's come to truly care about her. Especially since her very own husband has a way of never being there. Leia takes care of everyone. Poe tries to take care of her. Like he did his own departed mother. 

"Do you think she'd try to go find them? To reach out to them?" he asks cautiously. 

Leia shakes her head, settling into her sofa. 

"I don't think so, only because she worries about me."

Poe nods. "She's very protective of you, ma'am. It's one reason I admire her so much. She's a strong girl."

Leia places her hand on Poe's knee. 

"She's not a  _ girl _ Dameron."

"Oh, yes. Yes ma'am, I didn't mean to insult your daughter. She's no child."

Leia smiles, shaking her head. Poe looks on, confused. 

"No, what I meant was, she's a grown woman now, Poe. In case you haven't noticed."

Poe stammers. "Yeah, yeah, I've noticed. She's quite pretty. And strong. And funny. Um...why are we talking about this?"

Leia chuckles just a bit, looking back down at her lap. 

"Never mind Poe. I just needed you to know she may start trying to dig up info on the Knights. I need you to make sure all of it is hidden under 'classified only'. She's too curious and so young, still. She has always been fascinated by other force sensitives. She seems particularly curious about Kylo."

With those words, Poe flinches. Poe was interrogated by Kylo and he's still having nightmares. The headaches are finally easing off. 

"No….we have to keep her away from him. He's a monster. Evil."

Leia closes her eyes and takes a few deep breaths. 

Poe reaches out, touching her hand. 

"Leia, are you okay? I'll keep Rey safe, don't worry. I'll do whatever. BB likes her a lot. I'll tell him to stay with her all the time. We could put a camera outside her room so if she leaves during the night…."

Leia squeezes his hand. "No. To the last part. No, not yet anyways. Yes to BB. She's so crazy about that little droid. You sure you can part with him?"

"Yes, he gets fidgety when I'm stuck behind computers all day. He'd rather be out running around with her. I'll talk with him, get him to keep an eye out if she's asking questions or looking up anything about them. Or  _ him. _ I know first hand how dangerous Kylo is. He'd love to get his evil hands on her. That son-of-a….."

"That's enough, Poe. Thank you in advance. You can go. Yes, BB8 will be great at helping me feel better. She's an adult now so I can't be all motherly. Not too much."

Poe stands and nods at his mentor. 

"She'll be safe, don't worry."

Leia nods and Poe leaves the room. 

Leia waits a few minutes and digs yet another commlink out of the inner pocket of her dress. She clicks on it and waits. 

"Hello my Princess, you okay?" comes a deep voice that usually makes Leia smile. 

"Han, someone told her about him. She's curious. I'm….scared."

The voice sighs. "I'll be there in the morning"

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	22. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Han assures Leia that Rey will not go look for the Knights of Ren....
> 
> Poe tries to get alone time with Rey....
> 
> Rey doesn't know why she can't find feelings for Poe.....
> 
> BB8 meets Han Solo....

Leia waits not so patiently as the Falcon lands before her. She quickly, as quickly as she can with the sickness she's endured, boards the ship. 

Han meets her not far from the top of the ramp. 

"Woah, babe, you shouldn't be hurrying so fast. Here…."

Han takes his wife by the arm and leads her to sit. She immediately runs her hands around his waist, laying her head on his chest. He holds her, placing a kiss on her forehead. She looks up and he kisses her again on the lips. They may not be 'together' but their love still stands strong. 

In all truth, almost losing her when her ship exploded terrified Han Solo deep to his core. He almost destroyed the Falcon time skipping across the galaxy when he heard the news that his beloved was in a deep coma after being exposed to raw space. 

He never left her side for almost a year afterwards. Now he mainly runs supply runs for the Resistance. Not because he's attached to the cause but because, without the supplies, the two most precious women in his life would go without. 

Also, he's the best when it comes to finding what they need. 

"Shhh….it's going to be okay." he assures her. "What does Rey know?"

"Nothing….yet. But you  _ know _ her. She's so curious! Han, she can't find out. She'll go after him. I don't want her to find out before he's home again. And what if she finds out? And goes after him? And what if he sees her and makes her stay with him? You know he would….he'd turn her….you know he wou…"

Han interrupts her in her panic. 

"You'll keep her safe. You'll watch her. You've taken good care of her. You've been good to her."

Leia sits up and takes hold of her husband's hands, clinging to him, shaking. 

"No! I  _ lied  _ to her!! I lied, Han!! She'll never forgive me. Ben will never forgive me. He already hates me but once he finds out I  _ lied _ to Rey and told her that he was  _ dead _ !

**_Dead_ ** , Han! She'll hate me!"

Han cups her face in his hands gently, brushing her tears away with his thumbs. 

"Shhhh….breathe. Breathe babe. First off,  _ we  _ lied. Not just you. Me too. It wasn't just your decision. Actually, it was mine. I'll deal with it if it comes to that. Secondly, our son does not hate you. He was going to fire on your ship but he couldn't because you were onboard. Remember? And you said you felt his panic right before you blacked out. He felt him panic because he thought you were killed, remember? He doesn't hate you. He's lost. We  **_will_ ** get him back. And yes, she will be angry but Leia, we had to lie to her. She would've went after him!"

Leia shakes her head, in full panic mode. This is a side of Leia that only Han sees come out. With everyone else, she's tough, unbreakable. But with him, she's soft, all heart and all emotion. It took him a while to get through her tough exterior but once he did, she was always real with him. Especially over their children. 

"If she finds out, she'll go to him. You know she will."

Han pulls her into his chest again. 

"Then we will make damn sure she doesn't find out. C'mon, princess, let's go to our room."

"Oh Han, I can't do that right now, I'm too worried."

He chuckles and the echo of it against her face is soothing. 

"I didn't mean that. I just want you off your feet. Let me take care of you. You need it."

She lifts her chin and kisses him soundly. 

He smiles against her lips. 

"But you keep that up you are gonna find yourself naked, woman."

**______________________________**

Rey is deep in the forest, running her obstacle course for the third time when the ship passes over. She looks up, shielding her eyes from the bright suns. 

"Han!! Chewie!!" she shouts, taking off in a sprint. 

"C'mon BB!! Han is home!!"

BB chirps loudly, spinning behind Rey. 

Rey bounds up the ramp and Chewie catches her. 

"Chewie!! I missed you!"

<Hey there, Sunshine. Missed you too. You are even taller!>

"You always say that. I haven't grown any taller in two years. Where is he?"

Chewie nods towards the shut door of the captain's quarters. 

<Leia is with him. Give them a minute.>

Rey rolls her eyes. 

"Already? My gosh they are too  _ old  _ for that! Ewww…. I'll see them later…."

She turns and practically runs away. 

<Hey! I'm 234 years old and  _ I'm  _ not too old for that!>

"Ew...ew...ew…!!!!" Rey hollers, definitely running away now. 

Chewie bends over laughing, patting BB8 on the head. 

<Let's hurry BB, we'll torture her some more. It's good to be back.>

**_______________________________**

Rey is meeting with Poe, Finn and Rose to inspect the ship the latter three had repaired. 

"Great job, Rey...you are so talented. You know, my ship has been giving me a bit of trouble lately. Do you mind coming to check it with me?"

Rey shifts a bit, irritated that he'd given her more praise than the others. 

"Um...I'll check it tomorrow during my shift"

Poe takes a half step, coming a bit too close for Rey's comfort. 

"But I have meetings during your shift, I thought maybe since I was available and you aren't busy….."

Finn stands behind Poe, gesturing back and forth between the two, whispering,  _ He likes you….go.  _ Finn waves them towards Poe's x wing with his hand. Rose grabs Finn by the back of his jacket, pulling him away.

"I need to go see Han. He just arrived, Poe. I haven't seen him in weeks."

Poe steps back, nodding. His eyes are downcast with disappointment. 

Rey quickly turns to go, avoiding Poe's eyes. It's not that she doesn't think he's great. And cute. And a good man. It's just...  _ something _ is missing. She envisions that she should feel a spark... chemistry. It's just not there. She just doesn't feel  _ whatever _ it is she thinks she  _ should _ feel for a prospective partner. 

It's simple….she isn't crushing on him. 

She continues to walk away, feeling his eyes follow her. She feels terrible. Though she knows she shouldn't. Poe can get any girl he wants and she wishes the best for him. 

She rounds the corner, spotting the Falcon, wondering if Han and Leia are finished…. _ talking _ . 

She stops and shudders, shaking her entire body in an  _ ewwwwww _ fashion. 

She walks on to Leia's office, hoping that's where she will find them…. _not_ _talking._

BB appears out from under another ship where Rose is working. The droid spots her and chirps wildly, zooming to her side. 

"Yes, yes BB, I know! I'm looking for him too! Let's go find him!"

Upon entering Leia's office, she spots him, his back to her. She looks down at BB and holds one finger to her lips. She sneaks up and standing on tiptoe, reaches around to cover his eyes with her hands. 

"Hey! I can't see!" Han hollers, that famous grin flashing. He spins in her arms and she grabs him, squealing. 

"Hey kid! I missed ya! How's my little mechanic?" he says, scooping her up by her waist. She hugs him tightly, having missed him so much. She would love to venture with him on his runs but both he and Leia wanted to keep her on base, ever overprotective. 

Rey kisses him soundly on the cheek. 

"What are you doing here? I thought you said you'd be gone much longer."

"Oh, well, if you want me to go….." Han says, walking to the door. Rey grabs him, pushing at him teasingly. 

"No, silly! You know what I meant."

Han sits on the sofa, taking up all the space by stretching out his tall form. He laces his fingers on his chest and looks at Rey with a smirk. 

"Maybe I came to check on you. And kiss my pretty wife." he says with a wink at Leia. She simply rolls her eyes. "Besides, I hear some certain head pilot has eyes for you. Maybe I came back to keep an eye on  _ him _ ."

"Ughhh…... _ Leia _ ……" Rey exasperatingly 

moans, "I  _ told  _ you I wasn't interested, matter of fact, I just blew him off. He wanted me to check his X Wing with him. I told him I'd do it later.  _ Alone _ ."

Han throws his head back with a loud laugh. "That's my girl! Leia, I swear this daughter of ours definitely has your DNA. She's you all over again. Kriff, the poor guy you  _ do  _ fall for is in for it."

"Alright….alright you two." Leia says, hands in the air. "Poor Poe. Kid didn't stand a chance. Are you sure, Rey? He's not a bad guy….."

"BB wants to say hello to you Han!" Rey interrupts, not willing to have that conversation again with Leia. "Give him a pat on the head. He loves that."

BB rolls over to Han, chirping away and Han looks down at him, confused. 

"Pet him? Really?" 

Rey gives Han a look and he promptly pats BB's head while rolling his eyes. BB chirps excitedly and gives Han a thumbs up with his lighter. Han bursts out in a deep belly laugh. 

"Hey, I like this little guy!"

Rey pats BB. "Good boy. I knew you'd get him to like you. Go check on Rose. She probably still needed your help."

BB rolls out, chittering away, very pleased with himself. Han is still laughing. 

**_____________________________**

"Han….did you know about the Knights of Ren? And Kylo Ren?" Rey asks, timidly, Leia staring at her in that way mother's stare.

Han darts his eyes up at Leia, unsure of what to say. He takes a big gulp of his caf, black and strong like he likes it. 

"I've heard rumors…." he says cautiously.

Rey sips her tea, biding her questions carefully. 

"Have you heard if they were Luke's students before they….turned?"

Han nods to his wife, "She'd know more about that than I would, kid. They are a dangerous bunch. I mean, if what I heard was true, that is…."

"Rey….." Leia warns her, "I asked you to let it go…."

"I was just wondering, that's all, Leia," Rey says, setting her cup down and standing.

"Besides, it's not like I'm going to go chase them down. I'm not stupid, you know. Just forget I asked."

She bends to kiss both of them on the cheek. 

"I've got work to do. Plus I'm pilot training this evening."

She turns and walks out of the office.

Han grins, "Show 'em what I taught you!" he shouts after her.

  
  



	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey's curiosity grows....and results in reminded loss....

Rey sits on her bunk, datapad in hand.

She enters "Kylo Ren" into the search bar.

_ No results found…. _

"Hmmmm…." she ponders.

Backspace...backspace...backspace...

"Knights of Ren"

_ Elite group of henchmen known to protect the rumored leader of the First Order…. _

Click….images…

A group of black clad figures stands around a throne room. All wearing masks. 

Rey wonders how this picture made its way onto the holonet. She clicks on the article. 

_ This is an unconfirmed picture of the Knights, leaked by an unknown source in the First Order. No one seems to know who they are. Species is also unknown. Rumors speculate that the tallest figure is the leader. Rumors also speculate that these creatures have the "Force", a long unconfirmed legend that certain beings possess special powers.  _

_ Not pictured is the leader of the First Order. The "Supreme Leader", as it is told. No one knows if this being actually exists, what name it goes by or what species it is.  _

_ General Armitage Hux denies the existence of the Knights of Ren and the Supreme Leader.  _

Rey clicks on the leaked picture of the Knights. Yes, one is much taller than the others. 

"Kylo Ren…." she whispers.

She zooms in. His helmet surely hides all of his features. 

"Damn that's a lot of clothes…." 

Sure enough, she catches a glimpse of a metal cylinder-like object attached to his belt. 

"A saber…." she gasps. 

The rest of the galaxy may think the force is a myth but Rey knows. Because she has it. And she can spot a saber from a mile away. She studies the masked face of this man for a while and is pretty sure she can  _ feel  _ the darkness in him, just from his picture. There's something about him, though. Her interest is definitely piqued. 

She saves the picture to her device and wipes her search history clean. 

It's not that she doesn't trust Leia, she just  _ knows _ Leia. 

She falls asleep not long after. 

During the night, she wakes and suddenly remembers something she possesses. 

Clambering from her bunk, she digs around in a box. From amongst the items, she finds a datachip. Grabbing her device, she inserts it. 

_ Praxeum Student Log  _ appears in the files and she clicks on it. In the file is the names and personal history of every former student of the Academy. Name, birthdate, birth planet, date of enrollment, graduation date. 

She scrolls through, looking for any discrepancies. 

Scroll, scroll, scroll. Some of these dates go back before Rey was born. A name grabs her. 

**_Ben Solo, 5 ABY, Chandrila, 23 ABY, (no graduation. Dropped out.)_ **

Rey covers her mouth, her heart hurting. She shudders, holding back the tears. She didn't expect to see it. She should have. 

"Ben….." she whispers, memories overtaking her. 

_ Well, what dress do you want to wear? _

_ Nah, I'll just dance with you the whole time… _

_ I'll have to keep you dancing to keep all the boys away….. _

_ And you're my Rey….. _

_ I promise I'll never leave you again. You run away my monsters too…. _

Rey is overcome by her memories and shoves the datapad off the bunk, not even caring if it broke. 

" _ Ben…." _ she sobs, the first time in a long time that she has cried over her best friend. No one else has ever earned that title and Rey knows, no one ever will. 

" _ Why did you leave me….." _

She knows he can't hear her but that had not stopped her for years. She spent many years after Ben's death, still talking to him and even writing to him, not accepting that he was really gone. 

Rey finally succumbed to sleep, exhausted from her memories. Of all the losses she'd endured in her 19 years, the death of Ben Solo was the most painful. 

She dreams, she a girl again and him sparring. She watches him while she eats her banana and he laughs at her stupid jokes. In her dream she tells him to put a shirt on. She wakes, knowing that now, as a young woman, that would've been the last thing she would've wanted. 

She looks back and realizes just how beautiful Ben Solo was.

She also realizes that every man she ever encounters, she'll compare to her first love. 

No man stands a chance. 

**__________________________________**

_ Lunge… _

_ Parry…. _

_ Counterattack… _

_ Spin…. _

_ Joust…. _

_ Block…. _

Rey stabs at the air, spinning and falling, bouncing up, running, flipping, landing….

She gasps, sweat pouring from every inch of her skin, her imaginary opponent, dead. 

BB chirps with concern. 

"I'm....fine….water….though….please"

BB obediently dashes to the nearby boulder and returns with her water bottle. 

Rey gulps it, soaking the front of her clothes and dumping the rest on her head.

She falls to her knees, disengaging her saber. BB rolls to her, dancing forwards and backwards, sad beeps coming from him. Whether she wants to admit it or not, he knows something is bothering his beloved Rey. She gently lays her wet head over on him and he hums a tune to help calm her. A few tears fall from her eyes.

Immediately, she wipes them and jumps to her feet, clipping her weapon to her belt. 

"C'mon Bee….race me!"

Before he can protest, she sets off on the obstacle course. She doesn't slow until she's back on base, where she encounters Rose. 

Rose grabs her by the shoulders. 

"Woah, woah….are we being attacked? What's your deal, Jedi girl? Slow down!"

Rey just smiles but Rose notices how it doesn't reach her eyes. She grabs Rey by the hand and pulls her to the closest seat, a set of crates. 

"Sit….talk…" she tells her dear friend. 

"I'm fine," Rey protests. 

"Liar"

"I'm  _ fine,  _ Rose."

Rose turns sideways, looking at Rey's face. 

"I heard you last night. You know, my bed is on the other side of the wall. I know who is on your mind...B…."

Rey cuts her off.

"Don't. Don't Rose…."

"Rey, it's okay to talk about it. About him. You know I know all about him. You told me before."

Rose grabs her wrap-covered wrist, turning it in her hand until her palm is facing up.

"Is it still under there?"

"Yeah. Every day, Rose, you know that."

Rey slowly undoes her wrap, revealing a scrap of black cloth tied to her wrist. 

"His shirt?" Rose asks in a whisper. 

Rey had torn the hem from one of Ben's shirts into three sections and braided it, attaching it to her wrist. She covered it daily so people wouldn't ask. She had only ever shown it to Rose. 

"What happened?" Rose asked. 

"Just….memories…." 

Rey didn't want to admit that she had been searching the former names of Jedi padawans, hoping to see if any had disappeared mysteriously from the academy. Her gut tells her that the Knights are former students. There's no other explanation as to how they could be so skilled in the force. 

"There's something you aren't telling me," Rose said, a quizzing look in her eyes. Rey had never been able to hide anything from Rose. She had wondered if the woman was force sensitive. 

"I just...I've been reading about the former students from the academy. I came across Ben…." Rey says, not able to lift her eyes from the fabric around her wrist. She had other items of Ben's but this was something she could keep on her all the time. 

"Oh Rey, I'm sorry. I know he meant so much to you. I still find it so heartbreaking that they lost their only son."

"Their only child," Rey whispers. 

" _ You  _ are their daughter Rey. I know not by blood but by heart. And that's what matters the most. Ben would agree. He was your brother."

Rey smiles just a bit. 

"No Rose, he wasn't my brother."

"Yes he was! Quit saying they aren't your family!"

Rey looks at Rose. "No, Rose. He and I weren't together but a few months. He wasn't a brother. He was my best friend."

Rose stares at her friend a moment. 

"You loved him, Rey. Like, you  _ loved _ him. Didn't you? Wasn't he like, way older?"

"Nine years older. And yes, I loved him. But he never knew. I kept it a secret. I was going to tell him when I grew up. But then…"

Rose pulls Rey into a hug, holding her tightly.

"Oh, my sweet Rey. Oh honey, I'm so sorry. You lost your first love…."

"My  _ only  _ love, Rose. He was it."

Rose cups Rey's face, shaking her head. 

"Oh no. Don't do that. You'll fall in love. You'll love again!"

Rey grasps her friends hands, pulling them into her lap. She shakes her head slowly, resolved long ago at her decision. 

"No. Ben Solo was my soulmate. We had a connection. Through the Force. It was how he found me, how he gave me a home. A family. He was supposed to be mine, and I his. But he's gone. I'll see him again. He was a Jedi and so am I. There's no one else out there that could ever have my heart. He took it when I was nine years old and he still has it. On the other side."

By this point, Rose is crying. 

"That was the saddest, most beautiful, most heartbreaking thing I've ever heard. Well, if you are right then okay. I can respect that. Can I be your new best friend? Your best girlfriend?"

Rey smiles through her tears. 

"I'd be honored, Rose Tico." 

Rose lifts Rey's wrist and kisses the braided fabric. 

"I'll take good care of her, Ben Solo."

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to my Rose....Heather. Love you and thank you.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey cannot get Kylo Ren out of her mind....

Rey pours herself into researching the student records of the Academy. Her findings are that 22 students had dropped out in the last 20 years. Rey didn't go any further back, deciding to start with those names. Ben being one of them, she quickly crossed his name off. 

Holonet searches found that most of them are living peaceful lives in various parts of the galaxy. Four of the names popped up married to four of the other names. 

It seemed that romantic relationships being forbidden had become an issue. Eight students had dropped out, deciding that love outweighed becoming a Jedi. 

Rey hoped they were all happy, wherever they were. She admired them. 

That left 14. Rey discovered that three had gone on to politics and four led regular lives in various occupations. 

Six names were left and Rey could find no trace of them anywhere. It was like they had disappeared. 

Rey had strong suspicions that those six were Knights of Ren. Except she didn't know the actual  _ names  _ of the Knights. 

Except Kylo Ren. And Kylo had never been a student at the Academy. 

So...where did this man come from? Where had he learned to control his force powers? 

Rey fell asleep pondering these questions.

Who  _ is _ Kylo Ren?

**_______________________________**

She does her best contemplating while elbow deep in the belly of a broken down ship, grease coating her hands and most of the rest of her. 

She thinks of every angle there is of how she could possibly find out more about Ren. Of course, she has to keep quiet. Leia would not approve of her curiosity at all. 

While she busies herself replacing the broken auxilator, she hears her name being called out. 

"Hey Rey!"

She pulls her head out of the ships engine housing to see Finn's friendly smile. 

"Hey Finn! What's up?" she asks her dear friend. Finn had a way of brightening up any room with his cheerfulness. He is a sweet, tender man, full of emotion. She could see why Rose was in love with him. He's a good man. 

"Just wondering if you'd like to eat lunch with me. We haven't talked in a while."

Rey walks over to her workbench, grabbing a towel to wipe her hands off. 

"I don't know, you've been neglecting me for a few months now. I suppose your girlfriend is occupied elsewhere?" 

Rey says this then adds a wink at the end. 

"I'm sorry," Finn says, blushing. "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, Rey."

Rey punches his arm.

"Oh hush. I'm joking. I'm so happy for you. Rose is amazing and she's crazy about you. I'm very happy for both of you."

Finn beams, so relieved that she isn't upset. He really didn't mean to ignore Rey. He just can't seem to be away from Rose Tico for very long, he loves her so much. 

"Whew. I thought you were mad at me. So you'll come eat with me?"

"Of course I will. I need to go shower first. I'm a greasy mess. I'll meet you in an hour?"

"Sure," Finn responds with an infectious grin. 

**_____________________________**

Rey pushes her food around on her plate, taking a deep breath for courage's sake. 

"Finn, can I ask you an uncomfortable question?"

Finn chews and then swallows. 

"Um..sure, why not?"

Rey continues to look down, knowing this question could lead to an awkward conversation. 

"Do you know anything about where Kylo Ren came from?"

Finn looks confused. "Kylo? Oh, yeah, I was telling you about him the other day. Why?"

Rey shrugs her shoulders, "I was just curious. Do you know much about him? Like, is that his real name? Where did he come from? How old is he? Does anyone know what he looks like?" 

Finn holds up one hand. 

"Whoa whoa whoa….one at a time. I mean, I'd hear stuff but who knows if it's true. I'm pretty sure that's not his real name. I mean, he obviously doesn't want anyone to see what he looks like so he probably has a fake name. It's impossible to tell if he's young or old. He's massive though. Over 6 feet tall. And it was kept secret where he originated from."

Rey nods her head. "Thanks, Finn."

"What's this about?" he asks. 

"I just thought I knew where all the force sensitives were. The ones my age, anyways. Luke made out like we were it. We were the last ones. The last skilled ones. These guys are really skilled in the force and no one knows how they were trained. It has just got me curious. That's all."

"Just be careful, Rey. Don't reach out into the force for them. Promise me."

Rey looks up at him. 

"What do you know about reaching out into the force, Finn?"

Finn fidgets. "I don't. I mean, I just know from being around you. Promise me you won't. It could be dangerous."

"I won't, Finn. I promise."

**_______________________________**

The more she dug into these six names, the more convinced she was that these men were the Knights of Ren. 

But how did they come to fall so deep to the Dark Side? And why?

Who was this mysterious leader? Why was it such a secret?

Rey dug deep into the holonet, even into social net postings by individuals, speculating the mystery. She read thousands of comments online of what other's thoughts were, hoping that someone may have stumbled onto the truth. 

Her curiosity led her back to the picture saved in her files of the seven Knights. She could not stop staring at the tall figure in the middle. He was just so…. intriguing. 

She fell asleep and dreamed of him. 

_ He stood over her….staring down, unmoving.  _

_ "Who are you?" she heard herself ask.  _

_ He never moved. Even though she couldn't see his face, she knew he was fixated on her.  _

_ "Who are you, girl?" a deep voice asked.  _

_ "I'm….nobody…." _

_ "You're somebody who asks too many questions" _

_ "I only asked one…." _

_ "Stop talking." he spoke, his voice sounding like metal behind the mask.  _

_ "What do you want with me?" she asked, unafraid.  _

_ "I said stop talking. I'd ask the same of you….what do  _ **_you_ ** _ want with me?" _

She woke before she could answer. Something told her this was a message from the force. She had to keep searching. She didn't know why it was so important, why she couldn't stop thinking of him. 

Something told her he was important.

She closed her eyes for just a moment and broke her promise to Finn. She reached out into the force, searching for a dark signature. 

She reached, pushing against the dark, feeling its tendrils pulling at her, just slightly. Like a light scratching of long, jagged nails. It hurt just a bit but not very much. 

The more she reached, the deeper the nails scratched. It became uncomfortable but still not painful. She felt herself sweating. It became a bit hard to breathe. 

There, there was something. A familiar feeling. She could feel a presence, a force signature. Dark but yet, familiar. As she honed in on it, she saw a black hood. 

He suddenly turned. It was him. Kylo Ren.

**_"I'll find you…."_ **

He suddenly charged at her, scaring her. 

She pulled out, quickly, gasping, sweating. She looked down at her arms and saw scratches, real scratches. She jumped up, feeling dirty, feeling like she needed a shower. She ran and washed herself, scrubbing her skin roughly. 

When she emerged from her fresher, she found Leia sitting on her bed, her face pale. She was shaking. 

"I told you not to do it Rey. I told you it was dangerous." 

Rey froze, shocked. 

"I felt it. The darkness. I felt it try to pull at you. I came rushing, thinking it was coming for you, only to realize that you called to it. You don't realize, it wants you. It always has. Please Rey, don't do it again."

Rey went to her datapad, pulling up the picture. 

"Who is he?" she asked, pointing at the tall, dark figure. 

"Someone very dangerous, Rey. Please, please don't do it again. Don't reach out for him. He could find you."

Rey reaches over to hug Leia. 

"Okay Leia, I won't. I'm sorry I scared you."

Leia nods, embracing her. 

"I want you to go with Han in the morning, he is going to see Maz. It'll do you good to get away from here. Get your mind off of this."

Rey smiles. She adores Maz.

"Yes! I'd love to go."

Leia brushes a strand of hair out of Rey's eyes. 

"Want me to braid your hair?" she asks. 

"Of course. It's been a long time."

"Fetch me your brush then…."

  
  
  


  
  



	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey visits Maz....
> 
> Chaos ensues.....

"C'mon kid! We gotta go!" 

"Leave her alone, Han. She's coming." Leia called out to her husband. He just winked at her. 

Leia placed her hands in Rey's. 

"Don't let him push you around. Show him who's boss." Leia winked at her. 

"I love you Leia" Rey responded and hugged her. This woman meant so much to her and she'd miss her deeply over the next few weeks. 

"I love you too Rey. Take care of him, okay?" Leia said with a nod at Han. 

Han walked over quickly. 

"We really gotta go. Sorry." he said sheepishly. He hated to rush their goodbye. 

Rey turned and walked away, bounding up the ramp of the Falcon. 

"Take care of our girl, you hear me?" Leia told him, her hands resting on his broad chest. 

"I'm more worried about you, sweetheart. You sure you'll be okay without her?"

Leia wrapped her arms around her husband, sighing. He wrapped her tightly. 

"I'll miss you, old man. Get back here quick."

"Hey," he whispered down at her. 

She looked up at him and the deep brown of her eyes swept him away, again. 

"I love you, Leia Solo. You know that?"

"I know," she responded with a kiss to his lips. "Now, go. She's waiting."

He hugged her once more and turned to go. 

"I still hate watching you leave," she calls out to him. 

"I know, that's why I still do it," he called back at her over his shoulder. 

She smiles. 

**______________________________**

Takodana always took her breath away, from the first time she saw it as a girl. 

Han watched her from the corner of his eye, smiling. 

"I remember what you said, that you'd never seen so much green."

"It's still my favorite green planet" 

"Maz will be so excited to see you again."

"I missed her too."

They landed on a bluff overlooking a beautiful lake. In the distance stood Maz's Cantina, housed inside an old castle. The two, accompanied by Chewie, walked towards it and the closer they got, the faster Rey walked, eager to see her friend, which she considered a grandmother. 

They entered and it took all of 5 seconds to hear the shout. 

"Rey!! There's my girl!"

Rey knelt down to accept a hug. When Maz reached her, Rey was once again amazed at how strong the small woman was. She grasped Rey's face and squeezed. Rey had braced herself but still let out a gasp. 

"Look at you! So beautiful! All grown up!"

"Thank you Maz. I've missed you."

A deep sigh resounded from above Rey and Maz. 

"Just ignore me then...I'm used to losing attention to beautiful women…."

Maz reaches up to Han, grabbing him by the shirt and yanking him down. He laughed.

"Nobody forgot you, you old scoundrel. Why didn't you bring that young beautiful wife with you?"

"Well, somebody has to run the Resistance, you know…."

"If you'd help her more, maybe she could get a break and come see me."

Han throws his hands up, "Okay, okay already! I give up. You win. As usual."

Maz nods her agreement and takes Rey by the hand. 

She looks back up at Han. "You...go do something. Rey needs Maz time."

**_______________________________**

"You shook the force….I felt it, Rey."

Rey stares at Maz, speechless. Then she stirs her drink, looking down. 

"You don't beat around the bush, do you?"

Maz laughs out loud. 

"Not at my age. I could drop dead mid-sentence. So I just gotta spit it out."

"Maz! Stop it. You scare me saying that."

"Like you scared me last night?"

"I know, I know. Leia already lectured me. That's why I'm here. Apparently I'm a handful."

"Oh, I remember another nineteen year old handful. She was something else, all fire and balls."

Rey laughs out loud at her statement about Leia. It's not the first time Rey has heard about the Princess. 

"I'd love to have seen that. I understand she was a blast. She still is."

Maz smiles. "You and her would've been thick as thieves. Almost like you are now."

Rey turns serious, looking down again. 

"Maz," she whispers. "I was scared last night but it was like I couldn't stop myself. I  _ had _ to feel for him. Do you know who he is?"

Maz's eyes widen just a bit behind her thick glasses. Rey doesn't miss it. She feels Maz cover her thoughts through the Force like a steel trap slamming shut. 

"He's powerful, Rey. Dark. He's lost deep in the darkness. A troubled, haunted soul."

Rey sits forward, staring at her friend. 

"Maz, you know who he is, don't you?"

"Child, that's not for me to reveal to you. It's not a wise thing for me to do."

Rey sighs loudly. 

Maz reaches up and places one finger under Rey's chin. She looks at Maz. 

"What you are seeking for is not going to be found in the darkness but in the light. Seek the light, Rey. There's still light there."

And with that, she pats Rey's cheek and jumps down off the stool, walking away. 

Rey watches her leave and stands, walking outside. She needs to see the green. 

Before she gets too far out the door, Han appears at her side. Chewie is right behind. 

"I'm just going for a walk, Han. I won't go far. And no….Chewie can't come."

Chewie mumbles. 

"No offense, big guy…" Rey assures him. 

"Alright, but don't get lost out there. I don't have that force stuff to come find you." Han says with a wink. 

"I'm fine. I have my blaster, see?" she lifts it a bit from her belt to show him. 

She walks on. Several minutes later, she spots a familiar ship approaching. Upon landing, she wanders over just as the ramp descends. Finn comes bounding out. 

"Hey you!" Rey hollers out, running for a hug from her friend.

"Hey! I heard you guys were nearby. Thought I'd stop by to see Maz. It's been awhile. You know, ever since she called me out on my bullshit, I've missed her."

Rey wasn't with Finn that day but she'd heard how Finn had tried to pass himself off as Resistance. Maz saw right through him. Finn was ready to bolt but Maz talked him into staying and contacted Han to come pick him up. Finn quickly joined Leia's army and climbed rank. Now he was a Commander and a great pilot and gunner. 

"She's inside. She'll be glad to see you."

Rey nodded towards the cantina and smiled. 

Finn looked at her, concerned. 

"What are you doing out here alone?"

Rey smiled again. Everyone always worried over her. Her age and the fact that she was the General's daughter made them overprotective. There were days that it irritated her to no end but she could never be frustrated with Finn. 

"I just wanted to look at some green. It's so pretty here. You know how I am about nature."

Finn's eyebrows came together in a worried look. 

"Just be careful. Don't go far."

Rey sighed, trying not to let his worry bother her. 

"I'm fine, Finn. I have my blaster."

"You need a saber," Finn says. 

"I know. Luke was supposed to take me but now…." 

"We should talk to Leia. I would love to go with you to find your crystal. That would be amazing to see." 

Rey hugs Finn again, kissing him on the cheek. 

"Yes!! Let's do that when we get back!"

"Yeah…" Finn says, with a slight blush to his cheeks. 

"You go on in. I'll be back soon." Rey called out over her shoulder, walking away. 

**_______________________________**

The lake called her name. 

Deep down, where the desert girl lived, was a fascination with water. Rey watched the ripples on the surface, whispering across the glassy surface. Occasionally a wave would form and she'd follow it with her eyes. It was like magic, the way the ripples would appear, out of nowhere. She could feel the life below the surface, fish zipping about, getting their fill on whatever they found appealing. 

Rey sat on the grassy shore, pulling up blades with her fingers, feeling peace around her. 

Something inside of her stirred. A movement in the force. She reached out with her mind, not sure what she was feeling. It was a disturbance. Yet, something felt familiar. Something calling her. Just a whisper but yet she couldn't ignore it. 

She looked about, confused and perplexed. All looked quiet and peaceful. 

She felt a tug in the force. Like a hand reaching out. No, not a hand so much as fingers. Fingertips, to be exact. Reaching for her. For her fingertips. 

She looked down at her hand, flexing her fingers. She was too curious, her mind said. Yet her heart, it wanted to know. So she held her hand out.

She just just a light touch. A soft tingle in her fingertips, almost like a breeze but yet, more solid. 

She knew that she knew if she only closed her eyes, she'd see it. She'd see fingertips touching her own. But she was nervous about what could be happening so she kept her eyes open, still feeling that slight touch. 

Then it was gone. 

Rey stood, once again feeling a tug. Towards the sky. 

She looked up. 

It was not an unusual thing to see ships coming and going from the cantina. It was a popular place. It was thousands of years old. People from all around the galaxy visited the castle. So seeing ships in the sky didn't alarm her. But for some reason, her eyes locked in on one incoming vessel. 

She watched it descend lower. It landed far away from the others, over on the opposite side of the lake. 

Rey continued to be intrigued. She didn't know why this ship had gotten her curiosity up. 

The ramp finally lowered and out came white armor covered beings. Humanoid was Rey's guess. She'd know that armor anywhere. 

First Order Stormtroopers. Here. On Takodana. Peaceful Takodana. 

Rey gasped, her heart racing. Why was the First Order ship here?? Were they planning an attack? Her eyes searched the skies, waiting for more ships to appear. No, this ship seemed to be the sole one. That was some comfort to Rey, but not much. 

Her human nature told her  _ run, run. _

But something else said  _ stay, stay. _

So she stayed. And watched. 

She heard him before she saw him. 

_ Thud, thud, thud.  _

A figure head to toe in black came down the ramp of the command ship. His face was completely obscured by the mask. Yet she knew. She'd know it anywhere. 

Kylo Ren.

Was here. 

On Takodana. 

Her heart tripped, skipped, thudded and possibly stopped a few times right there in her chest. Breathing wasn't even an option for a spattering of seconds. 

Why was he here?

Then she knew.  _ She knew.  _ She knew it as sure as she knew the force strummed in her veins. 

He'd come for her. 

**_"I'll find you…."_ **

He so he had. He'd followed her force signature to Takodana. Leia was right. He could find her. He  _ had _ found her. 

But wait. Not yet. He hadn't found her yet. 

She wanted to run, to hide. But she wasn't alone on Takodana. Han, Chewie, Finn and Maz were here too. Nearby. She couldn't just abandon them. What if he went to the cantina to look for her? Her family could be hurt. 

So she hid and watched, calculating. She didn't even have a commlink to warn them. 

She watched as he gave orders but she couldn't hear him. Just bits and pieces. 

She picked up on one word though. It made her blood run cold. 

"Girl," he said. 

_ Girl. Me. I'm the girl. What have I done? _

Then, her worst fears began to unfold right in front of her. 

He walked towards the castle. 

_ NONONONONONO…… _

She couldn't let him go in there. Han was there. Her Han. Her Chewie. Her Finn. Her Maz. 

She didn't think. She couldn't. There was no other option. 

She walked out from behind the trees. 

"HEY!!!!"

He turned slowly and then his eyes, even though they were hidden, bore into her. 

She suddenly couldn't move. Frozen. 

He force-froze her. She tried to be brave. She could breathe, so she took some solace that he wasn't choking her. 

He approached her slowly. 

"Ah, it's you."

His voice was modulated, mechanical. Deep. It reverberated in her chest. 

"The girl. You reached for me."

She locked into where she thought his eyes might be, trying to be brave. 

"You found me."

That was the last she remembered as darkness overtook her. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
> 
> THIS IS IT MY PEOPLE!!!


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey is captured by Kylo Ren!
> 
> Here we go my lovely readers!
> 
> You all are AMAZING. I love my comments and kudos and bookmarks. It encourages me to keep going. 
> 
> I have several future chapters written. All I will say is I love this Ben and Rey.

Rey woke strapped to an interrogation table. How she knew that, she wasn't quite sure. She was disoriented but immediately sensed the overwhelming presence of the masked man who had come after her in the forest. His familiarity overwhelms her. 

Kylo Ren had taken her.

Her head hurts. 

"Where am I?" 

"You're my guest," he replies, standing over her, his voice sounding distorted by the mask. 

In Rey's mind she pictures Han, Maz, Finn and Chewie. She hopes they are safe. 

The mask swivels towards her, almost violently. She gasps, almost wondering if he heard her thoughts, so quick was his action. 

"Where are the others? My family? Where are they? Did you capture them too?" 

He sniffs, disgusted. "You mean the traitors, murderers and thieves that were with you? I have no idea." 

She simply stares at him, a riot of emotions coursing through her. She cannot shake that familiar feeling. 

He looks at her again through the mask. "Who are you, girl?" She wonders if he feels it too. 

"I'm wondering the same of you." Rey believes she hears him make a smirk, if she knew what a smirk sounded like. She doesn't know because she can't see his face. 

"I'm Kylo Ren. You know that, girl." Her eyes narrow and she tilts her head. 

"But who are you, really? That's not your real name."

His entire body jerks. Her words have done something to him. 

Aha. I've hit on something, she thought.

He just stares at her. Once again, she wonders if his force powers are strong enough to read her mind. 

She wishes her training had been more intense. She knows what's coming. He's going to dig into her mind. She knows she's not strong enough in the force to resist him. She immediately begins to construct a wall, trying to protect herself, brace herself. It will be painful, whatever he does. 

He asks again. "Who are you?"

She turns her head, refusing to give him her name. Refusing to even think her own name. 

"You know I can take whatever I want." 

"Then take it, Kylo Ren," she says daringingly, challenging him. 

He sighs again and she somehow knows he's not treating her like he has his previous prisoners. She wonders if he too feels as she does, that familiarity. 

"I wanted to avoid this. I don't take any pleasure from it. I'll try not to hurt you. Don't fight me, girl. I'll go easy but I will get what I want." 

Rey has no intention of fighting him. It would be useless. He's much more powerful in the Force than she is. She wonders why he hasn't mentioned her force sensitivity. 

He touches her face, almost gently, looking into her mind. He barely scrapes the surface when suddenly he jerks his hand back, like he's been shocked. She senses confusion in him. He stumbles back and reaches up towards his neck. His thumbs go inside the bottom of his mask. Rey notices a slight tremor in his gloved hands, hears two distinct clicks and realizes he's removing it. She flinches, nervous to see what is probably a horribly disfigured face. 

But that is not what is revealed.

He breathes heavily. He's quite shaken. 

She's so absorbed by the sudden well of emotions from him that her brain doesn't register what her eyes see. She blinks rapidly, hearing the words coming from him. 

"Who are you? Do I know you?" Kylo says, shaking his head in confusion. 

The sight of his face coupled with the sound of his human voice, no longer distorted, suddenly causes who she sees to register in her mind. 

She can't breathe. 

_ No!! No!! It can't be!!  _

She shakes her head this time, unable to rub her eyes, which she desperately needs to do. The room spins but she quickly gains control of herself. Her throat is immediately dry. 

She whispers. 

"Ben?" 

He comes closer to her, looking into her eyes. She feels a whirlwind of emotion from him. Anger, confusion, sadness. 

He gasps the words, his eyes wild and panicked. 

"Who are you???" 

She wishes she could reach for him but she's still strapped down. 

"Ben, don't you know me? It's me...Rey…" 

What little color he has in his face leaves, making him ghost white. 

"No!!!!!" 

Rey is now panicking with him, unable to understand what's happening. 

"Ben….." she whispers again, confused. 

He turns and runs, almost running into the door before it fully opens and then…. he's gone. 

Her chest heaves and she can't breathe. 

She struggles to get up, to chase after him, desperate that she is losing him again but she's trapped. 

It's him. It's Ben. She never thought she'd see him again. But yet, she knew. She knew when she saw him in the forest. She knew it was him, she just couldn't understand it. She's confused. Her heart races. 

Han and Leia…..they said he was dead. 

Do they know? Ben Solo is Kylo Ren. 

As her thoughts whirl and many years of memories come flying by at hyperspeed, she knows. 

She knows they lied. 

That's why they weren't shattered by his death. That's why Leia was so quick to join the Resistance. That's why there was no memorial for him. That's why they told her to forget. 

They knew he fell. They knew he was Kylo Ren. 

They lied to her. Why? 

They knew what he'd meant to her….they did this to her. They let her heart be shattered. They lied, thinking she'd move on. Thinking she'd forget him. But how could she? 

He'd saved her. He had been her hero. 

But now, what  _ was _ he? 

Where was  _ her _ Ben? 

______________________________ 

  
  


He runs. He runs down the corridor, not really knowing why. 

Kylo stops, trying to center himself. Trying to breathe. He leans against the wall of the corridor. 

Whoever she was, she had dove into him, like Snoke but not like Snoke. 

It didn't hurt like Snoke. 

It had felt….amazing. 

It was scary as fuck, too. 

**_Come to me NOW Kylo!!_ **

Snoke is calling him. 

Which was why he had run, he sees now. 

Something in him ran from her to protect her from Snoke, knowing he'd sense it. Knowing he'd sense the elation Kylo had felt. 

_ The feeling of….the feeling of what?  _

As he realizes it, he nearly collapses, putting his hands on his knees and bending over. 

The feeling of  _ home _ . 

_ Why?? How?? Who is she?? How does she know my old name??  _

His mind reels, wanting to return to her, return to that feeling. But something tells him no. Protect her. Guard her. Don't let Snoke see her. 

He stands straightening his tunic, glad that his guards had known to stay away from him. They'd learned to leave when his emotions rolled. 

He runs his fingers through his hair, mentally blocking every thought of the girl and walks towards his Master's chambers. 

**_KYLO!!_ **

It's too late. He knows. Snoke knows. He stops again.

He can't go to Snoke. But he can't go back to the girl, either. Somewhere in his mind, he feels her moving. She's escaping! 

_ No! I need to know who she is!  _

He runs back to the interrogation room, seeing it empty, his trooper in a daze. 

He runs past the room, down the corridor as fast as he can, reaching for her through the Force. 

She's up ahead. He feels her panic. Her intense sadness. Why is she sad? 

He just has to stop her. Why? He doesn't know. But stop her, he must. 

He spots her further ahead.

As he grows nearer to her, two men step out from around the corner. 

Two men and a Wookie. 

Kylo stops running so abruptly he almost stumbles forward, catching himself with the force. 

_ Chewie! It's Chewie! And…  _

_ Dear Maker above….  _

_ It's his Dad. Han Solo. _

Time freezes. He freezes. His breath freezes. 

He can't move. But as soon as his eyes lock onto his father, he looks away, partly in shame but mostly because… 

She's looking at him. Looking  _ into _ him. 

He realizes something he had not noticed earlier. How, he missed it, he has no fucking clue. 

_ She's beautiful _ . 

There's something about her that goes beyond physical beauty. Those eyes, something. Somehow, he tunes out the fact that his father is approaching him.

She's like a magnet. She's definitely very strong in the force. How had he missed that? How did he not sense it on Takodana? Or even moments ago, before he ran from her? 

He looks at Han standing now only a few feet away. Kylo blinks, confused. 

He looks back at Rey, knowing he knows her. He has no doubt who his father is so why doesn't he know who she is? 

The pull from Snoke is growing stronger, his master's voice beating against his mind. It's becoming painful and he stumbles. 

"Ben!" Han reaches out and steadies his much taller son. Han's hands stay on his son's chest. Kylo pays no attention to his father, only staring at Rey. She also cannot look away from him. 

"Who's Ben?" Finn asks. 

"Rey, why does Han know Ren?" Rey puts her hand up at Finn 

"Shhh…." 

Kylo looks down at his father, confused. 

He blinks rapidly, as if finally realizing that he's seeing his father for the first time in many years. He looks down at his father's hands and back at Rey, then back at Han. 

"Dad…" he stammers, "who is she? Who's that girl?" 

"DAD??" Finn hollers. 

"Shut up Finn," Han whispers, not looking away from his long-lost son. 

Han senses the light still residing in his son's heart. Leia was right. Ben is still in there. He doesn't understand why Ben doesn't remember Rey. 

But in spite of the turmoil raging around them, Han smiles, just a bit, for here is his boy and maybe….there's hope. 

"Son," he says as his son looks at him, very confused. "that's Rey...remember Rey?" 

Finn looks up at Chewie. "Kylo Ren is Han's son?" 

Chewie nods slowly. 

"Holy fuck…." Finn whispers.

Kylo slowly pushes his father's hands down, off his chest as he takes a few steps towards Rey. 

Rey backs up, unsure of Kylo's intentions. He stops, afraid she will run. Kylo whispers to her gently. 

"No, don't be afraid. Please, look at me again. I know you, don't I?" This beautiful creature turns back to him, tears in her eyes. Kylo wonders why she's crying. Did he hurt her earlier? 

**_KYLO!!!!_ **

Kylo locks down his mind, pushing Snoke out again. 

He can't do anything except look at her eyes, the pull of her unlike anything he's ever felt. He's never been so entranced and in this moment,  _ nothing  _ else matters to him. Nothing has ever mattered to him. 

She still looks afraid. 

He whispers, "Did I hurt you? Earlier?" 

"No Ben. You didn't," Rey whispers back to him. 

"Then….why are you crying?" 

Rey's lip tremors and something inside Kylo aches. He hasn't cared about anyone in years but for some reason, he cares about what's hurting her. 

He's forgotten all about his prior mission. Nothing has ever mattered like knowing who she is. This...Rey….

"You forgot me, didn't you? How could you forget me?" 

Kylo's hand moves up and he stops, removing his glove. He reaches slowly towards her face, drawn like a moth to a flame. 

Finn steps forward. "No! Don't touch her!" Ben nods to Chewie and suddenly Finn finds himself being pulled back. 

"Stop Chewie!! He's going to hurt Rey!!" 

"No he won't, Finn. He won't hurt Rey." Han says, standing behind his son. 

"But...son, we have to leave. It's dangerous for her here. You know that." 

"No one will hurt you Dad. I won't let them." Kylo says, still watching Rey, his hand mere centimeters from her face. 

As soon as he touches her, visions fly through him. 

_ Jakuu….  _

_ Slaves…  _

_ A girl….  _

_ Someone hits her…  _

_ They run…  _

_ Jam...she loves jam…..  _

_ Giggles… _

_ "Ben you are funny!"  _

_ "Ben I'm afraid….stay with me…"  _

_ "Your feet stink…"  _

_ "You saved me Ben"  _

_ "Maybe when I'm bigger?"  _

_ "Sure, squirt…"  _

_ "Do it again Ben!"  _

_ "I hate dresses…."  _

_ "I'll braid your hair…."  _

_ "You're my Ben…."  _

_ "And you're my Rey….." _

Everything comes open in his mind. He knows. He knows who she is. 

Slowly, ever so slowly, a smile comes across his face. 

Tears form in his eyes and he breathes the words. 

"It's you….. you're my Rey."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh!!!! 
> 
> My ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️ heart!!!!!


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yay!! Rejoice with me! Reunited at last! 
> 
> I love, no ADORE all of your reaction's to their long awaited reunion. Didn't feel like forever to y'all? Just me? K, then. Lol
> 
> I struggled with the quick return of Ben's memory of who Rey is. I was tempted to make it long and drawn out, angsty. But I just couldn't. I decided that one look in Rey's hazel eyes would do the trick. My poor Ben, I couldn't make him wait any longer. Ben needs Rey and Rey needs Ben. Just that simple. And of course, he light guided him back to himself. She's his sun and he's destined to orbit her. 
> 
> So now we venture into the territory that we've been curious about. How does she affect him now that she's grown? 
> 
> Please, keep commenting. It's my life blood.

Rey's face softens as a light returns in the eyes of her lost friend. She places her hand on his cheek and smiles. 

It's him. All of him. 

"Yes Ben, it's me, Rey. I thought….I thought you forgot about me."

Kylo struggles inside. He can't hurt her with the truth. He deflects. 

"Well….you've changed a bit," he says, still smiling at her. 

Her tears finally escape her eyes and Kylo wipes them away with his thumb. 

Finn looks on, still wrapped in Chewie's massive frame. 

"What the actual fuck is happening?? Rey?? You  _ know  _ Kylo Ren??"

Without looking away from Ben, she nods. 

"Yes, Finn, I do. He was my best friend."

Before the former stormtrooper can respond, alarms tear through the ship. Kylo jerks back, brought violently into reality. 

"Rey, Dad, you have to leave here.  _ Now _ ."

Rey's eyes are wide with fear and she looks to Han, who is unholstering his blaster. She quickly looks back to Ben. 

"No Ben. No!! Not without you!" Rey shouts. 

Kylo looks over his shoulder, hearing familiar boots hitting the durasteel floors.

_ Hux. _

Snoke is sending Hux after him. 

"Shit. Just go Rey!" Kylo shouts. 

Rey grabs at him, desperate. 

"Please Ben, don't do this. I thought you were dead! Don't make me leave!"

Kylo suddenly looks back at Rey. 

"You what?? You thought I was dead?"

Rey points at Han, who is pointing his blaster towards the oncoming general, preparing to shoot him on sight. 

" _ He  _ told me you were dead!"

More boots are hitting the floors. Troopers.

Hux's guard are the best of the best troopers. Kylo's guard, the Knights of Ren, unfortunately aren't here. 

Kylo spins and looks at his father. 

"You told her I was…..Dad! Put the damn blaster away! Take Rey and go! You can't shoot all of them!"

Han looks back at Kylo as Hux hollers to him again. 

"Son, come with us. Please!!" 

Kylo has never heard his Dad say please. It's quite jarring. 

Rey suddenly looks at Finn and Chewie. 

"Go!" she yells at them. 

"Not without you Rey!" Finn shouts, getting his blaster ready. Chewie arms his crossbow. 

"And I'm not leaving without Ben!" Rey shouts back at her friend. 

"Who's Ben????" Finn shouts.

"Kylo is Ben!!" Rey shouts back at him. 

Kylo's head is rapidly turning from Hux to Rey to Han, in a state of panic. 

At one time, well, even earlier today, he wanted to assassinate his father. But now, he knows he can't. He needs Han to get Rey the fuck out of here.  _ Now _ . 

Plus, something in him no longer wants his father dead.

Rey grabs Kylo's tunic, holding on to him desperately. 

He looks down at her. In that moment, everything he's done for the last few years slips away. The dark side slips away. He sees in her eyes, the light. He sees the force shining in her. And he craves it. 

He must save her. His precious girl. 

_ Don't leave me, Ben. PLEASE. Don't leave me again.  _

He doesn't understand how he can hear her. He only knows he does. 

Nothing else matters. Not Snoke, not the First Order. Hell, not even his father. 

Just Rey. 

"C'mon, let's go," Kylo says to her. 

"Really?" she almost cries. 

"Yes, I can't let them hurt you," he says. 

Finn watches, shocked. 

"Are we really doing this??" he says to Rey. 

Rey smiles. "Yeah, we are."

Kylo grabs Rey, shoving her towards Chewie. 

"Take her, Uncle Chewie! Go!"

"UNCLE???" Finn hollers. 

Chewie grabs Rey, much to her unliking and runs. Finn runs after him, turning sideways, pointing his blaster at Hux and the approaching troopers. Han runs behind Finn, assuming his son is coming. He glances over his shoulder just in time to see a red flash of light. 

Kylo engages his saber. Han stops running. 

Hux stops, a smile crossing his face. 

"Oh, so you are gonna go down like that huh? You see a pretty girl and dear old Daddy and you think you can just leave? I mean, I don't give two shits but Snoke wants to see you.  _ I'm _ not going back without you, Ren"

Kylo stands his ground, Han behind him, pointing his blaster.

"Tell Snoke I had more important things to attend to."

Hux steps to the left. 

"Fetch him, boys."

Blasters fire and Kylo deflects the bolts, partly with his saber but mostly with a force grab, throwing them back at the troopers. Han takes the opportunity to shoot Hux, aiming for his head. Hux dives to the right but the bolt hits his arm, severing it. Hux screams in agony.

Kylo runs behind Han. 

"Damn Dad. You shot Hux's arm off."

"Is he a friend?" 

"Fuck no! Put me through all kinds of shit!"

Han smiles. 

"Well then, good. Don't fuck with my kid."

"I'm so confused right now!" Finn hollers. 

Rey just keeps looking behind her at Ben as Chewie drags her along by the arm.

"He's fine, Rey! Pay attention!" Han hollers out. Then he hollers at Ben. 

"Hey kid! Where're we going, anyways?"

Kylo laughs at Han. 

"Where's your damn Falcon?? I know it's here!!"

"Well, hell, get us to surface, we'll find her!"

Kylo takes the lead, trying not to look at Rey so he can focus. Her hair has worked itself loose from the strange triple bun style and flies wildly behind her. He can't get over how  _ pretty _ she is now. Rey suddenly looks back at him, blushing and Kylo realizes she heard him. 

_ Shit.  _

He masks over his thoughts immediately. 

He takes them through a back corridor, using his clearance code to open a door. 

Before them is a ladder. 

"I'll go first, so I can check the surface. Dad, you go behind me. Keep Rey in the middle. Chewie, go last. Keep a lookout below you. There's no way this will be easy."

Finn is shaking his head. 

"So, that's it? You just, leaving all this behind? Walking away? Seriously?"

Kylo begins to climb but calls out to Rey. 

"Hey squirt, who is this guy anyways?"

Before Rey can answer, Finn does, climbing behind Rey. 

"I'm FN-2187. As in, your former trooper,  _ Ren _ . And what the hell is a squirt?"

"I'm squirt and his  _ name _ is Ben!" Rey corrects him. 

"Oh  _ you _ ' _ re _ the one that defected. And my name is Kylo. Not Ben."

"Well I'm sure as hell not calling you Kylo!" Han hollers out. 

Chewie grunts in agreement. 

"This is some crazy shit." Finn says, shaking his head. 

"Hold up" 

Kylo opens the hatch to the outside world, searching for signs of danger. 

He sees and senses none and climbs out, reaching for his father. Han waves him off. 

"I'm fine kid, just move. Damn you're huge."

Kylo doesn't hesitate to pull Rey out. She

stumbles and he catches her, flush against his chest. He looks down at her, a wide grin on his face. She smiles with a blush on her cheeks. 

Finn looks like he wants to puke. 

"Poe ain't gonna  _ believe  _ this shit," he mumbles, mostly to himself. 

"Let's go, you two!!" Han hollers. 

They quickly find their way to the Falcon, hidden deep in the forest. 

Han, Finn and Chewie board quickly.

Rey runs halfway up the ramp then stops, turning to look behind her at Ben. 

He hesitates, feeling Snoke pushing in. It's quite painful but he's used to pain. 

"Ben?" Rey asks, looking back at him. 

"Rey, I don't know if I can….." 

Kylo looks back towards the base.

Rey walks back to him, pulling him to the side of the open ramp. Her hand is on his face again. Even after all these years, they are still so open and comfortable with each other. Kylo hasn't allowed anyone to touch him in years. Yet Rey has touched him several times and it just feels natural. Like, home. 

"Ben, please come with us."

"I don't want to see them."

Rey knows who he's referring to. His parents. 

"But, me? Do you want to leave me again?"

Kylo looks down at her. Who is this beautiful woman? Where did that skinny kid go?

There's something there, a connection. Something stronger and even more powerful than what was there ten years ago. 

"How old are you now?" Kylo asks, finding himself tucking his finger under her chin. He just feels this overwhelming need to  _ touch _ her. 

"Nineteen," she says, a slight blush to her cheeks appearing. Kylo tries not to think about how it makes her even prettier. 

"Wow...I'm old," he says, grinning. "You look….nice."

"And you look….older."

He chuckles.

Finn worryingly looks on, starting to walk towards them. 

Han grabs him, shaking his head. 

"Han, I have to protect Rey."

"Finn, think about it. You now know Kylo Ren is my son. You know I raised Rey, right?"

Finn's brows furrow in thought. 

"Holy shit, they are brother and sister."

"Well, not biological, but yeah. Kinda. Ben rescued Rey when she was nine."

Finn's mouth is open. 

"Wow. Just….wow. How did he get to be….evil?" 

Han frowns. 

"That's a story for a different day. Rey is fine. Ben, Kylo, whatever, he adores her. C'mon, I need you in the gunner."

Rey watches Han and Finn leave to go inside and feels urgency building in the force. 

"Ben. You can't stay here. I already thought I lost you. Don't stay. Please."

Kylo turns from her, still torn. 

"Shit, Rey. You don't understand. He'll find me. Then you."

Rey walks around him, determined to keep her eyes on his. She won't let him walk away. She  _ won't.  _

" _ Who _ will find you??" she asks him. 

Damn. Her eyes. When the hell did she  _ grow up _ ?? Who gave her permission to grow up??

He remembers the night on the balcony. How she cried. He'd be damned if it wasn't those same tear filled eyes. They always turned a bright green when she cried. And that's what's happening now. His breath catches as he looks into them. 

He can't stay here. He can't watch her fly away. He grabs her hand.

"Nothing. Nobody. Let's go."

He walks up the ramp, Rey behind him.

He doesn't let go of her hand. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben boards the Falcon and finds himself alone with Rey, who intrigues him in ways he doesn't know how to handle.

He follows Rey into the Falcon. His head spins with sights and smells that he never thought he'd ever experience again. 

All he can do is try to process that Rey is here. 

He didn't know her an hour ago and now it's like a door that was closed in his mind is now open. 

He remembers everything about her. Suddenly, just like that. It's all there. 

Except she's not nine anymore. 

He doesn't know what to do with that. 

If she wasn't pulling him by the hand, he's sure he'd be frozen in place. 

**_Kylo…._ **

He slams Snoke out of his head. He knows it won't be for long. Snoke will force his way back in, eventually. 

He cannot let Snoke find out where he is. Because where he is, she is.

Somehow, he knows Rey was removed from his mind. He knows it because he's seen Snoke do it. He'd watched Snoke erase memories from those he manipulated. Memories of spouses, parents, even children. 

Snoke would've seen Rey as a liability. Kylo hated his parents by the time he arrived at Snoke's feet, heartbroken and utterly alone. Betrayed by his own family. 

But Rey was his light, even at her young age. Snoke erased light. By force, if need be. 

Kylo stumbled along behind Rey, vaguely aware of the chase outside of the Falcon. He could hear gunfire, explosions and the hoops and hollers of FN-2187 and his father. 

He had no doubt that the First Order was giving them chase, probably sent by Hux to blow them out of the sky. 

He supposed he should be worried but he knew Han Solo would get away. He always did. 

Plus he couldn't take his eyes off of Rey long enough to realize the danger they were currently in. If he thought her light was bright back then, it was almost blinding now. 

He's never been so captivated by anything in his life. 

Rey pulled him into the captains quarters, shoving him down on the bed. She simply sat next to him, unsure of what to say. 

"This is...crazy. You're alive. How?? Why are you...Kylo?" she asked, more in a whisper than out loud. 

"Rey….I don't know what's going on. How could I not know you? I don't understand what's happened."

"The last time I saw you...you were very angry. Then you were gone."

He's staring at a spot on the floor, numb all over. Trying to process what just happened, what he's now done and what he's remembering from ten years ago. 

"They took you away. They wouldn't let me have any say in it. Then there was Like and he told me to leave…. without you."

Rey sits next to him. She shifts, shoving her hands under her thighs, afraid to look at Ben. It's like she's in a dream and any minute she'll wake up. Her minds skips and jumps over parts of those few months they were together daily. She smiles a small, timid smile and laughs a tiny laugh. He looks over at her. 

"Remember Nimaa? You know, the good part of that day? The sweets stand?"

Ben smiles. He's smiled more in the past few hours than in the past few years. 

"You had an awful sweet tooth. I had to get one of everything. Then you made me carry it all."

Rey laughs, looking over at him. Then she shifts her head downward, looking at her lap. 

"You killed him, didn't you? Plutt."

Ben finds that spot on the floor again. Then he slowly nods. She sucks in a breath. 

"I don't regret it, Rey. Not one bit."

She nods her head, accepting his words. 

"Ben?" she says quietly. 

"Yeah squirt?" he responds and she smiles just a bit. 

"How….? Why….?" she struggles to ask the question. He knows what she's asking. It doesn't take the force to figure it out.

"I'm…. I'm not ready to answer that yet. Is that okay? I just….I have to deal with my parents and the Resistance and so much else….can we talk about it later? I will tell you, later. Is that okay kid?"

Before she can think, her head is on his shoulder and her arm is laced through his. He takes in a sharp breath, unaccustomed to touch after all these years. Especially from someone he never thought he'd see again. 

Because it's all coming together in his head now. 

Ben remembers a bit more. He'd been so torn. He'd wanted to stay in the First Order, he wanted to stay with the voice whom he now called Snoke. His master. But then there was Rey. The little girl was probably looking for him. He knew she needed him. He was worried about Luke having her. 

"She's a  _ kid _ , Kylo. No, you will not go after her," Snoke had told him when Kylo approached him about it, "she's of no use to me, or to you."

"She's untrained but strong in the force, stronger than she knows, Master. I could train her! She would become unstoppable! Reach into my mind, feel for her, feel how powerful she is!" 

Snoke slammed his fist into the arm of his throne. " **NO!!!** "

Kylo flinches, waiting for the inevitable pain that accompanied Snoke's anger. 

It didn't come this time. Snoke was in a good mood. 

"Do  _ not _ ask me again, Kylo."

"Yes, master," Kylo replied, shrinking from the throne room. 

Eventually, Snoke grew tired of Kylo's obsession with the girl. It was distracting him. It was also tempting him to return home. That would not do. 

Ben didn't know exactly how it happened. Either Snoke swept Rey from his memory while he was sleeping or Ben was held down by the dark side and Rey was forcibly removed from his mind. 

It just all depended on what kind of mood Snoke was in that particular day. 

Ben turned his head, resting his chin on top of Rey's head, inhaling her scent. 

"Rey, I'm glad you came for me."

She shimmies her arm out from under his and wraps both around him, all while keeping her head tucked under his chin. He timidly snakes one arm around her, purposely keeping it high on her shoulders. 

He simply did not know how to hold her now that she's...a  _ woman.  _ He remembers holding a little girl. But the little girl is gone.

"Ben, I swear to the Maker and all the gods in the galaxy, if you  _ ever _ leave me again, I'll kick your ass. I can now. I have a saber and everything."

He smiles and pulls her closer into his side.

"Never again, squirt. Never again. I swear it. A saber, huh? What color?" 

"Yellow"

"You're kidding, right? Those are extremely rare. Like you, I suppose."

Rey sits up, taking Ben's hand. She looks concerned. 

"Is he going to come find you?" she asks. 

Ben doesn't blink. He looks her straight in the eyes. 

"Yes"

She nods, as if she already knew the answer. 

"What will you do?" 

"Kill him." Ben says, not pausing to even think about it. 

She solemnly asks, "Why? He's your master."

"Because he took you away from me. He erased my memory of you. He told me Han hates me…"

Rey sits up, eyes flashing in anger and her cheeks turn red. 

"Han doesn't hate you! He's missed you so much! That son of a bitch…."

Ben smiles yet again. Her fire was always a sight to behold. He's trying very hard not to notice that her anger has made her even more beautiful. 

He shifts away from her just a bit. 

"I think it's quieter out there now?" Ben points out, "We are at hyperspeed. Han Solo escapes again." 

Rey nods and Ben stands, grateful for an excuse to get some space. His head is a jumble of emotions. He thinks of how he's now fleeing….to the Resistance. How will his mother react to him?

"She will be elated, Ben." 

Ben looks at her, confused.

"Rey," he asks cautiously, "how did you know I was thinking about my mother?"

"I don't know, Ben. I just heard your voice in my head. It sounded like your voice. You said, how will my mother react to me. I heard you in my head a few times on Starkiller too."

Ben doesn't know what to think, or say. He tests it. 

_ Rey, do you still love bananas? _

She smiles and he is once again captured by her beauty. 

"Yes, I do. How…..?"

Ben shakes his head in disbelief. 

"Think of something Rey."

Just as clear as if she had spoken, he hears her. 

_ I like dresses now….finally.  _

Ben has a mental image of grown up Rey in a dress and feels his ears heat up. Rey catches his thought and then  _ she  _ blushes. 

"Um...Wow….yeah I heard you. It's about time. You'll have to show me one day…..

this is crazy, Rey. We can  _ hear _ each other. I don't know what this is…."

"I don't mind it…." Rey says, quietly. 

Ben shifts awkwardly. "No, I mean, it's not  _ bad.  _ But it's not always a good idea….you know? I mean...we all have secrets...I'm sure you don't want me to hear everything you think."

Rey stands and hugs him again. He carefully wraps his arms around her shoulders. 

"I'm just glad you are here. I thought you were dead, Ben…..but you are here. All these years…. you've missed so much…

When they said you died….Ben, I wanted to die too. The pain...it hurt so bad…."

Then her voice catches in a sob and she can't talk. Her shoulders shake with her cries. He could literally  _ feel  _ her pain. He feels himself struggle to maintain his emotions. He places one hand on the back of her head, holding her tightly. 

"Shhh….I'm here. I'm really here. I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry, Rey. I won't leave you again. I promise…."

He is no longer Kylo. He is her Ben again. 

  
  



	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben has a long overdue conversation with my first Solo love....his Dad...

They hear a throat clear behind them. 

"We finally got clear…." Han says. "it was bumpy though. You two alright? Ben?"

Ben lets Rey go quickly, like a teenager caught. Han doesn't react. 

"Dad…."

Han just walks to him and hugs him, patting him on the back. Ben has to stoop over a bit to allow the embrace. Han sniffs and Ben pulls away, in shock. 

His dad is crying. 

Han Solo is crying. 

Not, like, tears flowing but still…

Ben cannot process this….

"Son. Ben. Are you okay? Are you hurt? I mean, have you been hurt? How did you get there? Where have you been?"

Ben doesn't know what to say. He can't talk about it yet. Not right now. If ever. 

"With Snoke, the Supreme Leader. I was his, um, apprentice…. something like that."

Han looks confused, shaking his head. 

"But why? Why, son?"

Ben feels anger towards his dad rising up. How can he not get it?? How can he not see why?? They'd all but turned their backs on him! He had nowhere else to turn! He feels a familiar rage rising up. Then he feels her tense, feels her recoil just a bit. He feels her feel him. Feel his rage. He must gain control. He mustn't do this here. Not now. Not with Rey here. 

Rey seems to take a cue from Ben because she jumps in. 

"Han, how's the Falcon holding up? I thought I felt the thrusters rattle several times too many. I think we should go check them…."

And with that, she manages to gently grab hold of Han's elbow and nudge him from the room. 

_Thank you_ ….Ben sent to Rey. 

She turned and glanced over her shoulder, a smile forming at him. 

And with that, Ben slumped to the bed again, his heart rate elevated. 

It wasn't his father that increased it. 

It was her smile. 

"Oh boy……" Ben says out loud to himself, taking a shuddering breath. 

_______________________________

Ben quickly realizes that he cannot be alone with his thoughts. 

Thoughts of what he's done. 

He's left the First Order. Ran away. 

Thoughts of why is Snoke so quiet right now. Snoke won't give up. He knows this. Snoke will look for him. 

Thoughts of how Snoke will look for him. 

Thoughts of how looking for him could endanger Rey. 

Thoughts of Rey.

That last thought catapults him off the bed and out the door, into the corridors.

The corridors of his childhood. There are various marks, indents and scratches on the walls. He's amazed that he can recall how many of them were inflicted. His fingers trace them. 

There….those marks. He'd done that. With a toy speeder, rolling it all down the wall, his dad not caring one bit. Han never cared about the appearance of the Falcon. It shows, too. Some of the walls are filthy with grime. But then others had been scrubbed. The floors were particularly shiny. Ben thinks how strange that is. 

Shiny floors in the falcon?

He turns the corner to the lounge, where the infamous dejerik board dwells. 

The surrounding bench looks new. Well, that's just weird, he thinks. No...not new, refurbished. 

Even weirder. Since when did Han care about that?

Then, someone was in the room with him. 

<Rey. She recovered the bench in new leather. Your father moaned and groaned but she won out. She always does>

Ben turns and finds himself looking up. Which is unusual for him. Looking up into a furry face. 

"Chewie…." Ben all but whispers. 

They'd had no time to speak on Starkiller. Now they are alone, the distinct hum of hyperspeed in the background, all around them. 

"Chewie," Ben repeats. "Umm...thanks for back there, you know, helping get Rey out of there."

<Rey is family.> Chewie simply says. That's the end and the all of it. 

Ben feels the implication. That she is family. And he isn't. But that's not the truth.

<And you are too.> Chewie adds, his intense eyes boring into Ben's. 

"Not anymore, Chewie. I've done too much."

Chewie walks to him, his paw-like hands setting on Ben's shoulders. The sheer weight of them rock Ben. This is the only creature Ben's ever known that can physically shake him. Not many outweigh Ben in size but Chewie always brings him to feel smaller. Only in size, though. His sheer love for Ben Solo has always been apparent. Even now. 

<No matter what, you are still my nephew. And I still your uncle. Nothing could change that.>

Ben doesn't hesitate to lean into his uncle, into his warmth and all-encompassing strength. Ben has never known anything but love from Chewie. So many times, he'd wished Chewie was his actual father. 

<I knew she'd bring you home, eventually. Rey has always been the star you revolved around.>

"Snoke took her from my mind, Uncle Chewie. He wiped my memory of her. She doesn't know."

Chewie nods. 

<But yet a simple look into her eyes brought her back. Love does that, little Solo.>

Ben looks up, startled by Chewie's choice of words. 

"Love? Oh, you mean like she's my little sister. Yeah. I've always loved Rey. It's impossible not to. She's so...bright."

Chewie smiles and pats Ben on the head. The action is physically painful given his strength but also fills Ben with comfort. 

<Something like that. But no, nothing like that. Go see your father.>

Ben nods and obeys. He was never quite able to disobey Chewie. The Wookie never made Ben feel like he wanted to reject his guidance. Not like he rejected his parents orders. 

_____________________________

He finds his father in the galley. Years ago, Han had installed the galley as a wedding gift to his mother. That didn't go over well, giving off the insinuation that Leia was to be the 'little woman in the kitchen serving her man'. Until the true meaning was revealed. Han built it so that he could cook for her. 

And what a cook he'd turned out to be. Han actually enjoys cooking. Leia has her moments. The woman can throw together quite a spread. But Han obviously loves it more. 

Ben finds his father preparing a stack of sandwiches for everyone. Han always wanted to make sure his family was fed. Ben is sure this came from not knowing where his next meal would come from as a kid. 

Ben also notices the glass of whiskey on the counter. He's sure that's to help calm his nerves from the fact that his long lost son from the First Order has returned. 

"We had to tell her you were dead," Han says, not even looking up at Ben. He senses some anger emanating from his father, apparent in the way that he's slamming and slapping the meal together. 

Somehow in the course of a few minutes, his father has gone from relief that Ben is here to anger. 

Ben nods, not sure if his Dad notices. He stands several feet away, not sure what to do. 

"She would've come looking for you. That's why. You know that, right? You know she would've tried to find you. Dammit Ben…"

He slams a large knife down on the counter, still not looking at his son. He's not moving now, staring to the right at the wall, leaning on the counter. Ben still unmoving. 

"Yes, I know that." Ben finally says, quietly. 

Han is almost whispering, his entire body tense. 

"What did you do? What have you been doing? We heard things….why, Ben?? How??"

Ben spreads his feet apart, hands folded in front, shoulders back, looking at his father. 

"I was wanted there. I was needed there. I was finally wanted. He wanted me."

Han finally locks eyes with his son, his jaw clenched, his eyes like steel. 

"He??? _**He**_??? Snoke??? The very creature tearing apart lives??? He needed you??? To what?? Do his bidding?? Be his lap dog?? What did you do, son??"

Han stomped around the galley, coming face to face with Ben. He has to look up at his only child now, being a bit shorter. But Ben still flinches. Even though he's 29 years old, he's still intimidated by his father. Ben finally notices how Han has aged. The silver tones in his hair, the deep creases in his face. The worn look in his eyes. It's rather disturbing, seeing that his father is much older looking. But that anger, that hasn't changed. 

His father is angry and that just riles Ben up. 

"I went somewhere where I was NEEDED!! Somewhere where someone WANTED me!! Where I could be my own man!!" 

Han spins, throwing his hands in the air. 

"YOUR OWN MAN?? You were the servant to the most vile creature since Palpatine!! Don't tell me you didn't know. Don't tell me you were kept in the dark! Hosnian Prime, son!! An entire system, GONE!!", Han beats at his own chest with his fist. "Millions of lives!! My own child took millions of lives!!"

Ben hung his head. "I didn't know about Hosnia until it was too late. Once I saw it, it was too late. I didn't know Hux was going to…."

Han continues to pace, his face red, fists clenched. Ben suddenly wonders where Rey is and somehow he knows she's in a deep sleep. At least she's not here for this. 

"But you knew they were capable, Ben! You knew they had built a weapon that could do that! Did you think they did it because they were BORED, son?? You had to know they would use it, somehow! Why?? Why would you go be with those people?? How could you fucking sleep at night?? Where's my kid?? Where's my boy??"

"YOUR KID?? YOUR BOY??" Ben explodes, "I haven't been your boy since I was like, five years old!! Where were you?

Where were you when I was fighting the darkness?? When I was fighting the voice? When I was trying to clear my own head??

You were off running around, doing maker knows what and I was left to fight it all alone!!"

Ben couldn't say anymore, he had bent over, gasping. Han had stopped pacing and was staring at Ben, looking confused. 

"The voice? What voice? What are you talking about Ben?"

Han reached to touch his son's shoulder but as soon as he did, Ben reacted like he'd been burned. He quickly turned, retreating from his father. 

"Ben!"

"Leave me alone!!" 

Ben ran into the first room he came to. His old quarters. He fell to his knees, shaking. He knew his dad wouldn't listen, wouldn't want to listen. Just like always. 

The weight of everything sat on him, crushing him. They wouldn't understand, he'd not had choices. He'd had to do Snoke's bidding! He didn't have a choice! He didn't know that Hux had done until it was over! He remembers feeling the deaths of millions in his soul. He'd stood on the bridge, in shock. But his father was right, he'd known they could. He'd known Hux couldn't wait to use it. Somewhere. On something. 

Ben crawled to the bed, heaving himself up onto it and curled up, shaking still. He shouldn't have come here. He couldn't atone for what he'd done. And now, his parents would truly hate him. Because he had no real excuses. 

He was so caught up in his swirling emotions, he jumped when a hand touched his back. 

"Ben…." a small voice whispered, "Ben, what is it? I woke up and you were scared. Alone. Ben, talk to me."

It was Rey. She'd come to check on him. She'd come in her innocence. She didn't know anything of what he'd done. She didn't know how evil he'd been. 

He couldn't let her see. He had to protect her. His sweet Rey. No, she wasn't a child anymore. She was a woman. But still, he'd always protected her and he could sense, as soon as he saw her, that she'd been sheltered from the truth that was Kylo Ren. 

Just a few days ago, when he'd felt a pull and closed his eyes, he'd seen a ball of light. It was warm, soothing. It was the first bright, warm thing he'd seen or felt in years. Then an all encompassing voice reached out to him. Not like Snoke. No, this was like an oasis in the desert. Like a meal when one had been starving. This voice wasn't deceitful. It was real light. 

He'd immediately latched on. Because he was indeed thirsty for something. Hungry for something. Something he had not found in Snoke. He'd been so very alone for years. He'd not even had friends or the company of a woman. No, there had been no women who'd truly appealed to him. He felt as if he had some kind of defect. He wasn't like Hux, who rutted with any woman he could find. Ben, Kylo, he had no desire to rut. He didn't know why. 

He'd been so lonely. 

He felt this warmth in this voice that reached for him and he had to find her. 

He'd had no idea that the voice that called to him was her. His friend from long ago. 

But now he knows. And she's here. He'd found her again. 

Rey was torn over the conflict of emotions coming from Ben. First it was heart crushing pain now it's a soothing feeling, like he's absorbing how concerned she is but yet rejecting it. 

He cannot answer her. He cannot tell her anything. She doesn't deserve to carry his problems. 

Rey seems to know that he cannot talk to her so she does the only other thing she knows to do. She lays down, curling up behind him and turns her face to lay her cheek between his shoulder blades. Her hand rests on his arm, eventually sliding down to his hand. She pries his fist open and squeezes her small fingers between his, curling her own fist over his. 

He's speechless. He doesn't dare breathe. Surely she wouldn't do this, wouldn't comfort him if she knew what he'd done, who he had become. 

But he couldn't push her away, he'd hurt her enough before. So he laid there, unmoving. Not allowing her comfort in, for he didn't deserve it. He just let her rest. He could feel her fatigue. He could also feel her contentment. This was comforting her also and it was the least he could do. 

Soon he slipped into a deep sleep and did not dream or have nightmares. He just slept peacefully. 


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benevolent Ben finds himself a bit besotted, which scares the daylights out of him. Oh and Finn tries to hold Rey's hand....

Ben sleeps for an entire day. It's a blessed, dreamless sleep. Rey uncurls herself from his back only to use the 'fresher and drink some water. She remembers how she'd kept him peaceful when she'd known him before, a lifetime ago. Which is why she'd stayed nearby, guarding his mind like she used to.

She returns and watches him. He's so much older now. She notices fine lines around his eyes and mouth, somehow knowing that whatever he's been through, it aged him.

He turns and his dark hair falls over his eyes. She pushes it back, her fingers lingering longer than they should.

She'd been but a girl the last time she saw him. He'd been only a gangly young man. He seems so much bigger now. As she had laid behind him, her hand found its way to his bicep and she had timidly squeezed it, surprised at how large and hard his arms were now. She doesn't remember him being so _large_.

Something in her shudders and she suddenly needs to move, get away. It is a strange feeling.

Now she watches him, hardly believing he's _here_. He's _alive_. And she wonders if she will wake up, all of this a blissful, bittersweet dream.

If it is a dream, she hopes to sleep forever.

_______________________________

Before he opens his eyes, he sighs. He feels at peace, something holding his heart.

He senses warmth and contentment. He feels so much better, not knowing how long he's slept but feeling protected, peaceful.

 _Peaceful? That can't be right_. He must be dreaming.

Except he never dreams. He almost always has nightmares.

He's afraid to open his eyes, afraid to lose _whatever_ this is. So he just drifts, riding along on this wave.

Then something tickles his nose. He reaches to scratch and feels a handful of silk. Vanilla scented silk.

No….not silk. But very similar.

He finally opens his eyes and looks down. He's greeted with chestnut colored hair spilled all over his arm. There's a light weight on his chest, pressed against him. Warmth seeps into him and he's never known such a weight could feel so soft. So _right_.

It takes a moment, his sleep addled brain needing time to register.

It's Rey. She's asleep, her back against his chest. Her head resting on his arm. Somehow his legs are curled up behind hers and she's sleeping deeply. She's burrowed under a blanket, only her eyes uncovered. He hears a light snore coming from under the blanket.

 _Maker, he's cuddling Rey_. He's _spooning_ Rey. And now that he's awake, his body is too and the lower half of him is _reacting_.

His mind shoots messages to his body but his body doesn't compute. All his blood rushes south as something, that traitorous part of him screams.

_Warmth, softness, a woman is near._

_Stop it_ , he tries to speak to his nether regions but nope, his body continues to betray him.

He panics and tries to pull away slowly, praying to every deity he can think of that she stays asleep.

"No...warm…" she mumbles and _holy kriff_ she _wiggles_ back against him.

 _Well, hell, that's not helping at all_ , screams his brain while his body screams _yessss_ and he is well and truly afraid to breathe.

What if his dad or Chewie walks in???

That thought gets him to decide. He all but rolls himself away and falls ungraciously to the floor, his legs and arms flailing.

"Ow," he says, rather too loudly.

While laying on the floor, trying to gather his senses and woefully thankful that the trip to the floor seems to have calmed his _situation_ down, he sees a pair of hazel eyes peek over the side. Her hair is a tangled mess. The rest of her face comes into view and she's _laughing_ at him.

"What are you doing down there?" she says, a kilowatt smile flashing at him.

 _Maker, she's gorgeous_ , his mind now decidingly betraying him also.

 _Stop it_ , he tells his brain, grateful that his body finally listened.

"I fell," he says and then realizes he sounds like a bumbling idiot. He quickly sits up, now eye to eye with her. She's still smiling and he's at a loss for words, noticing her hair is covering half of her face. He resists the urge to reach up and tuck it behind her ear.

"You're funny," she replies and sits up herself, her lap full of the blanket that she had been sleeping under. Her feet stick out and force, if he doesn't think she's adorable, her hair all mussed up and bare feet and sleepy eyes. Creases on her face from his shirt sleeve.

He stands and says something about the 'fresher and then he's gone.

Rey continues to smile as she lies back down, asleep again in just a few minutes, her face planted into a Ben scented pillow.

______________________________

"Ben," speaks a solemn voice.

It's his Dad. He was in the corridor right outside Ben's quarters.

Ben stops, his back to his father. He doesn't turn. He just stands there apprehensively.

Han doesn't step closer.

"Can we talk?"

Ben holds his chin up stubbornly.

"I don't know, can we?"

"You've slept for a full day. You hungry?'

Ben keeps his back to his Dad.

"Maybe. Has Rey eaten?"

Han smirks and Ben hears him.

"No, she hasn't much left your side the entire time you've been sleeping."

Ben doesn't know what to say. Rey watched over him?

"I'll eat when she does. She fell asleep."

Han walks closer to his son.

"I shouldn't have said those things, Ben. I'm sorry. If you want to talk...I'm here. We will be arriving on the base shortly. I think maybe you should change. Not look so Kylo, you know?"

"What's wrong with my…."

"For your mother, okay? And….for your protection."

Ben turns and looks his father in the eye.

"I can protect myself."

"Ben….please….don't make this harder…"

"Will I be arrested when we land?"

"They won't know you are….him. They don't know. Just me and your mother and Chewie."

"And the stormtrooper."

"My name is Finn," comes a voice from behind him. Ben turns. Finn stands, his fists balled at his sides.

Ben doesn't acknowledge him. He turns back to his father.

"He won't keep the secret. So, yeah, I'll be arrested. I can handle it. I've known it would happen. Atonement."

Han looks around Ben at Finn.

"Big Deal, I need a favor…."

Finn's mouth drops and he shakes his head.

"No, no, no Han. Don't. Don't ask me to keep your secret."

"Big Deal?" Ben repeats.

Han ignores Ben, still eyeing Finn.

"You owe me. Remember? I got you off that hell hole. I need you to keep this quiet. For now."

Ben looks even more confused while Finn looks pissed.

"He's _Kylo fucking Ren_!! You're just going to let him get away with _everything_??"

"What hell hole?" asks Ben, ignoring Finn.

Han looks at Ben. "Jakku," then he looks at Finn. "No, he's not going to get away with everything. Leia deserves to see him not get shot in the head when we land, Finn!"

"Why was he on Jakku?" Ben asks.

Finn spins in a circle, his hands thrown in the air. Ben is still confused. A sleepy Rey stumbles out of the quarters.

"Who's hurting Ben?" she mumbles, then realizing the implication of what was said. "Nobody better touch him!" she nearly yells.

All three overprotective men look at her.

"They won't, Rey. Not as long as I'm breathing." Han reassures her.

Finn walks over and takes Rey's hand, concerned about her.

Ben looks down at the hand holding Rey's and looks back up at Finn. A strange feeling comes over him.

"Let go, Finn," Rey says, her eyes a bit wide. She places her hand on Ben's chest, looking up at him with concern.

"Are you okay, Ben? You don't look so good."

Ben looks from Rey's face to Finn's.

"You need to eat, Rey. Come on."

He looks down at her, taking one step towards Rey, filling up the space between them. His forehead nearly touches hers.

"Thank you for taking care of me while I slept. I always sleep better with you there."

Rey's face turns a bit pink and she looks at her feet.

"Just returning the favor from years ago," she whispers.

Ben leans in closer to Rey's face.

"You owe me nothing. You are my Rey and I will always take care of you."

Ben takes Rey's hand, turning her towards the galley. He takes one last look over his shoulder at the former stormtrooper, saying nothing to him.

Finn stares at Ben, then turns on one heel and walks away.

Ben manages to hide his smirk while Han stands there, trying to figure out what just happened.

___________________________

They land on base. Ben notices that no one mentions the name of the planet and the screen that would show this info has been turned off.

Everyone unstraps from the cockpit but Ben.

"C'mon Ben. Leia is waiting. She's going to want to see you," Rey says happily.

"That's exactly what I'm afraid of," mumbles Ben.

He hesitates but then unbuckles. Rey stands at the doorway, waiting.

"It's going to be okay. I promise. I'm right here. Oh Ben, you're really here. You're alive…."

A tear escapes and trails down her cheek. Before Ben can think, he catches it with his thumb.

"Hey. Don't cry…...I'm so sorry, Rey."

"But…" she pauses, "why did you stay away from me? You said you didn't recognize me. Is that the complete truth?"

Ben swallows, simply not prepared to face this yet. His mother is right outside. He can feel her. His dad is waiting. He can't do this to her. Hopefully never but especially not right now.

He can't let her find out that he forgot her.

"You're so pretty now," he deflects. "Finn. Is he...ummm….is he...like... _just_ a friend?"

Rey looks at him, confused. It's not lost on her that he'd avoided her question. But his question certainly caught her attention.

"Yes! Oh no, there's nothing there other than friendship. Why? You think I'm pretty?"

His thumb is still on her cheek. Force, he'd missed her.

"Prettier than pretty," he tells her.


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben sees Leia....and calls her Mama. Come cry with me....

"Ben! Are you coming or what?" Han shouts, causing them to remember that they aren't the only two on the planet. 

Ben removes his hand from her face. Rey smiles shyly.

"I don't know about this…." Ben says more to himself than Rey. 

"I'm right here. I'll be with you." Rey assures him. Ben stares down the corridor, nervously. 

Rey nudges him. He doesn't move. 

Then, Leia appears at the other end, petite but clearly in charge. Her breath catches at the sight of her only child. He's out of his black grab and wearing his father's clothes. He looks nothing like the second hand man to the Supreme Leader of the First Order. 

She doesn't move any closer, only standing there. She takes him in from head to toe, seeming to check him over like a mother does. 

"She doesn't move as well as she should," Rey whispers. "the exposure to open space has taken its toll. Maybe you should go to her."

Ben hesitates, unsure if he should. Then Leia's eyes flicker with physical pain and he takes the long strides towards her. He guides her to a crate just a few steps away. She sits and he kneels in front of her, so she doesn't have to crane her neck. 

Leia looks to Rey. 

"Go tell Han I'm staying in here to speak to Ben."

Rey looks at Ben with apprehension, remembering that she said she'd stay with him. Ben nods at her, a signal that he is fine. She goes to do Leia's bidding. 

"Mom, you're hurting?"

Her chin moves up slightly. 

"Did you know they would blow it up? When you hesitated, did you know they would do it?"

Ben hangs his head, answering for just one of his mistakes. 

"No. I was the superior gunman. They had orders from Snoke. Orders I didn't know about. He knew I wouldn't do it. That I couldn't kill my own mother."

He lifts his tear filled eyes to her. 

"I swear, Mama. I didn't know they would."

She nods her head once, looking down at the floor next to him. 

"Why are you here?" she asks, no emotions coming from her. She's truly General in this moment. Too many people are counting on her.

"I….I don't know….I had to save Rey. And Dad. And Chewie. He'd….he would've killed them. I couldn't have stopped him. So I ran…..because….. because….."

"He would've killed you for staying after you helped them escape," Leia finishes for him. 

Ben nods, his eyes focused on her hands, curled in her lap. 

"You do know that, don't you?" Leia pushes at him. "You know he would've killed you? Do you really know that?"

He looks up at her, tears streaming his face. 

"Yes, Mama. I know."

She finally begins to drop the general mantle, placing her hands on his face. 

"But that's not all of it, is it son? There's more to it. Because you weren't afraid to die."

"How...how did you know that?" he stutters out. 

"A mother knows. I felt your pain. The shocks, the burns, the force chokes. I felt it. Every time." 

Ben flinches at the realization. 

"No….no Mama. Please don't tell me that. Oh no….I didn't know…."

She nods. 

"I felt you give up. I felt you succumb again and again, accepting death. But he wouldn't give it to you. Oh my dear boy, he hurt you over and over and you thought you  _ deserved _ it."

Ben is shaking, shame coursing through him at the knowledge that his mother felt the pain with him. No wonder she seems so battered. So tired. Her soul was being tortured along with her son's. 

"I'm proud of you, Ben. You did the right thing, coming back."

"Mama….Mama I'm sorry….I'm so sorry…"

Ben breaks and Leia absorbs him, relishing that her son is here. He's here and no, the war isn't over but he's here. He's come home. Her arms cannot hold back anymore, the ache to hold him again becoming unbearable. She pulls him to her. Her boy. Her precious boy. He's back. He's here and he's okay. 

And she's finally whole again. 

"I'm just glad you are here. I never thought I'd see you again, Ben. You are here and we will face this. I'm sorry too, son."

Leia almost loses it when Ben lays his head in her lap. She combs through his hair with her fingers, like she did when he was a boy. 

"No, Mama. You didn't do like me. You stayed light. I fell. It's my fault. I'm a monster, Mama."

She inhales sharply, feeling his words down to the bone. 

"Ben. Oh my baby boy. Yes, you fell. But you're here. You will overcome this. You already are."

"I should be punished. I should face trial. I need to die for what I've done."

Leia's eyes bulge and her blood runs cold. 

Yes, she's General. Yes, she believes in justice. 

But she's his mother and she'll fight anyone, kill anyone who tries to hurt her son. Maybe she's blinded but she doesn't care. 

"No.  **_NO._ ** No, Ben. I've already lost you one time. There's no way I'll lose you again. No."

Her hands are shaking and he sits up, taking her hands and placing them on his cheeks. He doesn't like seeing her like this. 

"Mama, it'll be okay. Stop shaking. You're not well. Oh Mama, what did I do to you? This is my fault. It's all my fault! You're sick and it's because of me!"

Now he's shaking. She shushes him, pulling him into her arms again. 

"Everything will be okay, Ben."

They are silent as they both calm themselves. Ben sits up, looking at his mother, taking her in, wondering how he could've ever been so angry at her. 

"So...it was more than you being afraid to die, am I right?" Leia returns to her original question. 

"He would've killed me and come here and killed everyone. You, Dad, Rey….."

"Ah, Rey. She's the one. She's the one you left to see safely back. True? You had to know she truly got away from him."

"She's…. she's….." Ben stammers, unable to place his thoughts into words. 

"I know what happened. I know you forgot her. He did it." 

Ben pauses, confused. "How did you know?" 

"I felt it. I felt him pull at your mind. He was truly trying to erase us too but he only got Rey. He pulled her out of you, Ben."

"I don't remember…."

"I know," she said, her hand brushing a lock of hair that had fallen across his forlorn face. "I know. But now you know. You didn't give her up. He took her out of jealousy. He was jealous of how much you care for her."

He sits back on his ankles and looks towards the ramp leading outside. 

"She's…. she's...grown. She's all grown up. I missed it. I missed seeing her grow up. She needed me during that time. She seems strong though. So strong. She wasn't afraid at all back there."

Leia's eyes soften at the look on Ben's face as he watches the ramp, an expectancy about him, like he is watching for her to return. 

"You saved her and now she's saved you. She's something else. Smart and strong and brave. And beautiful."

Leia says this last part rather pointedly. 

Ben snaps out of his thoughts, standing. 

"She's pretty, yes. I knew she would be. Anyways, here Mom, I'll help you stand."

After standing, they both turn towards the ramp, silence between them. 

Leia senses his thoughts. 

"As much as I hated that mask, I'm glad you wore it. Very few know that Kylo Ren is my son. Don't answer questions. Don't speak at all, actually. Stay with me and let me handle it."

"Mom, I don't need your protection. I don't deserve….."

She cuts him off. 

"I don't care what you need or what you deserve, Ben Solo. I've missed you for ten years. Ten horrible years. You'll do as I say. That's what I want from you. Stay next to me and don't argue with me. Besides, I'm sure Rey doesn't want to see you being attacked. She's been through enough heartache."

"You told her I was dead," he points out, his body stiffening. "was I dead to you, mother?"

She looks up at him, her eyes a mix of steely hardness and utter pain. 

"I did what I had to do. You made your choices. I made mine. I did the best I could in the midst of dealing with a hurt young girl. Unless you are ready to talk about how you hurt her, we will not talk about how I hurt her. Besides, I'm sure the second I'm alone with her, I'll face her temper."

Ben sighs, seeing her point. Leia would not have had to lie if Ben had not made the choices he had made. Instead he smiles just a bit. 

"I have a feeling the wrath of Rey is not going to be fun," he says to his mother. 

"Oh no, it won't be. That fiery desert girl that busted your leg with her staff is still alive and well underneath everything. She's a force to be reckoned with."

With that, she slips her arm through her sons and they descend the ramp. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	32. Chapter 32

Leia and Ben descend the ramp of the Falcon arm in arm, the majority of the Resistance looking on. Ben notices right away how everyone looks on at his mother. Respect and awe, he notices, light their faces. 

He immediately hears them in the Force.

"That's him!"

"They thought he died!"

"Oh thank the Maker Leia deserves some good news…."

"I wonder where he's been…."

"He's huge!"

"He looks like Leia…."

"Oh he's a handsome one!"

That last thought makes him blush. He's relieved that there are no blasters at his head, not for his own sake but for his mother's. And Rey's. 

Han reaches out for his wife's hand, steadying her. He then grips his son's arm, making eye contact with him. Ben doesn't say a word as they stare at each other. 

Then his father does that half smile thing he does and winks at him. 

The tension is still slightly there, between them. But for now, they simply feel the connection between them. Leia looks on, her eyes smiling. Her two men are with her again and that's enough for right now. 

Then Ben is drawn to look over his dad's shoulder. Rey appears in his line of sight. He smiles as he sees her face light up. She is so happy, he can feel it. She quickens her steps into a slight jog. 

When she joins her family, she doesn't hesitate to slip an arm around his back, her hand settling on his waist. His arm comes to rest around her. He didn't even think about it. His arm just moved of its own accord, his fingers wrapping also around her waist. Her cheek meets his chest and she just  _ fits _ against him, like two puzzle pieces. 

"You alright?" He whispers down at her. 

"Yeah, I had to go see Rose. I know she was worried," she says back at him, looking up to his face. His thoughts swarm around how he'd never noticed how cute her nose is. He's transfixed by her

"Um…" he tries to focus, "who's Rose?"

"She's my best friend"

He pulls back from her face, looking offended. 

"Hey...what happened to me being your best friend?"

He smirks just a bit, pulling her tighter into his chest. 

"You died, remember? I did wait ten years to get a new best friend."

"Well, I'm back. Thanks to you."

Her mood shifts and she looks down. He tucks his finger under her chin, lifting her face back to his.

"What?" He asks, concerned. 

"You left me. You left me, Ben…"

With that, she pulls away and flees. He starts after her, only to be pulled back by his Dad. 

"Time to talk, son. Hope you're ready."

Ben looks back towards the direction that Rey took off in, wanting to go to her. He can't though. He'd agreed to spill his guts as soon as he arrived. 

He walks between his parents through the base. It's a beautiful area, lots of green. The base is obviously very old, not much reconditioning had been attempted. There is really no point in trying, being that the First Order could show up at any moment and they'd have to run. It's a constant source of tension, unable to settle in, be at home.

He's so worried about Rey. This better be quick. He needs to find her. 

They approach a doorway, scattered with rust spots around the frame. Finn steps out, his hands folded in front of him, feet apart, chin held high. It's obvious to Ben that his former stormtrooper is very comfortable in his new role. He gives Ben a condescending look. 

Fortunately, only his parents, Finn and Chewie are in the room. They are very intent on keeping his alter ego under wraps. 

They all sit at a long table. Ben begins to fidget immediately, part worry over Rey and part nervousness over being questioned. 

"As you can see, son, the only ones here are the people who know you are Kylo Ren." Leia says, having collected herself from Mom back to General. 

" _ Was _ Kylo Ren…." Ben interjects. 

"Really?" says Finn, "so you just change your name just like that?"

<Isn't that what you did?> Chewie jumps in, protective of Ben. 

Ben stares at his uncle in surprise. He didn't expect Chewie to defend him in any way. 

"I didn't terrorize people!" Finn nearly hollers. 

Leia opens her mouth to speak and Ben holds up his hand at her, looking at Finn. 

"What happened on Jakku? When I raided the village?" 

Finn sits silently, his mouth open. 

"What do you mean, what happened? You were there!"

"Why did you disobey my order?" 

"Be...because...because it was wrong!! You asshole! Why are you confronting me now?? You know what? Fuck you man…"

Finn stands to leave. Ben continues to watch him. 

"You made a decision, FN-2187….I want to know why…."

Finn spins, furious. "DO NOT CALL ME THAT!!"

"Finn, sit…." Leia says. Finn stares at her. 

"NOW," she says sternly.

Finn plops down into his chair. Ben sees the light trembling of his hands. 

"Answer him…." Leia says to Finn. 

Finn is shocked. How dare she make him answer to this monster? 

"I couldn't do it...I couldn't kill people…"

"Why?" asks Ben, gentler this time.

"Because it was wrong, okay???"

"That's why I'm here. Finn…." Ben says his new name without flinching. He continues. 

"There just comes a time when you do what's right. Damn the consequences. I knew what would happen and I couldn't do it. I couldn't watch you all die. There's no excuse for what I've done. None, Finn. One reason I could do it was because of you."

Finn's face is a mix of anger and confusion. 

"Ummm….what?" 

Ben almost smiles at the fact that he's rendered Finn confused. 

"I saw you and when all the shit hit the fan, I remembered how you took off, deciding not to be forced to live a life you hated."

Now Finn is speechless. 

"You hated it there?"

"Would you like being blasted with lightening on a daily basis?"

"Ben!!" Han hollered out, "that fucker tortured you?? He tortured my kid??"

Han begins to stand, unable to handle this revelation. Ben notices that his father is gasping for air just a bit, having turned red in the face. Han pushes his chair back so hard it flips over. 

The words that come out of Han Solo's mouth shock even Ben. It takes Leia and Chewie several minutes to calm him down. 

During these few minutes, Ben looks over at Finn. 

"Hey….um….for what it's worth...I feel real bad about the trooper program. I wanted droids instead but Snoke didn't give a fuck what I wanted."

Finn snorts, "Yeah man. Um, thanks for getting Rey out...she means a lot to me."

Ben, who was trying to stimulate some kind of peace with Finn, now feels an awkward type of feeling. What was Finn saying? Does he have feelings towards Rey? Ben doesn't know why he's bothered by this. Finn and Rey are obviously very close and he can tell the man cares a lot about her. He'd probably be great for her. 

But……

Suddenly, Han is slammed down into his seat, which Leia had sat back up. Chewie had finally just shoved his best friend down, holding him there. 

<No Han!!! You are  _ not  _ jumping in the Falcon to go kill Snoke!>

Shaken from his thoughts of Rey, he smiles just a tiny bit. He'd not seen this side of his father in a long time. Being a father. Being his father. 

"No dad, don't. If we go after Snoke, we need an actual plan. Not a Han Solo plan."

Han is still emotional and looks at his son with heartbroken eyes. Sad eyes. But the smirk still sneaks in. 

"And what's a Han Solo plan?"

"No plan at all. Just bust in, blasters blasting…."

"Never underestimate a good blaster son, that's what I always taught you."

Ben chuckles. Yeah, he'd missed his dad, he admits reluctantly. How had Snoke managed to convince him that his dad didn't love him?

Because now, he sees why they didn't let him just take Rey off, at 10 years old, to wherever in the galaxy. What the actual hell would he have done with a kid? All alone out there? 

Besides, look at her now. Strong, confident, smart, in control of herself in the force. Yes, she had become what he'd known she could be. Amazing. 

But, he refuses to give kudos to Luke Skywalker. There's no way his  _ uncle _ had brought her to the woman she is now. Rey had simply persevered in light of having such a screwed up master. 

Damn, he had wanted to train her. He's sad that he'd missed out on it. She was probably glorious to watch. 

He suddenly wants to saber battle her. Just so he can see what she's made of. She's probably beautiful, fierce. 

Daydreaming, he doesn't realize everyone is watching him. He snaps back to reality. 

"What?" he asks the staring faces. 

"You kinda were in a zone there, son. Care to enlighten us?" his mom asks, a knowing look on her face. 

He's not stupid. Well, completely stupid. His mother has the force. He's pretty sure she knows he was daydreaming about Rey. 

"No, I would not care to enlighten you."

Leia nods, laughing. 

"Hmmmm, so, I called this meeting because we need to come to some sort of deal. As you know, the only ones on base who know you have been Kylo Ren are us. And Rey. First off, it doesn't leave this room."

She looks around, her eyes landing on Finn. 

"I'm not comfortable with keeping this secret." Finn says, the anger of being asked to right on the surface. 

"Do you realize the chaos that would ensue, Finn? I understand your fears. I do. But we need Ben's knowledge and the inevitable trial that would occur would distract from our goal. Taking down the evil called Snoke."

Finn looks Leia right in the eye, leaning forward. 

"You sure this isn't a personal decision? That you just can't stand seeing your son locked away or killed?"

"If you are brave enough to ask me a stupid question like, do I want to see my only son die, then I'll just be blunt."

She leans forward, fire in her eyes. 

"I'll blow up this base before my son is put to death. I'll light up the galaxy. I'll make Vader and Palpatine and Snoke look like bunny rabbits by the time I'm done unleashing  _ whatever _ I have to. Because above being General of the Resistance, I'm a mother and a wife and this man," she points at Han, "and this man," she points at Ben Solo, "are  _ the most important people in the galaxy to me. Them and Rey.  _ I'm a mother and he," she reiterates, still pointing at her son, " **_will not die._ ** Not as long as I'm Leia Organa Skywalker Solo, you got me?"

Finn just nods. 

"I know you didn't get to have a mother, Finn," Leia begins to get emotional, "and oh how proud  _ any  _ woman would be to have you as a son. You'd make me so proud of you if you were my son. Any mother would fight for you, I know I would. You deserved to be fought for. You are an amazing warrior. But do not fuck with me on this….you don't know how strong the maternal instinct is. I know you see a man who has killed, hurt and damaged people. And I do too. I know what he's done. But he's my son. I see all that but I also see a boy that I nursed, I cuddled, I held to my chest. He will not die for his crimes. He will be punished. But he will not die. You understand me?"

Before Finn can answer, an emotional Ben Solo stands, his eyes wide. 

He can't handle this. He's never seen such fierceness in his mother. It's too much. He does not deserve it. 

He runs from the room. 

"Stop him!" Finn shouts. 

Leia sits back. "No, I don't have to. He and I have a connection. I can follow him in other ways, just like I've followed him for years. He just needs to breathe. He won't hurt anyone. He'll go to the jungle and hide, that's where my boy will be."

"Okay Leia, I get it. I don't understand it because I don't have kids or a mother but I will trust you. But how do you know he won't hurt anyone?"

"Because….now that he's seen Rey again...Kylo Ren is dead."

  
  
  
  



	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry that I haven't updated!!
> 
> I had to take a break from this one. I can't quite wrap my head around how to get to where I'm going. 
> 
> I'm pushing through. I'm not real crazy about this chapter. Please let me know what you think....

He stomps amongst the trees and bushes. 

It's been years since he was in a forest. 

So much green….

His mind races, confusion running rampant. 

Snoke is there. There, lurking, pacing in his mind. The anger coming from him, it, whatever, is overwhelming. 

Ben is struggling to keep his walls up. It's becoming harder and harder. Snoke will get in while he sleeps. 

So he doesn't want to sleep. 

His parents, they wanted him back. All this time, they did want him back. How could he have thought otherwise??

He's older now. So he understands a bit more about how things work. So he understands why he couldn't take Rey ten years ago. 

But he's still angry that they took her to Luke. His anger at his uncle remains. How cold he was. 

He wants to be here, he does. Life with the First Order was not what he had expected. 

Snoke had turned on him. Not right away. He was a soothing master at first. He gave Ben everything he wanted. Praised him. All the pretty words. Helped him become strong in the Force. Trained him to be a warrior. He introduced him to the Knights of Ren. Told him that was his brothers. Ben had never had brothers. 

But then, he slowly plotted them against one another. Whispered in Ben's ear how he was the favorite, how the others really hated him. That they wanted to best him. 

Eventually they were set against each other, ordered to kill or be killed. What had started as a brotherhood then became the worst rivalry. What began as fourteen knights were then widdled down to seven. 

The worst thing was how the other seven died. After losing the battles, they were tortured to death. It broke Ben. Their screams still haunted his nightmares. 

Still he was forced to fight men he cared for. Knowing if they lost, death would be slow and evil. Knowing if he lost, he'd die screaming. 

So he won. He had to. He was too afraid to lose. 

Ben was elevated to the top of the pack then told his name was now Kylo Ren. He had no say in the matter. If he didn't immediately respond to his new name, he was severely punished. 

Then there were his ties to his past. Snoke had very little trouble convincing him that his parents hated him. 

But Rey….

Ben tried so very hard not to think of the girl. But she was in his dreams. Snoke stalked his dreams. Then, he mocked Ben for his love for the girl. 

Ben still doesn't remember how he forgot Rey. But he'd seen the Knights memories erased so he knows that's how it happened. 

Did he fight it? Did he ask for it? Was it in his sleep? Was he held down and had it forced upon him while he begged to not lose what peace he still had in his mind?

He really doesn't want to know. 

He was miserable there. As time went on, he was sent on missions. He knew what would happen if he failed. 

He pulls up his sleeve to see the scars from the burns. He's no longer nearly attractive. Not that he ever thought he was to begin with. 

Most of these scars came from not killing his own mother. The orders were specific. Destroy the Resistance ship. He had no reason to question who was on board. He hated the Resistance. 

As he approached the ship, something in him hummed to life. An old feeling. A familiarity. He couldn't stop himself from letting it in. 

Mom. His mother is on that ship. Why? Why would his mother be with the Resistance? Had they taken her hostage? To use her as leverage against him?

There was no fear in her, though. She knew he was there and was reaching out to him. 

She was ready to die if he chose to kill her. 

_ Mom….. _

_ Ben…..  _

The connection was strong, bound together in a way only mother and child could be. 

Before he could speak to her again, it was too late. The ships behind him fired. 

She was gone. His mother was gone. 

He couldn't grieve. He wasn't allowed to. He tried to find her signature, it was gone. 

Still, even though his mother was dead, he was punished. For weeks he was tortured daily. Burned, tossed around the room, his brain ripped into by Snoke. 

Maybe that's when Rey was taken from him. He doesn't even know the last time he'd dreamed of her. 

When he found out that his mother was indeed, alive, he didn't even care that she headed the Resistance. He was just relieved. 

Could he have run years ago? Probably. 

But to what? His mother was dead, as far as he knew. His father hated him, as far as he knew. The only light he had, snuffed from his memory. 

Snoke and the First Order were all he had. 

Besides, Snoke told him he'd follow him in his mind. That part was turning out to be true. 

Would he be able to know where Ben was? Would he follow him here? Could his parents and Rey and Chewie be in danger just because he is with them?

They deserve to know the possible consequences if he stays.

They will probably tell him to leave. Maybe he should leave, save them the trouble. 

He doesn't know what to do. They are obviously so glad to see him. They don't understand what he's done. Or they wouldn't be. 

He wants to run. Leave. Keep them safe. 

Then he hears a voice. 

A man. He's nearby. Ben thought he'd ventured pretty far out. Is it someone looking for him?

He feels a familiar presence. 

Rey. 

She's nearby. He can't see or hear her but he has no doubt. Just like he has no doubt that if he looks up he will see the trees above him. He just knows. 

He is pulled to her force signature.

There's a man near her and she's uncomfortable. He can feel the tension radiating from her. He walks faster. 

Ben comes upon them. A curly haired man with tanned skin is talking to her. She's shifting back and forth. 

"I was worried Rey, that's all. Is it not okay that I worry about you?" the man asks, an urgency about him. 

"I told you, I can take care of myself," she tells him. 

Then he steps closer and she steps back just a bit. Her back is against a tree and he places one hand to the right of her head. 

"You are the toughest, most amazing woman. I wanted to tell you before but I was afraid. Then when you disappeared, I was terrified. So I have to tell you how much I care about you, Rey."

Ben listens, something in him unsettled. The guy seems so crazy about her. He doesn't sense ill intentions. 

He can't say as he blames the guy. 

Yet, something in Ben whispers….

_ MineMineMineMine _

Ben shakes himself. No, Rey is not his! Not like that! She's just a kid!

Before he can try to sort out his brain, he sees the guy lean in for a kiss and Rey turns to her left, leaving the man to stumble towards the tree. Ben can't help it, he smirks. 

"Poe, I think you should go….I came out here to look for someone. You shouldn't have followed me."

_ Poe? Poe Dameron? _

Ben steps out of the shadows. 

"Rey?"

She turns towards him. Her whole face relaxes. She's had a shower and her hair is damp. She's now wearing a long blue dress. Her saber is still strapped to her side, clipped on by a wide brown belt. 

He finds himself speechless. 

"Ben! I was looking for you. They said you left the meeting…."

"Yeah," he says, approaching her carefully. He remembers she was just upset with him earlier, "I needed a breather, it got a bit intense."

"Ben?" the man's voice calls out and he looks up. "Ben Solo?"

"Hey Poe," Ben says, many emotions churning through him. Rey flinches, laying a hand on his chest. 

"Ben! Kriff, man! You're alive?"

Ben has a flashback. His old friend. Screaming. 

Ben gasps and backs up. 

He'd interrogated this man. This was the pilot. He didn't know it was his old friend. He'd never bothered to get his name. He'd dug into his mind for info. He'd left Poe bleeding, finding nothing useful to the First Order. 

Ben's eyes are wide as he looks from Rey's concerned face to Poe's smile. 

Obviously, Poe doesn't recognize him. Of course he wouldn't, he'd had the mask on. 

He calms himself for the sake of Rey. 

"Yeah," Ben says, putting walls up around his emotions. Rey gasps very lightly. Only Ben notices. 

"You two know each other?" Rey asks, having collected herself from wild emotions. 

"When we were boys. It was before we found you," Ben explains to Rey. 

"Oh," Rey says, rather surprised and confused. 

"Where ya been, man? We needed you here!" Poe says to Ben. 

Ben flushes and he looks at Rey. 

"Ben was training to be a Jedi," Rey interrupts, "he's been off….doing that…"

"Well, man, I'm glad you are back. I'd heard you were here. We definitely need another Jedi, even though I don't understand all that stuff. But at least Rey won't be the only one anymore."

Poe places a hand on Rey's lower back and she instantly steps away from him, towards Ben. 

Ben wraps a protective arm around her, sensing how tense she is. 

Poe looks at them strangely. 

"I guess it never really occurred to me that you two would be very close. I know you left not long after Rey arrived in the Solo home," Poe says, looking at the two friends. 

"We became very close in a short time," Rey said, looking up at Ben and smiling, "Ben taught me lots of things, isn't that right, Ben?"

A strand of hair has fallen across Rey's face. Ben doesn't even think about it. He just reaches and tucks the hair behind her ear, smiling down at her. 

"Yeah, she was a brat just following me around begging me to teach her how to saber fight."

"I did not!"

"You know you did, squirt."

The look on Poe's face is one of confusion and a little bit of pain.

Ben and Rey do not notice for they are still looking at each other. 

"I better go. See ya later, Rey," Poe says, waving goodbye. 

All of Ben's prior anxiety, reflecting on the past ten torturous years, all of the fear, it is mysteriously gone. 

He no longer feels that push into his mind, Snoke reminding him that he's still there. It's just….gone. 

He feels at peace right now. 

"So you do like dresses, huh?"

She spins around, letting it flare. 

"Yes but watch…."

She gathers up her skirt. Underneath are knee length pants. She ties the skirt into a knot at her hip and grabs her saber, igniting it. Then she grins, ready to fight.

He throws his head back in laughter. 

"Ever efficient, I see," he says to her. 

Then she turns it off and reattaches it to her belt. 

They stare at each other for a moment. 

"Can you ever forgive me?" he asks.

"I don't know," she answers. 

"If I had it to do all over again…." he says.

"I know," says Rey. "but I'm an adult now, so I don't need you to stay with me anymore."

"Can I stay anyways?"

She nods. 

They continue to stare until they hear a voice. 

"Ben!" 

It's Han. 

"There you are. Oh you too Rey. Your mother wants you to come back. We have a lot to discuss, son. You too, Rey."

They reluctantly follow him back. 

  
  
  
  
  
  



	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben meets with his family, ready to discuss the past....

Ben sat in the meeting for hours with his family, telling all that he knew of the First Order. It was exhausting. 

When he had reached the end of the extent of his knowledge, he knew it was time. He takes a deep breath and leans forward. 

Immediately, Rey senses his emotions. Leia also feels Ben's fear ramp up. 

He stares at his hands, in front of him on the table. He twists his fingers to the point of pain. 

"Ben…." Leia starts.

"What's wrong, Ben?" Rey asks, placing her hand over his. 

Han, who had stood and stretched, weary from the long meeting, leans forward, hands on the table. 

"I need to tell you something. It's….big."

Leia almost speaks but stops, listening. 

Ben is almost whispering. Han sits and looks very concerned. 

"Umm...I don't know where to start...but I have to tell you. Because….me being here...it may be a bad idea...I think I may have to leave"

Then the shouting begins. Everyone, including Chewie, tells him no. They've lost him too many times. 

Fortunately, Finn had left so this was essentially just a family meeting. Chewie, of course, being family. 

Han waited until everyone calmed down. 

"No. No, son. Whatever it is, we can handle it."

"I don't remember when it started…."

Han opens his mouth to speak and Leia sets her hand on his, stopping him. 

Ben looks at his hands the whole time, gently pushing Rey's hand away.

"Um...at first it was like...whispers? Yeah...it was very quiet. I didn't really pay attention. I was maybe four years old?"

Leia takes a deep breath, shuddering. Han just looks confused. 

"It was telling me to run away. That I should go to a certain place and he'd be there, waiting. I knew somehow that someone would be at this place. Sometimes it was just right outside, sometimes further away. Even when we would go off planet, it would tell me to leave you and go to a certain place."

Leia's hand flies up to her mouth and tears form in her eyes. Han runs his hands through his salt and pepper hair. Rey stares at him, waiting for something. 

But Rey already knows. Somehow this is something she already knew. 

"I didn't do what it said. Then, it went away. The voice. It stopped for a while. Then, it started again. I think I was about seven? It said that I was being held back. It said that I was meant for more. That no one was letting me be myself. It said I was special but no one else thought so…."

Ben runs his hands into his hair, pulling hard, still looking down. 

"I didn't know how to make it stop. I thought it was the Force for a while but the Force never made me sad or angry. That's not how the Force works. I'd try to meditate but I couldn't."

Ben pauses, trying to find the words. Living through something is one thing, explaining it another. 

"When one of you would leave, it got louder. Telling me that you didn't love me. Telling me you hated me. I told it no for so long. But then when you two would fight, it sounded like the voice was right."

"No, son…." Leia finally manages to speak. Her voice is shaking. 

"I heard you fighting and Dad, you said you couldn't deal with me anymore. Mom, you always would say 'Send him to Luke'. It just made the voice louder, it would sound right, you know?"

No one was breathing. Rey reached out her hand, leaving it turned up. Ben didn't acknowledge her. He was too lost in the horror of reliving the secret. 

"I'd get so angry about stupid shit. Everyone would tell me I was wrong. No one knew he was egging me on in my head, telling me I was right. Telling me you were wrong. Telling me you wished you'd never had me. Telling me I was what was wrong with your marriage. That I was a burden…."

Leia now has both hands over her mouth, tears running unchecked, her eyes not leaving her son. Han covers his eyes with one hand, the other balled into a fist. Chewie sits in the corner, shaking his head painfully. 

"As I got older, it was just always there. He never went far. I'd tried to argue with him but he just never shut up so I stopped. Then we found Rey…."

Leia's hands fall, Han looks up, his brows furrowed. 

"Rey?" Leia asks, pushing him to continue. 

"She came to live with us and the voice, it just, stopped. At least as long as she was near. It was weird."

Ben finally took Rey's hand, looking at her. She smiled just slightly, nodding. 

Rey begins to speak. 

"Ben would sleep on my floor. My nightmares stopped as long as he was there. And he was at peace. Sometimes when he wasn't home, I'd feel like something was wrong with him. But when he was home, I never felt that way."

Han speaks. 

"Did...um... I'm trying to understand...did Rey  _ know _ ?"

Rey shook her head, "This is the first I'm hearing about this but I kinda did know. I think?"

"Rey," Ben asks, looking afraid, "have you ever heard a voice in your head?"

Rey shakes her head. "No, not like that. But when you weren't there, my nightmares came back. As long as you were on my floor...I was fine."

"And as long as you were near, he was quiet," Ben whispers. 

Leia is crying. She has to say something though. 

"Son...oh my boy...my sweet boy…."

Ben stands and goes to his mother. He embraces her.

"Mom, you didn't know. I didn't tell you…"

She pulls herself away from his chest, looking up, up, up at her boy. She takes his face in her hands. 

"Why??? Why didn't you?? I would've helped you. I would've told you it was all lies. I would've stayed home. Oh...I should've known…."

"That's why he cried so much…." Han whispers, "that's why my son cried all the time as a baby. I couldn't get him to stop."

"Mom, Dad, listen, you couldn't have known…."

"But we should've known!!" Han shouts. 

"Is that what led to you leaving for good? Tell us." Leia says. 

Ben sits back down and grasps Rey's hand, weaving his fingers through hers. 

"I knew that Rey somehow kept the voice away, yes, that was one reason I was so angry when she was taken to Luke. But it wasn't just that. I knew that she needed me too. I knew we needed each other."

"I don't understand…." Han says. 

"We kept each other at peace. When I came home and she was gone, the voice just sorta...took over. I was so angry! Because to you she's your daughter, I get that but to me, she was my friend...my link to a peaceful mind. And I was her link to a peaceful mind. Obviously, she learned how to connect to the force but I couldn't."

"The Dark Side…." Leia whispers.

Ben nods. 

"So...you and Rey…"

"They are like me and Luke, Han. The force connected them."

"But he's your twin! That's why! They aren't even biologically related!" Han shouts, "how can they have a connection? Plus he's nine years older than her!"

"That would explain how the Dark Side took root when he was younger." Leia says, "Rey wasn't born yet."

"Are you saying that the Force guided him to Rey?" 

Leia smiles. "Yes, yes I am."

"Han, we weren't supposed to separate them…."

Ben looks at Rey and her smile is infectious. He smiles and kisses the top of her hand. Her beauty simply takes his breath away and for a moment, he's lost in her eyes. She begins to blush from his attentions and he breaks the stare. 

He then remembers why he started this conversation. 

"Mom, Dad, I need to continue…."

Leia nods. 

"The voice was Snoke. After I left the academy that night, I was convinced you and Dad didn't ever want to see me again. I felt lost without Rey. So that's when I went to Snoke…."

"Oh, son….yes we were angry but nothing would ever cause us to not want to see you again," Leia says. 

"Ben, he was lying to you…." Han says. 

"I know. I know that now," Ben says. "when I saw Rey again, I think whatever we have, it reactivated. It took me a moment to remember her but even before I remembered her, I felt that peace and I wanted to run...run after her. Then when it all came back, I couldn't stay. I had to get away from Snoke."

"But...here's what I needed to tell you…"

Ben takes a deep breath. 

"He's still in my head….he's still here…"

Ben taps his head.

"And he could find me. He's trying to...if he finds me...he finds all of you…."

Ben stands, turning his back to his family.

"That's why I can't stay here….that's why I have to go…"

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Writer's block sucks! I am so sorry! I am having such a hard time getting this story from this point to the end. I'm not really thrilled with this chapter, however here it is!
> 
> Thank you to all of you who've patiently waited.

"No…." says his father. Ben is stunned that of all of his family, Han is the one to speak first. 

Rey is squeezing his hand, her eyes wet. 

_ You promised, Ben….. _

He hears her thoughts in his mind. He still doesn't understand how. It's like a balm to his soul. 

He doesn't respond to her. He doesn't know what to say. 

"Wait," Leia says, "but you said Rey keeps Snoke away. How?" 

"Her light. The light combats the darkness.

Snoke's darkness. He can't reach me as fully but he's still there. She stands between us."

What Ben and Rey don't realize is that Leia has just been floored. She's silent, still, unmoving, unreactive. However, inside she's reeling, spinning, shocked. 

This is why Rey came into their lives. Everything, all of it, led to them finding this child in the desert. The force sent her to them. 

Rey was always meant to be his light. 

Ben was always meant to be her savior. 

As Ben continues to speak, she's watching, observing. The way that Rey won't quite look at him. The way she reacts to every pain Ben has endured. She closes her eyes briefly, flinching so lightly that if Leia had not been tuning in, she would've missed it. 

The utter fear that courses through Rey when Ben mentioned leaving, it was a violent fear. Terrified, her girl became at the thought of her son leaving. 

Then, an anger, a possessive, totality of anger courses through this young lady before her. 

She'd kill for Ben. Leia knows it. 

There's a darkness in Rey, brought into her by the life she'd led as a child. Leia had sensed it but never quite this strongly. 

If Ben leaves, Rey leaves. If she isn't allowed to leave, this young woman before her will unleash something that cannot be wrangled. 

Slowly, oh so slowly, the truth unfurls, laying itself bare before Leia's spirit. 

Rey is madly in love with Ben. Violently, all consuming. 

This she has suspected. However, one thing becomes apparently clear. 

The Force wills it. 

Leia turns her attention to her boy. He's nervous and not just because Ben is telling them his deepest darkest secret. 

Rey makes him nervous. 

Leia's acute, mothering eyes watch as Ben's arm moves slightly, his hand out of view. She sees him reach for Rey under the table and then she sees Rey move to grasp his hand. Then his arm moves back, quickly. 

Leia suppresses a smile. Ben didn't realize he'd reached for her and when Rey touched him, it scared him. 

Something is happening. 

Ben subconsciously leans towards Rey then straightens when he becomes aware. 

When Rey speaks, her boy's eyes give it all away. 

"Snoke cannot be allowed to continue to torment Ben," Rey says, eyes flashing, "We have to stop him! Ben cannot run and run all over the galaxy, being chased by this monster!"

Leia watches Ben as he watches Rey, enamored by her. His features soften, his lips almost smile. The glazed look in his eyes tell Leia that Ben isn't even listening to Rey. He's just using the opportunity to look at her. 

Oh, her boy is sunk. He's got it  _ bad _ . 

She considers this. Ben has always cared about Rey, even loved her. However, he'd not seen her since she was a child. Now he's returned and found this beautiful young lady. 

Even if Leia didn't approve, it wouldn't matter. 

The Force orchestrated this and so it shall be. 

These kids are in love with each other.

There's a teeny tiny problem in all this. Actually, two.

First, Han Solo. 

Leia hopefully can deal with that. 

Secondly, her son is none other than Kylo Ren. 

**__________________________**

  
  


Leia has the Resistance on high alert, the pilots flying out at regular intervals to patrol the skies. 

Everyone on base has been told to be prepared to evacuate at a moment's notice and keep blasters on them at all times. 

"Mom, you have to let me leave. You can't expect to stay on high alert forever," Ben reasons with her several days after their meeting. 

"I also won't be expected to live without my son. Not anymore," she says. 

They stand at the window overlooking the base. Members of the Resistance scurry here and there, completing various tasks. 

"Son, we need to talk."

Leia walks to her sofa and sits. 

"Uh-oh," Ben says. 

Han and Chewie are out on patrol. The Falcon pretty much stays on patrol now, the two piloting in shifts, keeping an eye out for the First Order. 

Rey is off training. She wants to be prepared at all times. 

"Ben, I think there's a way you can block Snoke. But before I explain, I want you to listen. Do not react. Just listen."

"Shit," Ben says. 

She gives him a stare and he shrugs. 

"Luke," she says. 

"No!!"

"Ben….."

"No!!!"

"BEN…."

"NO!!"

Then she's whispering and he knows better than to breathe. Snoke has nothing on his mother.

"Benjamin Organa Skywalker Solo…."

"Mom! Why are you doing this to me? You know what he's done! He tried to tear us apart! He thought I was some monster not worth redeeming! As soon as he sensed the dark side in me, he turned on me! He could see the light in Vader but not in his own nephew?"

"Luke has had a long time to regret that decision….."

"Mother…."

"BEN!!" Leia shouts, which is completely out of character for her, "Whether you like it or not, Luke is the only Jedi left! Other than Rey. He is the only one who can help you keep Snoke out! I'm perfectly aware that his actions, his neglect caused my son to run to that monster! I've barely spoken to my brother in ten years! I don't even know where he is!"

"I'll think about it…."

Then he's gone. 

**________________________**

He wanders through the forest surrounding the base. 

He's so incredibly angry. Confused. Confused because his mother may be right. 

Luke. 

The last fully trained Jedi is  _ Luke-fucking _

_ -Skywalker _ . 

The Force has quite the sense of humor. 

So now, his only choice in saving his family, in saving Rey, is  _ Luke-fucking _

_ -Skywalker _ . 

Great. 

The irony of it all is overwhelming him. Just a day or so ago, he was the apprentice of the Supreme Leader of the First Order. 

Now he's on the damn Resistance base, run by his own MOTHER, trying to figure out how to upend the Supreme Leader of the First Order. 

Snoke is still in his head, pacing, heaving, waiting. Snoke certainly knows how to wait. 

Ben is using the training that Snoke himself taught him to keep his mind guarded. 

None of the training that Luke gave him has ever been beneficial. 

He's using his dark side training to keep the Resistance safe. Interesting. 

He simply cannot deal with Luke's way of teaching, that passion and attachments are wrong. 

Not that he'd know much about passion. Getting tortured on a daily basis doesn't leave room for a sex life. 

Attachments, yes, that he knows about. These people that have blasted back into his life, he was once very attached to. Now that he is away from the First Order, away from Snoke, he's quickly becoming attached again. The last week has been surreal. His mother is his mother again. His father is more attentive. 

Then there's Rey. 

The fierce young girl he'd left behind, she's still fierce, still young. However, the girl is gone. 

She's a woman now. She had taken to her training like he knew she would. He'd seen it. She was mastering skills at nine that he'd not accomplished until he was fifteen. It came to now surprise to him that she is an expert at saber fighting. 

He'd battled with her a few times over the past seven days. He could beat her in sheer muscle, sure. She had him hands down in skill and in speed. 

It had been...humbling, to say the least. 

Other than saber practice, he'd stayed away from her. She would make eye contact from across the room and he'd look away. If she moved towards him, he suddenly had somewhere to be. 

Around her, he feels so unworthy. He knows she once thought he was her rescuer. He chased her nightmares away. He chased her monsters off. He didn't want her to know that now he is a monster. 

He didn't care if he was punished for his crimes. He was prepared to face judgement. Except….then she will know. She will see what he became. She will hate him. 

He doesn't think he could bear that. To see her face as she finds out the things he's done. 

She doesn't even know that he hurt her friend Poe. No one has told her. 

As he walks down a path in the forest, debating how to continue being around her, he stops. 

_ She's near. _

_ Rey.  _

He knows it. He doesn't know how he knows it but he does. 

Within seconds, she comes around the bend, walking towards him. She's looking at the ground. 

He can't breathe. She's so….pretty. 

She's wearing a bright yellow dress, long and flowing to her bare feet. It ties in the front, hugging her chest and he quickly looks away. There's a small open gap under the tie, exposing a bit of her freckled belly. He tries very hard to focus on her face but the dress is way too alluring, showing her off in a way that makes it hard for him to swallow. 

She stops and looks up at him. 

"Ben" she says, a timid smile appearing. Not enough to show her dimples but he knows they are still there. He remembers them well. 

The way she says his name, it's like a breeze blew into his soul. He hates his name. But when she was a kid, she had a way of saying it and he wouldn't hate it so much. 

He shakes his head. He can't think about that right now. Can't think of how he'd froze her with the force, strapped her down and took her thoughts, the whole time not realizing who she was.

"Hi," he says, suddenly wanting to run. But also wanting to walk towards her, like a moth to a flame.

"How are you?" She asks shyly.

"Me? Oh. I'm okay….I guess. Are you okay?"

"Um...yeah. I'm okay."

"Yeah, I needed some air. It's nice out here," he remarks, finding a good excuse to take in the canopy of leaves above and not her timid smile. 

She looks up at the trees also and he's grateful to escape her intense stare, just for a moment.

"It is. I like it here. Maybe we won't have to leave it, you know, evacuate, like we usually do. Maybe we can stay now that….ummm….the First Order isn't looking for us….anymore."

Now he blushes, reminded once again of his sins. The First Order has run the Resistance all over the galaxy, causing them to evacuate again and again. 

He shifts, uncomfortable. But he notices that she's stepped closer to him and he's suddenly hyper-aware of her. Like his senses are elevated. 

She comes to stand mere inches from him, looking up at him like he's something she's discovering. 

Her fingers go to his face, tracing scars that have been left from a life he's trying to forget. 

As soon as her fingers touch him, he feels a coursing energy pulse through him. He gasps out loud. She pulls her hand away suddenly and out of desperation to feel it again, he grabs her wrist. 

She looks at his hand, holding her wrist. His hand is massive, covering half of her forearm. She looks similar to how he felt just now, when her fingers were on his face.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you," she says, the green in her eyes matching the forest around them. 

"You didn't hurt me, Rey. The scars are healed."

"Then why did you gasp? When I touched you just now?"

"I don't know. But it didn't hurt."

She begins her exploration again, the concern on her face hurting his heart. She touches a scar right on his lip line. 

Her fingertips on his lips ignite something inside of him. Something that scares him. The urge to kiss her fingers pulses through him and he grabs her wrist again, pulling her hand away. 

He stammers, trying to keep her from realizing the urge he just had. 

She once again does something unexpected. She twists her arm just a bit and he lets go but before his hand can fall back by his side, she grasps in with her own. Her fingers lace through his and she presses her palm against his. She's holding his hand. 

He can't speak. She's encaptured him. She's always been able to, since she was just a kid. He was always amazed by her. 

Except now, she's not a kid. She's a grown woman. A beautiful woman, wearing an alluring dress. Not that he's looking, thank you very much. She's still much younger than him but her soul is older, having seen hunger and thirst and desert heat. And now war. 

A beautiful woman with hazel eyes that seem to change according to her moods. Eyelashes that flutter up at him as she blinks rapidly, causing confusion in his chest. High cheekbones that give her a regal look. Full plush lips that he has to look away from, quickly. Freckles from the Jakuu sun still scatter across her face, cute when she was nine but now he finds himself transfixed by them, like stars in a constellation. He finds them…. captivating. He finds  _ her  _ captivating, in an entirely different way than when he was eighteen. 

A look of hurt crosses her face and she suddenly looks sad. 

"Why are you avoiding me, Ben?"

"What..what do you mean?"

_ He knows what I mean.  _

He'd heard it clear as day, her voice in his head. It's searing like a brand yet soothing like a balm. 

"You know what I mean," she says out loud, not seeming to know that he'd heard her think it first. 

"I'm not," he tells her, knowing he's lying. He then sighs. He knows she can hear his thoughts too so there's no sense in hiding the truth.

He rephrases. 

"I mean, I'm not avoiding you because I want to."

"Then, why?"

_ I don't want you to see the monster inside. Must protect you.  _

She shakes her head just a bit. It's a strange feeling, hearing someone's thoughts. 

"Are you still thinking of leaving?" she asks. 

"It's a possibility. It has to be a possibility."

Her eyes consume him. A mix of sadness, panic and anger. Green and gold flash at him. 

"You said...you promised. You always look for a reason to leave!"

"Rey, please, I have to protect you."

"I can protect myself!"

"Not from them. You don't understand what they are capable of, Rey."

"I think I do. They kept you from me for ten years."

"I made my own decisions, Rey."

"I thought you were dead for years….I thought you were dead…"

Her hands cover her face and she's breathing in short gasps of air. He doesn't know what to do. He wants to touch her, to hold her but he's afraid that she will run. 

"Ben….." 

_ Oh please don't run….. _

_ I won't…. _

He isn't sure where to touch her so he gently places his hand on the back of her neck, pulling her to him. She instinctively wraps her arms around his back, her cheek laying on his chest while she cries. 

"I'm sorry….I'm so sorry, Rey….I'll make it up to you somehow...I'll get you to forgive me…"

"I can't believe they lied to me," she murmurs into his chest. 

"Hey…"

She lifts her head but keeps herself in his embrace. 

"Don't be mad at them. They were trying to protect you. Where I was….who I was...it was very dangerous. They couldn't bear if you tried to come find me."

"We should've all tried to come rescue you!"

He smiles at her passion. 

"No, sweet girl. I didn't need rescuing. I had to find my way back here on my own."

She looks so pure, so innocent in his eyes.

"Why did you come back here?"

"Don't you know?"

"For your parents?"

He shakes his head.

"No, Rey...for you. You've always been my light. He knew you were. He saw it. He snuffed you out of my mind. Not mom and dad. You. He told me to kill my parents. But you….I suspect he knew the best way to deal with how I feel about you is just to pluck you out of my head."

"How do you feel about me, Ben?"

"You're my best friend, Rey Organa. You have been since we first ate jam together."

"I'm so glad you're back. I'm glad you're safe. I love you Ben."

His eyes become wide with shock. 

"You...you love me?"

"Yes, everyone loves their best friend."

_ Oh _

"Oh….yeah….Best friend…."

Ben pulls himself together mentally. She has to hear this. It's important. Her arms are not moving from around him but he finds that he doesn't want them to. He cups her chin in the palm of his hand, locking his eyes onto hers. 

"Rey? Listen. People, they don't understand us. I'm way older than you. I'm a man and you are a woman. So, we just, we have to be aware that people don't understand. This whole, mind reading thing. People won't understand. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

She looks at him with such openness, not quite understanding. 

"What does it matter about our ages? Our genders? Who cares what people think?"

He sighs. She has to agree to this. 

"Rey, I'm Kylo Ren, remember?"

She almost pulls away in anger but his hand holds her tight, splayed between her shoulder blades. 

"You are Ben! Don't say that name again!"

Her eyes are brimming with tears. He wipes her eyelashes as her eyes flutter closed, his thumbs sliding across her eyelids. 

"Look at me, Rey."

Her eyes become wide. He thinks she looks so innocent. For such a Jedi warrior, right now she's so vulnerable. 

"To you, I'm Ben. If word gets out, I'm just saying. You can't tell anyone who I was, that we are best friends or that we can read each other's minds. Do it for me, Rey. Please? I don't want anyone harassing you. I can't let you carry my sins."

He continues looking down at her with her hands on his back, her front pressed against him. She doesn't move, doesn't breathe as he studies her face, reveling at how she's changed. Her face is so close he feels her breath as she finally exhales. 

"Okay, Ben. I will keep it quiet. I understand."

He is fraught with the urge to press his lips against hers and it frightens him. Instead he turns her head to his chest again, laying a kiss to her head. 

"Everything will be fine. I won't leave you. I'll figure something out. I'll never leave you again."

He means it more than he's ever meant it before. He won't be apart from her again. 

Even if it means letting Luke teach him. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


.

  
  
  



	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben has a horrible nightmare....but is it a nightmare?
> 
> Then something strange happens....

_Worthless boy…._

_Pathetic…._

_Think you can escape me…._

_Yes, keep her close…._

_I'll find her too…._

_Rip her apart while you watch…._

_Screams that sound all too feminine echo through the chamber. Screams and then his name. Screaming for help._

_"BEN!!! SAVE ME!! NO!!! IT HURTS BEN IT HURTS!!"_

_He clamors in the dark, pain consuming him, broken bones refusing to move. His torn muscles begging to be still._

_She needs him. She is calling for him._

_He sees her broken body, curled on her side on a dirty floor. Her eyes are wide, unmoving._

_No!!! Not Rey. Not my sweet girl. The one I saved. The only good I've ever done._

_But it's too late. It's too late and he's too dark. There's no light in him to give to her._

_So he holds her. He holds her and weeps._

_He couldn't save her….Snoke had taken her from him as punishment for running._

He jolts awake, her name a shout from his lips. He gasps, heart pounding in his ears, air not entering his lungs. 

As he sits up a voice….

_Yes….I'll find her too….she'll scream your name as she dies, pathetic child._

"No!!" he screams into the dark of his room.

_Yes…_

_But…._

_Return to me, Kylo Ren and your sweet girl will stay safe…._

"You'll find her even if I do…." 

_Now, when have I ever gone back on my word? Never. Return to me and she will be safe._

"No….I won't leave her again."

_Fine, my boy. You shall see._

And then silence. Peace. Quiet. 

He lay there in the still of his room, no sounds other than the beeps of droids scurrying about the corridor. An occasional sound of a X wing above, patrolling. 

He feels for the force signatures. First his parents, breathing softly together in their quarters, his father not on duty tonight. He feels better knowing Han is with her although it's clear who is the force to be reckoned with. His mother is much more powerful, able to tap into the force if needed. Still, his father is nearby her, ready to protect his beloved. 

Rather he wants to admit it or not, he is impressed with their love. It is strong. Ben has sensed his mother's heart filling again with the return of her husband by her side. It gives him peace. 

Then he reaches for Rey. Technically, he doesn't need to reach. She's right there, all around. All he has to do is wrap himself in her signature, like a blanket laying across his lap. Pull it up and over him. She's never not there. His awareness of her waxes and wanes, like waves on a shore. It pulls in then pulls back but it's always there. 

How did he manage to keep it pushed away for so long? To keep her essence from enveloping him? It was there. It has been since the day he first saw her. 

He can almost see her now. 

Actually, it's like he can see her….

He barely makes out her face in his mind's eye, not a memory, actually her. 

She's asleep, her hair mussed about. Her mouth slightly open and she crinkles her nose a bit. Her lips close but then a smile, not wide, just a hint, appears on her face. She sighs and rolls over, her back to him. 

She's okay. She's safe. 

Unfortunately, he must access what has occurred. It wasn't a dream, he knows. Snoke is slowly removing the barrier that Ben has constructed. Ben knows how. He hasn't been connecting to the force enough. His mind has been wrapped up in other things like spilling secrets to his mom, working on the Falcon with his dad, walking with Rey through the forest. 

He must start his meditations again. He must build himself up again. 

Without a mentor, it will be almost impossible. He groans, knowing what this means. His uncle will have to help him, dammit. 

Luke was contacted a few days ago and will be here soon. 

_Oh, yay._

This will be interesting. 

Slowly but surely, Ben grows sleepy again. He does his best to meditate on the force as he drifts off. Finally, a dreamless sleep overcomes him. 

**_____________________________**

He wakes, sensing something. A shift in the force. Something is happening. 

He doesn't feel alarmed, though. He feels a warmth. Like a fire in his gut. 

It's not a feeling he's ever felt before. It feels...peaceful. Like a warm blanket. Or a cool drink on a hot day. 

He doesn't move. He's so unaccustomed

to feeling peace, to feeling comfort, he doesn't want to lose it. So he's still, staring at the wall, blinking. Afraid to breathe, afraid to lose it. He holds his breath. 

Yet, he still hears breathing. 

Someone is here in his quarters. Now he is alarmed and wishes he had his saber. He slowly rolls to his back, prepared to fight. 

Then, out of the corner of his eye, he realizes that the someone is right next to him. He sharply turns his head to his left. 

He gasps. 

It's Rey. She's here. Why is she here? HOW is she here? His door is locked. 

He sits up suddenly, turning to look down at her. 

Everything in his body freezes. His lungs stop working, his heart skips, his blood runs hot, his brain ceases to function. 

She's asleep, her hair spread out across a white pillow like a fan. She's wearing a thin gown with tiny straps. The black silky fabric is an alluring contrast to her tan skin. One arm is above her head. One leg is cast out to the side, having become uncovered. The gown has ridden up and he can see her hip. Her panties are also black. Her mouth is parted and when she breathes she makes a soft mewling sound in her throat. Her shoulders are bare and dotted with freckles, too many to possibly count.

The worst (best?) part is that the blanket is down to her waist and through the black gown he can see her nipples hardened. The mounds of her breasts perky and perfect. 

It's too much. It's Rey. It's grown up Rey and it's too much. 

He jumps from the bed, standing against the wall, unsure what to do. 

Why is she here? Why would she come to him dressed that way? He looks around for other clothing, a dressing gown, something that she would've worn over _that_. 

He sees nothing. That means she walked the corridors in her short, thin gown and black panties. Was she sleep walking? How did she get his door open?

The thought of someone else seeing her causes a strange feeling in him. 

He runs a hand through his hair, contemplating what to do. 

He is also trying not to think about how incredibly gorgeous she looks right now. 

Ben knows two things. First, Rey has become an incredibly smart and strong woman. He knew she would. 

Second, a fact he's tried desperately not to let enter his mind. Nonetheless, here it is, staring him in the face, lying in his bed. 

Rey is a sexy, alluring woman. A true goddess warrior. Ben truly does not think he's ever seen such a creature, anywhere. 

_Shit._

**_SHIT_ ** _!_

He cannot do this. He has to make her leave. It will probably upset her but he can't help that. 

What if she did sleepwalk? Will she even know where she is? Will she think _he_ came to _her_?

Carefully, oh so carefully, he climbs back in the bed. He lies on his side facing her. He tries to keep his eyes on her face. Not on her breasts. Not on that one, long, tan leg tossed to the side, exposed to the hip. Especially not on the tiny bit of her panties exposed to him. 

She has freckles on her knees. 

He groans quietly. 

He decides to gently call out to her, whisper her name. Then when she wakes, he will bundle her up in _something_ and hopefully she can get back to her quarters without being spotted. 

He opens his mouth to speak.

She disappears. Into thin air. 

"Rey!!" he shouts, grabbing the blankets in front of him, lifting them, as if he'd find her under them. 

She's gone and he panics. He panics and runs out into the corridor, searching. 

Where did she go?? Is she safe? What the hell is happening??

Ben weaves his way through the corridors. He doesn't see her. 

He finds his way to her quarters, standing outside her door. He knows it's the middle of the night but he has to know if she's okay. 

He knocks, probably too loudly. A sleepy, yawning Rey opens her door, her blanket wrapped around her. 

"Ben?" she asks, obviously having been woken from sleep. She rubs at her eyes with one hand, holding the blanket closed with the other. 

Ben sighs in relief. She's okay. She's safe. 

"Rey?? Are you okay??" 

She nods, still a bit incoherent. 

What the fuck had occurred in his room? He wasn't about to bring it up. 

Rey's eyes adjust and she comes fully awake. Her eyes fall to his chest and her mouth falls open just a bit. Her cheeks flush to pink. Then her gaze ventures southward. She suddenly yanks her face back up to his. The pink on her cheeks turns to a deeper crimson. 

Only then does he realize he isn't wearing a shirt. Only his sleep pants hanging low on his hips. He'd ran out in a panic, not considering what he was wearing. Or not wearing. 

"O-okay. I just….I….umm….had a...ummm...nightmare and I was worried….because of the nightmare….that I had...a minute ago…"

_Smooth, Solo. Real believable._

Her flushed cheeks are not going away. If anything, they are getting redder by the second. 

"I'm fine, Ben. What was the nightmare about? Do you want to talk about it?"

Oh, not in any way, fashion or form did he want to talk about it. Because it wasn't a nightmare. Not even close. 

"No...no...it's okay. Now that I know you are alright. Good night Rey…"

He turns to go, probably too quickly, thinking to himself,

_What the fuck just happened?_

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	37. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My poor Besotted confused Ben...his body just keeps wanting what his mind tells him he shouldn't want.....
> 
> Meanwhile the force is over here like 😏😏😏😏
> 
> So, what do you think? Is Rey tempting him on purpose?
> 
> Luke arrives on Anja Kloss. 
> 
> Oh and Rey finds out exactly why Ben left all those years ago....
> 
> Run, Luke. Just...run.

Rey looks up from under the X wing as the ship lands. 

She immediately senses his force signature. 

"He's here!" she shouts, dropping her wrench. 

"What the hell?" Rose says. 

Rey bounds to the ship just in time for the ramp to lower. She throws herself at him. 

"Luke!" she shouts. 

"Oh my goodness, Rey!" Luke stumbles back a foot, catching himself, "be careful, I'm old, remember? Wow, look at you. All grown up."

Things have been tense between Luke and his sister's family, to say the least. Luke knows he's done wrong. He'd taken good care of Rey though. It was his only way to try to make up for the wrongs he'd committed with his nephew. 

As word reached Luke what his nephew had become, Luke took the full blame. He shut down his academy, considering himself a failure. He went into exile on the planet containing the original Jedi temple, in search of himself. He couldn't help Ben but maybe he could return to his roots and prevent himself from harming anyone else. 

Rey is fully aware of Luke's bad decisions. It took her a very long time to get past it. She's still not fully past it. However, she still loves her master. Her excitement in seeing him overrides her anger, for the moment. 

Ben watches from the trees, torn, angry, confused. He's avoided Rey all day. Last night's events were so strange. He doesn't understand what happened. He knows without a doubt that he didn't hallucinate Rey in his room. Neither did she force project herself. The effort would kill her. Besides, why would she when he's literally just down the corridor? Something strange is happening. He senses it in the force. The connection between him and Rey has grown stronger. She doesn't seem to realize it though. 

His nightmare comes back to him in a flash, jarring him. But it wasn't a nightmare, was it? It was Snoke. He's weaseling his way in while Ben is unguarded, in his sleep. He's showing Ben his full intentions. 

He wants Ben. Worse than that, he wants Rey. 

There's no way in fuck that will happen, even if Ben has to die to keep Rey safe. 

Even if he has to cower at _Luke-fucking-Skywalker's_ feet. Whatever it takes. 

He throws his pride down and emerges from the trees, making his way to Rey and his uncle. 

Luke's eyes bulge from their sockets at the sight of his nephew. They haven't seen each other in ten years. 

Not nearly long enough. 

"Ben," Luke says, pulling away from Rey's embrace. 

"Uncle," Ben acknowledges him, not able to hide his disgust. 

"Look Ben it's Luke!" Rey says, overreaching with excitement, making an effort. 

"Yes, Rey, I see him," Ben says, a tiny bit of a smile sneaking in at her. 

Luke is looking up at his nephew, a little bit in wonder. 

"Wow, how'd you get even taller?"

"Wow, how'd you get even older?" Ben responds back at him. 

"Touche'" Luke replies. 

"Rey," Ben says, not taking his eyes off of Luke, "it's lunchtime, wanna eat with me?"

"I thought I'd eat with your parents and Luke. Aren't you coming?"

"No," Ben replies. 

"It's okay, Rey, I need to speak to my sister," Luke tells her. 

"Yes, go talk to your sister," Ben says, taking a slight step towards Luke, who in turn steps backwards. 

Rey sighs.

"Ben! Yes…..let's go. We need to _talk,_ " Rey says angrily. 

Rey pulls Ben along as Ben watches Luke, anger beginning to rise up in him. So much of his life, forever altered, all because of _Luke-fucking-Skywalker._

Rey stops inside the first corridor they come to. She shoves him against the wall and his brows lift in surprise. She's strong, stronger than she knows. She's also pissed. More pissed than he realizes. 

"What are you even doing?!?!?"

He tries to hide his smirk. Force if she isn't cute when she's angry. She stomps back and forth in front of him like a wild fathier. Her fists clench and her lips purse. Red rises in her round cheeks. 

_Not cute, gorgeous._

He folds his arms over his chest and crosses his ankles, just waiting. She's building and going to spill over. It's entertaining to watch. 

"He's the ONLY one who can help you!! Are you stupid?? Yes, you are. You're so damn stupid, Ben. You _always_ just flare out with your emotions!!" 

She stops, looking up at him, merely inches from his face and points one finger at him. 

"You!! Quit being so fucking angry!!'

He bites his lips in an effort not to smile. 

"No cursing, Rey," he goads her. 

"I'M NINETEEN I'LL SAY FUCK IF I WANT TO!!"

He has to bite his lips to keep from smiling. 

Then he watches as she stops, wrapping her arms around herself. He knows what's coming and as usual, it's his weakness. 

_Oh no, don't….._

Her bright green eyes brim with tears. 

He never could stand to see her cry. From the moment that nine year old ball of fire hit him with her staff, he was a goner for this girl. He'd never cared about anyone. He kept himself closed off, shut away. Until one day on a hellhole of a dusty planet, a little girl looked at him with fire in her eyes and force powers beyond his comprehension. 

"Ben, I just don't want to lose you again. My heart…."

"Oh, Rey," he said, taking her into his arms. He shushed her while he held her. 

_Please, don't let Snoke take you away again._

_I won't, I swear to the Force I won't._

_You have to forgive Luke. For me. Please._

_I'll try, sweet girl. I'll try._

Her face forces its way up from his chest as she turns to look up at him. 

Her sheer beauty overwhelms him. An image of her lying in his bed last night flashes through his mind. He pushes it away. 

"What's happening with us?" she asks, "why can we hear each other?"

_Us….we…._

"I don't know, Rey."

"Luke would know, don't you think?" she asks as she burrows her face into his chest again, like it's the most natural thing in the world to hold him in such an intimate embrace. 

Ben had always allowed Rey to touch him freely. Whereas, no one else could. For the last ten years, he'd had very little human contact. Well, none, really. He felt like a man starved. She felt like a meal he'd craved for a decade. It just feels so right, her touching him again. 

Except now, she's a grown woman, not a skinny nine year old girl. 

"Ben?" 

Oh, yeah, she asked him a question. 

"Um, yes, he probably does. If this is some weird force thing, that is."

Her face emerges again from his tunic, looking at him with bright eyes and pink lips. 

"You think it's weird?"

_No, no I don't, Rey. I like it._

_Me too, Ben. Feels like...feels like home._

_Come on, Ben. I'm hungry._

**_____________________________**

She pulls him along again. He willingly follows like some kind of puppy but he doesn't have the mind to care. 

"You don't have to pull me, I know where the mess hall is…."

Not that he wants to let go of her hand but he's beginning to feel rather silly. 

When's the last time he felt silly?

She drops his hand, proceeding on. Her mind is now on food and in true Rey fashion, that's always going to be her number one mission. He smiles.

"Dammit, my boot. Hold on." she says, stopping abruptly. She bends to adjust her boot and he's just far enough back…

Damn. 

Her cute little rear sticking up in the air makes his mind do flip flops. He's then mortified. 

He's hard as steel. 

"Fuck," he whispers. She turns her head, still bent over and looks at him, her hair hanging about her face like a curtain. 

"What did you say?" she asks. 

As soon as her eyes land on him, he turns to hide his situation. 

"Huh? Nothing. Just hungry," he tells her 

His traitorous cock reminds him it's not food he's referring to. 

_Dammit._

She stands, looking at him, her eyes puzzled. She'd heard that.

He quickly blocks any further thoughts from her. He's got to remember to do that from now on. 

"Hmm...okay? C'mon then…"

And she's off again. He allows her several steps ahead while he quickly adjusts his crotch and pictures _anything_ other than her cute little ass. 

His mom. 

Yep, that'll do it, alright. 

What the hell is wrong with him?

It's Rey, for Force sake!

He manages to push aside his conflict long enough to grab a tray and fill it with food. Rey is caught up in a conversation with Rose, who is ahead of her.

He halfway listens to the two women gossip and giggle. His mind wanders to what to do about Luke. 

Ben doesn't want to share with Luke the sudden connection that him and Rey have. Luke will taint it, turn it into something dark, something wrong. He needs to talk to Rey, make her understand how Luke can be. 

"Rey?"

She turns to look up over her shoulder at him. 

"Could we, um, go eat in your room?"

_Ben, what's wrong?_

_I just, we need to talk, alone._

Rey nods and after leaving the line, they walk to her room. 

Ben has not seen the inside of her room. The bed sits in the center, just small enough for her, unmade and messy. Ben isn't surprised. She always hated making her bed. To the left is a deep blue plush rug covering the floor, right outside of her 'fresher. To the right is a window, overlooking trees and bushes. Everywhere that there is space are plants. In pots and in cups of all sorts. The kitchen staff has probably been in search of those, he thinks with a smile. It seems that Rey has brought all of Anja Kloss's vegetation right here into her little space. Her green thumb impresses him while at the same time, her obsession with plants bothers him. He knows why she's obsessed. Jakku and the constant need to erase it from her mind. 

"Wow, Rey, what a collection of….jungle"

She gives him a sideways smirk. 

"Don't make fun, dork."

He raises a brow at her. 

"I'm not, brat. You're good at this. It can't be easy keeping up with all of this."

She sets her tray on her bed and proceeds to remove a stack of papers, several pencils, three books, a hairbrush and two plants from her small table. Then she grabs the handful of clothing from the spare chair and unceremoniously dumps them on her bed. 

"Sit," she tells him. He laughs loudly. 

"What?" she asks.

"Some things never change, piggy," Ben says with a wink. 

Rey punches him in the shoulder and out of instinct, he grabs at her, startling himself and her. Then he grabs her other wrist, pinning both behind her back, pulling her towards him. Her front presses against his own and he smiles, looking down at her face. 

"What now, Jedi?" he teases. 

She squirms, trying to escape and suddenly the tension is there. They are both silent, staring at each other. His smile disappears, replaced by a slack jaw. Rey's eyes radiate green and he's entranced. 

Her body is both soft and strong and he feels his own body react. He quickly releases her, abruptly turning to face the table behind him. He's both confused and frustrated by his reaction, blocking his thoughts and emotions from their connection. 

_I guess being a 28 year old virgin is starting to get to me…..damn...control yourself!_

Rey seems to be a bit unsteady herself, clamoring to find her chair and shoving a roll in her mouth quickly and sloppily. 

Before she even swallows she asks, "What did you want to talk about?"

He just cuts her a look. 

_You can talk to me like this when your mouth is full, Rey._

_You irritate me, Solo._

He laughs again and she thinks it's her favorite sound ever. Kriff, she had missed him. Her heart pangs at the thought of how badly. Fortunately, now, it's like they've never been apart. 

He becomes serious again. 

"I don't think I want to tell Luke about this new…. _thing_ we do."

She takes a bite of meat and watches him closely. 

_Why?_

_You're pretty happy that you can eat without pausing to talk, aren't you?_

She takes another bite, staring at him with a twinkle in her eyes.

_Yup. Answer me._

"Because...he will twist it, make it weird. Make it into something dark."

She swallows and speaks out loud. 

"Dark? Why would it be dark? It doesn't feel dark. It feels…."

He waits for her to finish. He leans in towards her.

"It feels….what? How does it feel?"

She doesn't blink but her lips quiver nervously.

"It feels….good. It feels right. Like this is just how we should've always been," she replies with a sweet smile, her hazel eyes softening at him. 

His heart warms. She's just so pretty with her hair curling down her shoulders and her skin glowing like desert sands. Her face has filled out so nicely, her cheeks plump and her nose angled just perfect. He honestly cannot find a flaw on her. Or in her. She's just, sweet but full of fire and passion. She takes on everything with such passion, from being a Jedi to raising her plants to eating with such abandon. 

Kriff, he'd missed her. Even though his mind had been wiped of her, he still missed her. He just didn't know it was her he missed. That hole he'd felt for ten years was Rey shaped. 

"I feel the same way, Rey. I like your voice in my head."

She reaches for his hand, lacing her fingers between his own. He struggles not to gasp out loud. Every time she touches him, it's like fire under his skin. He doesn't remember that happening years ago. 

"I like your voice in my head too, Ben. I used to force myself to remember your voice but as the years went by, I lost it. I refused to watch old holos of you. I couldn't bear the pain," she says, her voice breaking at the end. 

His body flinches at the pain she feels. He thinks it must be instinct. 

"I'm sorry," he tells her, his fingers gripping hers tighter, "I'm so sorry Rey. I wish I had not lost my memory of you. I would've come back sooner."

"Snoke knew that, that's why he wiped your memory. Ben, we _have_ to let Luke help us. Snoke will eventually work his way back into your mind. I feel you struggling to keep that door closed. You'll tire out eventually."

Ben pulls his hand away and she casts him a confused look. 

"I _know_ that, Rey but I do _not_ trust Luke!"

She feels a sense of pained loss when his hand lets go of hers. 

"Why?"

Ben stands, his hands balling into fists. 

"Because of what he said about me when I was at the Academy!"

Rey stands, placing her hands on his back, trying to calm him. 

"What did he say, Ben?"

Ben cannot look at her. Even though it wasn't true back then, not even close to being true, it hits a bit too close to home now.

"He insinuated I was having inappropriate feelings towards you, Rey. Inappropriate feelings about a little girl."

Behind him, he hears what sounds like a growl. He spins just in time to see a Rey shaped blur disappear out the door. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	38. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As stated previously....RUN LUKE
> 
> Rey confronts Luke and becomes overwhelmed. Ben to the rescue. They spend quality time together...in bed. 
> 
> NOT LIKE THAT CALM YOURSELVES PEOPLE
> 
> (It's coming!! I promise!! I've already written it!)

Rey doesn't even knock on Leia's door. 

She comes barging in and stomps over to Luke.

"Did you do it??" she screams, standing over him. 

"Rey!!" Leia screams her name, "what are you doing??" 

Rey ignores Leia, staring down at a shaken Luke Skywalker. 

"Did you create Kylo Ren??"

"Create?? What are you talking about Rey??" Leia continues to shout, standing. 

Han holds his hand up at his wife. 

"Let her be, Leia. She has the right to know," Han tells her. 

"Create Kylo Ren?" Luke asks, looking up at this fierce young woman, hell bent on finding answers. She leans over into his face, shaking in her anger. 

"Yes!! You know what I mean!! You said he had inappropriate thoughts about a child! Me! How the fuck….HOW THE FUCK could you say that Luke??? Do you know what that did to him??" 

Luke slides down the sofa, out away from Rey, his eyes wide. He stands, shaking. 

"I...I was wrong…." 

"Damn straight you were!!" Rey yells.

"I didn't mean to hurt him…."

"You are the reason he ran away!" she screams, then spinning to point at Leia and Han, "and you two just STOOD there and didn't do ANYTHING about it! He's your son! Am I the ONLY one who loves Ben? Who has EVER loved Ben??"

Leia's color leaves her face and Han begins to shake. 

"You told me he died!! You broke my heart, not Ben!"

She spins back to Luke, who is very shaken. 

"You could never understand Ben and I. You could never even come close!! He saved me! He was and is my friend! I lost him because of YOUR words, Luke! I thought he was dead…"

With this last sentence, she begins to crumble, going towards the floor. Before anyone can react, Ben enters the room, pushing Luke out of the way. He catches Rey and scoops her up. He doesn't say a word and doesn't look at anyone. He simply walks out with Rey, who is sobbing into his neck, one arm around his shoulders. Her hand squeezes his tunic.

"Ben?" Han calls out. 

Ben turns back to look at his father. Both father and son are teary eyed at how hurt Rey feels in this moment of realization. 

"I've got her, Dad. Don't follow us."

Han looks at Leia. 

"He'll take care of her, Han, just like he used to. She needs him right now."

Luke clamors back onto the sofa, visibly shaken. Leia looks at her twin. 

"If that's all she does to you, to us, I'd say we all got off easy."

"I was wrong, Leia."

"Yes you were, Luke, we all were. Luke, did you feel that?"

"Yes, my sister, I did."

"Feel what?" Han asks, still shaken and confused. 

"Their connection, it's strong. Very strong, Han. It goes deeper than Luke and I."

"But they aren't even related," says Han.

"Exactly," Leia says, "remember that, honey. Remember that."

Leia looks back at her brother, who seems to be recovering from the storm that is Rey. 

"Help my son defeat Snoke and protect my family. That's what you need to do now. Help Ben."

Luke nods and covers his face with his hands, elbows on his knees. 

______________________________

Ben arrives at his room first, carrying Rey inside. He gently lays her on his bed. She is still crying, her heart broken, again, by those she calls family. 

Ben pushes loose strands of hair from her face.

"Shhhh….breathe…." he whispers to her. 

He stands but she grabs his hand. 

"Don't leave me…."

"I'm not...just going to get you a cloth."

"Okay…"

He returns with a wet cloth and wipes her face. After assuring that she's finally calm, he chuckles. That brings a smile to her face. She loves it when he laughs low in his chest like that. 

"What?" she asks him. 

He continues to smile at her. 

"The sight I saw, coming in that room. You standing over his old ass, that was wild. Then confronting my parents. You are something else, Rey. I don't need you to fight for me, though."

She places her hand on his. It looks so small compared to his hand. She's so small, yet so fierce. 

"I'll always fight for you, Ben."

He slips his hand out from under hers to cup her cheek.

"I'll always fight for you too."

She turns her face and kisses his palm. His pulse races. She sits up and her face is merely inches from his own. He says it quicker than he can think. 

"You're so beautiful, Rey."

"So are you, Ben. I've always thought so."

"You aren't ever alone, I want you to know that, Rey. I'm sorry that my family made you feel alone and I wasn't here. I'm here now, though. You aren't alone."

"Neither are you, Ben."

They watch each other for several long seconds, words no longer needed. Ben fights the urge to kiss her. It literally hurts. 

Finally, he breaks the stare. 

"Here," he says, standing to grab a glass and filling it with water, "drink this. Are you better now?"

She accepts the glass, drinking it all and setting it down. She lays back down, so tired. The realization of what pushed Ben away and the confrontation took a toll on her. 

Ben brushes her hair back again. He just can't stop touching her. 

I wish he'd hold me….

Ben's hand stops suddenly. 

"Oh shit, I didn't mean for you to hear that." 

"Oh…"

"But, well, since you did, could you? I mean, unless you don't want to."

"No. I mean, yes. I don't mind. Here…"

Ben slips her boots off and then covers her with a blanket. He moves around the bed, kicking off his own boots and removing his saber belt. He lies down behind her and unclips her own saber, setting it next to his. He pulls the blanket over them both and wraps an arm around her waist, pulling her back into his chest. His nose presses into her hair and he breathes in deep. 

"I missed you so much, Ben. I wish I could've found you before, brought you back to me."

"I'm here now, Rey. I'm not leaving. I'm here. I won't leave. I need you."

"You need me?" she asks shyly. 

This is a bare open conversation, easier when they aren't face to face. The room is dim and the blanket is warm, making them both sleepy and open. 

"Yes, Rey. You keep the darkness from consuming me. I thought I wanted the darkness. It had become my home. Until I remembered you. You are my true north. My saving grace, Rey. You are my home."

He pauses and then realizes that she's asleep. She's warm and a welcome heavy weight pressed against him. 

He nuzzles his nose deeper into her hair. 

His ability to keep his feelings from himself finally crumbles. 

He's in love with her. 

He doesn't know when it happened but there it is. He can't be with her. She doesn't feel the same way as he does. She's too young and too good for him. It hurts. He could never touch her, not like that. She's too pure. She deserves better than his filthy touch. She deserves a better man. 

But right now, he can hold her and be her friend. Watch over her. 

He tells her in the only way he can, when she's asleep and can't hear him. 

"I Love You, Rey…."

Soon he's asleep too, the light from the setting sun shining through the window above the bed, casting a pink glow on the two of them. 

_____________________________

Rey wakes and feels Ben holding her. He's pressed tightly against her back, one arm around her, his fingers spread wide across her belly. His face is buried under her hair and he's breathing so deeply, sleeping so peacefully. 

She never wants to wake up alone again. This is sublime. She feels so safe. 

When she thinks of last night, how she exploded at her family, she feels ashamed. Only a little though. She cannot believe Luke thought that, much less said it. How could he? Ben was like her brother, back then anyways. He always took care of her and was never inappropriate. 

Something has changed though. At least between them. Rey has been in love with Ben in her mind for years. She'd questioned her sanity, thinking she was in love with a ghost but she knew deep down it was real. She now thinks she knew he was still out there. 

She felt him want to kiss her last night. It scared him. Truth be told, it scared her too. Even though she'd built him up in her mind, having him here was both amazing and terrifying. He is no longer 18. He is a grown man. 

A 28 year old, fully grown man. 

She blushes. He's so hot. She cannot believe how incredibly sexy he is. His body has certainly grown into itself, she thinks, blushing harder, pushing back a giggle as she burrows further back into him, feeling just how strong he is. 

She also feels something else. 

Oh…..

He's hard, pressed against her rear. Her hand covers her face in embarrassment at the realization that, yes, he's very much proportional. 

And that terrifies her inexperienced virgin mind. 

She tries to move away, knowing enough to know that men can have this happen in their sleep. He'll be so embarrassed, she thinks. 

But Ben doesn't let go, murmuring something like stay in his sleep. 

What can she do?

Oh, what she wants to do, that's a whole different matter. The terrified feeling flees quickly, replaced by curiosity. After all, this is her Ben. Her beautiful Ben. 

She wants to explore. She wants to push her rump into him, feel him, tease him. She wants to roll over and kiss him, touch him, know him. 

That's not an option. Ben's body is reacting in a human, natural way but his mind is unaware. He just doesn't feel that way about her. 

It hurts. 

So she tries to remove his arm. Damn, his arm is heavy. He pulls her tighter, mumbling again. 

"Warm...stay…."

Well this is not working at all. She realizes she has to wake him up because now she needs to use the 'fresher. His giant hand pressing on her belly has made her bladder come fully awake. 

Oh, this won't be awkward at all. 

She turns her head to try to look at him. Apparently he doesn't like that. His face burrows deeper into the back of her neck. He's really sleeping hard. Which she knows is unusual for him. She hates to wake him for oh so many reasons. 

"Ben? Ben? Ben, I need to get up."

"Humph," is his reply followed by other syllables that don't go together. 

"Ben…..Ben…."

He stirs, his mouth opening to press against the back of her neck. It's enough to make her melt internally as she feels the tip of his tongue taste her skin. The next time she says his name it slips out sounding too much like a cross between a breath and a groan. 

"Ben…."

"Hmmm?" 

"Ben, I need you to let me up. Please?"

Her bladder being full causes her to squirm. His drowsy state causes him to react by slightly pushing his erection into her ass. 

That wakes him. Completely wakes him. 

Ben realizes where he is and who she is. He also realizes what his body has done in his sleep and he's mortified. He clamors backwards, panicking and rolling over to try to hide what is blatantly obvious at this point. 

"Oh shit," she hears him whisper after his back is to her. 

He cannot see how she's biting her lip, trying not to laugh at him. He's so incredibly awkward. 

Incredibly awkward and cute. She can't see but she knows her Ben. His ears are as pink as they can possibly get right now. 

She stumbles to the fresher, wishing she could return and kiss those ears even pinker. She loves them, his ears. He wears his hair longer and she misses seeing them. 

After coming from the 'fresher, she realizes that he is gone. It makes her sad that he was embarrassed. 

Because she's as far from embarrassed as she can possibly be. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo, who's mad at me that they haven't gotten together yet? Raise your hand. 
> 
> (Feels need to explain)
> 
> I just felt it would be out of character for this Ben to quickly give in to his attraction for this Rey. 
> 
> I feel like he would struggle with himself.


	39. Chapter 39

Rey doesn't know what to do. Should she chase after Ben? Reassure him it's okay? That she's not upset, not embarrassed by his reaction to her?

What if he tells her he doesn't want her in that way? What if he tells her something she doesn't want to hear?

Fear strikes her. He never said her name in his sleep. What if he tells her he was dreaming of someone else?

So she does nothing.

_______________________________

Ben is convinced he can never look Rey in the face again.

His ears burn at the thought of what he'd done. His dick had hardened against her ass and he was basically just rutting away on her, like he was some animal.

Even if he thought he could ever be with her, that is not how he'd want to start things off. Rey deserved better.

Too bad things had gone south (literally) like that because waking up next to her was amazing. He'd never slept so soundly. No nightmares. No Snoke. Just blissful sleep. She had felt so good, so soft in his arms. It had felt right to be able to hold her, keep her safe. She'd fit just perfect against him. Her scent relaxed him. He'd woken up during the night and her even, deep breathing had lulled him right back to sleep.

But no, his hormones just had to ruin everything and now, he didn't know what to say to her.

What if she said something? Something like "How could you?" or "What's wrong with you?".

He couldn't handle it. He couldn't handle seeing her look at him with disappointment.

He does not know what to do.

So he does nothing.

_______________________________

Seeing Luke again probably isn't the best idea. He might just kill him.

Then again, killing Luke might just be the best way to get past the rolling emotions in his head right now.

"Ben," his uncle says, nodding his head in greeting. The old man is once again sitting in his mother's office.

Seems he doesn't have much choice if he sees his uncle or not.

His mother looks up at the mention of her son's name, eyes going wide for all sorts of reasons.

"Rey?" his mother asks, the remaining part of the question not needing to be asked.

"She's okay," he assures her, even though he doesn't particularly care to, "she just needed to rest."

"I came by to check during the night but I sensed you were still there so I didn't knock."

They stare at each other in silence. He senses no alarm or disapproval from her.

His eyes shoot to Luke and the old man has enough sense not to ask the question Ben knows he's pondering.

It's none of their business that Ben slept in her bed. They are both adults. Ben is in no mood to justify himself.

It was just him comforting his best friend. Not that it was their business.

He was just glad his Dad wasn't here to ask questions. That he could not deal with.

"Son?"

Ben's eyes flick back to his mom. He'd been staring at Luke without realizing it. Luke looked ready to crawl away.

Go ahead, old man. Crawl.

Right now, he's not angry at Luke for himself. Ben had made his choices. Right now, he's thinking of how upset Rey was last night, how she was so overcome by what Luke had done that she had literally crumbled.

Luke straightens, pulling back his hood and seeming to resolve himself.

"Leia, can you give us a moment?"

"I have nothing to say to you," Ben replies.

"Ben," says Leia, a pleading in her eyes and tone, "please….."

"Mother, if he's trying to apologize, there's nothing I'd hate more. Right now, I have to focus on Rey."

Ben sits in the chair opposite the Skywalker twins. He's prepared. Something about last night, something about the peaceful sleep, free from Snoke, it gave him the energy to do this.

Because, whatever him and Rey have, it needs to be protected. As the older and more experienced one in their connection, he has to be an adult.

He has to keep her safe. It's his calling.

"What do you mean, focus on Rey? What's happening to Rey?" Luke asks, honestly concerned. He loves his semi-adopted niece. They'd formed a relationship while he'd been her master.

Ben can do this. He can put aside the anger and do this. At least he can try.

"Snoke," Ben answers, watching his uncle's eyes grow wide at just the name, "he wants her. He wants me too but that's not new. This is. I've no doubt he'll kill her, just to hurt me. He's always about hurting me."

He turns to look at his mother, who has her senator face on. But there's a glisten to her eyes that is maternal.

The most evil presence in the galaxy now wants both of her children. He's already proven capable of stealing one away from her. Ben watches as her eyes dart to where he knows she keeps her saber.

Somewhere inside her small frame still lies the heart of what she'd walked away from. The force still hums inside and around her.  
She wraps herself up in it. Ben wishes he had been capable of using the force to stay calm.

Maybe once his mind is free….

"Snoke is still in there, isn't he Ben?"

"Yes, mother, he is. I've been keeping him at bay but it's not easy."

Luke speaks. "What is it like? Him being there?"

"I don't know how to put it into words, you know, since he's always been there," Ben says pointedly at Luke.

The point being made does not get past Luke. He knows that Ben is angry that instead of recognizing what his nephew was battling, he chose to battle his nephew.

This is not going to be easy. Eventually the confrontation will happen.

"Ben...please...tell us something...so we can help," Leia pleads again.

Ben sighs. Here goes. He looks at Luke, dead on, man to man, laying down his pride for the woman he loves.

"I don't know how to get him out, Luke. Hel….damn it…." Ben has to look away as he says it, "help me get him out."

"You want me to help you?" Luke asks, genuinely surprised.

Ben's anger simmers a tad bit hotter.

"Fuck!" he shouts, "you're the only one who can help, dammit! If you don't, I'll tire out eventually and he'll find her!!"

"Ben, of course I'll help. I should have…"

"Yeah the fuck you should have!!! Instead of assuming I wanted to be a dark side controlled monster, you should have realized I was a kid being fucking mentally raped, damn it!! If you would have done the right fucking thing, maybe she wouldn't even be in danger, you asshole!!"

Over on the other side of the room, a teacup explodes. Ben's angry energy had shot in that direction, hitting the teacup like a blaster bolt.

Ben looks at his mother, fully expecting her to get angry at his outburst and force fling. She simply looks at him.

"What, mother?" he asks, daring her to chastise him.

"Everything that you just said is exactly right, son. My brother knows I haven't forgiven him and probably never will."

Luke visibly flinches, taking a sharp breath and shutting his eyes. His body jerks like he's been slapped.

The conversation between the siblings the day prior had nearly become violent. Chewie had been present, acting as bodyguard so Leia and Han did not actually kill Luke. Not that Chewie particularly cared but as usual, the wookie held the most common sense and knew that Luke had to stay alive to help Ben and Rey.

Ben is once again shocked that his mother would defend him over Luke. Her eyes soften at him and she smiles just a bit. It calms him.

"Go on, Luke, finish what you were saying," Leia tells her brother, still looking at her son.

Luke manages to shake his shame off for the moment, throwing himself into his new mission.

"I can help. I will need to do some studying. I can help you block him better. Ben, you will have to use the light. Will you do that? Not just the dark? In using the light, it won't be as tiring."

Ben knew this was coming. He'd never been interested in the light. It didn't work for him. Meditation, studying, controlling his anger. However, using the dark was what separated him from Rey.

"I'll do whatever I have to," he tells his uncle.

Luke seems to reassert some of his old authority, standing.

"Where is Rey?" he asks.

Ben stands quickly.

"Why? What do you want with her??"

Ben holds his hands up.

"Ben, calm down. I was just going to say, we all need to meet. You, your parents, Chewie and Rey."

"Why??"

"There's something I need to tell you all but it would be best if we," he treads cautiously with his next words, "if we, as a family, are together when I say it."

Ben narrows his eyes at Luke, pissed that he included himself in the term family. Ben doesn't want Luke in this family, in his family.

His curiosity over what Luke has to say wins out over his frustration.

"As long as you don't upset her," Ben says protectively.

Ben?

Ben smiles at her voice in his head. She's looking for him. He closes his eyes.

Luke and Leia watch Ben's smile. His entire body relaxes and they look at each other, confused.

Rey? You alright, sweetheart?

Are you okay, Ben? I felt anger from you.

She felt him get angry? That's new.

I'm coming to find you, Rey.

He opens his eyes. He actually had forgotten that his mother and uncle were nearby. The connection between him and Rey is getting stronger.

He blinks, not sure what to say.

"Rey needs me, I have to go."

He practically runs out of the room.

Luke looks at his sister.

"What...was….that?"

She smiles.

"That, my dear brother, was the force connecting them. It's been happening. Even years ago I suspected it but I'm seeing more evidence. I think they can speak to each other."

Luke is shocked.

"Like us?"

She chuckles.

"Oh...nothing at all like us."

_______________________________

He enters the sparring room, watching her with her saber. She spins and jumps, growling, slashing the sparring droid. It falls to pieces around her.

It's a sight to watch, this warrior of a woman. He just stands in the doorway, seemingly frozen. He's mesmerized as she spins again at the droid approaching her from behind, slicing upward, cutting it in half.

"Dammit!!" she yells, cutting off her saber. She kneels to look at the smoking heap she just created.

"What?" Ben asks, finally approaching her.

She looks back, up over her shoulder, at him. Sweat pours from her face, tendrils of her hair sticking out wildly. He smiles at the irony that Rey's hair is like Rey, refusing to be tamed.

"Now I'll have to weld it back together. I reacted without thinking. I hate when I have to weld them."

Ben pauses. "Wait. You have to rebuild them back together after destroying them?"

"Well yes, Ben," she says, clearly frustrated with him, "we aren't the First Order. We don't have unlimited droids."

He feels guilty that she has to do so much work around the base.

"It must be discouraging to train knowing you have to work on these afterwards."

"Depends on my mood. I like rebuilding them. I think this one may be a goner though, dammit."

"What about the other one?" he asks, looking at the pieces scattered.

"Oh, he's easy, he just goes back together. I built him that way."

Ben stands looking at her in awe.

"Rey, you are so good at this. You do too much around here though…."

"Well then, I guess it's good to have an extra set of hands around the base now….and muscles."

As she says this last part, she blushes. Is she flirting?

That thought leads to the memory of this morning. His ears burn and he subconsciously pulls on his hair to cover them. She smiles a bit.

A thought escapes from behind the wall he put up to guard himself.

I hope I didn't make her uncomfortable…

"Ben," she steps towards him, coming close enough that she lays her hand on his chest, "you didn't...I'm not upset. Please don't run from me anymore. That was harder for me than…"

Her face turns crimson as she realizes the word she used.

"I mean..not harder..oh..that's not the right word...dammit!"

She tries to turn away from him but he grabs her about the waist, pulling her tightly to him. Then he quits breathing, not thinking of the implications of it. Her face is only a few inches from his own.

She has her eyes squeezed tightly shut.

"Rey…"

She peeks with one eye and he laughs at her silliness. The tension breaks. She slips her arms around his chest and lays her cheek against him. His cheek rests on her head.

"Are we okay, Ben?"

"We've never not been okay, Rey. Except when you busted my knee with your staff."

"You skipped line," she says, still standing her ground on the matter.

"Dad skipped. You should've hit him, not me!"

Her face comes up to look at him.

"You laughed at me!"

"I laughed at you again just now. No injuries occurred."

"Well, now you are cuter."

"And you," he says, tucking a strand of loose hair behind her ear, "are more beautiful."

She blushes again. "You said that last night too. I'm not. You're biased."

He's shocked. How can she think she's not beautiful?

"You forget, I've been around the galaxy. You are the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on."

She's staring at him, speechless. Her eyes dart to his mouth. His lips are pure sinful, how plush they are.

The young girl in her is afraid. He's just...so much. So much larger, so much older, so much more experienced, surely.  
He's too much and she's only nineteen.

She pulls away and his heart hurts to let her go.

"Help me fix him, Ben." she says, picking up the pieces of broken droid.

Her mind had closed off from him and he didn't understand the feelings he felt coming from her. He picks up the largest section of droid and follows her to her workstation.


	40. Chapter 40

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's crank it up a notch 🔥🔥🔥

Rey wakes during the night. She's hot, sweating even. She's kicked off her covers. 

Why is she so hot? Is the climate adapter broken? 

No, the heat is radiating from behind her, like a pulse. She slowly looks over her shoulder, still half asleep. 

Someone is there. Someone is in her bed. A very large person is in the bed with her and is sleeping deeply. The bed sags with the extra weight. 

She freezes, afraid to move. Did the person sneak in her room and crawl into her bed? For what? 

Maybe they are drunk and stumbled their way into the wrong quarters. 

But her door is locked. She always locks it. 

The steady breathing coming from behind her assures her they are sleeping soundly. 

Rey doesn't roll over or even peek over her shoulder. She simply slides forward towards the edge of the bed. She all but rolls off onto the floor, landing on all fours. 

Rey peeks over the side of the bed.

It's a man with long dark hair contrasting against pale skin. He's shirtless, only covered him from the waist down. His back is to her. 

She stands, watching him quietly, perplexed. 

Slowly, the form becomes familiar. She'd know him from anywhere. 

It's Ben. He's here. He's in her bed. Asleep. In her bed. 

Her hand covers her mouth. Why is he in here? Did he miss her? Did he try to wake her and decide to stay? 

She sits back down, no longer afraid. It's just Ben. Her friend. 

Her shirtless friend Ben. In her bed. 

She finds herself staring, noticing how the muscles under his skin move with each breath he takes. Just like his face, moles dot his back. It's not a bad thing, they are like a constellation of stars. Her eyes dart from one to the other. His arm is draped across his side, a very well defined bicep. 

Rey is a grown woman now and has come to fully appreciate the male form. 

But no man has ever, ever looked like this and try as she might, she can't look away. Her eyes float down his back until she stops at the edge of the blanket. 

She can't help but wonder if he's wearing anything under there and then she blushes. Her face is hot all the way to her chest. There's an ache between her thighs. She's inexperienced with men but not inexperienced with herself. Usually that ache is only pacified by her own fingers. 

The very thought of what he's making her feel is enough to frighten her into standing again. She needs space. She needs to think. 

Anyone else, she'd be so very angry at their intrusion. Anyone else, she'd beat the living shit out of. 

But this is Ben, her friend that she thought she'd lost forever. 

She slowly lies back down, facing his back, wide awake and very confused. If Ben wanted to be near her, why didn't he ask first?

Then he takes her by surprise and rolls to his back, facing the ceiling. He's very much asleep, lips slightly parted. The arm closest to her flings itself over his head, settling there. 

She continues to study him. His chest is perfectly well defined, muscular and thick. The dip under his pecs is especially nice to her. The valley between long and deep. His shoulders are broad and she can tell how strong they are. His collarbones are prominent, the dip in them deep. His neck is long, the Adam's apple bobbing as he swallows in his sleep. His biceps are huge along with his forearms. She thinks just one of his hands is bigger than her entire face. Both could encircle her waist easily. 

An eight pack? Seriously? Does he just work out constantly? She's tempted to trace a finger down the center. 

Lastly, below his navel is a trail of black hair, disappearing under the blanket. The sight of it makes her realize her panties are wet and she blushes. 

This is Ben, her Ben and his body is doing things to her. She loves the man, she knows she always has, from the moment he sat on the Falcon, eating jam with her, smiling at her. 

But has she thought of him like that? Like this? There have been moments when other boys wanted to kiss her and she just couldn't do it. The only person she'd ever wanted to kiss was dead.

But now, he's not dead. He never was dead. He's alive and he's here.

Now that she's thought about kissing, her eyes fall to his lips. Plush and thick, pinker than any other man's lips that she's ever seen. It doesn't seem fair that his lips should be so beautiful. More beautiful than her own. 

She thinks of how many women he probably has kissed over the years and her eyes narrow and she inhales a sharp breath through her nose. 

_Mine._

Woah… what was that? The thought had coursed through her brain as quick as a blaster bolt. 

Gaining her composure, she lies back down, still watching him. In the years that they had been apart, he'd aged. Creases had formed around his eyes and between his brows but she doesn't mind. She thinks he's even more beautiful than he was ten years ago. 

Oh, his ears are still as big as ever. He has always hated them. She has always loved them. 

His hair is nothing short of glorious, an ebony black. It's so shiny and thick. She wonders what he uses on it. 

Her thoughts float back to, why is he here? Maybe he sleep walks now and was just drawn to her. That thought makes her heart race, thinking that he'd ventured in here subconsciously. She supposes his force powers are more than adequate to unlock a door. 

She hopes he doesn't wake up confused, unaware of where he is. 

She should wake him. It won't do for any of the others to know he slept here. They'd gotten lucky not to have been caught the night prior. After all, they think he's her adopted brother. Poe feels more like a brother than Ben ever has. 

She hovers her hand over him, unsure where to place it. As she decides to touch his cheek, she hesitates. Her hand is just a breath away from his skin. She can feel his body heat on her palm. 

Then, finally, she lowers it. Just as she's touching him, he disappears. 

He just vanishes. Into thin air. 

She scrambles backwards, falling in the floor. 

"What the fuck???" she almost shouts. 

He's gone! He was here, she's sure of it! She had even felt his breath against her skin! 

"Ben??" she asks, as if he had just hidden himself from her. 

He doesn't reappear. 

Ben awakens, his eyes falling to the spot next to him on the mattress. He's on his side and his hand is gripping the sheet, like he was reaching. He was reaching for someone. 

Hazel eyes, soft lips, a pert nose and a smattering of freckles on tan skin. She had been right there, perhaps in a dream? Her hair was mussed from sleep and she was wearing a thin black nightgown with straps like ribbons. 

He was reaching for Rey. 

_______________________________

It had to have been a dream, she concludes. She watches him from across the mess hall as he digs into his meal, sitting across from Poe. 

Poe has no idea who Ben is. Somehow the secret is still a secret, no one knowing except the Skywalker-Solo-Organa family plus Chewie and Finn. 

The two men seem to be comfortable with each other. Rey feels a bit guilty that Poe doesn't realize who Ben is. He'd been so traumatized from what Kylo had put him through. 

But her Ben would never do that. He wasn't in his right mind back then. He'd forgotten himself, been brainwashed. Her Ben is a good man. 

She's terrified people will find out. They'd turn on him, try to hurt him. Her hand shakes at the thought. 

"You okay?" 

Rey snaps her eyes from Ben to Rose. Even her sweet friend Rose doesn't know. 

Rey feels guilty about that. Then her fear of losing Ben overrides her guilt and she can breathe again. 

"Yes, I'm fine," she replies to Rose. 

She's fine as long as Ben is safe. As long as Han and Leia and Chewie are safe. They are her family and she'll lie, cheat and steal to keep them safe. 

She may even kill. 

_Rey_?

Her eyes shoot back to Ben's. He looks worried. He slightly cocks his head. She feels the worry like waves coming from him. 

_I'm okay. Just, be careful with Poe._

He looks confused but then…

_Oh….._

She nods. She hates reminding him.

_Yeah, he hasn't gotten over it easily, Ben._

She watches as Ben suddenly stands. She feels something like shame from him. He leaves the hall without another glance at her. He's blocked her off from his thoughts but not his emotions so she lets him go be alone. He's not mad at her, he just needs to think. 

She wants to help him. But how?

She closes her eyes, imagining holding peace in one hand and calm in the other. She closes her fists. She pictures opening them, running her fingers into his hair. She releases the peace and the calm, imagining both sinking into his mind. 

She hears him inhale sharply. 

_Did you?_ he says through this mysterious connection they have.

_I don't know, I tried something. Better?_

_Rey, come to me._

She doesn't even hesitate. She stands, leaving her tray. 

"Rey? Where are you….Rey!" Rose calls out. Rey ignores her. 

She almost runs into the forest, following his signature as it flows through her. 

Ben turns just as she approaches and they embrace. One of his large hands wrap around her lower back, the other around her hair, pressing her face into his chest. 

"How did you do that?" he asks. 

"I don't know, it worked?"

"Yes, you are amazing. Why would you do that? I don't deserve it. I've done terrible…"

"Kylo did terrible….not you, Ben."

"Rey…"

_It was me, Rey._

She pulls away from him. He runs his fingers into his hair, gripping it roughly. A harsh puff of air leaves his lungs in his frustration, his other hand on his hip. 

"Don't!" she hollers, pointing a finger at him, "Don't Ben! Do not tell me that!"

"You've got to know, Rey…."

"Stop it, Ben!"

He's determined to make her see. 

"Rey! That was me!! I'm Kylo! I'm not just Ben! I'm both! I'm a monster! Stop denying it!! Stop lying to yourself!! Quit putting me up on some fucking pedestal, thinking I'm that boy! That boy is dead!!"

Her arms wrap around her waist and her eyes water. Then the connection closes shut with a bang and she stands there, tears flowing. 

"Not to me, Ben Solo."

He wants to sink into a hole and die. He's hurting her but he can't stop. He has to make her see that this stupid hero worship has to stop. She has to take him off this pedestal before he falls off of it, crushing her. It's inevitable. It will happen. 

"I think maybe we need to stop spending so much time together, Rey. Outside of training. You need to go be with your friends."

The tears keep coming. It's killing him but he's right. He knows he's right. 

"You…" she says, her voice breaking, "you don't want to be alone with me? You just, you just want to train together and that's it? Why? What did I do?"

He is dying inside but he digs his heels in. It's better this way, distance. It's better than her watching him snap. He will, after all, Kylo is still in there. 

"You didn't do anything, Rey. I need to focus on defeating Snoke and you have jobs to do around here. We will still meet with Luke. We can't be alone together, not like we have been. I'm not good for you, Rey. You still see the boy. Not the monster."

Her eyes shoot darts at him and her jaw clenches. She squares her shoulders and holds her chin high. 

"Fine. I understand. I'll leave you alone."

She turns and walks away. He watches her go. As soon as she's out of his line of sight, he punches a tree until both fists are bleeding. 

He cannot sense her at all anymore. 


	41. Chapter 41

Rey stands in the 'fresher, confused and broken, tears mixing with the hot water cascading down her skin. 

How? How could he do that to her? How could he push her away? What had she done wrong?

Then she's angry. He's such a complete ass!! She tries to see the good in him and this is how she gets treated? Jerk. 

How is she supposed to just train with him? After everything? He's just so...so…

"Ugh!!!" she screams.

She washes aggressively, scrubbing her hair and body roughly. 

Just wait till she sees him again. She's going to give him _such_ a piece of her mind!

She leaves the fresher, throwing on an oversized shirt, forgetting that it's Ben's very own shirt from years ago. She's worn it almost completely out, threadbare and stretched from all the times she's sat and pulled up over her bent knees. She brushes and brushes her long hair until it is almost dry, more and more angry by the minute. 

_______________________________

Ben stands in his 'fresher, one hand on the wall in front of him, water pouring down the back of his head as he stares at the drain below. 

It was for the best, he thinks. Rey can't keep making him out to be this good man. He's _not_ a good man, something he'd almost forgotten, being here under the protection of his family. Then she herself reminded him of what he'd done to Poe. It all came back to him. He's killed people. Raided minds. Burned villages. 

She has no idea. She didn't even know who Kylo Ren was until recently. 

Then, just as he's come to terms with pushing Rey away, he doubts himself. 

If he's keeping her at arm's length, keeping this connection closed, how will he keep her safe? How will he know if she's in danger? He needs to stay near her in case...in case someone tries to hurt her. 

The thought, the very _thought_ , of someone trying to harm Rey sends his mind into a spin. He'd kill anyone who tried. 

She's _his_.

_Mine._

"Dammit!!" 

He punches the wall, cracking the tiles and reopening the wounds from hitting the tree. 

He leaves the 'fresher to grab a towel, wrapping it around his knuckles. He pulls on his sleep pants and sits on the edge of his bed, full of self doubt. 

Snoke bangs harder on the door of his mind and he grabs his head in pain. It's getting harder. His head pounds from the attack. 

Then an overwhelming feeling rolls over him like a warm ocean wave. He blinks, shaking his head. The pain disappears in an instant, the turmoil in his mind gone. 

What in the….

"Ben!"

He looks up and there she is.

"Rey?" he asks, confused. What is she doing here? How did she get….

Then he notices that he can see her window behind her, right where his 'fresher door should be. The window sill is full of her plants, the outside dark. 

She's in her room. 

But she's here. 

But she's not.

But she is. 

Rey seems to notice at the same time, his surroundings are that of his quarters. 

"Ben, what is happening? Why can I see you? You aren't really here...what is this?"

He'd answer her except his brain has gone completely numb. She's wearing only a thin black shirt, the hem only mid thigh. He recognizes it instantly. An old shirt of his. It looks way, way too good on her and something about seeing it on her makes him possessive. 

_Mine…._

She hears his thoughts and her body heats but cools at the same time, making her shiver as goosebumps raise all over her body. 

He almost loses his mind as he sees her nipples harden under the thin fabric. 

Rey notices his eyes dart to her chest. In that same moment she sees his body react through his sleeping pants. Her face heats as her jaw drops and she can't look away. Ben turns his back to her. 

He blushes so hard she can feel it through this connection they have. With his back to her, she grins then covers her mouth with her hand. The young inexperienced woman in her wants to grab her blanket and wrap up, cover herself. The other part of her, the curious part of her, revels in the reaction she caused in him. 

"Ben?" 

"Hmmm?"

"It's okay, you don't have to be embarrassed," she says, a bit teasingly. She grins again, watching the muscles of his bare back tense up. 

She remembers a little girl who once told him to put a shirt on. Now there aren't enough credits in the entire galaxy to pay her enough to suggest that again. 

"Rey," he replies, his back still to her, "don't you have a robe or something you can put on?"

"No, not really. Why?" she asks, biting her bottom lip. 

"Just….nothing," he says, turning back slowly, his chin held determined, trying not to look anywhere other than her face. 

Then Rey remembers earlier. 

"I thought you didn't want to see me again, other than training."

"Well apparently, the force has a different opinion," he stares, closing his eyes.

"What is this, Ben? How do we keep seeing each other?"

He turns his head just a bit, wondering at her choice of words. 

" _Keep_ seeing each other? Like, this isn't the first time you've seen me and I wasn't really there?"

Her hand flies over her mouth. She'd let that slip by accident. Well, hell, it's out there now. 

"Ummm…." she stammers, "no, this isn't the first time. The other night…"

He takes a step towards her, his eyes wide. She almost steps back, feeling vulnerable in her half dressed state. She doesn't, though, holding her ground, looking up at him. 

"The other night what, Rey?"

He looks positively on fire. It's so hot. She tries not to rub her thighs together. 

"I woke up the other night and you were there, sleeping. I thought I was dreaming," she tells him, her voice low and shaking. 

He wishes he could grab her hips and pull her to him. That does not help with the situation in his pants. He's then glad he can't. It would certainly scare her. He's too damn aggressive and seeing her like this, knowing that what he experienced the night she'd appeared to him was real, makes him feel too possessive. 

"I saw you too, Rey. You were asleep though. In my bed."

_Mine_ …..

Her eyes widen at the word she hears come from him. If she was wearing panties, they'd be ruined. 

Wait. She's not wearing panties. She's so damn turned on by him right now, she doesn't even think, she just places her hands on his shoulders. She slides them up his neck, into his hair and he flinches. 

They can touch. 

She's touching him and he's suddenly touching her. His hands grip her hips and…

_Holy fuck, she's not wearing anything under my shirt._

He can't stop. He absolutely cannot stop. His hands slide towards her rear and her eyes close. 

Then she's gone and he's holding air. 

He jerks back and stumbles. He lands on his bed. 

"Fuck! Fuck, Fuck, Fuck!" he screams, partly because she disappeared and partly because he was about to make a HUGE mistake. 

Rey stands alone in her room, shivering at the loss of his body heat. She slowly falls into her bed, curling up into her blanket. 

She smiles and wonders just how he plans to stay away from her now. She falls asleep while thinking wicked thoughts of him, not the least bit ashamed. 

To Ben, she's the girl he used to know but to her, he's always been a grown man and now she's completely aware of what she wants from him. 

_______________________________

She finds him the next morning in the sparring room. 

He's going at it like a mad man, swinging his actual saber. He ducks and spins and swings at nothing. She somehow knows he doesn't want to fight her droids because he doesn't want to give her more work. 

She watches him in awe as his sweaty hair slings around his head. He's so lost in his forms that he doesn't seem to know she's there. 

He's wearing a tight black tank top and she's melting internally. Force, he looks too good, she thinks, trying to breathe normal. 

He's so large but he moves so quickly and smoothly. Every once in a while a growl escapes his lips and it does things to her. 

She sighs, thinking of him and his body and his moves. His heart too, even though he thinks he doesn't have one. She knows he does. 

Suddenly, he senses her and stops, spinning to look at her. He's breathing deeply, taking her in as he gasps. He shuts off his saber, just watching her.

They stare at each other, so many emotions rolling back and forth between them. 

She finally breaks the silence as she leans against the wall, one hand on the back of her neck, pulling at the hair of her nape. Her chin is down at she looks at him through her eyelashes, unsure and shy. 

"Hey," she says timidly. 

"Hey," he replies, shifting his weight back and forth. One hand rests on his hip, the other holding his saber. 

"We are supposed to meet with Luke," she tells him. He just watches her, caught up in his inner turmoil. 

"Yeah," he answers, clipping his saber then pushing his damp hair back. 

They just stare and stare and stare. 

Finally he cannot stand it anymore. She looks so lonely, so confused. 

He strides towards her, an intense look in his eyes. She doesn't break his stare. She's never been afraid of his intensity. 

He's putty in her hands and he knows it. Try as he might, he's never any more than putty in her hands. 

He grabs her face with both hands, pulling up her chin and looking down at her. 

"I'm sorry," he tells her, "I'm so fucking sorry. Quit looking at me like that. I'm sorry."

Tears escape her eyes and he wipes them roughly with his thumbs. Her fists squeeze his shirt. 

"That hurt, Ben Solo."

"I know. I won't do it again. I cannot stand being away from you. Do you know that? I had terrible nightmares. I missed you last night."

"I missed you, too."

"Do you forgive me?" he asks and his eyes burn a hole in her. 

"Don't I always?"

She's so fucking beautiful. She gets prettier every day. How in the force did he ever think he could stay away from her? He's just a moth to her flame. 

"About last night," he starts.

"Yes, about last night…."

"I don't understand what happened but I know it's the force. It's connecting us...I think it started when we met. It's growing, Rey...why, I don't know but I want to, I have to know why."

He accidentally lets his guard down a bit. 

_She looked way too good for my sanity last night._

Rey turns crimson, her cheeks burning.

"Shit…" he whispers, letting go of her face and grabbing her hand. 

"Let's go get this over with already," he says, using it as an excuse to not discuss what she'd overheard him think. 

Rey just trips along, letting herself be pulled by him, biting her bottom lip and hiding her grin. 

_______________________________

"They're a _what_?" Han asks, the look on his face one of bewilderment. His hand hangs in the air, turned palm up as he looks at his brother in law. 

"A Dyad, linked together as one by the force. It didn't take me too long to find it in the texts once I witnessed Ben yesterday."

Ben sits, his jaw slack, words not forming in his mind, much less from his mouth. 

Rey, however, is full of words which come pouring out of her. 

"You found _what_ in the texts? Does that mean we aren't the only ones? When did it start? Is that why we can hear each other's thoughts?"

"You can hear each other's thoughts??" Han asks and Leia shushes him. 

Ben reaches over to grip her hand. He has his own question. 

"What does this mean for Rey?"

Rey stops, looking at him. 

"Mean for me? What about you?"

Ben ignores her, his thoughts consuming him. She feels worry overwhelming him and laces her fingers through his. Leia notices this and smiles. Han is still looking at the wall. Chewie, well he's just Chewie, taking it all in stride. 

"What kind of danger does this put her in, Luke?"

"Danger?" Han says, his voice elevated. 

"You mean from Snoke?" Luke asks Ben, ignoring Han. Ben nods, squeezing Rey's hand tighter, as if the act itself keeps her safe. 

Luke sits, sighing and leaning forward. 

"If Snoke can hear you, he can possibly tap into Rey. I honestly don't know. The Dyad isn't new but what is happening to you has been happening to you since possibly your birth, I can't find anything like it."

Ben lets loose of Rey's hand and jumps up, pacing. 

"Then we have to break it. We have to break the Dyad."

"No!!!!" Rey shouts, looking at Ben with tears in her eyes. 

"Rey! I can't let him get to you!"

Rey stands. Ben feels her desire to flee, rejection seeping over her. 

"Ben, I thought it was special, I thought I was special…."

"You are!" he says, walking to her and grabbing her shoulders. The other four watch them, watch how they connect. 

Ben's voice drops to a whisper as he tilts her face up. Leia realizes this is a private moment. 

"C'mon guys, let's leave these two alone to talk." 

"Why?" both Han and Luke ask at the same time. 

Chewie mumbles something that sounds a lot like the word "idiots" and Leia nods in agreement with the wookie. 

"Han, Luke, out." she says, pointing towards the door. They both walk out sheepishly. 

"I don't understand…." Han says, looking back at the pair in confusion. 

"I'm sure Luke can explain, Han," Leia tells her husband. 

Then they are gone and Ben still has her face in his hand. Now that they are alone, he pulls her to him. She's shaking. 

"You're cold," he exclaims, using the force to pull a blanket from the chair to them. He drapes it around her. 

"You know, when you were little, you'd get cold when you were upset."

She looks up to see him smiling. 

"Ben…"

"Don't _Ben_ me...you have to be safe. We are still the same without this...thing...whatever it is."

"A Dyad," she corrects him, "I like hearing you in my mind. I like feeling you, your emotions. Ben, it's all I know. Except when…"

"Except when you thought I was dead...but I won't be dead, Rey."

"Do you want to?" she asks, the fear and sadness in her eyes making them shine with gold flecks. He swears her bottom lip pouts just a bit. 

Then it trembles and he's sunk. Again. 

_How does she do that?_

_Do what, Ben?_

He sighs, vowing to work on shielding his thoughts better. 

"Okay, fine. I don't want to break it either."

She smiles and he's sunk even deeper. 

"You like it, don't you Ben?" 

He takes her completely by surprise when he kisses the tip of her nose and then her forehead. She melts into his chest and he hugs her closer. 

"Yes, I like it. Dammit Rey, you are killing me."


	42. Chapter 42

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And now I present to you....their first kiss.

Luke explains that the force has chosen to join them in a very unique way. 

Physically, they are two separate individuals, but in the force they are one. The bond gives them the ability to see and feel each other's thoughts and emotions. 

"You are two that are one," he tells them, "you obviously know that you can hear each other's thoughts. What about emotions?" 

They both nod. 

"I suspect that eventually it will grow to a point that you can see each other, even if you aren't physically in the same room."

They both blush at the same time, neither one wanting to look at Luke. 

"What?" Luke asks, brows raised and head tilted in a questioning yet already knowing the answer look. 

"Well...yeah," Ben replies, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. 

"Wow, how many times?" Luke asks. 

"Three," Rey answers, "and we can touch."

"Rey!" Ben says, hating to reveal so much to his uncle. He does not trust Luke at all. 

"This is fascinating," Luke says, gesturing for them to sit. They both do, reluctantly. 

They had agreed to meet in a clearing in the forest to train with their former master. The trees and surrounding nature made it easier for them to connect with the force. 

Luke sits on a boulder across from them. He spends an unusual amount of time adjusting his robes. Yes, this is awkward for everyone involved. 

"Um….so….I don't know where to begin so let me just start off with this," Luke holds both hands out in front of him, "I'm sorry."

Ben sighs angrily, standing. 

"Ben, please…." Luke says, a pleading look in his eyes, "this won't work with all this pent up unforgiveness and tension. We have to get past this. Snoke has to be stopped and let's face it, we are all that's left."

"So you are only apologizing so you can get rid of Snoke?" 

"I'm apologizing because I screwed up! I'm apologizing because this is all my fault! I was supposed to help you, Ben! My sister trusted me. You trusted me. I was an idiot."

Luke's eyes fall to Rey. 

"You won't get any argument from me on that," she tells the old Jedi. Luke and Ben laugh. Rey has always had the ability to lighten the mood with her sense of humor. 

Luke stands and walks to Ben. He stands humbly, looking up at his nephew. His only nephew. His only legacy. His only attachment to the parents he never got to know. Luke has seen holos of Padme' Amidala-Skywalker. He sees his mother in Ben's eyes, just as he sees his sister, his bondmate. He sees a bit of Anakin and Han. Everyone he's ever loved, he sees in this young man. How did he miss it before? How did he see Vader but not Anakin? How did he only see Vader but not Padme'? How did he miss his sister's spirit and his brother in law's humor? 

He'd heard of Ben's escape from Starkiller base. No plan, just do it. If that wasn't a Solo move….

For the first time ever, he truly sees Ben. The past and the future all balled up in this young man. This very tall young man, obviously having gotten his height from Luke's father. Not Vader but Anakin. 

"What?" Ben says, full of righteous anger, looking down at his uncle. 

"You look like them," Luke tells him, "you look like my parents. How did I miss that? I'm so sorry, Ben. I'm so damn sorry."

Ben is taken aback by his uncle cursing. Jedi don't do that. Well, Luke doesn't. Rey _certainly_ does. 

He studies his uncle. Before he can really stop himself, he enters Luke's mind. Luke inhales sharply but allows it. This is the only way Ben will know. 

Ben sees the regret, thick as it is. He also sees how Luke compares Ben to the father he'd only known for seconds. The father that laid before him dying on the floor of the doomed Death Star. 

_Luke, help me take this mask off._

_But you'll die!_

_Nothing can stop that now. Just for once, let me look on you with my own eyes. Now...go, my son. Leave me._

_No, you're coming with me. I won't leave you here. I've got to save you!_

_You already have, Luke. You were right. You were right about me... Tell your sister...you were right…_

Ben's eyes fill with tears, as do Luke's. 

"His last thought was of my mother?" Ben asks, his voice trembling. 

"Yes. While I didn't get to know Anakin, I have a feeling he would've adored you. Ben, when you heard 'finish what I started', that wasn't Vader you heard…"

"It was Anakin...I know," Ben tells him. 

"If I had been there, if I had been a good uncle, hell, a good brother to Leia and son to Anakin, I would've been there to help you understand what was happening."

Something about seeing the scene unfold in Luke's mind breaks him. Something about hearing Luke compromise the Jedi code by swearing twice. Something about Luke's emotions. It all combines to show Ben something. 

It's time. It's time to forgive and move on. 

Ben doesn't become overly emotional. He simply straightens himself, tugging down on his tunic and squaring his shoulders. 

"Okay, so...what now? How can you help us defeat Snoke?"

They spend the afternoon learning how to shield not only from each other but from Snoke. 

It was almost like a game and they fall into their "bond" easily. It is nice to know what to call it. 

_Dyad_ …. she whispers to him.

_You're my Dyad...I like that word_ ….he whispers back to her. 

______________________________

That night she dreams. She's at the academy and Ben is there. He's livid, angry at his parents for taking her there. He doesn't trust Luke to take care of her. He's afraid he will lose Rey. 

She tosses and turns in her sleep, reaching for the other side of the bed and finding nothing but air. 

He's unstable, out of control and he's scaring her. 

Everyone is screaming and she wants to run. 

She cries in her sleep, reliving the horrible night at the school. 

Ben is angry at Han for not being a father to him. 

_Her parents sold her for drinking money! They were filthy junk traders! She came from NOTHING! She's nothing!_

Rey cries in her dream and in her sleep. 

It had hurt, it had broken her. She eventually realized he didn't mean it. Even Luke had told her that. 

_He didn't mean it, Rey…._

_He was angry at his father…._

Leia held her that night. Leia was so very angry at Ben for hurting Rey, for lashing out with words that burned her soul. 

Han was so angry. Luke even had to help Chewie calm Han down. 

The words about Ben hurt her even more. 

_How dare he say that about her when she's been nothing but kind to him?? Ungrateful brat. I'm glad he isn't here, I'm glad he left. I'm tired of dealing with him, Leia._

_Han, please stop. Don't you see you're upsetting her more? Go rant at Chewie. Rey needs me!_

_Well he can stay away this time, Leia! I mean it!_

_He's our son, Han!_

_And Rey is my daughter now, she needs us more than he ever did!_

Rey had tried to run but Chewie had stopped her. The wookie picked her up and held her. He explained how adults, especially human adults, sometimes let their emotions control them. He assured her that Ben was only jealous and he didn't mean to hurt her. That he'd be back soon and he'd say he was sorry. 

Only he had not come back. 

Not for ten years. 

In that time, she'd forgiven him for his cruelty. She'd even forgotten until tonight. 

Now the pain of his words had been remembered and it still hurt. 

She woke and curled into a ball, crying. 

_Rey? Rey, what's wrong? I feel your sadness Rey. What's wrong?_

_Nothing, Ben._

She closes their bond, pushing him away as she cries herself back to sleep. 

____________________________

He's training in the sparring room. The droids fly at him and he flicks them off, one by one with his saber. This is no challenge. 

The only real challenge for him is to duel with Rey and she's pulled away from him. 

It's been over a week and she isn't really speaking to him. 

He's never been good at resolving conflict. Hell, even Snoke told him that. 

He's avoiding it, as usual. He knows she's upset. For what, he doesn't know. He can't even begin to think of anything he's done or said. 

Suddenly, he sees her….

She's in the forest, running the training course. 

It's like he's there. 

She yells as she jumps the gorge and he stops breathing, almost grabbing her. Before he can, she lands on the other side. 

Damn, that gorge is easily twenty feet. She's amazing. 

He doesn't even have to jump it, he just moves next to her. 

She finally stops after grabbing all the flags. Some are thirty feet high but she doesn't waste any energy reaching them.

He doesn't dare speak. It seems that she can't see him or sense him. 

She sits on a boulder, grabbing her canteen off of her hip. She drinks at it roughly, obviously thirst quenched. Water spills out everywhere, all down her throat and chest. 

Not that he notices. 

Her hair is escaping it's triple bun prison. He never quite understood that particular hairstyle she'd chosen. She had been wearing it like that as long as he'd known her. 

She seems to have noticed and lets her hair down, allowing it to flow. He much prefers it down. 

When she tries to retie it, she becomes frustrated. 

"Too sweaty," she says out loud. 

Then she seems to have a thought and collects her possessions, standing. She walks towards the sound of water flowing. 

Ben follows behind, partly not being given a choice by the force, partly out of curiosity. He just can't help but follow her. 

She comes upon a small lagoon, filled by a small tumbling waterfall. She glances around and then kicks her boots off. She proceeds to unwrap her arm coverings. She then removes her tunic, leaving her in a breast band and her leggings. 

Ben then realizes what's happening. She's stripping down to rinse off in the lagoon. 

He cannot watch. It's not right. He turns his back. 

Then he hears the splash of water. He dares a peek over his shoulder, feeling guilty but unable to resist. 

Rey is under the waterfall. Her bare back is to him as she runs her fingers through her long hair. She must've carried a bar of soap in her satchel because she's covered in suds. 

He cannot breathe.

He cannot look away. 

He's frozen, powerless to the beautiful sight before him. 

The water covers her from the hips down. Perhaps if more of her was revealed to him, he'd turn away. Perhaps. 

Her back is completely tanned and freckled. Her curves captivate him. He cannot stop his eyes from wandering further down. His mouth turns dry as he spots two deep dimples on her lower back. That is where his eyes stay. Something about those dimples turn him on more than anything ever has. His tongue darts out to lick his lips before he can stop himself. 

She's perfect. Exquisite. It's like a drug. Watching her. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he feels guilty. The front of his mind doesn't seem to register that though so he continues to watch her. 

Water flows down her naked body. He's in a trance, caught up in her. His eyes travel slowly back up and he can't help but beg the force that she will turn so he can see more. She doesn't though. 

Finally, it hits him that he's imposing on a private moment. Guilt hits him like a ton of durasteel. 

He blinks and he's back in the sparring room. 

He falls to his knees, digging the heels of his palms into his eyes. He tries to push it away, he tries to not see her anymore. 

Yet, there she is, naked before him, under cascading water. The image is burned into his brain and he knows it's never going away.

As much as he hates these urges, this desire for Rey, he basks in the images. 

She is beautiful, sexy, alluring and exotic. 

Every fiber of his being wants her, desires her, needs her. 

He falls into the temptation. He envisions her under him, wrapped around him, grabbing at his shoulders, digging her nails into him. Her head is thrown back and her legs encircle his bare hips. His mouth is everywhere, tasting her skin as she chants his name like a prayer. 

He doesn't know what it's like to be buried inside a woman but somehow he knows she would be hot, wet and tight for him. 

Then he realizes what he's doing and snaps out of it, becoming infuriated with himself. 

He grabs his saber, stands and proceeds to destroy a droid until it is a pile of smoking metal. 

He heaves in gulps of air and crumbles again, deactivating and dropping his weapon. His hands cover his face as he trembles. 

There's something wrong with him. He is a terrible person to have indulged in those thoughts. Rey is like his sister, for kriff's sake. He's supposed to protect her and watch over her, not ravage and fuck her senseless. He's not supposed to feel these urges, yet he does. 

He feels Snoke yanking at the door to his mind and he considers letting him in. At least Snoke knows he's inherently evil and accepts it. 

No. He can't. Snoke wants Rey and even though he's not being what he should be for her, he's still responsible for keeping her safe. 

He needs to run. Running always helps him get his mind off his troubles. He hasn't run in years but he feels the itch, like a tingle in his legs, urging him. 

After returning to his room to change into lighter clothes and shoes, he goes into the forest. 

As he runs his legs gain speed with each push until everything around him is a blur. Adrenaline courses through his veins and he's no longer thinking about how vile he is. 

His steps pound in time with his heartbeat until he can no longer push himself. He stops and sweat pours from his body. He leans forward, hands on his knees as he fights to regain oxygen. 

Caught up in the thrill of it, he doesn't sense her until she's there. 

"Ben?" 

He turns his head quickly sideways so his hair flies out of his face. 

She stands there watching him, a bit of intrigue in her eyes. 

"I didn't know you ran," she says. 

He straightens and walks to a nearby stream as she watches. Leaning over he cups water in his hands and drinks. Another handful he uses to splash his face and slick his sweaty hair back. He then stands and looks at her. 

She's wearing a sky blue dress with pink designs all over. It dips down just enough to make his blood heat. No way she's wearing a bra underneath. As always she is beautiful, her feet bare like they always are, unless she is training or working. Her hair is damp like she just washed it. 

Then the scent hits him. Her soap. The bar he'd smelled in the vision from earlier. 

It wasn't a vision, it had been another force connect. 

He had really witnessed her bathing earlier. As he spots the satchel over her shoulder, he wonders if her training outfit is inside. The outfit he watched her peel off of her body. 

He feels a pressure in the front of his pants and is very glad he'd picked a long shirt to wear. 

Right now he cannot fathom why he'd been so disgusted at himself for being attracted to her. Right now it just feels _right_. 

"Ben? Did you hear me?"

One corner of her mouth is turned up in a half grin. 

Oh yes, she had asked him a question. 

"I haven't ran in years, hence the reason I think I may pass out. Damn, I'm out of shape."

Her eyes wander to his biceps, uncovered in the sleeveless shirt he's wearing. He swears he sees her eyes widen a bit as she roams across his chest to his other bicep and then down to his bare calves. 

"Um," she says shakily, "out of shape is _not_ how I'd describe you."

Her eyes are a bit darker green as she makes eye contact with him again. She licks her lips and he looks down at her bare feet and tries not to move. 

She turns suddenly and sets her overly full satchel on a flat boulder. 

Then his cock actually twitches because the back of her sundress is, well there isn't a back _on_ her sundress. It's completely open to her hips, only held together by two strings. 

_Holy Fuck_. 

She glances back over her shoulder and he thinks he sees a slight smirk. 

He quickly closes his thoughts to her. 

_Shit, she heard that. What was that smile about?_

"I liked seeing you run. It was….nice."

Her voice had dropped into an octave that did things to him. She walks to him and looks up. 

She stands on tiptoe, her hands on his chest. The heat from her hands warming his skin. The green in her eyes like a flame. 

"Ben….kiss me"

His eyes fall to her lips, pink with no help from lip color. Just natural. His eyes look away from them, darting back up to her beautiful eyes then to her freckles. Everywhere he looks, no matter where he looks, the temptation calls to him. She's gorgeous and it's as simple and as complicated as that. 

"I can't…. you're….you're _Rey_."

She blinks, confused.

"I know. And you're Ben"

_Why is she doing this? Why does she want me?_

"How long have you…."

She answers with no hesitation, no secrets to hide.

"Since I was nine. But not really until after you left."

Perhaps he just became a fantasy in her head at that point. 

"You've made me into something I'm not"

Her head shakes, just once. 

"Are you the Ben who taught me to float rocks? Taught me to catch fish with the force? Braid my hair with the force when my hands wouldn't work?"

He smiles at the memory. The smile only ever reserved for Rey. 

"Yeah. Fishing was more fun that way, wasn't it?"

She looks up at him with those eyes. Her freckles have spread, her notices. He subconsciously counts nine on her nose. 

His eyes dart to her mouth again. She is biting her bottom lip, the same way she does when they spar. 

His eyes go back to hers and stay there until he is overwhelmed by her. Her strength. Her beauty. Her fierceness. Her passion. He's never known a woman like her. His emotions boil. His lungs can't seem to fully function, only able to take short gasps.

It's too much and he steps back, only to breathe. 

She takes the cue and turns to go. 

He grabs her arm and they freeze. Time doesn't move. The Force is electric. 

Before she can think, he pulls her back to his chest and his mouth is on hers. 

She tastes like mint and sugar and everything he's ever dreamed of. 

Her hands run up his arms, burning his bare skin, up, up, up until he feels her fingertips graze his scalp. He pulls her closer, the heat from her body coming through her clothing and sinking into his skin. One hand is spread across her bare back, the other squeezing her hip. He finds himself thinking of the dimples he'd seen as she bathed. The thought sends waves through his lower body. He supposes that he should feel embarrassed about his growing hardness against her belly but it feels….right. Like his body belongs to her. 

He feels her knees tremble so he wraps one arm around her waist and lifts her, his other hand still not leaving where those dimples are under her clothing. He can't stop his thoughts as an image comes into his mind of his tongue sliding over those dimples. That spread of freckles he now knows exists. 

She gasps and he realizes his fantasy spilled into the bond. He quickly sets her down and pulls away. He instantly softens in his trousers as he panics. 

"I'm sorry." He stammers, looking everywhere but at her. "I've got to go."

He turns and walks away quickly but not fast enough to miss her light sob as she covers her face and runs the other direction. 

He enters his quarters and leans against the door. She's projecting hard into the bond, too panicked and overwhelmed to stop it. She's crying, a mixture of emotions flying in every direction. Confusion, anger, fear, sadness. Embarrassment.

_I'm sorry Rey. Don't be embarrassed. I just….._

_Leave me alone!!_

Her walls go up, sky high. 

Their training with Luke is in the morning. 

What will he say to her? Will she even show up? Will she call it all off? What has he done?

He walks to the fresher and looks in the mirror. 

He can't deny that he loves her anymore, not a love that dear friends have but deeper. He's in love with Rey and he's known it for a while. He's completely gone for her. He knows her soul. He'd seen it from the beginning. All those years ago. That fire in her. But she was just a kid. He'd always been comfortable with her. She'd been the only one who was never afraid of him. She saw him. The real him. 

But then in the interrogation room when he heard her say "Ben, It's me...Rey." he fell hard. Who is this _woman_? What happened to that kid he'd known? That fiery spunk was certainly still there but since when had she grown up? Now she's tall and lean with full lips and a long neck and curves in just the right places. She's long legs and freckles in spots they shouldn't be and hands that know he likes it when she plays with his hair. And just today, just now, he realizes on top of all that, her tongue is sweet and dangerous at the same time. He groans when he thinks about what that tongue just did in his mouth. 

"Fuck" he whispers, looking at his reflection.

He's hurt her. His Rey. 

Why is he always her saviour? She'd called him her hero. No, he was no hero. She'd put him on some pedestal. Then she'd mourned him, believing he was dead. His parents had done that. He was angry but now, he's glad they'd lied to her. Let her move on. 

Move on. How would he move on, after that kiss? He can't and he knows it. 

"Fuck"

He wants her. He wants Rey. He wants to hold her and kiss her and touch her. He wants her to look at him forever like she did today. He's not the same man he'd become that horrible day at the academy. Now, he is hers. He wants her. He wants her dimples on her back. Her hands. Her lips on his. He can still taste the mint leaves she'd been chewing mixed with an essence that is just….her. He closes his eyes, just for a moment and sinks. He sinks into the memory of her pressed against him. The memory of her in that dress, her curves showing. Since when did she have hips? He had sometimes caught himself glancing as she walked past. His eyes had fallen to her ass. And stars, it was pretty. She'd never had large breasts but damn if that dress today wasn't cut just low enough to show the swell of what she did have. He's fairly sure he could cup them perfectly with his palms. He squeezes the edges of the sink, a subconscious reflex as he imagines what they'd feel like in his hands. 

"Fuck!"

What to do? His eyes open and he realizes he's hard again. Like he'd been with her body pressed against his. She wasn't even afraid. He wonders if she's been with a man. The way Poe looks at her, he'd steal her away if he could. He can't handle the thought of her with another man. No, that won't happen. 

_She's mine._

_She's always been mine._

_But…._

"Fuck!!"

His parents won't stand for it. They see her as their daughter. The kid they'd half raised. His mother had tried to make her into a mini version of herself but she was still that desert girl. His desert girl. That fighter, that scrapper with grease on her face and fierce with a quarterstaff. She was still there. He still had the scar on his knee from where she'd busted it wide open. His first scar. She'd given it to him. 

She'd been so inquisitive as a kid, following him around. 

"Ben, teach me."

"Ben, let's go fishing."

"Ben, look! I made it float!"

It was only a few short months that he'd known her but she'd followed him around, begging him to teach her new tricks. He'd never once gotten mad at her either. He'd enjoyed her hero worship. 

Now he'd enjoyed her eyes on him. As they sparred, she'd watched him. He'd enjoyed how she watched his body. He'd found reasons to remove his shirt. He'd enjoyed how her eyes looked when he pushed his long hair back. No one had ever looked at him like that. He'd liked it. He'd loved it. 

Yes, he loved her. He wanted her. But… 

"FUCK!!!"

His parents. They'd kill him. For some reason, they think he should see her as his sister. Why, he's not sure. The age difference was a problem, to them. But not to him. And not to Rey. Hell, his dad is ten years older than his mom. So, there's at least that, he thinks with a smirk. He's actually the same age his dad was when he met his mom. 

They want to protect her from him. He supposes he can't blame them for that. He himself wants to protect her. From... everything. He wants to watch over her, take care of her, dote on her. Cherish her. 

He wants to hold her at night and keep her bad dreams away. Hell, he even wants to go find her old owner, Plutt, and finish him off. 

How can someone so fierce be someone that everyone wants to protect? But he doesn't want everyone to protect her. _He_ wants to protect her. 

_She's mine._

And he wants her. Heart, soul and body. Fuck he wants her body. He thrusts lightly into the counter just thinking about it. About her. 

"Fuck" he whispers, reaching into his pants. He'd not done this in years. And even then, with no one in mind. No face anyways. But now….

"Rey…."

His hand grips and he strokes, his eyes closed as he thinks of her. Her mouth, her neck, her hips, that ass, the swell of her breasts. He thinks of her against him, except this time she's naked. So is he. She's under him, over him, next to him. Her long tan legs around him. Her hips thrusting into his. She'd be beautiful on top of him. She could run her hands all over his chest.

"Fuck! Rey!"

He sweats, pumping harder. He wonders how she'd taste. He'd always thought that going down on a woman was disgusting. But now. Now he wonders. Her thighs wrapped around his head. Yes. He'd like that. 

"Rey…." 

On and on he goes. He thinks of what it would be like to be inside of her. He's heard that women are tight inside, hot too. 

She's always warm. He knows she'd be hot. He thinks of her wet heat around him. He wonders if she had ever made herself come. He knew how. He'd read it. He knew at just the right angle, while stroking her clit, he could do it. He thought of what she'd sound like, the noises she'd make. Would she scream his name? He'd like that. Her screaming his name.

"Fuck!!!! REY!" He hollers, climaxing at that last thought. 

He opens his eyes and looks in the mirror. Except he doesn't see his reflection. 

It's her. Somehow in the midst of his passion, they'd connected. 

Her face is frozen, her eyes wide. Her mouth is a perfect little o. She's staring at him. 

He panics, shutting her away. Closing her off. 

But right before he does, he realizes that she's draped across her bed, her dress hiked up to her hips. His eyes drift down the creamy inside of her thighs to where one hand covers her most intimate of parts. The glimpse of wetness on her fingers is all it takes for his climax to hit him full force.

After he makes a mess of himself, it occurs to him what she was doing. 

"Oh, fuck" he whispers. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BREATHE!!!!


	43. Chapter 43

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose is as tired of waiting as y'all are....

Ben procrastinates going to spar with Rey by suddenly finding an engine to repair. 

Nevermind that the engine was at Rose's workstation and he's done zero mechanical work in 11 years. 

"And what exactly are you doing to my engine, Solo?"

The petite woman stands over him, hands on hips. 

Ben has avoided Rose Tico using some rather creative techniques. 

Most involved hiding behind stuff when he would hear her approaching. 

Is the former apprentice to the most vile creature in the galaxy intimidated by one Rose Tico?

You bet your sweet ass he is. He'd rather face off with a certain wookie. 

"Umm... working on it?" he replies, trying to appear unphased by her. 

"And who the fuck told you that you could touch my engine?"

He shrugs, starting to care less if she's angry. The problem looks pretty easy to fix and she should appreciate the help. 

"There," he tells her, sitting back to enjoy his handiwork. He looks at her arrogantly.

"done. You're welcome."

She kneels down to check behind him, then nods her head surprisingly. 

"Not bad, Solo. No idea you were capable of fixing engines."

He gets a bit braver and actually looks at her. 

"You forget who my dad is," Ben tells her. 

"Nah," she tells him, "didn't forget. Just figured you probably lost those skills, you know, being busy helping run the First Order."

Ben's eyes fly wide open. He snaps his head towards her. 

"Relax," she says, "I haven't told anyone. Rey doesn't even know that I know."

"Finn…." 

"Nope. Just very observant," she tells him, standing, wiping her hands on her pants legs. 

"I mean, you are _supposed_ to be dead. Everyone thinks you are dead. Rey tells me all about your force abilities, tells me about the horrible fights you had with your parents. Then, boom, you're back. The second I saw you, saw how," she gestures up and down towards him, "MASSIVE you are, I knew. I mean, what are the odds that the elusive apprentice of the Supreme Leader would be the exact same size as the elusive missing child of Leia Organa? It was no secret that Kylo Ren was a force user."

Ben smiles. He might just like this Rose after all. Plus, she'd been such a good friend to his Rey. His love would just light up when she was with her friend. Rey claims that he's her best friend but Rose truly puts her at ease. Rey doesn't have to deal with any drama when she's with Rose, not like she does when she's with him. 

It makes him sad that there's so much tension between him and Rey. Maybe one day they can just be themselves again with each other, like years ago. 

Rose kneels again, wiping down the engine. 

"So, this thing with Rey, when are you finally going to come clean, Solo? Cause I'm tired of you hurting her. If you'd just be honest, she'd be happy."

He looks at her in shock.

"Come clean about what, Tico?"

Rose looks him right dead in the eye, not intimidated at all. 

"That you are in love with her."

Ben tries to scramble away but then a tiny hand on his arm stops him. Damn, she's strong. 

"Stay your ass right there, Mr Badass Kylo Ren. Cause I got questions."

His head snaps backwards at her nerve. Did she just call him Kylo?

"I'm not in love…" he starts and then is cut off. 

"Oh, shut up. I know it. You know it. If my girl Rey wasn't so confused, she'd know it," Rose replies, tossing the towel over her shoulder, "why are you keeping her so confused, Solo?"

"Thought I was Kylo," he answers sarcastically. 

Her finger points at his face, "Don't get an attitude. I'm the one who's pissed. I'll call you whatever I want."

Ben again snaps his head back. Then he hides his grin with his hand. He relents. He's got to talk to someone. 

"I'm not trying to confuse her…"

"You don't want to feel the way you do," Rose tells him, "you feel guilty, am I right? I'm right. I'm always right. Listen, you haven't done anything wrong, Ben. You love her. Say it."

Ben gets a bit emotional, his voice shaking. 

"I do, Rose. I love her. So much. People won't understand…"

"Who gives a fuck, Ben? Let me ask you this. Will you be good to her? Will you be what she needs? Cause, if you are doubting that you can, that's a different issue but if you are holding back because of what people _think_ , you are denying her what she deserves. She deserves someone who will love her."

"I _do_ love her, Rose. I understand her. I know what she needs. I know what she thinks."

"She told me you two can read each other's minds. Like, wow. That's amazing. You know what she's thinking and feeling. You really do know her. Please, Ben, don't let people stop you. Tell her how you feel. I see how you watch her. It's beautiful."

"She's easy to watch. _She's_ beautiful."

"Yes, she is. She deserves to be happy. She's not happy in her confusion. Ben, she's confused because she is battling her own feelings for you. She's not realized that what she feels coming from you is love. Even though she can read your thoughts, even though she can feel your emotions, if you yourself won't be free to love her, she won't recognize it. It's not wrong, how you feel. You aren't her brother. You're her destiny."

Now Ben is crying. Rose smiles. 

"Look at me, making Kylo Ren cry. You're just a big walking ball of emotions. Now get your ass away from my workstation. Ask me next time if you need to work on an engine. Quit touching my tools. Next time I catch you, I'll whoop your ass. Go on, go find my girl."

Ben blushes at the thought of what occurred between him and Rey during the force connect last night. 

"I think I may have really screwed things up last night, Rose. I doubt she wants to see me right now."

Rose touches his arm again, less aggressively than before. Ben looks down at this spitfire of a woman. 

"Ben, sweetie, don't let your attraction for her embarrass you. _Believe me_ , Rey isn't embarrassed or angry. My girl is hot for you."

Ben blushes even harder, not thinking that was possible. 

"Aww, look at Kylo," she says, grinning, "you act all big and bad but you're just a big ol' softie. Let nature take its course, okay?"

Ben covers his face with his hand, fighting the urge to run. 

"Okay, I think I'mma go now. Thanks."

Now Rose busts out, no longer able to hold back her laughter. She watches this huge blushing mess of a man practically run away. She shakes her head and mumbles to herself. 

"Never would've thought his fine ass would still be a virgin at 29 years old…."

______________________________

"C'mon Ben!! Quit holding back! You can't hurt her!"

Luke shouts at him, which he barely notices because he's getting his ass whipped by a pissed off Rey. 

Her eyes are like twin flames as she swings at him. He fights her back a few steps but that just seems to make her more angry. She is using every bit of her anger as she spars with him. She pushes back fiercely. 

_Rey…._

_SHUT UP!!_

His brows shoot up in surprise. She's really angry about last night. 

_I'm sorry...it won't happen again…_

"SHUT UP, BEN!!" she shouts.

He's so confused and then he finds himself angry as he remembers something. She wasn't exactly innocent herself. After all, he'd seen what she was doing too. Then as he remembers, he becomes a ball of anger and horniness, unable to get the picture of her hand on herself out of his head. 

Kriff, this woman has got him completely fucked up. 

He uses his emotions and parries back at her, his upper body strength overpowering hers. He's got her pinned down, their sabers clashing between them. 

_So, we just aren't going to talk about this at all?_

_No!!_

_Rey….how are we going to defeat Snoke if you push me away?_

She pushes against him even harder, physically and mentally. There's a feral scrowl on her face and even though she's trying to look intimidating, all he can do is think about how incredibly beautiful she looks right now. 

Yep, he's completely sunk for her. 

At least she's responding back to him. 

_Me?? You pushed ME away, Ben Solo!!_

_Oh…..OH….._

He disingages his saber and stands. She falls backwards onto her ass and he has to suppress a laugh at how funny (and cute) she looks, all angry and red faced. 

"Rey, you are right. I pushed you away. I'm sorry…"

She squints her eyes at him and jumps up, turning away from him, disengaging her saber. 

"Whatever! I get it! Okay? Message received! I can't do this. Sorry Luke…"

And she's gone. 

Luke laughs. He LAUGHS. 

Ben spins and glares at him. 

Luke throws both hands up in surrender, looking down, trying to hide the smirk on his face. 

"Fuck off, Luke," Ben tells him, aggressively clipping his saber to his belt and walking off. 

"You two...Ben...you two have got to work out," he gestures his hands in the air, "whatever this is. We've got work to do and this isn't going to work if you two are constantly having lover's quarrels."

"Lover's….WHAT?? Fuck off, Luke…"

He turns to stomp off, then turning back after a strong realization of what Luke said.

"We aren't love….I can't even say it to you. Luke, we aren't…"

Luke leans against the rock behind him, crossing his arms. 

"Mmm-hmm, if you say so….where have I heard that before? Just, resolve it, okay? It's a hindrance in the force, Ben."

"Yeah, I'll try. Wish me luck," he tells his uncle.

_____________________________

_Rey?_

_No, Ben!_

_Ba...Rey...please…_

Shit, he'd almost called her "babe". He's got to open up to her. He can't keep his feelings to himself much longer. 

Then he smiles to himself because he'd almost used an endearment. It just came so natural. 

He wants to seek her out, go find her. That seems excessive though. It will only push her away. 

He contemplates trying what she had done to him, pushing calm and peace towards her through the bond. That's a light side trick though and he isn't successful. 

He feels her sadness and rejection through their bond and he feels broken. 

She's hurting, his girl is hurting and he can't get through to help her. 

_Please Rey...talk to me…._

He hears her shuddered, tear filled sigh through the bond and he feels a slight opening come from her. 

_I just….I remembered something...it hurt..and you pushed me away...and then...the other thing...it's just too much, Ben._

So three issues. One at a time. 

_Do you want to tell me what you remembered?_

He senses her fear. She can't tell him so she shows him. 

He sees himself. He's 19 and he's at the academy. 

He watches himself throwing a fit and cringes. 

He then sees himself say something to Rey and he actually gets sick. He goes to his knees, emptying his stomach. 

_Oh Gods, oh no…..Rey…._

She closes the bond and he panics, needing to talk to her, to see her. 

How? How could he have said that? He doesn't even remember saying it but he'd seen himself say it. He didn't mean it. 

_Please Rey...please….I know why you are pushing me away but I beg of you...let me in…_

Ever so slowly, the bond reopens and he can feel her breathing erratically. Her heart is beating in hard, fast pounds. Then he feels her take a deep breath, a sob sounding from her lungs. 

_I...I honestly don't remember saying that...I guess my mind erased it. You know I didn't mean it? That I was so stupid. Rey...you aren't nothing. You've never been nothing. Not to me. Rey, you're everything. My everything. Please…._

In his tangled up, messed up emotions, he has not felt her movement. He has not sensed her approach. He was throwing all of his devotion, his helplessness and desperation, his deep fear at her. He doesn't even know she is there.

"I know…"

He turns to see her. She has changed into the large shirt he'd once owned and soft sleep pants. Her feet are bare and her hair wet. She's showered and dressed into the most comfortable things she owns. The tips of her wet hair curl and he thinks of all the pretty dresses he's seen her in. 

Right now, dressed in his shirt, looking so sad and lonesome, he thinks it's the most beautiful he's seen her. All raw and open to him. She is simply too tired to pretend to be anything else. 

"I just came here to say," she spoke in a weak, vulnerable tone, "I'm okay. I'll forgive you over time. Good night."

Then she is gone, the door to his room closing as she walks away. 

He sits down hard on the edge of his bed, his elbows coming to rest on his knees. His fingers comb into his hair and he pulls until it hurts. 

"Dammit," he curses, realizing the words coming from her mouth and the emotions coming from her heart do not match.

He'll have to give her space. Rey needs her space when she's hurt or angry. She always has. He does smile just a bit at memories of a little girl angry at him. 

_Go away….Ben Solo….._

_Shut up you big tree….._

_MEANIE...You didn't even write me back…._

She was so adorable that night, cheeks red with anger, trying to intimidate him in her tiny fierceness. 

Now though, somehow she's graduated from fiercely adorable to fiercely beautiful when angry. 

And he loves every bit of her. As he curls into his bed, he sends her just a tindrel of his devotion to her through the bond. She grabs it, wrapping it around herself and settling into a deep sleep. 


	44. Chapter 44

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben loves irritating Poe.....
> 
> Kay and Ben connect. No, not like that. 
> 
> But Rey doesn't know what we know....
> 
> Then Leia decides enough is enough....

Ben searches the mess hall for Rey. He doesn't have to look around to know she's not here but still, he hopes to see her. 

He doesn't so he walks towards Poe and the blonde next to him. He can feel the heat coming from them before he is close enough to even see the looks they give each other. 

He grins mischievously and plops his tray down loudly. He loves to irritate Poe Dameron. It's one of his new favorite pastimes. The pilot is just so damn cocky. 

There was another cocky bastard he used to love to irritate. General Armitage Hux, the ginger haired pet of Snoke. He never thought he'd miss that weasel but he does miss irritating the shit out of him. Poe is a great replacement. 

The curly haired man shot him a look like, _do you mind._ Ben shot one back that said, _not one bit._

"Oh, Hi, Ben," Kaydel says, looking up with a soft look in her eye. Ben likes Kay, she's good for his mother, whom she works closely with. The fact that he's not jealous of her speaks volumes as to how far he's progressed. His old self would've been jealous of the attention Leia paid to Kay. 

"Hey, Kay," he replies, sitting, "how are you?"

"She's fine," Poe tells him, eliciting a sharp look from Kay. 

"I can answer for myself, Dameron."

Poe ignores her, the very woman he'd just been flirting heavily with. He's too busy shooting blaster bolts at the man who'd interrupted his attempts at a tryst with the beautiful blonde. 

"You know, I don't recall inviting you to sit, Solo."

Ben grins again, beginning to eat his breakfast. Poe is always moving from one affair to the next and Ben is a little tired of the broken hearts he leaves in his wake. He feels a bit brotherly towards Kay and he doesn't want to see her hurt. She's a kind woman and she tends to fall fast and easy. So interrupting this little flirt fest is two fold. Irritating Dameron is just the icing on the cake. 

"Looked as good a place to sit as any," Ben replies, continuing to eat. 

"Where's Rey? I notice you usually follow her around the mess hall, is she off training with some other guy?"

Oh, now see, that's a little too much for Ben. Now he's mad. 

"Don't bring her into this, Dameron. I can't help that Rey wouldn't give you a second glance that day in the woods."

With that remark, Poe is done. He stands but adds one last quip. 

"Well maybe she would have if she hadn't felt the need to take care of you."

Ben smiles, knowing Poe is just trying to get to him.

"Maybe. Then again, she takes care of me just fine so maybe she just needed someone who was worth her time."

"Asshole," Poe says, turning to walk away. Then he turns back to look at Kay. 

"Later?" he asks, not even bothering to hide an insinuation. 

"I don't think so, Poe, but thanks," she tells him rather sarcastically. Poe fumes internally and shoots a look at Ben like it's all his fault he won't be getting laid tonight. 

Ben ignores him and Poe walks away, pouting. 

Kay shakes her head at him. 

"What was that?" she asks Ben. 

"Oh, he's just a cocky shit. You can do a lot better than him. Don't worry, he will forget he's mad quickly. He knows I like messing with him. He gives as good as he gets."

Kay laughed and they proceeded to eat their meal. They exchanged stories of his parents and Ben laughed at a story about his dad. Ben reveled in telling Kay similar stories from his childhood. Kay especially liked the one about their fight over curtains and how Han had actually fancied the fancier, more lacy ones. Chewie finally decided for them as the fight had went on for three days. The lacy curtains hung in the sitting area for as long as Ben had lived there. They are probably still hanging in their home on Corsucant. 

Before Ben knew it, the mess hall had emptied out and it was time for him to go meet with his uncle and Rey. He wondered where she could be. 

"I better go," he tells Kay, "it was nice talking to you. Fun."

"Ben, I hope you know how happy Rey is. I see how she looks at you. I know you two have a rather strange past but I hope you have a long future with her. She's a good person."

Ben blushes at Kay's words and she pats his hand, leaving her own hand on top. 

"Ben, I know who you were. It's hard not to know, spending so much time with your family. Your secret is safe with me."

"Oh….thanks…." he tells her, blushing harder. He's not used to so much acceptance. First from Rose, now Kay. 

They both stand to go and walk towards the door. He goes to exit first but then remembers his manners. He then steps back and holds the door for Kay. His hand falls to her back as he guides her out like his dad taught him as a young boy. 

So caught up in his emotional conversation with Kay about his family and his past, he doesn't sense Rey. 

Rey watches from a distance. Her eyes cannot look away from Ben's hand on Kay's back. She turns and flees, headed towards the forest. 

Leia also watches. She'd left her office in search of her only child to let him know that Luke had left with Han to go patrol. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees a flash that is Rey fleeing. 

Sensing the misunderstanding, Leia decides to take matters into her own hands. 

Because these kids are _killing_ her. 

**_____________________________**

  
  


As soon as he enters his mother's office, he is confronted by a tiny hurricane.

Leia points at her loveseat, a stern look in her eyes.

"Benjamin Skywalker Organa Solo, sit down."

He guesstimates he was maybe nine years old the last time the sound of his mother's voice made him quake. 

He sits. 

This very petite woman sits next to him, looking up yet staring down at him at the same time. 

"I only have one question." her eyes boring into him.

He swallows. "Yes, mother?"

"Do you love her?"

Ben blinks, confused by her question.

"I've always loved her, mom."

Her small hand reaches over and takes his, pulling it into her lap. Even though his hand practically swallows hers, the strength in her grasp scares the shit out of him. 

"Son, are you _in_ love with her?"

He closes his eyes and lies, shaking his head. 

His mom won't like his answer, so he lies. 

"Who? Rey? Why….why would you ask me that? No Mom! She's…. she's…..Rey."

"Open your eyes."

He pulls his hand away, looking at the wall on the other side of the room. 

"No. Leave me alone Mom. I….I don't understand why you are asking me this."

Her voice grows stern. 

"Look at your mother. NOW."

He looks at her defiantly. 

"When did you begin to feel this way about her?"

He feels himself grow angry at being questioned. Leia doesn't back down. She will win the staring contest that they are now engaged in. He finally sighs, consenting to her. 

"After arriving here. Since I've been here with you….with her."

"When did you realize it?" Her eyes now softening with her voice. 

He sighs. She knows. Of course she knows. She knows everything. His shoulders sag, the weight of his secret rolling off in waves. He blinks, feeling it go. 

He mine as well be honest. 

"I…. I'm not exactly sure. Maybe, maybe when she wore that dress or...when she smiled at me...not like a normal smile but with her eyes too. The way she looks at me…..it's different. Like, she _sees_ me."

Ben is caught. He realizes this slowly. His mother always knew him. She knows his soul. That's why she never gave up. 

That's how she knew who to send to bring him back to the light. 

His mind reels. His eyes widen with realization. His stomach flips. 

"Mother….you sent her to me, didn't you?"

She holds her chin up, her mouth set in a hard line.

"Yes. I did."

He jumps up, angry. Of all the irresponsible moves to make, of all the people to use. Not his girl, not his Rey. 

He looks down at Leia, in more ways than one. 

"I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU!! HOW? HOW COULD YOU RISK HER LIKE THAT??"

Leia stays seated, her hands folded in her lap, her head now down. She isn't proud of what she did and now she must suffer the temper of her son. But he's here. He's alive. So through it she willingly suffers. 

"ANSWER ME MOTHER!!"

Her eyes return to his face, still defiant. Still the eyes of a mother who would do whatever to save her child. Even if it was wrong. 

"I knew you'd kill your father. I knew you'd kill me. But Rey…..she was your beacon. You'd never hurt Rey."

He steps back, his head shaking. He can't believe this. He can't believe Leia would send Rey into harm's way for any reason, least of all, for him. He also can't believe she said he'd KILL her. Or his father. They truly believe he was THAT far gone??

"Mother! I'd never kill you! Or Dad!"

She hangs her head, looking so much older than her true age. War and desperation had taken its toll on her. 

"Snoke told you to do it."

"How, how did you know that?"

"The force showed me."

He still stood across the room, staring at her.

"I thought you didn't connect with the force anymore. I thought you cut yourself off."

Her eyes go back to his, a look there that nearly breaks him. 

"Well, desperate times call for desperate measures."

He scoffs. 

"Desperate times? Do you mean the war?"

Her eyes soften even more, wetness forming. 

"No, son. You. I was desperate for _you_. My only child. My boy."

He looks at her, becoming angry again.

"But I'm not your only child! Rey is too! After all this time, you still don't see her as yours. But she sees you as her mother. And you threw her into danger, Mom. Yes, you were right. I'd never hurt Rey. But what you don't know is that I'd forgotten Rey. I forgot her, Mom! So that was stupid, what you did. You didn't even tell her that you LIED to her, before you sent her on that stupid mission!! What if I had not remembered her?? What if one of my guards hurt her?? What if Hux killed her before I saw her?? Or Snoke?? You endangered your DAUGHTER! You may not see her that way but she is! I cannot believe you!"

Leia has her eyes closed, breathing fast. His words hit her hard. 

"And YES MOTHER. I love her. I'm now in love with her! Does that disgust you?? Because it does me! I'm supposed to be a brother to her! She sees me as her brother!"

"No she doesn't…." Leia whispers but Ben doesn't hear her in his ranting. 

"I'm not supposed to be attracted to her! But I am! She's beautiful and stunning and gorgeous and perfect. She looks at me like I'm some damn hero! How disgusting am I??"

He's gasping and shaking, sweat pouring off of him. 

"Ben….." she whispers.

"Just stop Mom. Stop."

"No, listen to me. Did you hear me?"

She rises, walking to her son. She places her hand on his face. 

"She doesn't see you as her brother. She never has. You aren't hearing me, Ben."

He pulls his face away from her, stepping back, confused. 

"Mom, what do you mean?"

Leia walks across the room, to a picture on the wall. She removes it, revealing a safe behind it. She opens it and removes a box. 

This was obviously something no one else needed to see. 

"Your father. He didn't need to see this. It's for you. Only for you. I peeked, I will admit. I had to know. Yes, I do see Rey as my daughter."

Leia turns, box in hand. But before handing it to him, she has something to say. 

"Sit down Ben."

The curiosity over the box, something to do with Rey, the woman he loves, the only reason he does. 

"I do see her as my daughter. My very capable daughter, strong in the force."

The look, the shock on Ben's face forces her to continue. Ben goes to speak. 

"I'm not finished but I know your question. Yes, I knew. I always knew. Rey is capable. She is strong. I knew she could handle herself."

Ben becomes angry again. 

"No Mother! She didn't even know how to handle her blaster when I found her! She was shaking! I could've killed her!"

"But you didn't. I knew you wouldn't."

"There's no way you could've known that!"

Leia smiles, slightly, box still in her hands. 

"Did you or did you not carry her gently in your arms? Why didn't you tell a trooper to do it? How many others did you carry yourself?"

Ben is speechless, finally. 

Leia places the box in his lap and opens it. She takes out a letter from the top. She reads it, out loud. 

_Dear Ben,_

_A boy tried to kiss me today. I ran._

_He's a nice boy. I don't know why I don't like him, not like he likes me._

_Yes I do. I miss you. I want you to be my first kiss. Only you. Forever._

_You are the most handsome man I've ever seen. I know you think you are ugly, but you aren't. You are beautiful. No boy here compares to you._

_Come home, please._

_I'll never send this to you. You'll never see it. I don't know why I wrote it. I can never tell you how I feel. That I love you._

_Love, Rey_

Leia places the letter back in the box. 

Ben is trying to breathe. His pale skin even paler. He's staring at the wall. 

"Ben, there's more but that's the only one I've read. She doesn't know I have them. She had thrown them all away when we lied to her. She was too caught up in you. We had to help her move on. Maybe it was wrong. I know she's angry at me. Her elation over your return, she's buried her anger under it. Eventually she'll confront me."

Ben shuffles thru the box. Letter after unopened letter inside. 

"I don't think I should read these, mother. They are her deepest thoughts."

"I can't tell you if you should or you shouldn't. But they are all to you. It's between you and Rey. But son…."

She gently takes him by the chin pulling his eyes to hers. 

"I'm not mad at you. You and Rey are the most important people to me. She's more yours than mine, though. She always has been. I watched her yearn for you for years. So many boys liked her but she never let go of you. Of course you love her. Now, if you had not left, I can imagine eventually you two would've been more like siblings. But you only knew her a few months before you were gone. We were wrong to push you away, yes, but here we are, nonetheless. She's a beautiful soul Ben. I'm not surprised you fell for her."

He's thumbing through each envelope, not able to hide his shock. 

"She….she hasn't told me how she feels. She may not feel this way anymore Mom. I mean, she has Poe and other men she may want…."

Leia takes Ben's hand again. He looks at her. 

"Then I suggest you find out what she wants and if you are willing to deal with the fallout. If she's worth it."

Ben smiles. 

"Oh she's worth it. She's worth anything. Everything. But….Dad?"

Her eyebrows go up and she sighs. Then she smiles again. 

"It...he won't be easy but he wants you happy and at peace. He wants the same for Rey. It will take time but hasn't this all taken time? A bit longer."

Ben stands to leave with the box, then hands it to her. 

"Put it back. I need to think."

He is almost out the door when Leia calls to him. 

"Ben?"

He turns. 

"I trust you with her a whole hell of a lot more than Dameron. I've realized that he's broken hearts all over the galaxy. She loves you Ben. A mother knows and I know she's never stopped loving you."

He nods.

"Thank you Mom."

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	45. Chapter 45

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've been feeling so bad lately. Found out that my iron count is very low. Need intravenous iron. I've tried to keep up my writing but it's very difficult. 
> 
> I cherish every kudo and especially comments. I also read fanfic and I love getting lost in a story and forgetting about this insane world. 
> 
> So when I see that I'm able to do that for you, it gives me so much joy. 
> 
> My sweet space babies have battled for each other, learned from each other, fought with each other and finally, after over ten years, their love can no longer be denied. 
> 
> I wrote and wrote thinking, "What's going to do it? What's going to push Ben into not fighting anymore?"
> 
> Turns out, it's his girl thinking he's looking at another. 
> 
> Hold on, my sweet readers cause Ben Solo cannot hold back anymore. 
> 
> Enjoy and PLEASE leave me your thoughts. It's what is getting me through right now.

He's never really had a sparring partner like her. She's exquisite. At the academy he far exceeded even the students his age and it wasn't long, no one wanted to practice with him. Luke had been capable in his younger years but after Ben had put his uncle on his ass a few times, that stopped. As Kylo, no one even came close to giving him the challenge he'd needed. He customized droids to fight him but he soon outgrew their capabilities. 

But Rey, she is good. Better than good. She seems to be able to anticipate all of his moves and bests him more than half the time. Though, he can admit to himself that his brute strength is all it would take to beat her. He finds himself incapable of doing that. 

Truth be told, her sheer beauty distracts him. He'll be outmaneuvering her and she'll bite her bottom lip and he's a goner. He can't tell if she knows the power she wields, as they always block their connection when they spar. 

Today she shows up and he _knows_ he's in trouble. She's wearing only a sports bra and her calf length leggings. Black, no less. The sight of her well defined abs does him in from the start. He is so grateful (maybe not _too_ grateful) that the leggings are high waisted so those dimples on her back are covered. If he could see those freckles across her lower back, he probably would suddenly need to find an excuse to run away. 

She is in a bad mood also which, for some reason, makes her even more beautiful. 

He must've been staring for too long because she is suddenly impatient with him. 

"Are we doing this or what?" she says, swinging her practice saber in a figure eight. Her eyes glow like fire, stealing his breath. 

"Yeah, damn, what's your deal?" he shoots back, trying to appear agitated. 

"Just, in a mood to kick your ass."

He hides his smile with his hand and copies her figure eight swing. 

"Fine, let's do this."

She charges at him with a feral shout and he jumps back in surprise. 

"Rey, what's gotten into you?" 

"Just tired of bullshit!"

She charges again and he uses the force to perform a backflip on the tall rock behind him, landing behind her and charging. He knows she will spin and she does, kneeling and aiming at his legs, his saber narrowly missing her face. She grins wickedly as she makes contact with him. Normally he would have jumped in the air but her grin had grabbed his attention. 

"Fuck!" He yells at the sudden pain in his legs and he feels himself stumble but corrects it with a forward roll, pouncing back up and spinning just in time to block her. He shoves her backwards, a purely defensive move but catches her with the force. 

"Don't do that! Let me catch myself! Dammit!" she yells. 

He rolls his eyes at her which only incenses her more. 

_Why are you so mad??_

_No force connects!!_

They continue to spar, Ben having to use the force several times to catch himself or throw himself. 

He's never seen her so pissed. 

He's never seen her so _beautiful._

They find themselves in a stalking pattern, pacing, staring. She is sweating heavily, Ben's trying not to watch the beads travel down her chest and her belly. 

"So, is it me? Or are you just taking it out on me?" he gasps, out of breath. 

"Shut up," she sneers. 

"Oh...so it is me?" he smiles.

"Shut up Ben!"

"What did I do, squirt?"

"I'm not a kid!!" she yells, charging again. 

Their sabers clash and they are pushing at each other. Ben's eyes flicker down to her chest. 

"Oh no...you're definitely not a kid anymore," he grins. 

Her eyes narrow and she snorts, angrily. 

He can't help it, he laughs. She gives up, turning, causing him to stumble. She marches over to her water canister, drinking it fiercely, tears in her eyes. 

He notices and approaches her tentatively. 

"Hey, what's going on? Rey….why are you upset?" he says softly. 

"Nothing Ben" 

She turns her back to him and _dammit_ her leggings have worked their way down.

Dimples. Freckles. 

_Shit_ , he thinks and focuses on the back of her head. He reaches for her hand and she lets him take it. He turns her around, not just to see her face but to remove all temptation of looking at her back again. 

The damn sweat beads on her chest aren't helping in the temptation department. 

He reaches over and grabs her towel, handing it to her. She wipes her face and chest and he can breathe again. 

"Come here," he pulls her to his chest. He really is concerned about her. He wants to push into her thoughts but he doesn't dare, not wanting to anger her further. 

He places a kiss on top of her head, carefully rubbing her arms.

"What did I do?" He asks.

"Nothing. Just hold me."

"I must've done something."

She pulls her head out from under his chin, looking up at him, still with tears in her eyes. She looks afraid and he secretly vows to hurt whoever has scared her. 

"You like Kaydel?" she whispers, almost with no sound. He barely hears her. 

He holds her out at arm's length. 

"What? No!"

"But, you were smiling and laughing and then you touched her back."

"Rey, I was just being polite. It's customary to hold a door open for a woman and do that. It didn't mean anything."

He blinks, becoming aware of her thoughts and he's floored. 

"Rey….you're jealous."

She drops her head, seeming very tired all of the sudden, stepping back from him. His skin suddenly misses her.

"Look at me, Rey."

She looks up and the doubt in her eyes, it causes pain in his chest. 

"You'll always be my girl, Rey. Always."

Her eyes glow at his words, her breath catching. 

"Ben….."

The way she says his name, a gasp, fraught with desperation, is his undoing. He closes the gap between them, pulling her close again. She lifts her head, lips parted and he crashes his mouth into hers. 

She relaxes into his embrace, sliding her mouth over his, the groan coming from her encouraging him to press further, slipping his tongue out to part her lips. 

Their tongues meet and it's _electric_. They kiss harder, deeper, like two people who've finally found each other after wandering for their entire lives. He pushes against her until her back meets the tall rock behind her.

One hand is in her hair the other is on her back. The roughness from his calloused hand on her bare back draws a moan from her, which causes him to pull her even closer, his entire front pressed against her. The feel of her tongue roaming inside his mouth goes straight to his groin. She feels his hardness and presses her hips hard against his. He can't help it as he thrusts lightly against her. He's too far gone in her to stop himself. 

She's also a goner, her hands desperately twisting in the fabric on his back. She groans again as his mouth moves down her jaw to her neck. She thrusts her hips into his hardness. He thrusts back, unable to stop his urges.

He chants her name against her skin, leaving hot open mouthed kisses on the skin of her neck, coming to rest where her shoulder starts. He sucks just a bit, bringing a gasp from her. He continues to grind into her, not even thinking of stopping. She welcomes it, pushing her hips against him, moving with him. His heart hammers so hard she can feel it against her breasts. 

"You've always been my girl. You're the only girl I want. You're so beautiful," he tells her, his breath hot against her skin.

She's desperate to feel his skin and her hands pull the back of his shirt up. She feels the muscles on his back, moving as high up as she can. The heat between her thighs builds and builds until she's a moaning mess in his arms as he grinds harder and harder against her heat.

"Ben….you feel so good. Don't stop moving. Please."

"I won't. I won't. Your skin tastes amazing."

He breathes again against her shoulder, where he sucks and kisses his way across and then back to her neck, stopping to suck at her collarbone. 

His hands come back up to move the strap of her top to one side in order to kiss that tiny inch of skin he'd missed before. The other hand grips her upper arm, his thumb grazing the side of her breast. She gasps just at the light touch. He smiles into her skin, his mouth now behind her ear, his tongue tracing there. 

"Can I touch you?" He whispers, his hot breath on her ear making her shiver. 

"Yes, please. Please Ben. Touch me."

His hand cups her breast and they both moan. Her breasts aren't large so his hand covers it completely. He squeezes her gently, massaging just a bit. The thought of how small they are races through her swirling mind. He hears it. 

"I love your breasts, Rey. They are perfect. I could do this all day."

His words cause her nipple to become even harder. He runs his thumb across it quickly, back and forth. She nearly melts into the ground. He feels her body go weak and he slips the other hand under her ass, marveling at how amazing she feels. The unbelievable pressure between her thighs builds and she desperately needs release from it. His hardness pressed against her heat is too much yet she wants more, needs more. She's wound tight like a coil about to break. 

She feels it build and build until she falls over the cliff, gasping his name as she comes against him. He's transfixed, captivated, never having experienced a woman's release. Her moans undo him and he releases with her, the feeling much better than what he's experienced by himself. 

He finds his way back to her lips, needing to tell her how he feels about her. Between each declaration, he places a kiss on her amazing mouth. 

"You are beautiful"

_Kiss_

"Gorgeous"

_Kiss_

"Sexy as fuck."

_Kiss_

"You drive me insane."

_Kiss_

"Rey, I need you."

_Kiss_

"I want you, Rey."

_Kiss_

"Rey, I love you."

With this last declaration, he stops and looks at her, his hand leaving her breast. He wraps his arms around her waist, his body still pressed against her. 

He needs her eyes, trying not to reach into her mind. 

Her eyes that were half closed with passion are now wide with revelation. Hearing his words has rendered her speechless. 

He smiles. 

"Did you hear me?" 

She nods slowly, finally speaking. 

"You do?"

"I have for a long time. I love you, Rey. I'm in love with you. I can't stand you thinking I'd ever want anyone else."

She attacks him with her mouth, kissing him with a fierceness that surprises him. He kisses her back, just as fiercely. 

_I take it that this makes you happy?_

She pulls back, laughing a deep breathless laugh. He thinks perhaps there's no sexier sound, except the moaning and groaning she was just doing. 

"Yes, it makes me very happy. You know I'm in love with you, don't you?"

"I do. Though I didn't know if you really meant it. You were quite young back then."

She pulls him closer, her hands still on his bare back. Her touch is about to make him completely lose it and make love to her right here. But she deserves better than to be fucked against a rock. 

He pushes that thought away, needing to hear her declaration of love. 

She whispers into his soul.

"I meant it then, I mean it now. I'm in love with you. I never stopped, even when I thought you were dead. When you lifted that damn helmet and I saw you again, I fell harder than ever. I always thought you were handsome but when I saw you again, I thought you were beautiful. You're beautiful, Ben Solo."

"Force, woman. I fucking love you."

"Kiss me again."

They kiss and roam each other's bodies for what feels like hours, until neither can breathe and their knees are weak and he's seriously rethinking his thoughts about the rock. 

No, she deserves better. So he pulls away.

He presses his sweat soaked forehead against hers, breathless as he has kissed her until he either had to stop or die from lack of oxygen. 

"Now what?" She gasps, also breathless. 

"Ugh, I don't want to think past this moment. Don't make me. Just keep touching me." He begs, his mouth going south to the hollow of her throat. 

"Ben, the sun is setting."

"So? We can live out here, right? Makes sense to me" 

His hands now grope both breasts, kneading and squeezing. She groans again, only encouraging him. 

"Ben, we have to stop. They'll come looking for us."

"Dammit. Dammit. Dammit."

He stands, pulling her into an embrace.

"Okay. But I love you. I love you Rey."

She looks up at him, her eyes bright with love and lust and all encompassing adoration for her Ben. 

"And you think I'm beautiful?"

"I do."

"And you think I'm gorgeous?"

"I do."

"And sexy?"

"Oh fuck yes, woman. You've driven me insane for months."

"You too." She says in that low voice. He's already decided that he _really_ likes this new tone she's developed, all deep and raspy. 

"Dammit, let's walk back."

On the walk back they agree to keep this a secret for now, from everyone. Ben knows that Leia won't be surprised but neither of them are ready to deal with Han. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gah....
> 
> Sigh....
> 
> Gasp....
> 
> Woah....
> 
> Well, that escalated quickly. Whatcha think?


	46. Chapter 46

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a very long chapter because I'm trying to progress this along. 
> 
> I had an IV bag of iron today so hopefully the anemia will go away and I will feel better. Thank you all for your concern. 
> 
> To be honest, I sometimes forget about the nuisance that is Snoke because I get caught up in the fluff that is Reylo. But alas, he's still there for me to deal with. 
> 
> Snoke threatens Rey again. Luke attempts to help them learn to fight Snoke. I've seen this done in many fics including my all time favorite. As I was writing though, it occured to me that they wouldn't really need to be taught. The Dyad is all they need. 
> 
> Rey is her usual "hot for Ben" self. Ben becomes a bit overwhelmed and needs Rey to understand that everything will change between them if they carry it to that next level. 
> 
> Oh and a certain 29 year old is already tired of hiding their newfound relationship....

Snoke batters on the door of his mind, rattling the hinges. He whispers through the door, hissing in anger. 

_ You think you can keep me away? You think  _ **_she_ ** _ is safe from me?? You think just because you  _ **_love_ ** _ her, you can keep her safe??  _

Ben sweats, tossing and turning, unable to push Snoke away while in his deep sleep. 

Suddenly he sits up, gasping for air. In a shout he says her name, terrified for his girl. 

_ BEN!!!! _

He immediately gains control of his emotions, aware that he's scared her. 

_ It's okay, I'm okay, sweetheart. Just a nightmare.  _

_ You never had nightmares when I was nearby. Let me come to your bed.  _

Ben immediately shuts down his thoughts and emotions from her. That's because the thought of Rey sleeping in his bed has  _ completely _ changed now that he's kissed her, touched her body, felt her come apart in his arms. 

There's simply no way he'll be able to control himself in a bed with her. 

He opens the bond after gaining control of himself. He doesn't want to scare her with his... _ intensity.  _

_ Go back to sleep, Rey. I'm okay.  _

_ Are you sure? _

Is he sure he doesn't want Rey curled up next to him, her body against his? Her very full ass pressed against him? Nothing between his hands and her breasts but a thin shirt? 

Fuck no, he's not sure. He's pretty sure he wants all that and more. 

Not here though, not here where things are complicated. 

_ Yes, I'm sure. Good night, sweet girl.  _

He feels her worry and loneliness seep through the bond. It makes his heart ache. 

They need to talk. They need to decide what they want and what to do. Should they leave? 

He'd leave the base with her right now if not for two issues. One, Snoke. Ben will never have peace until he's dead. Ben will live in fear of Rey being harmed as long as Snoke is alive. 

Two, Rey considers Leia and Han her family, along with Chewie and even Luke. 

He'd learned to live without them and he could do it again. However, he cannot ask Rey to do that. He also cannot take himself  _ and _ Rey away from his mother. Leia probably would not survive losing both of them. 

So...that leaves a  _ huge _ issue. 

Han  _ kriffing _ Solo. 

_ Yeah, Dad? You know that little girl you raised? Rey, the closest you've ever had to a daughter? Turns out I'm in love with her. So is it okay if I bed her and make her mine and put a baby in her belly? Just wondering.  _

He has a small feeling that won't go over well. It's funny how big badass Kylo Ren is still afraid of his parents and has been brought to his knees by a 19 year old girl.

Then he remembers how incredibly sexy she looked with her heat pressed against his cock, moaning his name, coming against him. No, she's no girl. 

Yeah, he's got a huge problem. 

**_____________________________**

They face off, circling each other, trying to take this seriously. 

_ Damn you look hot, Ben.  _

Then she bites her lip and he remembers how it felt when she bit  _ his  _ lip earlier, right before Luke arrived to train them. 

He  _ almost _ adjusts his cock, now uncomfortably hard. Thank the force he'd worn a long tunic. He can see now every tunic he wears will need to be long cause  _ damn _ , she's beautiful. 

And she  _ wants _ him. 

_ Ummm….stop? _

She laughs out loud and Luke just pinches the bridge of his nose, shaking his head with his eyes closed. These two and their secret communication. 

_ Aww, c'mon Ben, just because I got off on you doesn't mean you can't kick my ass now.  _

And with this, she grins wickedly. Ben tries to ignore his twitching cock, to no avail. 

"Rey….stop…..we gotta practice…"

_ Okay but I fully expect a repeat of the other day later tonight…. _

And with that, he's useless. He disengages his saber and stares at her, shaking his head but blushing to the tips of his ears. 

"Okay, you two. I don't know who stopped the training…."

"He did," says Rey. 

"She did," says Ben at the same time. Luke again pinches his nose in frustration. 

He has them sit several feet apart and focus on meditation.

"Luke, this isn't working…." Ben finally mutters in frustration. 

Luke stands and paces. This is a unique situation. He's never even heard of a dark sider with abilities like Snoke. 

He doesn't know what to do. He finally concedes. 

"Tell me," he says to them, sitting back down on the rock in front of them, "how does it feel? What do you two feel when you are...connected?"

Ben smirks, "You are asking about feelings? Emotions? Damn, you have changed."

"Stop, Ben…." Rey tells him. 

"Face each other, watch each other," Luke says, learning to ignore his nephew's teasing. 

So they do. As soon as they lock eyes, they begin to blush. Rey giggles. Ben smiles widely. 

"Okay you two, focus."

"I'm trying," Rey says. 

Luke sighs and rolls his eyes. 

Finally, they grow serious. This is important. They are soon lost in each other, her light balancing his dark. His dark intertwining like soft tendrils throughout her light. It's not invasive, it's beautiful. Rey is not afraid of his dark, to her, that's Ben. It never quite overtakes her, only mixing with her. 

_ I never want to control you or your light. I love you.  _

Tears flow down her cheeks as she is encompassed by the love she feels from him. It's all still so new, yet it's always been there. 

_ Your darkness never scared me, Ben. I love you too.  _

Their hearts sync in rhythm, as do their very breaths. Their eyes lock together and they are one in the force. Like thick concrete castle walls protect those inside, their bond protects them from anything outside of each other. 

They both feel Snoke's anger boil but it's so far away, so dim, it doesn't touch them. He can't climb the wall, can't penetrate it, even in the slightest. They barely feel his claws scrape at it, as thick as it is. 

Their palms touch. Fingers entwine and they forget about Luke, about where they are, even what their goal is. It's just them and here and now. The force hums so strong and so loud it's deafening. Even Luke hears it. Leia sits a mile away and stops suddenly at her desk, overcome by it. It's beautiful. 

Though it is a wonderful sight to behold, Luke suddenly feels as if he's intruding on a very intimate moment. A realization hits him and he turns his back, slightly embarrassed. 

"Ben….Rey…."

He has to call out a few more times before they return to the reality of where they are. 

Emerging, they both blush again. Luke senses their return and looks back at them. He too is blushing. 

Then both Ben and Rey smile. 

_ I want to kiss you, Rey. Dammit, this is hard. Hiding how I feel.  _

_ Not as hard as hiding it from each other, Ben.  _

_ That's true. Wow, that was...something. _

Luke clears his throat and they remember that he's there. 

"Um...interesting…." Luke says, short of any other words. He feels his sister tugging at him. She's obviously curious to know if what she felt was what she thinks she felt. 

"I'm going to….go," Luke says awkwardly, walking away quickly. 

As soon as he's out of earshot, they laugh. 

Ben is so caught up in the beauty that is Rey's laughter that he doesn't even sense it. Rey is on him faster than he can blink. 

He is seated cross legged and suddenly her rear is in his lap, her arms and legs are locked around him and her tongue is in his mouth. 

She's killing him. It's the best feeling ever. 

Finally she has to break and breathe. 

"Hi," she gasps the word breathlessly. 

His brows are touching his hairline and his mouth is still open. 

"Hi," he chokes out. He will never get used to this. His girl is rather,  _ aggressive. _

It's hot as fuck. 

"I love being connected to you like that, it's so, erotic," she tells him with a slight wiggle of her bottom and he  _ groans.  _ His masculinity tells him to thrust up at her but he holds back. She's moving so  _ fast. _ Not that he's opposed, he just wants to know without a doubt that she knows she wants this. Because, once they go there, everything changes. 

  
  


"Rey, you're overwhelming," he says cautiously. 

She sits back, a slight look of confusion in her eyes. This shift in position moves her over his hardened cock in a new way and he has to look up and blow the breath out of his lungs. 

"I thought you wanted this…." she says in a timid voice. 

"Oh, I do. Oh Rey, you have no idea. Well, actually you do. You saw me that night…"

He gets embarrassed again, though he doesn't know why. She was doing the same thing. 

That visual is forever burned into his brain and it's  _ not helping matters.  _

She leans in again, her mouth landing on his neck, sucking and nibbling. 

"I did, I was upset a little but now...now I think about it when I touch myself…"

And he loses the ability to talk. Or breathe. 

_ Damn, Rey… _

She grins mischievously and kisses him again. 

And again. 

And again. 

All the while they whisper "I love yous" through their bond, able to connect in a way that no other couple ever has. 

When her hands begin to wander and her rear cannot be still in his lap, he realizes he must slow down. She simply does not see the need to. 

"Rey….we have to stop…" he tells her out loud, grabbing her hips and stilling her. Every blood cell in his body resists but his heart knows it's necessary. 

"Why?" she asks, pouting. He looks again to the sky because she's so beautiful and she's so  _ Rey _ . 

Maker, he loves her. 

"Rey, this is...it's nice...it's good...it's  _ great _ , actually but we just confessed our love for each other…."

"While grinding against a rock…." she so helpfully supplies to his brain, which is  _ screaming  _ at him to take her, take her  _ now. _

The problem is, it's the same brain that has not once made a good decision. 

"Yes...um… _ exactly _ ...you're missing the point, Rey...this physical part...it's too soon."

"Too soon?"

The bond is wide open and he hears her inner voice. 

_ Maybe too soon for you, I've wanted this for years.  _

And with that, he nearly caves to her but he still, by some miracle from the gods, manages to gently lift her and back away. 

She looks so rejected. Damn, this is difficult. 

"Rey, don't do that, please? I  _ do  _ want you."

He has to stand, get away from her. He has to think. 

Then he has it. He stands several feet from her, watching her come to her feet. 

As she looks at him and he looks at her, he pushes all of his desire and want for her into their bond. As she feels it, her cheeks heat and she bites her lip. Her eyes widen because what he's shown her is so much more than what she knew. He feels her heart rate increase and her breath catch as she  _ sees _ it. She sees his desire for her. She  _ feels _ his passion. She's speechless. Things that she never even knew two people could do to each other flash before her. Her hand flies over her mouth. 

His eyes grow black with desire as he watches her. His blood burns hot and he has to get away from her lest he defile her right here on the forest floor. 

"Ben…" 

"Rey, don't doubt what I want. Don't ever question my love for you. Do not ever think I don't want you. I meant what I said before. Beautiful, gorgeous, smart and  _ sexy _ . It  _ will _ happen, sweet girl and when it does, there's no going back. When you and I are finally together,  _ you are mine _ .  _ Mine _ , Rey."

His intensity is something she's never seen and something he's never felt. He has to dial it down a notch. 

He turns to walk away, not because he wants to but because he needs to. It scares him how badly he wants her right now. 

Then he turns back and looks her in the eyes again. 

"Just...just be very very sure that you want me to be yours because once I belong to you, anything less than  _ always _ being yours will kill me. You own me, you've  _ always _ owned me. I'll never love another the way I love you. Don't hurt me, Rey. Please."

He leaves her in the forest to contemplate his words. 

**______________________________**

  
  


Later that evening, Rey arrives at the door to his quarters unannounced. She knows he can feel her. 

The door opens before she even knocks. 

He's just left the 'fresher, is dressed and is shaving. He can see her in the mirror so he doesn't bother turning around. 

His eyes can't help but notice her form. She's back in her yellow sundress, the one that almost killed him before with the way it cups her breasts and that damn knot with that damn cutout showing her tanned skin. Her hair is in a twist at the crown of her head. She's barefoot. She's usually barefoot during non training times, he's noticed. 

She's carrying a tray for the both of them and carefully sets it down. She doesn't speak and neither does he. She walks up behind him, slides her arms around him, her hands looking small on his chest. Her cheek lays between his shoulder blades. 

"Are you mad?" she asks. She does not push into the bond to find out, afraid of what she might find. He feels her nervousness. 

"No, Rey. I'm sorry if I was too...much."

"You weren't. You were right. I pushed too much. Thank you for showing me your thoughts, though. Even if it was...too much."

He rinses his blade and wipes his face. He turns and pulls her into his chest, marveling at how she fits perfectly, right under his chin. 

Rey breathes him in, soap and aftershave and another scent that is just pure Ben. The same scent she remembers from all those years ago, when she'd curl up in his bed, all alone. She'd bury her face in his pillow and sob, missing her friend. 

"Ben?" she asks, looking up at his handsome, clean shaven face. She's glad he'd shaved. Then again, she rather misses his facial hair. She can't decide which look is better. He just looks good no matter what. 

"Hmmmm?" he answers, lightly kissing her forehead, then her nose, then her lips. Their deep, passion filled kisses are nothing short of exhilarating but these tender kisses are so soothing. It's nice to just be in his arms, she thinks. 

"Are we more than just 'friends' now?"

"Um, babe, if I do recall, you had me hard as durasteel earlier, so yeah, I'd say so."

She bounces up on her toes, kissing him again and playfully biting at his lips. He groans. 

"You are as bad as I am, Ben Solo!"

"Sorry...not sorry…."

"Then what are we?"

"That's up to you, my darling girl. I'm not familiar with the current terms. I'm old, remember?"

"I happen to like older men," she teases, her hands sliding up and down his biceps. 

She's going to be the death of him with her constant  _ touching.  _

"And are there any other older men I should worry about?" 

As soon as he says it, a face appears in his mind. That damn pilot. It seeps through the bond and she rolls her eyes. 

"Really, Ben?" 

"Well, he's interested…"

"He's  _ interested  _ in half the  _ galaxy _ ," Rey says, finally gripping his smooth face in her hands and pulling him down roughly, "you are the  _ only _ one I am interested in.  _ You _ are my boyfriend, got it?"

He's had lots of titles. Son, nephew, padawan, apprentice. Meaningless for the most part. Assigned titles given by those who simply tolerated him. 

But this, this is a gifted title. Boyfriend. Yes, he's 29. It's a silly word, he supposes. Still, it is a title given to him by the love of his life. So he cherishes it. He feels 14 as he grins over the fact that he has a  _ girlfriend.  _

He knows he's sending mixed signals as he wraps her in his strong arms, kissing her passionately. Their tongues dance an ancient dance as he lifts her flush against his body, her bare feet leaving the floor. 

"Ben…" she chastises in a breathless way, noticing his body signaling his desire for her. He sets her down and combs his hand through his black hair. 

"Sorry, I know I said….I guess I need to have that talk with myself too, huh?"

"Yes you certainly do," she responds with a cunning grin, "If I have to be a good girl you have to be a good boy."

He growls as he grabs her again, his mouth landing on her collarbone and his hands gripping her rear. 

"Damn, Rey. Stop teasing me."

Somehow they manage to stop making out and eat. That maybe had to do with the loud protests of Rey's stomach. 

"Some things never change," Ben says to her, earning a mean look from Rey that makes him laugh. 

  
  


They share their meal in content silence. Every once in a while, she grabs a bite from his plate. 

"Scavenger," he teases her as he reaches out to trace his finger down her freckled nose.

He remembers her as a child, eating like someone was going to take her food away. She was wild and ravenous back then. She still is, in some ways. 

She scowls at him remembering such things about her. 

"My manners are much better, thank you very much. Leia finally broke me. All those dinners she drug me to."

"Ugh, I hated those." He says after swallowing a bite.

"Me too. I hated talking to all those people. Oh and dressing up. Ugh"

"I bet you were beautiful each time," he says with a smile. She blushes again and he relishes how the color flows down her neck and chest.

"I mean, I don't hate dresses anymore," she continues, ignoring how he flusters her, "Remember that night? Oh, I was awful to Leia."

Ben smiles at the memory.

"You were adorable. Your dress was that exact color. See? I remember that."

"That was a fun night."

"Yes it was."

"This is my favorite dress now. I guess I love yellow. "

"You look beautiful in it."

She stops eating, mouth full and pink once again spreads across her cheeks. It lights up her freckles. He supposes he's never seen anything as exquisite as her.

Then Rey pops a dill pickle in her mouth. Her lips wrap around it and Ben suddenly needs to use the 'fresher. As he returns, she smiles. 

Rey in her innocence is absolutely clueless as to what she does to him, just while eating. 

Then she starts on her dessert, some kind of cream filled cake. 

"This is so good," she says. 

"I see your sweet tooth hasn't changed."

"Nope." She says, scooping the cream in the center out with her tongue, a slight groan coming from her throat. 

It does things to him. He shifts in his seat.

Then crumbs fall down into her dress. Right between her breasts. He follows them with his eyes. 

She seems oblivious to him and to the mess she's making. When she sinks her fingers down into her cleavage to retrieve the crumbs, he can't stop himself. He launches himself from his chair and his face disappears into her chest. His tongue darts out and licks the crumbs from between her breasts. She moans a filthy moan and he's pulled in, sucked in by the magnet that is Rey. His Rey. Always his Rey. 

His smooth chin pushes farther down into her chest, pulling the fabric with it. Sensing, seeing in the bond what he's desiring, Rey quickly pulls down the neckline of her dress. She's completely exposed to him now. He's so surprised that, for a moment, he's frozen, taking in the sight before him. His mouth is slack with surprise. 

Rey is instantly self conscious, never having liked her less than full breasts. He feels her apprehension and leans up, kissing her gently on the lips. 

"You are beautiful, Rey."

"But…."

"Shhh," he kisses her again, "beautiful. I love you."

Her eyes glisten with tears as she smiles against his lips. Then she watches as his eyes turn from affection and love to absolute hunger. He looks as if he could devour her whole but he still manages to be sweet and gentle as he places a kiss at the top of her breast. 

Her breath hitches in anticipation of what he is about to do. She swears she hears a slight growl come from deep in his chest as he eyes her bare chest. 

A knock sounds at the door. 

Immediately, they are on their feet, Rey pulling her dress up and Ben darting into the fresher to hide like a teenager. 

"What are you…" Rey whispers, almost laughing. 

The 'fresher door is already closed but he speaks through their bond. 

_ It'll be obvious to anyone what was happening, Rey. I'm a man, remember? _

Her face burns when she realizes what he means but she's still giggling at him. 

_ I'm almost 30! This is ridiculous! Who is it? _

Oh. Oh yeah, someone is at the door. 

Of all people, it's Han. He looks slightly surprised to see her. 

"Oh, Rey. It's you. Where's Ben?"

"In the 'fresher. We were just eating lunch…"

He seems to accept her semi-truth. 

"Well tell him I need to know if he's patrolling with me tonight. We talked about it. I didn't want to leave without him. You okay, kid?"

Han hooks a finger under her chin, looking concerned. 

"Yeah, I'm fine, Han. I'll tell him."

She all but slams the door shut in his face and turns to go into the fresher. Ben is leaned against the sink, looking frustrated. As soon as he sees her face, he relaxes and smiles. 

"Hey," he says, his eyes inadvertently darting down to her chest, undoubtedly picturing her topless in his arms. 

"Ben, we can't, not here anyways."

She leans against the door, looking at him with a look that has previously succeeded in turning his stone heart. It's hard to believe that just a short while ago he was Kylo Ren. 

"Come here," he tells her. She wraps her arms around him and sighs. 

How did one slight scavenger girl absolutely change his life?

"I meant it. You are beautiful. I love you and somehow, someway, we  _ will _ work this out. Because I'm yours and you're mine."

"I know," she tells him. 

  
  


**______________________________**

  
  


He doesn't go with his dad. Instead they work together on an engine, Ben mostly handing her tools, watching her work as they both sit on the ground underneath it. She's always been a whiz with machinery. He's fascinated by her, being able to rebuild something so busted up. He smiles as she chews on her bottom lip. She mindlessly reaches up to rub her nose, smearing grease on it. 

"You...got grease…"

She turns quickly, startled by his voice. 

"Oh...yeah. I usually do that. I'm a mess by the time I finish."

He reaches up and tries to remove it, only making it worse. He smiles. 

She giggles. He smiles even more. Her giggle is so cute sounding to him. Not unlike when she was a kid. But now….a different kind of cute. 

"Here," he says, taking the hem of his shirt and lifting it to rub her nose. 

Rey's eyes fall to his bare stomach. Her breath catches. The sight of his abs makes her squirm, her own stomach doing flips. He's so…..perfect. She feels a feeling below her stomach, a warmth. 

He scoots closer because his shirt didn't quite reach. Now his knee is pressed against her hip. She shifts even more, the heat in her core building with his close proximity. 

They lock eyes as he rubs her nose.

"There, got it," he says, somehow unable to turn his eyes away from hers. 

She watches as his eyes become darker. He's always had beautiful eyes. She reaches up to touch his cheek with her fingertips, sighing before she can stop herself. He leans in to kiss his girl, the engine forgotten. 

"Hey, Rey! You out here?" 

It's Poe, he's entering the hangar, looking for her. 

Ben and Rey jump apart. 

"Yeah! I'm over here!" she shouts back, still staring at Ben. He stands, brushing his hands on his legs. 

Poe walks up, seeming surprised to see Ben. 

"What are you doing here?" Poe asks, suspicious. He eyes Ben, not even hiding his disgust at Ben's presence. 

"He was helping me, Poe."

Poe and Ben stare at each other. 

"Well, I'm sure you can handle this without help," Poe states matter of factly. 

Ben's anger rises. Rey is  _ his _ girlfriend and fly boy here needs to back off. 

_ It's okay Ben.  _

He clearly doesn't feel okay as he walks away, glancing back over his shoulder at Rey. She's talking with Poe. 

He won't be jealous. He won't. Rey is his. If she had wanted  _ fly boy _ she would've decided that before. But she didn't. 

He remembers the sight of her, dress pushed down to her waist, sprawled across the chair in his room, bared for him to see and feast on. 

_ My chair, my girl. Not yours, Fly Boy.  _

He debates going back and kissing Rey soundly, tipping her backwards in his arms like he's seen Han do to Leia. Showing everyone what they are now. 

Instead he goes to spar. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	47. Chapter 47

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our space babies find a CAVE!
> 
> Ben gets creative with his bilingual abilities.
> 
> Our cupcakes are HOT FOR EACH OTHER Y'ALL!

They had found a secret spot all their own. 

It was a cave, for lack of a better description. It was relatively dry though. Ben had insisted on her waiting outside while he inspected it for any dangers. He still didn't quite see her as tough and capable of caring for herself. Even though it was obvious he no longer saw her as a child, he couldn't help but be overprotective. Old habits die hard. 

"Ben! It's just a cave! I'll be okay!"

Suddenly a hand appears grabbing her and pulling her inside. She lets out a little squeal of surprise. 

He immediately pushes her into the wall, burying his face in her neck, sucking, biting and licking his way from her ear to her shoulder and back up again, groaning words of love and passion. 

"You look too good today, I couldn't wait to touch you. It's too hard, Rey, hiding. You taste too good. Kriff, do you look good in _everything_? I love that dress, all bare and open in the back. Makes me want to kiss every inch of your skin."

She angles her head to the side, giving him more access to her skin. Her hands gripping and pulling at his hair, soft and thick between her fingers. His hands roaming her back and waist. He made no attempt to grab her breasts or ass again. She could feel him through their bond desiring to do it but hesitant, all of this being so new. 

"Touch me Ben. I know you want to."

He growled low in his throat as both hands moved south, gripping her ass. She moaned out loud and he thrust just a bit against her, his erection hard on her soft belly. She heard him think that he had not meant to, it was instinct. His body was just so drawn to her. She loved it. Her hands also went south, gripping his rear. She'd wanted to do that for so long. He has the most delicious ass. 

"I heard that," he said with another deep growl. "I really _really_ like your ass too, my Ch'acin't"

Ben calling her sweetheart in the ancient Cheunh language was enough to make her insides melt. He'd started that just a day into their newfound relationship. 

The man was unbelievably sexy and her panties were soaked from the effects of him. Her hands crept up to his top and she quickly found her way inside, desperately needing to feel his skin. His mouth worked its way across her clavicles to her other shoulder and when he sucked on _that spot_ where her shoulder and neck met, she _keened_ and her nails dug into his skin. In her innocence she immediately felt guilty, not realizing just how much he'd fantasized of her doing just that. He groaned her name out loud and thrusted repeatedly into her abdomen, just needing to feel her body against his growing hardness. 

Damn, they had to stop. He did not want to make love to her for the first time on a cave wall. Maybe the second time though….

That thought did not help the growing pain in his trousers. 

He forced himself to let go of her perfect ass and stop ravishing her skin. He pulled his face up and pressed his forehead against hers, kissing the tip of her adorable nose. 

"I'm sorry. I got carried away. That dress and you in it _does_ things to me."

She smiles a smile that makes him want to fall to his knees. Maker, he loves this woman. 

"Did I hurt you? I didn't mean to scratch you," she whispers, delicately rubbing the bare skin on his back. 

"Oh no, no, Ch'acin't, don't apologize for that. I liked it."

"You _like_ me scratching you?" 

He groans, "Oh yes, that's something men like. Preferably harder though. It feels great. It means I've brought you past controlling your desires. Why did you do it?" he asks, placing sweet kisses on her cheeks and nose, trying desperately to avoid her soft mouth. He knows if he kisses her he might just lose control again. 

"I don't know," she whispers, "it just felt so _good_ , your mouth right there. I just lost it."

Hearing her say it makes him have to take deep breaths. 

"See?" he says, "I made you lose control."

Her hands slide up and down his back, feeling his muscles. He feels so amazing.

"Okay, if you say so, Ch'acin't" 

"Mmmm, you say that so perfectly. You picked that up quickly."

She places a sweet kiss on his lips and pulls herself into his chest. She fits so perfectly there, like they are two puzzle pieces. He supposes they are, as they are a Dyad. They were made for each other. 

"Thank you for finding me, Ben. Thank you for saving me."

He thought about that day. He didn't even think twice. He saw her, her soul called to him, he needed her. For this, he _never_ would've thought. Never. He never forseen this at all. It never occurred to him that she'd grow into this beautiful, strong woman. Who he'd fall helplessly in love with. 

"You saved me too, Rey."

She tilted her head up at him.

"Not fast enough, Ben. Not fast enough."

He pulled away from her, needing to see her eyes better. Her hands quickly moved under his shirt from his back to his chest and he almost forgot his thoughts. Her hands soft on his chest. He inhaled sharply. 

"Don't say that. Don't even _think_ it, do you hear me? I made stupid, foolish choices. I made those choices. You did nothing to contribute to that, okay? Stop it, Rey."

Her eyes watered and tears cascaded down her cheeks. "I tried to keep the voice away. I really did. I tried to help you."

He leaned down and kissed her tears. 

"And you would have succeeded if I had let you in. You did everything right my ch'itiseb vn'inen'i. I'm the one who failed. Not you."

She smiles again at his words. "I'm your sweet girl?" 

"You always have been," he kisses her nose, then her mouth. They get lost in each other again, her hands slowly caressing his chest, then his back and all the skin in between. He feels fire everywhere she touches and he cannot wait to finally make her his. But not here and not now. She deserves better. 

_I think here is good. I wouldn't mind it._

Her thoughts nearly melt him. He devours her mouth, trying so very hard to keep his hands still on her back. He runs his fingers into her hair to keep them from roaming. 

_You deserve a bed, my beautiful Rey. Not here in a cave._

Rey isn't as controlled as he is. Her nails just lightly dig in and he groans. She smiles against his mouth, relishing that she can elicit such a response from this warrior. _Her warrior._

_We can make one here. I like it here. It's romantic. I'd like for you to make love to me here, my ch'etecerci._

He pulls away, breathing hard. 

"You are going to be the death of me, Rey. I better get you back before someone comes looking. Especially that Poe."

She finally removes her hands from his shirt, placing them on his face. 

"He isn't my warrior. You are."

Ben smirks. 

"Yeah, well, tell him that. He obviously likes you. Can't say as I blame him though."

She begins to kiss the hollow of his throat, slipping her tongue into it. 

"There's no other man I want to be with but you, Ben Solo. Never has been, never will be."

"You gotta stop, Rey."

She pulls away and he quickly pulls her back. 

"No, nevermind, don't stop." 

She giggles and pulls away, turning and breaking their embrace, walking away from him but with a sashay of her hips as she walks. She casts a look over her shoulder that drives him wild. 

"I'm pretty sure we can find enough blankets to make a nice bed out here, don't you think so?" 

He thanks every deity he knows for sending her back to him as he watches her walk away. 

**_____________________________**

Three days go by and Ben hasn't had any other chances to catch Rey alone. Too many people were getting suspicious and Ben is determined that Rey not suffer from gossip about him. He doesn't trust the others not to verbally attack her if they find out how she feels about him. 

Not to mention how his dad would react. 

So, he keeps his distance from her when others are around. And lately, others are _always_ around. 

He sits in the mess hall, surrounded by Resistance members. He sits alone. 

She enters the room and he does an extremely poor job of not watching her. 

It's her own fault really. She's braided her hair into a traditional Alderaanian _courting_ braid, knowing that no one else will realize the significance of it. 

But Ben does and she knows it. 

His mouth is slack, hanging open as he glances at her then looks away. He glances again and catches her eyes, a smirk on her lips. 

She's wearing a green tunic that hugs her chest quite nicely and matches the green of her eyes perfectly. 

Even though she's across the massive room, he can tell that she has forgone her breast band today. 

His cheeks burn at the sight of her. 

_Holy fuck, she's gorgeous._

He stares at his food, afraid that even one more glance will totally give him away. As he struggles, he doesn't notice her walk behind him. 

He feels something drop into his lap. She's tossed a small balled up piece of paper over his shoulder, continuing to walk by, her tray in her hand. 

He deliberately waits several seconds before he unfolds it, keeping it under the table. 

_Csan'vun't ch'ah mah to vizasn'i turco tisci tocas cavrcah, ch'eo ch'etecerci_

She wants to meet him at the cave after lights out. 

He smiles at her wittiness to write the note in Chenuh. 

He squirms, his pants becoming tight at the last two words. 

_My Warrior._

She knows _exactly_ what it does to him when she calls him that. 

He risks one last glance at her. When he does, she flips her braid over her shoulder and slowly, yet appearing to do it innocently, trails her fingers across her exposed neck, slightly dipping under the top of her tunic. Then she bites her lower lip. 

Oh yes, she knows _exactly_ what she's doing. 

Ben has to sit still for several minutes before he can finally leave the mess hall. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I found a neat website called Coruscant Translator and I just loved the idea of Ben using endearments in what I deemed "space French"
> 
> Ch'acin't (sweetheart)
> 
> Ch'itiseb vn'inen'i (sweet girl)
> 
> ch'eo ch'etecerci (my warrior)
> 
> The note from Rey says:
> 
> "Meet me in the cave after lights out, my warrior"
> 
> 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥


	48. Chapter 48

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm so super nervous about this chapter. I wrote this on August 7th because, while you all had to wait for the burn, I did not. Lol. 
> 
> I hope you like it. While I'm all about a good smut scene, this Ben and Rey are different than most Reylo fics. There was no way this Ben was going to be all Daddy on this Rey. (not yet anyways lol).
> 
> I wanted to focus more on what they were feeling and thinking. Don't worry. There's still smut. I know what y'all want. 
> 
> I heard the song "Edge of Desire" by John Mayer and woah, that song is hot plus it made me think of Ben. I am posting the lyrics at the top of the chapter. 
> 
> Anyways, yes, this is THE chapter. I never beg for comments but I really really need to know what you think. I love you all and I especially love how you all love this crazy story. Thank you.

"Edge of Desire" by John Mayer

Young and full of running

Tell me where's that taking me?

Just a great figure eight or a tiny infinity

Love is really nothing

But a dream that keeps waking me

For all of my trying

We still end up dying

How can it be?

Don't say a word, just come over and lie here with me

'Cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see

I want you so bad I'll go back on the things I believe

There I just said it, I'm scared you'll forget about me

So young and full of running, all the way to the edge of desire

Steady my breathing, silently screaming,

"I have to have you now"

Wired and I'm tired

Think I'll sleep in my clothes on the floor

Maybe this mattress will spin on its axis and find me on yours

Don't say a word, just come over and lie here with me

'Cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see

I want you so bad I'll go back on the things I believe

There I just said it, I'm scared you'll forget about me

Don't say a word, just come over and lie here with me

'Cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see

I want you so bad I'll go back on the things I believe

There I just said it, I'm scared you'll forget about me

_______________________________

  
  
  


After lights out, he quietly leaves his room, moving silently through the corridor.

He slips outside, finding his way into the forest, searching out the cave. 

As soon as he enters, he realizes there are now lanterns inside. 

And in the far back corner, a pallet has been made from many thick blankets folded and piled neatly one on top of the other.

Lying on top, under a thin blanket, is the most beautiful woman that Ben Solo has ever seen. 

She's asleep, her braid lying across a pillow, her face lit by the light of the lanterns. 

He's awestruck, wondering how the kriff he's gotten so lucky that this goddess has somehow fallen for him. 

He lies down beside her, propping himself on his elbow, just watching her. Finally, he can't stop himself. He has to kiss her. He gently presses his lips against her hair, breathing in her scent.

She stirs, blinking and smiling the most adorable half-asleep smile that makes him so content. He knows that he could look at that sleepy beautiful face every morning for the rest of his life and he certainly plans to. At this point, he doesn't know much but he knows that he will do whatever he needs to do to keep this burn-bright thing in his life. He's lived without her too long. 

"Hi," he says, brushing a curl away from her eyes, "you've been a busy bee."

"Mmm-hmm," she responds, rolling to her back and stretching, "you like what I've done with the place?"

He tears his eyes away from her long enough to glance around once again at her abilities to turn a dark, musty cavern into a cozy den. 

He looks at her again, bending to kiss her softly on the lips. 

"You did great. How did you…."

Her lips have worked their way down his jaw and are moving down his neck. His thoughts leave him as all the blood in his body rushes southward. What was a question becomes a groan. 

Her lips tickle his skin as she answers his unfinished question.

"I stole it all from around the base, sneaking it out here a bit at a time."

"Oh….k….." he mumbles as she sucks just a bit at his throat, "I'm..uh...that's….yeah" 

She shifts closer, her fingers tugging at his hair and he feels a smile form on her lips against his skin. 

"What was that? I didn't understand you…" she whispers, teasingly. 

"Brat…." he replies, seeing her game and grabbing her under the blanket. He searches for her hips with his hands, intent on rolling her to her back and pinning her. 

As soon as his hands arrive there, he sucks in a deep breath as he finds bare skin covered in soft cotton panties.

Her leggings are missing. All she's wearing is the green tunic, which only falls to her thighs. 

She watches as his eyes turn almost black, the irises all but disappearing. His breath turns into a moan. She smirks. 

"Found something interesting there?" 

He pounces, pulling her hips into his. He all but crushes her with his weight, his mouth landing on hers. This is not one of his sweet kisses. This is heat, passion and fire. Her lips part and his tongue dives in, seeking hers. His hands cannot be still, one going up, under her tunic. His rough calluses causing tingles on the soft skin of her back. The other hand ventures down, cupping her ass firmly. His thigh moves to part hers and she can't help but grind her core against his leg. The feeling of her heat causing his cock to grow painfully hard. 

"Damn," he whispers against her mouth. "Rey, what you do to me…."

"I love you. I love you Ben… " she moans. 

"I love you so fucking much Rey. I need you." 

She suddenly pushes him back, reaching for the hem of her tunic and pulling it over her head. 

He stares down at her all but naked body, swallowing hard. 

"Don't get uncomfortable on me now, Solo"

He just keeps staring, his eyes taking her in, inch by gloriously freckled inch. Now she shifts, a bit uncomfortable. She covers her small breasts with her hands. 

"No," he reaches and removes them, placing a kiss on her sternum. It's gentle, full of worship. 

"You're...perfect. Gorgeous. _Mine._ "

His mouth wanders, his lips grazing her skin, not seeming to know where to land. He's woefully inexperienced but so very glad to be. There's simply never been another set of breasts he's longed to devour. His tongue laps the underside of each and she pants and groans. His mouth finally finds her nipple and then he lavishes it, his hand fully enveloping the other, not wanting to leave it neglected.

She's for once in her life glad that she's smaller because _thank kriff_ he can hold it all in one hand. He kneads it and she grabs on tightly to his hand, gripping hard. 

His mouth is pure sinful as he manages to almost take her entire breast into it, causing her back to arch as she moans his name, long and low. 

"Ben…." 

He moves to the other breast, licking and sucking in throughly. He then realizes that he can feel damp heat on his thigh, even through his pants leg. She is steadily moving against his leg, desperate to relieve the ache between her thighs. He's more than happy to help her achieve that goal. His hand slides down her soft belly and his fingers seek her heat. He slides them to the side, finally touching her. He almost comes right then and there. He's touching her and the look on her face and the sounds from her throat encompass every fantasy he's had of this moment. He never knew anything could feel like this, like her. His thumb finds her clit and circles it lightly, just enough to make her keen with pleasure. 

"Wet. So wet, Rey. For me. Just for me."

Her head is spinning and her thoughts are jumbled. All she can do is feel. Feel her Ben. She knew he'd be everything she'd ever dreamed but this, this is just ecstasy. 

He groans against her nipple and grabs her panties at the crotch, tugging them down. She lifts her hips and allows him to slide them down her legs. He slides his hand back up her inner thigh, ever amazed at how soft her skin is. His entire hand grips her, the heel of his hand grinding her. She lets out a sound that he never even knew existed and moves her hips against his hand. 

He watches his hand push into her mound and her move with him and then he simply has to know. He has to. He cannot _not_ know. He removes his hand and the sound of her disappointment is suddenly replaced by the shout of his name as he dives into her with his tongue. 

She tastes like nothing he's ever tasted and everything he's ever craved as he slowly yet greedily makes love to her with his mouth. Her taste and her heat are enough to make him come. He grabs at his cock and gives it several quick rubs to appease it for the moment. He refuses to let go anywhere but inside of her and _yes,_ that will accumulate before the sun rises. He hopes. 

Rey is writhing under his face like every dream he's ever dreamed since he's discovered how desperately in love he is with this goddess of a woman. 

It's messy and uncoordinated like it always is that first time but no one's complaining. They are more than happy to discover each other. He finally reaches up to settle one arm over her hips to still her as he takes his time learning every millimeter of her most intimate of places. 

His tongue slides up in one long, slow, glorious stretch to find that perfect little knot of nerves which is ripe and fits perfectly between his lips. He sucks gently and she shouts his name. He could surely die happy just from that sound but he wonders what sounds she'd make if he continued this until she fell apart completely. 

Suddenly he desires nothing more than to feel, hear and taste her climax. He craves it. Needs it. He wants nothing more than to make her lose all control. 

He also reaches to her through the force, wanting to feel what she's feeling. So he sucks in. He slides two fingers inside her, as far in as he can go and works her until he feels it build to the precipice. 

Her body stills then her thighs clamp tight to his head. She arches her hips up. Her walls clamp tightly around his fingers as he continues to stroke the spot that seems to elicit the most reaction. He wonders how he will ever fit inside her but the thought that he can't only seems to excite him more. 

Then he watches her face and it's so beautiful and hot at the same time and he feels so fucking _powerful_. 

Wet heat gushes from her all around his hand and he greedily laps it up, like it's his last meal. 

Having had his fill, he slowly crawls up her body. She's boneless, floating, short breaths leaving her lips. Her eyes are unable to open. 

"I love you. I love you Rey. Forever. I love you…." 

All she can do is make throaty sounds but he knows what she means. He kisses her face, all of it. Her eyelids, her freckled nose, then her mouth. 

"I love your mouth. I love your face. Are you okay, sweet girl?" 

He feels her push everything she's feeling into him. He smiles, a bit of masculine pride bubbling up, knowing he did this. He made her feel this way. Only he's ever done this to her. With her. 

His own fire is still burning, his hardness pressed against her. But he just wants to relish this for now. Her sweat covered skin beckons to him and he licks and sucks it off of her neck, sliding his hands under her. She's smiling now, her hands moving up and around him. 

"Ben...Ben….that was...I've never felt so good...I never knew...your mouth….damn."

He smiles against her skin.

"Yeah...me neither….damn."

Her fingers trace up and down his back, leaving fire in their wake. 

"Ben...did you like that? Doing that?"

Just the answer to her question alone consumes him, lighting a new flame inside. He pulls his mouth off of her neck and kisses her, devouring her mouth. He pulls away, panting, trying not to grind into her heat. 

"Fuck yes, baby. You taste so good. It was the most erotic, sexy thing I've ever seen. Or done."

She giggles deep down in her throat, moving her hips upward. His length is suddenly soaked in her and he groans and then growls with hunger. 

"Please Ben….."

He knows what she wants but he wants to hear it. 

"Please what?" 

She pushes her hips up at him again and he swears he goes blind for a second. 

"Ben, make me yours. Now."

He realizes that her hand is moving and he waits, unable to think, to breathe as she grips him. She moves him towards her entrance and then when he's right where he needs to be, she kisses him deeply. 

It's all he needs. He pushes in gently, taking her slowly, knowing this will hurt her. 

Then he's gone. His mind is consumed with _Rey._ His love, his woman, his lifeblood, his Dyad. Everything is her and only her. 

He manages to still himself as he feels resistance. He opens his eyes to see her squeezing her eyes tight. She's not breathing. 

Oh, no. He's hurting her. He was so lost in his pleasure he hurt her. He goes to pull out and she reacts. 

"No! No Ben. Please, please don't leave me. I need you."

Tears spill down her face and he seriously wants to stop. He can't hurt her. Not even like this. But her heart clings to him. He kisses her tears.

"Tell me what to do Rey. I don't know what to do. Damn I love you…."

_Roll me over. Let me control it._

He gets a mental image of her on top and he tries not to get excited, after all, his love is hurting. 

He rolls her over, looking at her, hardly believing this is happening. 

She pushes him down and straddles him, pulling herself up and sliding back down, taking him in again. 

He can't help himself. She's too wet, too hot and too tight for him to do anything but _love_ this. 

She's only halfway down his length but he knows if he died right now, he'd die happy. 

"Oh no, Solo. You aren't leaving me now."

He opens his eyes and realizes she's partially enjoying this. He still feels pain through the bond but she likes this. Bringing him pleasure. 

"I love you, Ben Solo. From the first time I ever saw you, I loved you. You were my rescuer and now you are fully mine. You are so beautiful. Let me make love to you."

He's the happiest he's ever been. Then she lifts up and sinks down completely, shouting through her pain and he realizes.

She's just given him the most sacred of gifts. Something she can only give once. And it is his. She's his. And he's hers. 

Their eyes lock and for several seconds, they don't move. The weight of this act consumes them. They are bonded now in every way. They truly, finally are one. 

Ben thinks maybe his whole entire body has been transported to some version of heaven. He can't believe how _good_ she feels. He is dumbfounded, this beautiful, naked woman is on _top_ of him, wanting him, making him hers. He's so glad it's her, her who is his first lover. His _only_ lover, the only one he will ever have. 

She timidly wiggles her hips and he groans, deep in his chest. Her pleasure at this seeps through the bond, into his soul. She's wide open to him and him to her. He can feel how he fills her and how she is filled up by him. It's too much. It's not enough.

"You like this?" she asks and he can only moan an answer. 

"R-R-Rey, you okay?" he stammers out. She bites her bottom lip and nods and he's pretty sure he's never seen anything so _hot_ in his life. Her lip under her teeth, hair spilling over her shoulders, her tan, freckled bare body on display for him. He's so glad she's overcome her shyness. He just takes all of her in with his eyes. His hands hold her, encompassing her waist completely. She's _exquisite._ A goddess.

She moves again, more sure of the power she wields. His eyes roll back in his head and he nearly shouts, only stopping because he can't catch his breath. 

Then, he's in trouble. Or lucky as hell. Because she smiles wickedly. 

Her pain has completely subsided, her body stretched out to accommodate his size. She begins to move, not stopping, her hands on his chest. He's elevated to an entire new plane of existence as he watches her move, her breasts bouncing. 

They are at a loss for words, their bond wide open, feeling each other's experiences and it's mind blowing. 

She can't believe how much he fills her. She's pretty sure if she touched her abdomen, she'd feel him there. This is so much better than anything she's ever done to herself, by herself. And his face, _force, his face_ . She's never felt so powerful. And she's a Jedi so that's saying a lot. That _she_ can control this man _, own_ this man, it's exhilarating. She loves him fiercely. 

He's hitting a spot inside of her that feels amazing. She can't stop moving, afraid to lose that feeling. But then he pulls her down to him, wanting as much of her touching as much of him and he hits an entire new spot. 

" _BEN…._ " she moans, long and low. 

That _does_ things to him, his name coming like a wave, so sexy from her lips and he pulls his knees up, her bare ass against his thighs and he thrusts upwards, no longer able to be still. His mouth sucks at her breasts and he's transcendent, carried away by Rey and her magnificent body. 

He can't stop, can't slow down. He can't believe he hasn't come yet but he's determined. He needs to, he has to feel her come undone around him, on him, with him. He sends just a bit of force energy, just a tendril, to that bundle of nerves that caused her to fall apart when he sucked at it.

That's it, he feels her walls throb around him and he hangs on, using the force to help him last. 

"Rey...let me feel you...let go....let me feel you...I need it...please…."

"BenBenBen…." she gasps. He runs his tongue around her nipple again and she's gone. 

She grips him like a vice and he's suddenly aware that he'd only _thought_ he'd reached the heights of ecstasy. His vision blurs and he shouts her name, trying desperately not to hurt her with his hands as he grips her. He vaguely thinks that he's glad she's on top because his whole body gives out as he fills her.

She never knew it could feel like this. She's vaguely aware of her name being shouted as she comes apart around him, on him. Her Ben. Her man is filling her and she's _his_ and he's _hers_ and she knows she'd do anything for him. Because no one has ever made her feel so loved, so desired, so wanted, so needed. His unbelievably hot body is lucid underneath her and she melts, all but merging with him. 

He's there to catch her as she collapses into him. He envelopes her with his strong arms as she shakes all over from the intensity of her orgasm. She's fully aware that he cheated, using the force on her body. She's also fully aware that she doesn't care. The Force is a part of them and them a part of it. So using it while they make love, it's just an extension of who they are. As loud as it's humming it's satisfaction at their joining, she's pretty sure it's okay with that. 

Ben is quite proud of himself.

_Glad you approve of my methods…._

She smiles against his neck, unable to move. He's got a grip on her anyways. She's going nowhere no time soon. 

He finally can breathe, somewhat.

"I love you. Gods, woman I love you. You felt amazing. Thank you for giving me that gift. Yourself."

"It was your first time too, Ben. Did it meet your expectations?"

"Holy fuck woman. You are every fantasy I've ever had. You are so good. You felt so good. I'm a lucky bastard. You're amazing. I'm never leaving this bed. Ever. Forget food and water….."

At this point she's giggling and he's never been so happy in his life. She's soon quiet again, apart from the little moans in her throat. She becomes heavier as she drifts off. He loves it. He's never had anyone trust him like this. 

He slowly rolls to his side, carrying her with him. He snuggles her into his chest and is soon asleep in her arms. 

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well???? LOL


	49. Chapter 49

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just straight up smut y'all....our space babies have waited a long time....

They wake during the night, enveloped in each other. He needs her again, her body calling to him. This time he is over her like a fortress, protecting her with his body and soul. 

Their declarations of love echo through their cave, desperate I love you's combined with shouts and moans. He continues the exploration of his new kingdom…. Rey's body. 

She is not shy in getting to know him either. Her hands roaming his body as he takes it all in, relishing in what she does to him. 

Nothing has ever felt so exquisite. So right. 

"You are my home, Ben," she tells him after they make love for the fourth time. She's on her side, her face pressed against his bare chest. She plants kisses all over his skin, inhaling the smell of his skin. His fingers run through her hair, damp with sweat. 

"Our bond is growing, have you noticed?" he asks her. 

"Mmm-hmm"

"Ben, do you think you'd still love me even if we weren't a Dyad?"

Alarmed, he sits up, bringing her with him. 

She straddles his lap, face to face with him. 

"Why do you ask that? Of course I'd still love you. You're my Rey."

"But…."

"Hey," he stops her, "I love you. It doesn't matter the whys or hows. All that matters is us."

She cuddles up against him and he wraps his arms around her, burying his face in her neck. This intimacy just feels so natural. 

"I'm scared, Ben. Scared to face Snoke. Scared that Han will find out about us and make you leave. Scared that our relationship could ruin Han and Leia. I'm scared that everyone will find out who you are and turn on you…."

She sits back and takes his face in her hands. 

"I'll do whatever I have to do to keep you safe."

He smiles and her heart skips. She cannot believe how beautiful he is. 

"My fierce little Jedi."

Ben turns serious. 

"Rey, I'm afraid too. Do you know how afraid I am of losing you? I love Mom and Dad, I do. But you, you are my future. You are my life. I'm not really afraid to face Snoke. I'm ready. Or I will be. I have to. Not for the Resistance, not for my parents. For us. I want to be all yours. I only want you in my head. I don't want him in here. I never did. You are all I want and I'll burn down Snoke and the First Order for you and for our future."

She attacks him, throwing herself into him, feral, possessive, all consuming. This is that boy that saved her. That boy that faced down her captor in the desert and grabbed her and ran. This is that boy that showed her life, living, laughing, eating bananas and torturing her with his stinky feet. 

But this...this also is that man. That man that lights her soul on fire. That man that burns her skin with his touch. That man that fills her body, bringing her to the peak of passion and consumes her with feelings she never knew before. This man moans her name like a prayer, kisses her like she's an oasis, touches her like she's breakable porcelain but fucks her like she's his personal goddess. 

She pushes him down, covering him with her body, enveloping him with her sex in one swift move and his back arches and her shouts her name. She rides him in earnest, running her hands all over him, watching him. He belongs to her and some deep part of her that fought for food in the desert, fought to survive, claims him. 

**_Mine_ ** _. He is_ **_mine_ ** _. He belongs to_ **_me._ **

She lived without him long enough. 

She'll never be apart from him again. 

**_____________________________**

Before daybreak, they leave their nest and sneak back to their rooms. 

Rey manages to get another hour's worth of sleep before jumping in the 'fresher and dashing to the mess hall. 

She's famished, having worked off many calories during the night. 

"Woah, slow down, nobody is going to steal it," says Rose, watching Rey eat. 

"I'm starving," she answers, ripping a roll in half and shoving it in her mouth. 

"Wow…." Finn says, laughing as he sits with his tray. 

"Shut up," she mumbles, mouth full. 

Then Ben walks in. Something in her face must have lit up because Finn and Rose turn to see who she's looking at. Then when they look back at Rey, her face is crimson. 

Ben's hair is wet from the fresher, slicked back, his ears showing. His eyes look tired but he's smirking just a bit, his stride purposeful, his shoulders broad as he stands tall, a tad bit arrogant looking. 

Only Rey knows why his eyes are tired. Only she knows why he has a smug look on his face. He sees her and she swears he almost winks. 

His heart skips as he sees her. 

Her. The one who has him full of himself this morning, knowing that he brought a beautiful woman to her pleasure over and over during the night. 

And just as she chuckles to herself at his male pride, she also finds herself smirking, knowing that _she_ had that man chanting her name as well. 

They desperately try not to stare at one another. 

"You're glowing," says Rose, "I'm so happy for you."

Her and Rose watch each other, both remembering the conversation they'd had not too long ago. But to Rey, it feels like ages ago. So much, everything has changed in her life since then. 

Then she was wandering, not much purpose in her life. Missing something. 

Now, she's a young woman, training to overtake the worst enemy of the galaxy, finding her place as a true warrior. 

And she's in love, in a relationship with an amazing man. Her best friend. Even if it is a secret. She'd rather have Ben in secret than not at all. 

"Thank you," Rey says shyly, watching Ben walk towards their table. 

"Hey," he says, sitting down across from her, "how are you?"

"Good," she replies, trying very hard not to give anything away. But that twinkle in his eye tells her that he's chiding her on, teasing her. Two can play that game. 

"Did you sleep well last night?" she asks him.

"I did…..very well," he replies. 

Rose watches on, a perplexed look about her. Finn just ignores them. 

"Did you have good dreams?" Ben asks her, that twinkle growing. 

"I did…." 

"What about?" 

"Hmmmm…..that's my secret…"

"Mmm-hmm….well we all have our secrets"

The couple just grin at their trays, determined not to look at each other. 

"Rey," Rose jumps in, "aren't we working together today?"

"Sure are."

"Good. And Ben, aren't you working with your Mom today?"

"Yes," he half grumbles, none too pleased that Rose interrupted their not-so-vague attempt at flirtation. 

"Then I'll have Rey all to myself, that's good. We have _lots_ to discuss…."

At that, Rose stands and leaves them all to themselves. 

"Uh-oh," Rey mumbles, smiling and blushing. 

"Did you get any rest, sweet girl?" he asks, concerned. His hand moves towards her but he stops. It's going to be hard remembering not to touch her in public. It just doesn't feel right. He wants to be touching her always. 

"A little but I feel amazing," she tells him, watching his hand.

_Are you...are you hurting?_

She smiles widely at him, blushing. 

_In all the right places…_

He closes his eyes, not able to smother the sense of accomplishment he feels. He's also not able to control his reaction as a flash of Rey using his body as her own personal sex toy overwhelms him. He won't be able to walk out of here anytime soon. 

It then hits him that Rey herself had sent him that mental picture. He opens his eyes to her looking at him innocently. 

_With a cock as big as yours, it's a miracle I can even walk right now._

Then she stands, a purely mischievous look in her eye and turns to go, swaying her ass just slightly. 

"Holy fuck, woman…." 

He may have created a monster. 

  
  


**______________________________**

  
  
  


They meet again and again, night after night in their little cave. 

He can't get enough of her. Her lips, her tongue, her hands. Those legs. 

They tangle in the sheets of the pallet inside the cave. Their love nest. 

Suddenly he's on his back and perfectly okay with that. 

"How did you flip me? You used the force."

"That's not how the force works, baby"

She smiles, stroking his chest. He pulls her down flush against him. Her forehead touches his and he kisses her softly, growling. 

"Damn, Rey, call me that again."

She nibbles at his neck, whispering.

"Baby"

He strokes her back then cups her rear, relishing the heat straddling him. 

"How'd you get so sexy, anyways?"

Her hair falls all around his face as she kisses his lips. 

"I'm not."

He flips her again, which makes her squeal. A sound he finds arousing. Hell, she can make any sound arousing, this he knows. 

"Don't argue with me….squirt."

As soon as he says it, he pins her, knowing what's coming. She hollers out, play-fighting at him. 

"Damn you Ben Solo! I'm not a kid!"

Still holding her arms down, he leans over and captures her nipple in his mouth.

_No, I agree with that……_

He lets go of her arms, sliding his hands under her back, holding her tightly as he continues to ravage her breasts, first one, then the other.

She's lost, drowning in him. Her fingers threading through his hair as she cries out to him. 

"Ben! Oh damn, I love that. How are you so good at this? Damn….."

He leaves many love marks on her breasts, declaring his territory. 

He rises back up to her mouth, kissing her senseless. 

"I'm wearing you out, my love."

She thrusts her hips up at him, making him groan. 

"Never. I can handle you."

She reaches between their bodies and finds him hard and waiting. Guiding him to her folds, she gives him that inviting look he's come to know. Quite literally. 

"Rey, I love you."

"Make love to me again"

He enters her slowly, which elicits a moan from both of them. He stops, needing her eyes.

"I love you so much. You know that? You saved me."

She threads her fingers through his hair, overwhelmed at how much she loves this man. She always has. 

"I was returning the favor."

They are lost in each other. Drowning. The force hums with content. 

He slowly moves and she joins him. Skin to skin, heart against heart and their souls, intermingled. They are one. A true Dyad. 

They feel not only their own sensations but each other's as well and it's unlike anything describable. 

They move together as one, words not even needed but still, they moan each other's names. 

"Ben…."

"Rey…."

He knows he doesn't have to speak it for her to know but he has to tell her. 

"I love you. I need you. I need your skin, your lips, your tongue. I need your neck and your tits. Holy fuck Rey, I love your tits. They are amazing. And your ass. It's gorgeous."

He makes his point by grabbing her under her ass, lifting himself up just so he can see her. All of her. Up on his knees, he can thrust harder, deeper. She cries out his name again and again. 

"You're beautiful. My Gods, look at you Rey. All laid out, just for me. How the hell am I getting to have you?"

"Make me come Ben. Please."

Her words just about push him over the edge. He holds on so he can feel her climax with him. 

"Damn, Rey! I _love_ it when you come on me……"

His hands grip her hips and he slides his thumbs to her clit, circling it slowly.

"Ben, do it faster."

He groans. "No, let me take it slow baby. You'll get there. I promise."

Her back arches as she continues to plead with him to hurry. She feels like she's going to explode. It's too much. 

He leans down, his thumb still massaging her and runs his tongue around her nipple, still thrusting slowly. 

It's the most delicious torture. 

"Ben…..it's...it's...too much"

His mouth still on her breasts he whispers into their bond. 

_You can handle it. I know you can._

He feels the beginnings of her climax, her walls pulsating around him. Suddenly he can't focus anymore and begins to piston into her, holding tightly around her hips as he sits back to his knees. He has a passing thought of hurting her but a quick delve into her mind shows him that she likes it, even in the midst of the screams that leave her throat. The sight of her body, breasts bouncing, her skin glistening with sweat drives him mad. 

"Damn Rey….I love you. I can't hold on. You look too good."

"Ben.." she gasps, her hands gripping the blankets as her back arches higher. 

His vision blurs as he fills her, gasping and moaning her name. As she descends from her climax, she grabs at him, pulling him to her. He manages to catch himself without crushing her.

"I love you Ben...I love you….I love you" she chants, pressing his head to her chest. He lays there, feeling her heart racing under his ear. She pushes his damp hair back from his face, laying her palm on his cheek. He turns his head slightly to kiss it, still breathing heavy. He worries he's crushing her. 

"Don't you dare move, Ben Solo. I never feel as safe as I do under you. I need your weight, your heat, your skin on mine."

Her love encompasses him. Nothing has ever made him feel like this. Everything in him is connected to her. 

"I'll always keep you safe. I need you. You're mine. You own me, Rey."

He rolls but takes her with him. Now they are face to face. His hand strokes her lower back, where those delicious dimples are. He realizes he's never kissed them, like he fantasized of doing. 

He rolls her to her stomach, which isn't hard. She's like putty in his hands after climaxing. She's almost asleep. 

He sits up then leans over her. 

"What are you doing?" She murmurs.

"Something I dreamed of doing."

His lips kiss her back, licking her skin. He presses his tongue into each dimple, circling around. She moans. 

"Your skin tastes so good," he whispers. 

He ventures downward, kissing and sucking her at her cheeks, massaging them. He works his way up her bare back. 

"Ben….." she groans. 

"I love you" he whispers, hovering over her back, kissing her shoulders. 

"I love you too" she whispers back at him. 

He lays next to her again, pulling her back against his chest. 

"I wanna sleep here with you. Please."

"We can't….." he pouts into her hair, breathing her scent. 

She lets out a whine and he decides to hold her just a bit longer. It just feels wrong to let go of her. 

They fall asleep. 

Hours later, they wake. Ben opens his eyes and feels her body still against his. She's turned over and is snoring lightly against his chest. Her lips are parted and her arm is holding him almost possessively. He kisses her forehead, then her nose, then her mouth, smiling. 

"Hey, gorgeous," he whispers. 

"Hmmm?" 

"Wake up, we have to leave."

She turns into her back and stretches, arching. He's immediately hard again, watching her nude body spread out completely. 

"Stop it. You're killing me. We gotta go."

She opens her eyes and sits up, looking around. He lays still and watches her hair spill down her back. 

Right as he decides he simply has to have her again, she snaps her head towards the opening of the cave. 

"Ben! Fuck! It's daylight!"

"Shit," he says, already sick of this. He loves their little cave in the forest but damn, they are grown and he's tired of hiding. 

"You go on," she says, jumping up. "I take longer. Plus, I have an extra set of clothes here. That way no one notices I have the same clothes on."

He's already pulling his pants on. He just wants everyone to see that she's his. He's tired of this. Watching Poe flirt with her is driving him nuts. 

"I'm tired of this Rey," he says, pulling his shirt on then grabbing his boots. 

She wiggles into another set of leggings, forgoing underwear, which Ben notices. 

"I know. Me too. But just until after we defeat Snoke. Then we can be open. I promise. Go. Please."

He leans down to kiss her. It may be a few days before he can kiss her again. He grabs her ass. 

"No panties?" He says with a grin. 

She slaps his hand away. 

"Well, quit ripping them off of me! I only have two pairs left!"

He smirks.

"Not for long you don't."

She grabs him and kisses him then pushes him away. 

"You are so naughty! Go!"

He gets serious and kisses her again. 

"I love you"

She cups his face. "I love you too"

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	50. Chapter 50

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little loving....also smut.
> 
> A little training...also a fight between our space cinnamon rolls. Don't worry they never stay mad long. 
> 
> A little Luke...also a surprise.
> 
> Sorry it's been a while. I've been working on Home is Where You Are. Also I wrote a one shot called Desire and I'm working on a Christmas one shot called Celebrate Me Home.

He wakes to the most beautiful sight. He's on his back with Rey sprawled out next to him, her bare skin against his. Her face is buried in his chest, her hands on his biceps, attempting to trap him. She's running a trail of kisses across his skin. Just light feathery touches of her lips but enough to make him sigh in contentment. 

How? How does _he_ get _this_ ? How? With the horrible things he's done, how does he still get this? It's not right, not fair to the galaxy. However, _someone_ must get this burn bright thing and the thought of anyone else having her is enough to make him forget about what he doesn't deserve. 

He smiles, attempting to move his hand to touch her. She grunts a little determined grunt and continues to pin him in place. 

"Hmmmm," he hums as her mouth kisses his throat, "what are you up to?"

"I like your skin," she whispers against him, her breath causing him to shiver. 

"Let me touch you."

"No," she tells him, moving back down to his pecs. There's a bit of her tongue now involved as she traces underneath each one. 

"Please….." he begs.

"Always wanted to do this," she says, kissing his nipple. 

She then sucks in and his back arches a bit. She climbs up, laying on him and all he can feel is her. All he can see is her. All he knows is her. Rey. His lover, Rey. His everything, Rey. 

"Like that?" she asks in that deeper, raspy tone that burns a hole in him. 

His answer is a string of sounds that make no sense. This rises a giggle from her. That giggle he's come to know as a sign of her knowing the power she has over him. This little desert girl can control the most powerful force-wielder in the galaxy with a kiss of her lips, a giggle from her throat and a look from her eyes. She's his weakness and he's perfectly fine with that. 

"I love you, Rey"

"I know," she responds, her journey taking her to his stomach. Her lips and tongue caress him and he's about to explode. 

"An eight pack? Really? Like, how?"

He laughs arrogantly. He's worked hard to keep his body in perfect form and if this is the reward, he'll continue to do so. 

"I'm jealous, Ben. Your body looks better than mine."

Oh, well. That won't do at all. 

He breaks free of her hold and hauls her back up to his mouth, kissing her violently, his hands everywhere but mostly centered on her ass. 

_Not even close, my ch'acin't. Your body is the stuff men dream about. At least this man._

She doesn't respond with words but the way she kisses him, the way she squirms against him tells him how she feels. The sounds coming from her are enough to drive him mad. 

She breaks the kiss, leaving him mourning the loss of her tongue against his. She remedies this quickly though by returning to her mission. The all-encompassing worship of his body with her mouth. 

Her tongue licks around his navel, then following the trail of hair below. 

Suddenly, he realizes her intent and he stops her, grabbing her head. 

She looks up at him, looking rather ticked off. She has _plans_ , dammit. 

"No, Rey…"

She shakes her head free of his grasp, placing a kiss on his hip bone. He shudders as it occurs to him that his now very hard cock is positioned between her breasts. 

Seems that his anatomy is _very much_ onboard with her plans. 

Her eyes, oh maker, her eyes are on fire, watching his face with a wantonness he's not yet seen. 

"I want to, Ben. Let me taste you."

And he's gone, those words undoing him. She slides down further, gripping him in her hand. She studies it like it's some very important project she's been assigned to. If he wasn't as turned on as he was, he'd have to laugh at her. She's still his scavenger and now she's scavenging him. 

She darts her eyes up at him, sensing his amusement. Her eyes fire up again, wickedly. She then licks him from base to tip and he _whimpers_. 

The feel of her tongue _there_ causes stars to explode in his mind. It's everything he never knew he wanted. She's _exquisite._ She does it again and he thinks he may die. 

Oh but what a way to go. 

"Rey!" he practically growls in a shout. 

Then her mouth takes him in and he can't think, he can't breathe. It's just the heat of her and the touch of her and the smell of her. 

She's unable to take him all in so her hand grips the base. She sucks in just a bit, inexperienced and unsure but it's enough to send him keening. He can't believe she's new at this because it's like her mouth was made for him. He holds back the urge to thrust because he doesn't want to hurt her. 

He chants her name like a prayer and she sends her excitement through their bond. She's quite proud and content that she can bring such pleasure to the man she loves. She thought she might not like it but she loves it. He can't form coherent thoughts but he still manages to ask...

_You love this…._

_I do, Ben...I love you on my tongue…_

Those thoughts coming from her mind to his launch him too close to finishing. He doesn't want to do that in her mouth. 

"Rey...stop…" he moans as she slides back down his shaft. His eyes haven't left her face. It's the sexiest thing he's ever seen. 

_No, Ben._

Her other hand takes his balls and caresses him and he's gone. He releases his seed in her mouth, feeling himself on the back of her throat. He never knew anything could be so exotic as watching his woman swallow his spend. As he softens, she kisses the oversensitive tip, causing him to inhale sharply. Then she grins that mischievous grin and slides back up his body. She loves that he's so massive, so wide that he can support her entire weight so easily. 

"I love you I love you...damn I love you," he repeats, totally immobile. She just drapes herself across him, very proud of herself. After floating in the abyss for several minutes, he rolls to his side, taking her with him and pulls her close. She moves up while pulling him down until his face is nestled into her chest. She massages and scratches at his scalp until he's in a deep sleep. 

It almost scares her how much she loves this man. 

**___________________________**

  
  


Just a few hours into that same morning, they are sparring. 

Ben is pushing her to the brink. He's always in awe of her fighting skills but somehow, it's not enough. 

He needs her to be her absolute best. Because he's always loved her but now, now things are different. Now she's his everything. His past, his present and his future. 

He can't live without her. He is in love and he's happy. He's also terrified. 

Snoke is still there, still pushing against the doors of his mind. Her light keeps him at bay, keeps Ben from being at the mercy of the evil of the darkness. Snoke can't get over that wall now, not as long as Rey is nearby. Ben feels him planning though. 

It scares him to the depths of his core. That's why he needs Rey to be in top form. He needs her to be ready. 

Snoke is coming for them. Soon. 

Luke isn't there yet so they are free to be open with each other. 

"C'mon Rey! Dammit!" he yells at her when she doesn't jump back enough and he strikes her across the abdomen with the practice saber. 

She stumbles back and lands hard on her ass. She immediately bounces back to her feet, a feral look on her face as she stares at him. A growl erupts from her throat as she charges him. He simply side steps and she misses him. 

He throws both hands in the air, frustrated. 

"Rey!" 

She slams into the cushioned wall. Then she spins, pissed. 

"Quit screaming at me, Ben!"

"You're better than this, babe! Focus!"

Her face tells him he's pissing his secret girlfriend off. Some deep masculine part of him enjoys how beautiful she is when she's angry at him. 

"Don't _babe_ me, asshole!"

He holds back at a smile. No other that he's trained would've gotten away with that but he cannot ever find it in him to get mad at her. She certainly has him in the palm of her little hand. 

They've been training all afternoon, after a long night of _not_ sleeping. Even though it was very much worth it, their bodies are taking a toll. Making love half the night, training in the Force in the mornings and then saber practice in the afternoons. Dinner, evening meetings with Leia, lights out, sneak to their love nest, get naked. Rinse. Repeat. 

Maybe they need a break from the all night marathon sex, Rey thinks. 

"I heard that…." he tells her.

Her back is to him as she continues her forms, still irritated with him. 

He comes up behind her, catching her swinging wrist in one hand and wrapping the other around her waist. He pulls her into his chest and sinks his face into her sweat drenched neck. 

"You really want to take a break?" he asks pitifully. 

"No….but right now I'd rather not have sex with the same man who hollers at me all afternoon…"

He knows better than to try to kiss on her right now. He just holds her, taking the saber from her and tossing it. His fingers lace through hers as he pulls her tighter to him. 

"You know why I'm so hard on you. It's just...Snoke…"

"I know Ben. I'm afraid too. I don't want to lose you either."

"I love you so fucking much…" he whispers, letting his fears come over him in a wave. 

"I know," she says. Because she does. 

"I just found you, I can't lose you…"

"I've been here the whole time, Ben, waiting for you."

He sighs, face still buried in her skin.

"I'll never forgive myself for not being here, for leaving you. You know that, right?"

Her head falls back on his shoulder and her eyes close. His sheer size makes her feel so safe. It feels so strange knowing that the epitome of darkness is holding her so gently. That the man who stalked the universe as the apprentice of the Supreme Leader of the First Order is the same man who has been in tears in her arms. That the same man who brings fear to entire populations is the same man who sometimes cries when he makes love to her. 

"I do know that, Ben. I'll never forgive myself for not knowing you were alive, suffering, alone. I would've found you."

"You _did_ find me, Rey," he says, that emotion that he only shows her bubbling up to the surface. 

It's an intimate moment and they are lost in it. Their bond hums loudly and the Force is content. They both think only of each other, their moments of yesterday on Corsucant wrapped in their moments of now, here on base wrapping with their hopes for the future. They have talked for hours during the night, dreaming of escaping Snoke's hold on Ben and telling his parents the truth. Telling them they plan on being together forever. Ben has even stroked her belly, whispering plans to put his babies in there. She smiled sleepily, picturing little girls with black braids and big ears. 

They are so wrapped in each other they don't notice that the door has opened. 

The sound of a throat clearing yanks them right out of their moment. It's Luke. 

"So, I was right," he tells them, a glint in his blue eyes. 

They jump back, Ben shouting a curse word in Shyriiwook. Rey simply covers her face with her hands. 

Luke walks across the room, his back to them. Then he turns, facing them. 

He's _smirking_ , a mischievous look in his eye. 

"You two...I could feel it in the force, you know. Kinda hard to hide that when both of you are so strong in the force. I've been trying to bring up teaching you two how to mask it. You know, so I can actually _sleep_ at night."

"Oh Gods, oh Gods," Rey repeats into her hands, still covering her face. 

Ben just stands there, speechless. Then a thought crosses his mind…

Luke fully smiles now, clearly enjoying torturing them. 

"Don't worry, I kept Leia from feeling it. My poor sister didn't need that trauma. She's no fool though, Ben. You need to talk to her."

Ben sighs very loudly and bends at the waist, his hands on his knees. The _last_ thing he needs is his mom feeling her son having sex through the force. 

"You're welcome, by the way," Luke tells him, the smirk still on his face. Maybe that will help with the tension between him and his nephew. 

"Are you mad?" Rey asks, her hands over her face still but now she's peeking one eye between her fingers. It reminds Ben of when she'd get caught stealing from the cookie jar. Deep down she's still that little girl and he's so happy to see her come shining through. After all, he loved her first as that little scavenger from Jakku. 

"Why would I be mad?" Luke asks, prepared for this conversation. He sits and watches both of them. 

Now Ben is irritated. 

"Because you accused me of having feelings for a kid, _Uncle,_ " Ben says, not hiding that wound. 

"I've told you I was wrong to insinuate that, Ben. I was angry, stupid even. I was younger then and didn't realize you two were a Dyad. I'm older now. After all, I'm the product of a Jedi falling in love. My parents were forbidden. They had to sneak around because the old ways told them it was wrong and look what happened. There must've been something right about them because I'm here. Much as I've felt like I shouldn't be here, one look at my sister tells me I'm wrong. I've had to come to terms with that. I love my sister too much to think she was not meant to be. My father and mother should not have hid their love. He adored her, you know? She loved him deeply. The old ways, they were wrong, Ben. I was wrong too and I'm sorry."

By now, Ben has sat on the floor, several feet away from his Uncle, his first master. He's speechless. He had no idea that Luke felt that he was wrong to have been born. 

"I did feel that, Ben. I think it made me angry. Yes, me, angry. It's all bullshit, you know? The non-emotional thing. I was angry and bitter. I thought if I just trained these force sensitive kids to be great Jedi, I could run from it. Then you came along, the epitome of Anakin Skywalker, unable and unwilling to suppress your emotions. I knew it the first time I held you. You must've been a week old? All black hair and pissed because you wanted your father to hold you. You looked up at me with those black irises and all but said out loud 'You aren't Han Solo'. It was hilarious how you looked at me."

Then Luke is laughing at the memory and Ben is shocked. Somewhere across the room Rey lets out an Awwww. 

Luke continues, "Your mom was asleep and Han had to run to the 'fresher. He hands you to me and it was just us. Your force signature was _loud_ . You just _stared_ at me, pissed as hell. Right about the time you opened your mouth to scream, there was Han saying 'Hell, I felt his anger from across the house' and he scooped you up and, swear to the Maker, you smiled at him. Your dad is force sensitive, Ben. He always has been. Don't tell him that though, he'll shoot me and I'm too old to run."

Ben can't help it, he laughs. 

Now Luke is serious. "Ben, forgive an old foolish Jedi. I never was good with kids. I was wrong to keep your letters. I was wrong to keep your parents away. I thought it was for the best. I was no different than the Jedi council keeping my parents apart. Just think, if they had been able to be open and had raised me and Leia, Snoke wouldn't even be a factor now. If the Jedi had only allowed it...who knows what may have happened?"

This is exactly what Ben has always thought. His grandparents were forbidden, in a sense his mother had walked away from who she was meant to be so she could be with his father. Then before him sits a tired looking old man. Maybe if Luke had been allowed to love, he wouldn't be so sad now. 

Ben wants it all. He wants to be strong in the Force, able to use his abilities, not cast them away. He also wants to fix the wrongs in the galaxy. Most of all, he wants to be with Rey. Keep her safe in his arms, watch her have his children. Give her every dream she has. She deserves it and he'll be damned if another man fulfills her wishes. Besides, he knows she doesn't want another man. She wants him. 

Is it too much to hope for? Everything?

"I don't know, Ben. I don't know if it's too much to hope for. I hope it isn't. I do care about you. I love you, Ben. I'm sorry. So, no, I'm not against you two being together. Obviously, the force wants it. But you two can't hide. We've all felt the reprecussions of hidden relationships. You are more at peace now, I can see it. Feel it. It's just breaking Snoke's hold on you. Then you two can be free, I hope. Know though, the darkness will always be there."

"I am the darkness, Uncle," Ben says, the term _uncle_ now sounding less like an insult and more endearing. Rey smiles at that. She wants nothing more than to see these two men reconcile. 

"Not completely, only Snoke is completely lost in darkness, Ben. There's light there or you wouldn't be there. Let me ask you this. What would you do if someone came in here right now and tried to harm Rey?"

"I'd kill them," Ben says without a beat. 

"Ahh, darkness," Luke replies and Ben begins to get angry. It's not darkness! It's love! Luke ignores him and continues on. 

"What if the only way to protect her would be to throw yourself in front of her? Sacrifice yourself?"

"Then I'd die for her," he answers without hesitation. 

"Then light rises to meet it," Luke says, smiling, "see, you aren't all darkness. You are grey. Ben, you are grey."

"Say what now?" Ben says, confused. 

"I'm getting better at being direct, aren't I? It's a long buried concept, Ben. The Grey Jedi. Not one I taught you because I didn't believe in it. You turned me on my head, padawan."

Hearing Luke call him Padawan doesn't anger him, finally. Ben just leans in, curious. Rey moves next to Ben and he wraps an arm around her. No sense in hiding what they are now. 

"Long ago, there were Jedi wrapped in the light but the darkness in them wasn't shunned. They were taught to embrace it because sometimes death is the answer. Sometimes, being cold is what is required. Sometimes people have to die to preserve the light. It was rejected for reasons I still haven't uncovered. That's you, Ben. You are a grey Jedi. If you were all dark, Rey couldn't have helped you. You would've killed her for thinking it."

"I couldn't hurt Rey!" Ben says, the thought disgusting him. 

"But you did kidnap her, knock her out, threaten her with your saber at her neck," Luke reminds him and Ben almost cries remembering. 

"I didn't know her!"

"That's where the bond came into play. As soon as she said your name, the hold that Snoke had was broken because, even though the darkness is sometimes needed, light always overcomes."

Rey looks up at him and he looks down at her. 

"Her light showed me the way back to myself," he says while looking into her eyes. He kisses her. 

Luke throws up a hand towards them. 

"Okay, okay, I'm in on the secret but I'm still not used to this. I did change your diaper, you know," he says with a huge smile. 

Ben's face turns red with embarrassment and Rey falls back, laughing. 

"Hey now, I've got stories on you too, Rey. Like that crush you had on that one boy…"

"What boy???" Ben nearly shouts. 

"Oh….I forgot about him...he was cute," Rey says, teasing Ben. 

"Oh, I'm going to get you for that," Ben promises and tries to grab at her. She scutters away, laughing. 

"Well, that's enough for me, I'm out," Luke says, standing to leave, "when you two come up for air, we've still got a lot of work to do."

They've completely forgotten him as Ben pins her down, tickling her. Luke laughs, remembering another couple he watched years ago. These two don't fight like Han and Leia did though and that makes him happy. He leaves in a hurry before he's traumatized. 

After the door shuts, Ben proceeds to tickle her neck with the goatee that he's recently grown. 

"Cute boy, hmmmm? Tell me more…"

"No!" she giggles under his assault. Then she kisses him soundly. 

"Besides, he was nowhere near as hot as you are Ben Solo. Kiss me again and lock the door."

He obeys her by stretching his hand out to lock the door. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Redemption for Uncle Luke because once again, tired of DLF screwing over my Star Wars original space cinnamon rolls.


	51. Chapter 51

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jealous Ben is my favorite.....
> 
> Jealous Ben is in the dog house....
> 
> Jealous Ben offers chocolate as payment to get out of the dog house.....
> 
> Then a training session at the lake.....
> 
> I am working on the next part of the story and it's slow coming. I have a slight plan. Kinda. Lol. So basically, it may take some time to form the next chapter. You guys are amazing with your kudos and comments. Thank you so much for everything. It means a lot.
> 
> Suddenly my collage pics are not uploading, does anyone know why?

They battle the droids together, back to back, Luke watching. 

When Ben bends, Rey leans back against him, kicking outward. When Rey turns left, Ben turns right. When Ben destroys a droid, he instinctively strikes out towards the new one charging towards Rey. 

In the beginning of training, they constantly spoke through the bond. Now they do not. They feel each other's next move, having learned how to fight together. Sometimes blind folded. 

Luke doesn't even have to guide them anymore. He mainly just observes, fascinated. 

"Perfect," he tells them, each droid lying in pieces on the floor. They will spend the day tomorrow rebuilding them. One day training, the next reconstructing droids. It's tiring but they do it together. They are mostly inseparable now. Only apart for a few hours a night in their own quarters. 

Even those few hours are too much. They are truly one. If only they could tell everyone. 

Luke and Leia know. Also, Rose. Rey had told her everything and her friend is very happy for her. Sometimes Rey hangs out with Rose and they laugh and giggle over their boyfriends. That's usually when Ben goes patrolling with Han. Each and every time intending on speaking with him about Rey. Each and every time, chickening out. 

He's partly afraid of the fall out. Another part of him doesn't want the truth out there. He partly enjoys having the secret. Until every morning at 4am when he has to leave Rey. He's in an internal tug of war. 

"What time is it?" Rey whispers into the darkness of the cave, nestled against her lover. 

"3:30," Ben whispers, drawing circles on her bare hip with his thumb. He pulls her closer, running his hand to her flat belly, spreading his fingers wide.

"Ugh, Ben, I can't keep doing," she yawns widely, "this…"

"I know. I'm sorry. I just get alone with him and I can't do it," he tells her. 

"We should do it together," she whispers back, turning her head to kiss him. They had not even made love during this night. Just held each other. Training had been hard and they are both exhausted. They had talked for hours about everything. Ben had even talked about what he wanted to do after the war. He's thinking of starting his own fighter pilot school along with Rey's idea of a grey Jedi academy. They'd argued about including Luke. Then Rey got naked and Ben forgot what his point was. 

That happened often. Rey certainly knew how to make Ben lose his train of thought. 

"Hey, I heard of a lake a few miles from here. Want to go train there? I was thinking we could go in a few days."

"I don't know, Ben. I don't think Luke could go that far."

He rolls her over, trying not to lose himself in her breasts. He definitely has a weakness for them. 

"I meant alone, Rey," he tells her, a glint in his eye. 

"Oh," she says, smiling and brushing his hair back from his eyes. The action causes her breasts to lift up and his eyes dart down. 

Focus, Ben. 

"Think we will actually train?" she asks, the glint now flickering in her eyes. 

"I solemnly swear to let you kick my ass before I strip you naked and throw you in the water," he tells her, smiling mischievously. 

"Well, I don't solemnly swear to keep my clothes on for long," she answers back, rubbing his bicep. She has a weakness for his arms. They are just so big. 

He rolls her to her back and cages her in with his body, attacking her neck. He nibbles but not hard enough to mark her. 

He cannot wait to leave marks there. He wants others to see that she's taken. 

Especially Dameron. 

"I keep telling you, Ben. I don't want Poe. I want you."

"Well, he still wants you, I can tell. It's driving me crazy. I just want to grab you and kiss you in front of him. I swear if he stares at your ass one more time, Rey."

"Maybe I should show him the bite marks you leave on my ass."

He responds by leaning back on his haunches and cupping her bare ass with his hands, lifting her up. Her thighs grab his hips and he plunges inside of her. 

"Mine," he tells her possessively, "this is mine and I want everyone to know that."

She moans out his name and babbles incoherently as he thrusts deep inside of her. 

"Yes, Ben….yours. Yours forever," she assures him as he brings her to her climax. 

They don't return to their quarters on that night. 

____________________________

"I can help her, Solo. I'm capable of fixing droids, you know."

Fucking Dameron. 

"I got this, besides, I think I hear my mom calling you," Ben tells him, handing Rey another wrench. Poe kneels down, taking it from Rey. She snatches it back, scowling at him. 

"Don't do that, Poe," she warns the cocky pilot. 

Ben smiles. He'd never even dream of snatching a wrench from Rey. He waits to see if Dameron loses his fingers, or an arm. He'd rather enjoy watching it happen. 

This prick has no idea of the power his girl holds. She could toss him across the hangar if she wanted to. 

"Aw, a girl like you ought not have to do this, Rey," he flirts and Ben steams. 

Don't, Ben. Don't give him an excuse. He's just trying to….

He's going to get what he wants in a second…

"She's not a girl, Dameron. She's a grown woman."

You call me sweet girl all the time…

That's cause you're my girl, not his….

You gonna start comparing dicks in a minute?

He almost laughs out loud, covering it with a cough. 

I mean, if you can't wait till tonight to see it…

With this, she subtly shoves him a bit with the Force. Poe blinks for a moment at the sight of Ben moving backwards across the pavement. 

He's always a bit intimidated by force mumbo jumbo so he decides to move on. 

"I'll see you later, Rey. Maybe we can get coffee after lunch this afternoon?"

"She's training with me and Luke later, flyboy," Ben tells him before Rey can respond. 

"I think she can speak for herself, Jedi," Poe quips back at him, looking at Rey. 

"You two! Shut up already!" she yells at them, throwing her wrench and walking away. 

Ben tries not to force choke Poe as he stares at Rey's ass, again. 

He's got to tell Han soon before he kills the little shit for lusting after his girlfriend. 

____________________________

"Aw, c'mon, sweet girl, don't be mad," Ben whines into Rey's neck as he holds her from behind in her room later. She'd blocked him through their bond after she stomped away. 

"About to throw you across the room, Ben…"

"But look, chocolate…"

He reaches towards her bed and calls the package to him. It lands in his hand and he holds it out in front of her. 

She'd trained with him earlier, doing an impressive job of kicking his ass. The entire time, she'd fumed. He'd had to hold off on calling her beautiful about twenty times during. 

He didn't want to join the ranks of Skywalker men losing an arm. 

She eyes it like she eyes him in bed. He tries not to grin. 

"Where'd you get that from?" 

"Corella, I asked Han to pick it up for your birthday," he answers, waving it slightly. 

"My birthday isn't until next month."

"Well, happy early birthday."

She goes to take it but he snatches it back. 

"Not until you kiss me," he purrs into her ear and she groans. He doesn't know if it's the candy or his voice making him groan but he doesn't really care, long as he's the one who gets to listen to that sound that heats his blood. His desire for her goes bone-deep. He'd do anything for his burn-bright girl. 

"You are so jealous," she tells him. 

"I am," he answers, "but if I recall, the moment where we confessed our true feelings was brought on by a jealous streak and it wasn't mine."

She smiles just a bit, leaning into his arm which is wrapped around her shoulder. 

"True," she responds, "that was a great training session…."

He remembers that first make out….er….training session and moans, kissing her on her shoulder. Her jealousy was hot. 

"I'll try to be nicer, Rey. He started it, though."

"I'll admit, he did. I guess I'd be a hypocrite being mad at you, since I got so jealous of Kay."

"Yes, you would be," he tells her, his hand spreading across her belly, rubbing against the bare skin above her pants. 

"I'm sorry, Ben. I shouldn't get mad at you. Poe is a flirt and I'd be pissed if someone flirted with you like that right in front of me."

Then she opens her mouth like a little bird and he pops the chocolate in, laughing at her. 

He turns her, watching her chew and swallow. Her love of food and love of him are so amazing to watch. She's always just accepted him. Loved him. Been there for him. She's beautiful and brilliant and stronger than anyone he's ever known. She'd overcome so much. Even though she'd been brought into a home with high standards of living, she'd never lost that tenacity of a desert life. She'd raised herself for years, fighting for survival. Then she'd come into his home and flipped his world around. 

She'd faced him head on in the forest of Takodana, afraid but unwavering. She'd faced him again while strapped in an interrogation chair, afraid but still willing to bring him back from the lost man he'd become. She'd dragged him off Starkiller and into her arms, willing to take on all of his enemies. She'd fought his family for him and is now training to break the mental stronghold of Snoke. She'll charge at his former master with all the fire she's ever possessed. She gives him her body every night and holds him afterwards in her strong arms. He's under her spell and he never wants to emerge from it. He stares into her hazel eyes, watching her with everything in him. 

"Marry me," he blurts out suddenly. 

"I've already told you yes, every time you bring it up," she says with a smile. 

"No, marry me now."

"Ben! We can't. Not yet. Not until we tell Han…"

"We'll tell him after. Marry me. Now."

"Ben, your mom would be crushed if she found out later and she won't agree to it without Han there…."

He can't stop himself from kissing her. So he does. He kisses her until she can't stand. He kisses her until she's weak in his arms. 

"Marry me, Rey Organa. Marry me and make me the luckiest man in the galaxy. Marry me and have my babies and let me take care of you. Be my wife, please."

"This wasn't a good idea in the past. A secret marriage. Padme and Anakin…"

"They weren't fighting their family, they were fighting the council. The only Jedi left, he knows about us. It's not a secret. We just choose who we want to tell."

"Ben….."

Now he pulls away, frustrated. 

"Dammit, Rey! I can't keep hiding how I feel about you! You're only 19 but I'm 28! I have to stand back and be quiet, not kiss you in public. Not take your hand. Not hold you all night. I don't get to wake up to you!"

"Then tell Han! Tell Poe! Tell everyone! I don't care anymore! Tell them I'm yours and you are mine and kiss me in the hangar! Kiss me in the mess hall! Take me in your quarters and fuck me into your mattress! Fuck me in your 'fresher! I don't care! Get on the comm and announce it to everyone!"

"Fine! I will! Then will you marry me?"

"I've already told you yes!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

Then he smiles and she smiles and they laugh. It's so crazy how they can fight over something they agree on. 

He walks over to her and cups her lovely face in both hands, kissing her again and again. 

"I'll tell Dad when he gets back in the morning. Do you want to be there?" 

She nods, "Yes, Ben. We do it together."

______________________________

They trained together at the lake, eventually falling into each other. Ben strips her and they emerge into the water, making love. 

Ben prepared a slew of snacks so they wouldn't have to return for dinner. She's amazed at how he can be so giving, so caring. He knows her favorite foods and makes sure there's enough to fill her up. Somehow she always eats more than him. 

He leans against a tree trunk and she leans against him and they feed each other bites of dried jerky, fruit and cheeses. He even managed to find her some strawberries. 

She feels him struggling a bit mentally but trying to hide it from her. 

"What is it, Ben?"

"Nothing," he replies, popping a bite of cheese in his mouth. 

"You can't lie to me. You know that."

She turns in his lap and takes his face in her hands. She studies his eyes, feeling into his thoughts. 

"Stop," he tells her, shaking his head to loosen her grip. He frowns at her. 

"Ben...let me in…"

"No, stop Rey."

She stands, feeling a bit frustrated with him but knowing he's right. She shouldn't delve into his mind like that. 

"It's Snoke, isn't it?"

"Yes, Rey," he says, finally succumbing to her. He can't hide anything from her. He motions for her to return to his arms. She straddles his lap, pressing her forehead against his. It always helps. She pulls him into the meditation that Luke had taught them. A way to fortify their walls. It always exhausts her and that's why he'd tried to do it alone. He'd talked to Luke about it, telling him how hard it is to make Rey carry this burden. Luke tried to help him block Snoke out but it's becoming more evident that the Dyad is the only way.

"It'll be over soon, Ben. I promise," she tells him, yawning. Once again, pushing Snoke out of Ben's head takes all of her energy. Ben knows that between training, sex and now this, his girl is exhausted. He holds her as she sleeps in his arms. She's so strong yet so young. He's going to have to hold back on their love making more. It's all too much. 

"Don't you dare," she murmurs in her sleep, hearing his thoughts. He smiles. His passionate future wife refuses to cut back even a little. 

"I love you," he tells her, kissing the top of her head. 

Finally, long after the sun sets, they manage to return to their cave. She'd slept for a long while in his lap and he'd managed to drift off too, her deep breathing luring him to sleep. 

As though she needed to prove a point to him, she'd seduced him into a long session of orgasmic highs. He'd made her compromise by doing all the work, keeping her under his body, chanting her name into her neck. He'd kept it slow, trying to go easy on her. She'd lavished herself in his attentions, letting him take the lead. He worshipped every inch of her, exhausting her in the best ways. 

Once again, they didn't make it back to their quarters. Instead she woke up and watched him sleep. He'd worn himself out taking care of her needs. She smoothed his tousled hair back, tracing his bare skin with her hands. 

"Hey there beautiful," he finally woke and whispered to her. 

"This is nice," she whispered back, "let's do this forever."

"Deal," he said, kissing her nose. 

"I love you, Ben. Thank you for coming back to me."

"I'll always come back to you. Forever."


	52. Chapter 52

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let the angst begin.....Sorry in advance.

After sunrise, Ben emerges from the forest alone. Rey stayed behind, hoping no one will realize they had spent the night in their cave.

Leia is standing on the landing pad, looking anxious. 

His mother's face immediately causes alarm. She approaches him quickly. 

"Ben……" 

Her eyes are red from crying. Her hair is a bit disheveled and she's shaking. Ben grips her shoulders. 

"Mom! What's wrong? Mom??"

She places her hand on his chest, her head down. Ben knows. 

"How did he find out?" 

Leia's voice shakes. It's scaring him. 

"He went to her room last night to ask her for help with a ship. She wasn't there, Ben. He went to your room next and it was empty. He went into the forest….."

"Shit mom!!"

"He didn't see you but he _heard_ you. I told you Ben! I told you to be careful! You two are having sex in the forest???"

"There's a cave, Mom. Damn it!"

She holds her hands up. 

"Spare me the details. You two are grown and I respect your relationship but that's because I'm rational! Your father is NOT."

"FUCK!!! Where is he??" 

"He left the base right after he told me, I tried to talk to him, Ben, I swear! He took the Falcon somewhere. He just got back. He was looking for you two….he asked me if you were still together out there…..I tried to lie….he saw through me….I stopped him from going out there...I don't know where he is now!"

Ben hugs his mother as she sobs. It's not her fault. Ben knows he should've already spoken to his father. 

"Mom...it's okay...it'll be okay…."

She cries and he doesn't know what to say. Leia never cries. 

"I wish you had spoken to him….he wants you to leave…."

Ben figures that's what Han would say. It's his own fault. 

Leia collects herself, straightening her clothes and smoothing her hair. She quickly wipes her tears. 

"Where is she, Ben?" 

Ben reaches out for Rey's signature. She's nearby, approaching. 

"She's coming."

As soon as Rey emerges from the forest, Ben turns to look at her. Rey's eyes lock with his and she senses his alarm. 

He walks to her, pulling her to him. No sense in hiding now. He needs to feel her. 

"Rey, listen. Han knows."

Rey looks up at him, her hands grasping his tunic, her eyes going wide. She gasps. 

"No Ben….no….oh no Ben…."

He kisses her forehead, attempting to calm her. He can feel her heart rate accelerate. 

"Go with Mom. I'll deal with it. Just go."

Her eyes tear up and spill over. She won't let go of him. 

"I won't let him send you away. I won't!"

Ben shushes her, kissing her lips gently. If anyone sees, he doesn't care. He only wants to assure her. 

"He won't Rey. I have to stay here. I have to prepare to defeat Snoke, remember? It's more important than how Dad feels. I'm not leaving. You're not losing me again and I'm not living without you, okay?

Leia clears her throat. He turns to look at her and she nods towards the offices. He looks to see his father standing there, waiting. He doesn't need the force to see how angry Han is. 

"Mom, take Rey and go. I've got this."

Rey and Leia leave, probably to go to Leia's office. 

Ben just stands there, unsure what to do. He finally decides to return to the forest. He knows his father will follow. 

This discussion needs to be away from anyone on base. 

He walks to the first clearing and stands, turning to face his father. 

Han soon is there, his face red. Ben can't remember the last time he was this afraid of Han Solo. 

Han stops several feet away, his fists clenched. 

"You little piece of shit."

Ben flinches. 

"Dad…."

"DO NOT TALK!!" Han screams. 

Ben immediately hangs his head. 

Han approaches him but still stands far away. 

"You fucked her. You fucked Rey."

Ben flinches again, not used to such vulgar language from his father. He resists the urge to run, only because he knows he's not a bad person. Not for this.

"Dad…."

"Don't call me that. Don't call me Dad. I'm not your Dad. I was your Dad when you turned your back on me. When you ran to the First Order. When you became _him_. I was still your Dad. But this, this is the line. You've crossed it."

Ben raises his head, looking his father in the eye. 

"I'm not your son anymore?"

One tear falls down Han's cheek and Ben stops breathing. He's _never_ seen Han Solo cry. _Ever._

"No. You're not."

"HAN SOLO, HOW DARE YOU!!"

They both jump. 

Han turns to see Leia Organa Skywalker Solo standing there, shaking, this time in pure rage. Rey is next to her. She's wrapped her arms around herself and she's sobbing. Ben desperately wants to run to her and hold her. Rey looks up, reading his mind. She shakes her head. 

"Stay OUT of this, Leia!!"

Leia walks to her husband, putting one finger in the center of his chest, looking him in the eyes. 

"No!! NO!! Do NOT tell me to stay out of this! That's my son!"

"What about Rey? She's your DAUGHTER!!" 

"Yes!! She is!"

Han stands, seeming shocked and disgusted. 

"What is WRONG with you people? This is WRONG!! Ben...you disgust me!!"

Ben has had enough. Rey is a mess, looking like she's about to throw up. He runs over to hear, scared for her well-being.

"GET AWAY FROM HER!!" 

"No! No, Dad! Han...whatever! You don't want to be my dad anymore? Whatever! You never DID want to be my Dad! But you're scaring Rey! So just stop it!"

Han is seething. He approaches Ben aggressively. Leia grabs at him. Rey stands between them. 

"Move Rey!" Han yells. 

Rey stands her ground between these two men she loves dearly. 

"Han!! Stop! It's not….it's not like that! I love Ben! I'm in love with Ben!"

Han stops again, clenching and unclenching his fists, breathing heavily. 

"Ben!! She's your sister!! What is wrong with you??"

Ben shakes his head. 

"No she's not! She never was!"

Rey tries again to reason with him.

"Han, Ben was never like my brother! He left so quickly! I barely saw him after I left Jakku!"

Leia slowly pulls one of Rey's letters from her pocket. She had taken Rey to her office and showed her the box.

This particular one was written after Rey was told Ben was dead. 

Leia begins to read it:

"I'm 15 now. There was a party yesterday. I wish you were here. There was cake with jam in the layers. You would've loved it. I think about you every day. A boy at school tried to kiss me. I wouldn't let him. I thought of you. I dreamed you kissed me last night. I know you'll never read this, that's the only reason I'll tell you. I can't believe you are really gone. I'll never love anyone the way I loved you, Ben Solo."

Ben looks at Rey with pain in his eyes for his hurt girl. He can't hold her in this moment but he can speak to her. 

_Oh sweetheart I'm so sorry….I'm sorry I wasn't there…._

Rey is a mess. Hearing those words in the letter and then hearing Ben through their bond brings back the memory of how utterly destroyed she was, thinking the love of her life was dead. 

She speaks again, only able to whisper in order to try to stay calm. 

"Han, I always loved Ben. From the beginning. I never saw him any other way. I initiated it. Not Ben. Han, I'm 20 years old now. I love you like a father and I don't want you to blame Ben. It's my fault this happened. But I'm in love with him and have been for years"

But Ben feels her internal struggle. She's torn. He looks at her and she looks away. 

It physically hurts him. He feels sick. 

Leia tries to make Han see.

"She brought him back to us, Han"

Han once again looks at Ben.

"Ben, you promise me that years ago, you didn't…."

Ben is shocked that his father would even ask him that question.

"No Dad! I didn't! I never thought of her that way until after I saw her again! How could you think I'd do that?? She was nine!! I'm not some perverted monster! You're my FATHER, how could you even ask me that??"

Then Ben pauses, trying to breathe. He's never been so angry. 

"You know what, _DAD?_ You are right about one thing. You aren't my father. I don't know who you are. Just, stay the fuck away from me, okay? Me and Rey are adults. If Rey still wants me after this, she'll have me. But if she doesn't, I'll walk away from her. I won't make her choose. But you will, because you only ever think about yourself. I won't take away her family."

He gasps, leaning over, his hands on his knees. He stands again, gaining his composure. He can't look at Han or even Rey. He can't make her choose, he senses her dilemma, now torn between himself and her only father. He looks at his mother. His only stable anchor in all this. 

"I just….I need to be alone."

Ben turns and runs. He feels Rey wanting to follow him. 

_No Rey. Don't._

_Ben! I need you! Please!_

_I need you too but don't follow me. I don't think Han needs to see us together right now. For your sake._

_I love you Ben….._

_I love you too, Rey…..I'll find you later. Take care of Mom. Please._

_O….okay._

In desperation, Leia returns to her office and grabs a comm from her desk drawer. 

"Leia, what are you doing?" Rey asks, looking up from the sofa, where she has curled into the fetal position. She has finally stopped crying and is desperately fighting the urge to reach out to Ben. 

"Calling the only one he ever listens to."

Leia responds, still shaking. Her family is under attack, again. She needs help. 

Rey sits up but immediately curls her knees into her chest again. 

"Maz…." Rey says, almost whispering. 

The comm chirps and Rey hears Maz's voice. 

"Leia? Sweet girl, is everything okay?"

Maz is hundreds of years old, it's anyone's guess as to how many hundreds, and very force sensitive. She senses Leia's distress before she even hears her voice. 

"No, Maz. I need you. Please." 

"Of course. Anything for you."

"I'll send Chewie?" Leia says, her voice cracking a bit. Rey has buried her face between her knees, crying again. 

Leia has no idea where Han has run off to. She feels for Ben and senses that he's still alone.

Maz's voice rises a bit at the sound of an emotional Leia. Something is wrong. Very wrong. 

"No, Leia. That will take too long. Send me the coordinates. I'll be there in the morning. I have a ship."

"Thank you Maz"

"Hold on, princess. I'm coming."

After signing off, Leia walks quickly to Rey, embracing her. Rey sobs into the shoulder of the only mother she's known. 

"Shhhh. It's all going to work out. Breathe Rey."

"We shouldn't have….maybe we shouldn't have….but Leia...we weren't trying to hurt….anyone…..it just happened…"

Leia centers herself in the force, pulling at Rey's signature. She feels such overwhelming panic from her girl but at the same time, such a peaceful hum in the force. 

Their Dyad is so powerful. This connection between Ben and Rey. She tugs also at Ben, meditating on his signature. 

She envisions herself tugging at the ends of two ribbons. One Ben and one Rey. She meets them together and they tie, all on their own. She didn't tie them. The force did. The feeling is amazing and she feels Rey gasp, breathing more evenly. Her shaking subsides. Somewhere, far off, she feels her son calming down. 

If she'd had any doubt of just what they were together, it's gone now. All that's left is peace. 

The Force wills them together. It's as simple and as complicated as that. 

Leia sits up, pulling Rey up to meet her eyes. 

"Better?" she asks.

"What did you...how did you do that?"

"As the mother of Ben and your guardian, the force allows me that maternal connection. I simply pulled your souls back together. It's a force-mom thing. One day you'll understand."

"Thank you. I can feel him better now. He's better too. I think."

Leia smiles. "He is. I can feel him too."

She sighs. "Now, I do wish you two had been more responsible. Not just with each other but with Han. You should've gone to him. And, I have to ask this. Rey, are you two being careful?"

"Careful?" Rey asks.

"Oh Kriff, I'm going to kill Benjamin Solo."

Leia whispers to herself. "Rey, did you two use protection?"

Rey turns beet red.

"Yes! Leia, oh Gods. Yes! I got an implant! I'm not that stupid!"

Leia then sighs very loudly, falling back against the sofa. 

"You two are making me too damn old too fast! I was about to go kill Ben! I mean, you're 20 but he's 29 and I _know_ he's more experienced and knows better!"

"No, Leia. Ben was a virgin. So was I."

Leia's shock is beyond words. 

"Seriously? No way. Not with where he's been."

"He can't lie to me, Leia. The bond would give him away." Rey tells her. 

Leia stands, feeling awkward. Which is something she rarely feels. 

"Oh….well...now that we've discussed that, we'll move on. I'm so sorry Rey. I'm sorry about Han. He means well but he shouldn't hurt Ben. My boy has been hurt enough. It's just a good thing he's in love with you or he'd probably run off, after what Han said."

"Leia?" Rey asks, a pleading tone to her voice. 

Leia turns, feeling the question. 

"Go," she tells Rey, pointing her head towards the door. 

Rey bolts out, the pull too strong, too much to struggle against. 

She runs. Runs like she ran in the desert while being chased by evil men. She runs like she's going to break inside. 

Ben feels her and even though he knows it may not be wise, he can't turn her away. She's his Rey and she needs him. He needs her too. 

When she sees him, she lets out a sob and launches herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck. 

"Ben!!"

He catches her, lifting her off the ground, holding her to his chest. The pain she feels nearly rents him in two. 

"Rey….shhhhh…..calm down….I'm here sweetheart…."

Her face is buried in him and it doesn't take long for her tears to soak his shirt. He just holds her and lets her cry. She cries until she's exhausted. 

He lifts her, carrying her like he did when he'd found her on Takodana. He takes her to their cave, where he gently places her on their pallet. He removes her boots and his own and holds her tenderly. They soon pass out, exhausted from the stress of it all. They sleep most of the day. 

They wake up around dinnertime and remove some clothing, just needing to be more comfortable. She removes her leggings and top and pulls his shirt over her head, half asleep. He just whispers sweet words to her as she drifts off again, stress and worry taking her strength. They know that now is not the time for love-making. It's just enough to be together, holding each other. 

Ben thinks back to years ago, when she was still a girl. He knows he was meant to find her. He is sick thinking about if she had stayed on Jakku. 

How would he have known her then?

Would he have known her?

Would she still have become his?

He knows she would have, eventually. He also knows things would have been much harder. He doesn't know how he knows that. He just does. 

Ben remembers how Rey was so afraid at night. She'd have horrible nightmares. He'd sleep on her floor. She'd think nothing to crawl in his lap and cling to him. He was her protector, even then. 

He smiled remembering how he'd gotten her to wear a dress. She wears dresses all of the time now. Ben chuckles, wondering how little Rey would feel knowing she'd grow up to wear awful _dresses_ almost daily. 

He thinks of the party they'd attended that night and how she'd teased him about that blonde girl, whatever her name was. He'd gotten Rey to dance with him. 

In his mind he can see her looking up at him in awe as he practically carried her around the dance floor. 

Ben shifts a sleeping Rey in his arms, needing her closer. She peeps one eye open.

"You can put your hand on my waist when we dance now. I'm taller."

He pushes her hair behind her ear. 

"You heard that, huh?"

"I did. Her name was Eleanor and I was jealous." Rey says, kissing the hollow of his neck. 

"You were not. You were only nine," he jokes. 

"Was too. But you're mine now, stinky feet."

He kisses her nose. "I am yours, squirt," he says. 

"Ben, he didn't mean it. You know that, right?" 

Ben rolls on his back and Rey sits up, rubbing his stomach and chest lovingly. Her touch soothes him. 

"I don't know Rey. You weren't with us long before I left. You got a different father than I did."

A thought crosses her mind, bringing worry with it. "Are you angry that they were better to me?"

He looks at her, lifting his head. He grabs her hand and squeezes. 

"No, Rey. You deserved that. You deserved good parents. I'm so glad you got their goodness."

She doesn't like his words. She pulls on him until he's sitting up, across from her. 

"Ben, _you_ deserved that too! _You_ deserved good parents! You know you aren't "less than" just because they were shitty before I came along, right? That's on them! Not you!"

She stands, pacing. Her anger is kind of adorable to him plus the fact that she only has his shirt on. He's trying not to think about that fact. 

"They make me so angry!! Han, especially!! How _dare_ he think you would feel that way about me back then! It just goes to show, he has never tried to know you. Then some kid, some perfect stranger, comes along and I got to know you! I knew you better after one week than he knows you, even now! Just wait till I see him. I'm so sick of it!"

She's stomping back and forth, throwing her hands up, red faced and angry. Ben can't help it. He smiles at his burn bright thing. 

She stops and looks at him, eyes blazing. 

"And why are you smiling?? I'm pissed!" 

He crosses his arms, leaning back against the cave wall. 

"Because you're beautiful when you're angry and every time you turn around and throw your hands up, I get to see your delicious naked ass."

She grabs the first thing she can find and throws it at him. He's glad it's only her empty satchel. 

"Stop it! I'm serious!" she yells. 

"Okay, okay, sorry. I can't help it if you have a sexy ass."

"Ugh!!" she hollers, grabbing her leggings to pull on. After she does that, she looks at him. 

"There! _Now_ can you focus??"

"Nope. No panties."

She stares at him, trying to get him to be serious. They used to have staring contests when she was a kid. He always won. 

He wins again as she smiles. 

"I won again."

She falls into his lap, trying to tickle him but he holds her down. They wind up kissing. 

"Ahem"

They look up suddenly, Ben grabbing hold of her tightly in alarm. 

"It's just me"

It's Leia. Rey jumps up, grateful that she's dressed. Ben immediately throws the sheet off himself and stands. He's also glad he'd kept his pants on. Though he is shirtless. 

Rey turns and grabs Ben's extra shirt that she'd brought to keep in the cave. He quickly pulls it on. 

"M..Mom! How'd you find us??" he asks, stammering. 

"I'm your mother, I've always been able to find you. That goes for you too, Rey. I approached slowly though. I didn't want to be traumatized like your father was last night."

They both groan at that lovely reminder. 

She looks around, "So, this is the love nest, huh? _Nice_."

"Mom!!" Ben hollers, turning red. 

Leia laughs. 

"C'mon, you two. Maz is here."

Ben looks at Leia, confused.

"Oh yeah, Maz is coming to talk to your dad," Rey says, "I forgot to tell you."

Leia's eyebrows raise and Ben reads her thoughts. It doesn't take the force to do it. 

"Mom, we weren't doing anything. We slept almost all day."

She nods, clearly not believing him. 

"Far be it for me to judge. You two are adults. But come with me, please. Fix your hair, both of you. Try not to look like you've been in bed all day, okay?"

"Mom!!"

_Hey, this is nothing. She talked to me about safe sex this morning._

"Mom!!!" Ben hollers again. 

Leia just laughs loudly, walking away. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Peeks around corner**
> 
> Sorry dear readers who thought Han would be cool....


	53. Chapter 53

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that it's been awhile. I have to admit, I'm struggling with this one. I'm not entirely sure where to go from here. 
> 
> I'll do the best I can, I promise. I want to see their happily ever after even more than you do!

Rey needs his mother so he leaves them alone in her office until Maz arrives.

Ben paces in her room, trying to come to terms with all of this. 

Then, without warning, a sensation like a vacuum hits his chest. The constant feeling of  _ Rey _ is gone, like someone pulled a plug. 

She's not there. She's not connected to him. The bond is gone. 

He stumbles then collapses to his knees, his head spinning. He feels the overwhelming urge to vomit. 

It's like someone removed his heart. 

"Rey…." he whispers into the nothingness. 

He scrambles to his feet, his body in actual pain from the void left where she should be. 

_ Rey! Where are you? Please, sweetheart, tell me where you are! I can't feel you! _

He bursts from the room just as the siren blares. Intruder. There's an intruder. 

Leia is in the distance and he is running, running to her. 

His mother turns and her eyes say it all. Something is horribly wrong with Rey. 

He sees her mouth his name soundlessly. He roars the question at her. 

"WHERE IS SHE????" 

She can only manage three words. 

"First Order ship….."

Poe runs up, a saber in his hand. Ben's saber. He tosses it to Ben. Ben activates it immediately, looking at Poe's face. 

"They took her, Ben. She's gone…."

He spins to his mother. 

"SHE WAS WITH YOU!!"

"She said she was going to find you!! I thought she was in her quarters!"

He'd blocked her out of their connection after he'd left her with Leia. He didn't want her to feel his turmoil. She didn't know where he was and he'd ignored her when she'd pushed into their bond. He just needed to process his hurt without her feeling his pain. She may have gone into the forest again. 

This was his fault for ignoring her. She'd wandered out alone, probably too upset herself to feel the incoming danger. 

It's his fault….the love of his life is in danger and maybe even hurt or worse and it's his fault. 

The sound that comes from Ben is pure gutteral. Her name pours from him like water from a busted vase. It's a heart wrenching sound. 

_ REY!! WHERE ARE YOU….. _

Ben wants to destroy. He wants to slash and scream and rip everything around him to shreds. He looks around wildly, panicking. His mother is in shock, not able to be of much help to him. Her mere presence keeps Ben from lashing out in violence. He can't scare his mother. 

He deactivates his saber and falls again to his knees. He feels hopeless. Rey has been a constant tether to him for several weeks now. Actually, for over ten years but he didn't realize it. Losing that connection is more than he can bear. He begins to panic, unable to breathe. His head touches his knees, his hands pulling at his hair. 

Rose and Finn arrive, both aware of what's happened. They are shaking. Poe looks at them and then at Ben. He kneels down, afraid to touch the former Kylo Ren but needing to do something. 

"Ben….Ben….I can't imagine how you feel. We'll find her. We have to formulate a plan, big guy. C'mon...we need your help."

He looks to Rose and she kneels at his other knee. 

"Ben…"

"Rey…." he moans pitifully. 

Rose holds back tears. He's so broken over her friend. Ben will be no more if Rey is lost. Kylo will return and the galaxy will burn. 

"We'll find her, Ben," Rose assures him. 

Leia also kneels down to her son, finally sitting and pulling his head to her. Ben is not crying. He's just numb. His soul is still looking for her, reaching out at nothing. 

"Ben...is she still alive?" Leia asks, afraid to hear the answer. 

Ben finally starts to think, his brain starting to process. It's time. Time to plan. Time to  _ go.  _

"He won't kill her. Not yet," Ben tells his mother, who pales at the last two words, "not till I'm there. She's...bait."

Over the horizon, a ship appears but not the one that took Rey. However, it  _ is _ the fastest ship in the galaxy and Ben makes his decision right then and there, rising to stand, saber in hand. He'll take it, his dad be damned. He'll get onboard and take it no matter what Han says. He has to go.  _ Now.  _

Han comes walking out, spotting his son immediately. He sees the saber and becomes angry. 

"How did he get that again??"

Leia walks to Han and when she is standing in front of him, she slaps him. 

"Rey's gone, Han!!! They took her!"

Before Han can process her words, Ben charges past. Poe, Finn and Rose follow. 

"Outta my way, old man," an overly angry and terrified Ben tells him. 

"What's going on? Who took Rey? Someone TOOK Rey???" 

"The First Order, Han. They took her." 

Ben spins, ignoring his father. He looks at the trio behind him. 

"No! I'm going alone! CHEWIE, GET OUT HERE!!"

Chewie comes running, confused. Poe, Finn and Rose have stopped but they aren't leaving. Rey needs them and Ben can't do this alone. 

"Get off the ship, Chewie! I have to go!"

Han runs back up the ramp, dismissing the protests of his son. 

"No!!" Ben screams again, "I don't have time for this! They are getting away!"

Ben throws his hand out, pushing everyone back with the Force with such strength that they all fly backwards. 

"I'm going ALONE!!!"

"Son, just listen…." Leia pleads, trying to approach him. She was the only one left standing from Ben's force throw. She'd used her own force powers to keep from hitting the ground. 

"NO, MOM!!"

Han stands, brushing himself off then slowly approaching his son. He holds his hands out in surrender. Now is not the time to be angry. Rey needs them. 

"Son," Han says, "let me and Chewie go with you. You cannot pilot like this…."

"Son??? SON?? I'M NOT YOUR SON!! Remember? I've been fucking your daughter, REMEMBER??"

"Ben…." a voice comes from behind him. It's Luke. 

"Ben, let him go with you. I'm going too. Rey needs us. We have to lay all this aside for now. Come, I'll help you find her in the force. Let Han fly."

Ben feels the light in Luke flutter over his darkness. It helps. He can breathe a bit better now. He feels for his saber subconsciously. It's something he does when danger is lurking. 

"You know, it's something when Luke is on our side and you aren't, Dad."

Now Maz has arrived, too little too late. She flies onboard in a tizzy, too fast for the age that she is. Immediately she eyes Ben, still angry at him for destroying her castle but remembering the young boy who used to ask her hundreds of questions a minute when he'd visit. She waves him down to her and he stoops. 

This little creature was like a mother to him when he was a child. Upon sighting her, his emotions tumble. 

"I'm glad you are safe, little Solo. You still owe me a castle though." she tells him with one hand on his cheek. He nods.

"I'm sorry, Maz. I wasn't myself. Maz…."

A tear slips from his eye and she wipes it with one thumb, smiling a bit. 

"I know, little one. You love her. I felt your connection to her when you encountered her outside my castle. She'll be back in your arms again."

Luke clears his throat, signaling for Ben to follow him. Maz looks up at the son of Anakin. 

"You….if I could've found you myself and dragged your ass home…."

"Yes, Maz…." Luke responds, no need in arguing. 

Then Maz turns to Chewie. 

"I'm co-piloting, I need a word with this one," she tells the wookie, thumbing at Han, "stay in the cockpit or go be with Ben. It's up to you."

Chewie lays a hand on Ben's shoulder, signaling his intention to stay with the young Solo. 

Han is purposely avoiding Maz's gaze. 

She points at him. "Get your ass to the cockpit and be prepared to listen, Solo."

Han grumbles and turns to walk away. 

Maz looks at her friend Leia. "Go rest, princess. You've dealt with enough today."

Leia obeys also. She heads towards the captains quarters. 

"Mom needs to stay here," Ben speaks up, "she's too old for this."

"I'm too….what?" Leia says with daggers in her eyes, "listen here, son. I've seen more shit than you even know about. We are a  _ family _ , Maz and Chewie included! We've left you alone too many times to fight on your own. Not anymore! I'm going to find my daughter and I'm going to help my son. You both need me. Besides," she pulls a saber out of her robe and Ben's brows hit his hairline, "Snoke is answering to  _ me _ this time. He's hurt my children ENOUGH."

"Mom!! You have a saber??"

"I sure as fuck do, baby and I know how to use it too, don't I Luke?"

Luke can't help it. He smiles. 

"She's good. Just wait and see."

Ben finds himself smiling a bit. 

"Oh...Snoke is fucked."

"Don't curse in front of your mother, Ben," Leia tells him. 

______________________________

  
  


"Is she...Luke...is she…"

Ben scrambles in his head to ask the question he can't seem to finish asking.

"Ben….she's not dead," his uncle tells him, the sympathetic look in his blue eyes something he's never seen before. 

"How do you know?" 

"You wouldn't be here. That's how I know. If she dies, so do you. The power of the Dyad, neither one of you can live on if the other dies."

Ben closes his eyes and breathes out loudly. She's alive. 

"Why can't I feel her?"

"I suspect her force abilities have been suppressed in some way. Come on, I'll try to help you find her"

Ben is so overcome with so many emotions that his Uncle's kindness breaks him. Luke feels this. 

"Ben, if this is the least I can do after…. everything."

Ben just nods and settles into a meditation pose across from him. Luke has to push his way through the fear and sorrow that Ben is feeling. There's no point in trying to help his nephew push those emotions away. It would be impossible. 

Then there is a string, more like the beginnings of a spider's web, thin and translucent but there, nonetheless. Luke can grasp it better than Ben can. The negative emotions are too strong in Ben to make it possible. Luke pushes the strand towards Ben. 

"There, feel it?"

Luke feels Ben's heart rate regulate a bit and his breathing slows. Even with his eyes closed, he knows his nephew feels it. He is feeling his force mate's soul again. 

"Ben, do you feel anything from her?"

Ben has his eyes closed and as much as he appreciates his uncle's help, he furrows his brows at the interruption. He just wants to feel her. He needs to feel her. He knows that Luke is afraid too though so he answers him. 

"No, not specifically. She may be unconscious. She's alive though."

"Can you reach out?"

"I'll try," Ben answers. 

_ Rey, sweetheart, are you okay? Do you feel me? I'm reaching for you, Rey. I love you. I love you so much. I'm coming for you. Please hang on. I'm coming for you.  _

It's not so much a voice he hears but a steady pulse of emotions. She senses him but she can't respond. He feels her push just a tiny bit. Like a small puff of air. She feels him, she understands him. 

Just that is enough to give him some small amount of peace. It also serves as a reminder that she's further from him than she's been in weeks. She's not nearby. He can't touch her. He can't hold her or kiss her. He can't hear her laugh or see the fire in her eyes when they spar. 

Between the emotions and the effort of reaching out, it's too much. He falls forward in exhaustion. Luke tries his best to catch him. 

Ben curls into himself and Luke leaves him. Soon Ben is in a fitful sleep, tossed between his thin connection to Rey and his tether to his old master. Voices wrestle in his mind, Rey whispering his name and Snoke's words promising to destroy her. 

______________________________

"Yes," Luke replies to Han's question, "I knew."

"The fuck?!?!?! You knew and you didn't tell me??" 

"No," Luke replies to Han's ranting, "why should I? Besides, didn't you yourself tell me to keep my nose out of your family's business?" 

Han continues to rant, shouting and pacing. Luke just watches like Luke always does, quietly and with a look of boredom. 

Maz enters the room on the opposite side of the ship. Han yanks his head towards her, anticipating Chewie. He needs to know where they are going. 

"Mustafar," she replies, "he says she's near there. That's Ben's gut feeling. Apparently that's where Snoke stays on occasion."

"Great," Luke and Han say in unison and then Han glares at him. 

Han then starts to speak and hesitates. 

"Ask me, Solo. You know you want to know," says Maz, looking up at him, "you're still his father, no matter how upset you are."

"Is he...is he okay?" Han asks, beginning to feel the emotions that eat at him. 

Maz motions at him to bend and Han obliges, needing an answer to his question. Maz abruptly slaps him clear across his face. 

"No, you nerfherder!! You told him he's not your son anymore and now the woman he loves is in immense danger! He's in pain because the connection he has with her has been torn away!"

Han shakes his head, shocked by how much of a wallop this old lady has given him. 

"Maz, you don't understand!" 

"You idiot! You're the one who doesn't understand! Why are you so set on them being siblings?? They never were and they never will be! You decided to  _ replace _ your biological child with a kid from Jakku! If it wasn't for Ben, you would've left her there ten years ago!"

Maz sits, overcome with anger. This family makes her so very tired. 

"I'm too old for this shit, Solo…."

Luke sits in the corner, smirking. Maz turns on him next. 

"And what are  _ you _ doing you big coward?"

Luke's face drains of color. Maz continues. 

"You fuck up a perfectly good young man, running him off to maker knows where just because you are afraid? Some badass Jedi you are."

"Um…" Luke stammers then hangs his head, "yes, Maz." 

"Don't think any of you get sympathy from me. Not you, dear old Dad, throwing in the towel on that young man years ago and not you either, Skywalker, afraid of a little dark side. You could go confront Vader but you get all paranoid over your own nephew. Even the princess failed that boy. What the fuck is wrong with you people??" 

"Maz!" Leia shouts from the other side of the ship. There's a fear in her tone that alerts all three of them. 

They find Leia holding a crying Ben. He has a holodisc in his hands and he's shaking. There's also an old fashioned notebook on the floor nearby. 

Ben is just murmuring Rey's name in one long chant. 

"What is it, Ben? What's on the disc?" Leia asks him. 

"Rey...Rey...it's Rey…"

"What is it?" Han asks, stooped down on the other side of Ben. 

Ben's eyes shoot up to his father and the sorrow there rips at Han's heart. 

"Why do you care?" Ben says to him bitterly. 

"Ben...son…"

Ben becomes furious. 

"DON'T!!! GET OUT!!" 

Han hangs his head and goes to stand. Maz intervenes. 

"No! You stay right there, Solo!"

Then Maz sits in front of Ben. 

"Ben," she says gently, "is the disc just for you? Can we see it too?"

Ben shifts his tear rimmed eyes at Maz.

"She...she wrote something for me...it's for me."

"Is it too personal for us to see, Ben?" Leia asks, still holding Ben. The back of his head is resting on her shoulder. He feels safe, accepted by his mother. His mother knows that Ben and Rey are bonded in every way and she accepts it. He knows she feels their love for each other. 

"Mom, Rey sings?"

Leia and Han make eye contact and both smile just a bit. 

"Yes, son," Han says, "she sings. Not very often but she's good."

Ben begins to speak but it's in a whisper. 

"I...I found this. It was in a storage cubbie over in the wall by her bunk. I came in here to feel her. I knew she kept things in there back when she was a kid. In the cubbie. She must've hid it from….from…"

"Me," Han says, "she was hiding things in there from me. I knew she was but I never looked in there. I respected her privacy."

"That's where the letters to Ben were," Leia says, "her hiding place."

Leia speaks again, "She's singing on the disc? Oh I miss her voice. It's for you, Ben. You keep it. We won't watch."

Ben turns out of his mother's arms and sets the disc on Rey's bunk next to him. He activates it. 

"No, Mom. Watch."

Han stands and goes to leave. 

"Dad, stay."

"Oh...okay," Han says, shoving his hand through his salt and pepper hair. Leia smiles just a bit at the way it reminds her of Ben. The two have so many of the same mannerisms. 

Luke, once again, is silent in the corner. Maz sits next to Ben, her tiny hand on top of his massive one. 

Even Chewie is there, having heard the commotion. He'd stayed in the cockpit long enough, worrying. 

The holodisc lights up and Rey is there, sitting on this very bunk. Leia's hand goes to cover her mouth, overcome with fear for her girl. Ben smiles through his tears and Han looks over at him. 

Rey has a stringed instrument in her lap, playing a simple melody. She looks straight at Ben. At least that's how Ben feels. That she's looking at him. 

"I started writing this years ago, after you had already disappeared. I didn't know where you were and I missed you. It just seemed, you know, like...us. Not now...back then. Then I stopped writing it when you died...or I thought you died."

Leia looks at Han. He decides to speak. 

"I'm sorry, Ben. We didn't know what else to tell her…"

Ben just nods in response, his eyes unable to leave Rey. 

She's still playing and talking to him.

"I found it in my journal a few days ago. I finished it. So this is it. Thinking of giving this to you on your birthday. So I guess...happy birthday Ben. I love you so much. I'm so glad we are together now. No matter what happens, we will always be bonded. I know you love me, I see it when you look at me. Maybe one day, Han will know. Maybe he won't be mad. No matter what though, we are forever."

"Oh wow…." Leia whispers. Han's face is white as a sheet.

_ Clear blue water, high tide came and brought you in…. _

_ And I could go on and on, on and on.. _

_ Skies grew darker, currents swept you out again... _

_ And you were just gone and gone, gone and gone... _

_ In silent screams, _

_ In wildest dreams _

_ I never dreamed of this _

_ This love is good, this love is bad _

_ This love is alive back from the dead _

_ These hands had to let it go free _

_ And this love came back to me _

_ Tossing, turning, struggled through the night with something new _

_ And I could go on and on, on and on _

_ Lantern burning, flickered in my mind for only you _

_ But you're still gone, gone, gone _

_ Been losing grip _

_ On sinking ships _

_ You showed up just in time _

_ This love is good, this love is bad _

_ This love is alive back from the dead _

_ These hands had to let it go free _

_ And this love came back to me _

_ This love left a permanent mark _

_ This love is glowing in the dark _

_ These hands had to let it go free _

_ And this love came back to me _

_ This love, this love, this love, this love... _

_ Your kiss, my cheek, I watched you leave _

_ Your smile, my ghost, I fell to my knees _

_ When you're young you just run _

_ But you come back to what you need _

_ This love is good, this love is bad _

_ This love is alive back from the dead _

_ These hands had to let it go free _

_ And this love came back to me _

_ This love left a permanent mark _

_ This love is glowing in the dark _

_ These hands had to let it go free _

_ And this love came back to me _

_ This love, this love, this love, this love... _

_ This love came back to me… _

"Happy birthday, Ben. I love you."

Then it's over and the silence is so thick you could cut it with a saber. Ben wipes his eyes and then feels a large hand on his shoulder. He looks up into the face of the man that means more to him than any man in the galaxy. The man he's tried to please, the man he idolized, the man he betrayed. The man whose heart he'd broken over and over. 

"Ben, you love her? Like, love love her?"

Ben nods slowly. 

"Will you ever break her heart again? You broke her, Ben. Will you ever do that again?"

"No, Dad. I'm done with that."

"She loves you, Ben. It scares me how much."

"It scares me too, Dad. What if I can't be what she needs?"

"Son…." now Han breaks, realizing the weight of what he'd done earlier, "you can't be what she needs, not every day, not every time. All you can do is the best you can do. I'm sorry, Ben. You're my son. I'm sorry. I'm an idiot. Obviously, this whole force mumbo jumbo leaves me out of the loop. I suppose you all are right. This is what the force wanted. She was sent to us to save you. I do think you are capable of being what she needs. You are more my boy and not Kylo Ren every day."

Ben looks up into the blue eyes of his father and can only nod. 

"I'm sorry too, Dad. I should've talked to you about Rey. About a lot of things."

Han stands and holds his hand out to Ben and he hesitates then takes it. Surprisingly, Han yanks the young man off the floor and places his hands up onto his shoulders. It occurs to Ben that no matter how much smaller his dad is compared to him, he'll always look up to him.

Han nods in that stubborn Han Solo way.

"Let's go get our...your girl then. Snoke fucked with the wrong one, huh son?"

"Damn straight, Dad."

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> (yes, Leia ships it ♥️♥️♥️♥️)


End file.
